Unanswered Questions

Drowning in water was strange. He didn’t expect it to feel like vines wrapping around him, for his chest to feel something twined around it. He didn’t expect muffled voices, what felt like the warm tangle of limbs.

Theo was sure of a few things. A list of things that stayed still as stone, that didn’t budge or erode.

He really hated the water.

He didn’t actually care what the colour of water was.

He was going to die.

His name is Theo Sharpe.

Theo, Theo, Theo Sharpe

Theo

Theo

Theo

Theo

“Theo, Theo, wake up,”

A slice of light. A sudden intake of air—air, not water. His head was throbbing, a pain lodged in the fringes of his mind, creeping across him in slow, rolling waves.

Waves. Where were the waves?

His eyes fluttered open and the sudden intensity of light burned through him, sending a fresh surge of pain crash through him.

He squeezed his eyes shut, ignoring the dull ache behind his eyes and forced them open. Trees were towering over him. Did heaven have a pair of shorts dangling from one of the branches on the trees?

 He slowly turned his head to the side and came face to face with the last person he expected to see in heaven.

“Bridgerton?”, he rasped. His voice came out in a strained wheeze. His throat felt like a fire scorched its way through it.

Warm fingers wound their way through his hair. His eyes slid to the side, registering Preston next to him. He barely heard his voice, an odd buzz filling his ears. Another boy was asking him if he was okay.

 He dimly noted Eloise saying “You idiot!”

 Quite disappointing. Apparently he wasn’t worth a creative insult anymore.

“We thought we lost you, mate.”, Preston said. His voice seemed distorted, like echoing from some distant instrument. He ran his fingers through Theo’s hair, pushing the strands back from his forehead.

As if on cue, the pain and exhausted swelled in him, weighing his bones down. Even keeping his eyes open felt like a struggle, as if they were magnets pulling his eyelids downward.

He turned towards Eloise again. Why was she soaked? Water was dripping from the ends of her hair, which hung in wet curtains around her face. She was shaking, droplets dotting every inch of her. Her clothes were plastered to her skin, the folds of her shirt rolling against each other.

His heart was clawing its way to his throat. He was breathing heavily.

Theo brought the back of his hand to his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. He took a shuddering breath. Preston wrapped an arm around him.

“Can you sit up?”

Theo felt limp, too weak to prop himself up. He felt like a weight was tied to every part of his body.  His eyes flit from Preston and Eloise. From the periphery of his eye, he could see people  hovering anxiously nearby, soaked to the bone.

His gaze finally landed back on Eloise.

“Bridgerton?”, he said again.

Why was that the only word coming to his mind?

She looked away, slowly getting to her feet.

“Are any one of you going to tell me what happened?”, Theo demanded. The last thing he remembered was Victor…Oh God.

“Crane shoved you into the lake and nearly did you in.”, Colin Bridgerton grumbled, “We jumped in.”

“We?”

Colin opened his mouth but Eloise cut in, “Colin, Reena, James and Erin jumped in. Just them. Preston and Dev took care of CPR.”

Theo blinked at her, “why are you all wet, then?”

“Oh”, she waved her hand dismissively, “I was playing around in the water…and spotted you. I called them and well...”

Theo felt like he was plunged into the water again. He felt a sickening lurch of shame. He and Colin had never even interacted before. He didn't know any of them.

“I—“, the words were tangled in his throat like a lump, “Thank you.”

As he looked around, he realized with another swoop in his stomach, he didn’t even know most of them: the blonde girl who was holding the hand of a curly-haired boy Theo had only seen around, the Indian girl who he knew was Dev’s friend, and Eloise’s red haired friend whose name he forgot.

“Preston, W-where did Victor go?”, Theo’s voice was a rasp, like stone grating against stone

 “James and Colin got Victor to back off. He and his friends bolted with their tails in between their legs. Gits.”

“All we saw was Victor trying to drown you, Sharpe. You tell us what happened.”, Eloise said softly. He had never seen her this shaken before. She was trembling. Her lips were pursed and she looked pale. Her fists were clenched.

“Don’t.”, Preston said sharply, “Let’s get him to campus. Dev went to get help. We might have to wait a while—”

“THEO!”

Theo turned around so fast his neck cricked. Dev bolted towards him.

“You’re okay!”

“Dev, I’m fine—”

“Shut up.”

Dev grabbed him by the shoulders, pressing his hand against his forehead. He peeled off his own sweater and ignoring Theo’s protests, pulled it over his head.

  “Did you get an ambulance this fast?”, Eloise asked.

“The next best thing, apparently, Ms. Bridgerton.”, came a voice.

Eloise went white, and all of them turned around in shock.

Dev had in fact, tracked down none other than Professor Danbury who didn’t need any convincing to come hurtling down the road in her Mercedes Benz. She brought along a medicine student, Maya Mehta (“Mr. Menon apparently promised her a load of his excellent cooking”) who did a quick check up on Theo. All all she demanded was that they get back to campus to warm up as quickly as possible.

Theo, Eloise, Penelope and Colin piled into Professor Danbury’s car, where she had kept a bunch of warm blankets and coats. Dev had driven a second car to the lake, which belonged to Mehta’s girlfriend, whose name Dev refused to mention. The others piled into it and followed Danbury’s car.

Theo wrapped the blanket around himself, soaking in the warmth as Danbury started the car. Theo rested his head against the window. He could see the others in the mirror. Eloise was resting her head on Penelope’s shoulder. Penelope’s cheek was pressed against her head, but her hand was in Colin’s, barely visible under the blankets.

Eloise didn’t notice that. Her eyes were on the mirror, staring directly at Theo. Her bright blue eyes, blue as the water he was plunged in, pierced into his. He couldn’t look away. It was as if he was glued into place, his eyes fixed on the reflection of hers in the mirror.

Finally, she tore her eyes away and looked at the window. Theo felt strangely untethered. He could sense Danbury looking at him from the corner of her eye so he hastily turned his gaze to the window.

 He had hardly been in a few cars. He didn’t like it much. He had the impression that he was rocking backwards and forwards while the trees whipped by outside the window in a sickening rush.

“Was this mere play, Mr. Sharpe?”, Professor Danbury asked, her tone clipped as she tightened her grip on the steering wheel.

Theo didn’t answer. He closed his eyes, and felt the edges of his brain slowly settle into the depth of his exhaustion.

“Bye ma’am, thanks!”

When he opened his eyes, they had crawled to a stop outside the dormitories. The door was wrenched open.

Dev and Preston were trying to help him but Theo felt a twist of shame. How many of them had to jump to save him while he was helpless? He felt guilty just looking at the worry in his friends’ faces.

He clambered out himself, slightly dizzy, and slowly walked between them to their rooms. He felt incredibly heavy headed.

Merely half an hour later, Theo was sitting by the fireplace in the common room after a hot shower. He didn’t fancy being under the water again but the warmth had slightly comforted him. Preston had given him a fresh pair of dry clothes.

He let the fire melt away his worries, fusing the fragmented parts of his brain. Everyone was sitting on the couches while Theo and Preston were sprawled on the floor, sitting closest to the fire. Colin and Eloise sat on the couch and shared a blanket, while Penelope sat next to them.

 Theo learned the names of the others.

The blonde girl was Erin Quinn from Derry. The curly haired boy was her boyfriend and Penelope’s classmate, James Maguire. Dev’s friend was Erin’s classmate, Reena Deshpande, who was pretty close to Eloise and Penelope. It didn’t explain why any of them jumped to save them, but he couldn’t stop stammering his thanks.

“What did you and James do, Colin?”, he heard Penelope ask softly in the back, “Break their arms?”

“Nah”, Colin said, his jaw clenched, “I wish we did. We just knocked his arms away from Sharpe with those crates. Good work getting ‘em Penelope.”

“Yeah”, Eloise let out hoarsely, “Brilliant, Penelope.”

“Budge over”, Dev came forward with glasses in his hands, “Hope you don’t mind heated leftovers.”

“Is that supposed to be soup?”, Colin asked, accepting the cup sceptically, “seems a little too watery…and dark.”

Dev shot him a mixed look of incredulity and disgust he usually reserved for Preston’s jokes, “It is called Rasam.”

The warmth and spice heated him up from inside like an oven. He could hear the others coughing and spluttering. It was better than soup, and was probably the greatest thing Theo had ever tasted. He couldn’t believe that just a while ago, he had thought drowning wasn’t as bad as he thought.

“You made this?”, Reena asked in awe, gulping it down, “I understand why Mehta abandoned her date to come help us if this is what you bribed her with.”

Theo had never seen Dev look so flustered. Preston cleared his throat loudly and sat down next to Theo.

“Are you gonna tell us what the hell happened back there, or will you tell me to sod off?”

Theo managed a weak smile. He was in no position to recount all of it, so he just said, “He wanted me to write his essays.”

“For free?”, Dev asked.

“He wanted to pay.”, Theo swallowed uncomfortably, but there was a lump in his throat, “with…with girls.”

“Bollocks!”, Colin said suddenly, slopping some of the Rasam onto himself. Penelope let out a derisive snort, that she hastily turned into a cough.

Theo, Preston and Dev turned in unison. He didn’t realize Colin was listening to them.

“I refused, of course, and well…”

“He dunked you.”, Colin finished, dabbing at the sodden shirt he changed into, “I can’t even fathom—Is this how the twat gets top grades for all his submissions?”

James shrugged, “Wouldn’t word have gotten around if he—”

“Don’t be daft.”, Erin said sharply, “he probably paid or blackmailed whoever he used previously. He probably ran out of writers eventually…”

“I wonder if Lady Whistledown will get wind of this.”, Eloise said softly.

“Don’t tell anyone.”, Colin said loudly, “Crane will actually murder Theo.”

“I am sure Lady Whistledown will find out.”, Penelope said, “Word must have got around. How will Crane even know it was Theo who blabbed? So many of us were there.”

“Who’s Lady Whistledown ?” Theo, Preston and Dev asked in unision.

“You don’t—“, Eloise started.

Reena plunged a hand into her bag and rummaged through it. She wordlessly tossed them three pamphlets.

“What?”, she shrugged at Eloise’s look of exasperation, “I kept them.”

Theo glanced at one but quickly lost interest. He didn’t fancy the viciously obnoxious writing style but Preston and Dev flipped through them eagerly.

“Well”, Preston said, impressed “I guess what just happened is really up her alley.”

“I think it’s brilliant.”, Dev said, finishing one, “Hey, hand me the second issue.”

“There are three?”, Eloise asked, sitting up.

“The latest one was released while our exams were going on.”, Preston said, handing it to her, “Here you go.”

But Theo was looking at Dev, whose eyes had suddenly narrowed. His smile was wiped from his face.

“Theo”, he whispered, “did you tell anyone what I told you about Danbury and Fairwater?”

“No.”, Theo said, startled, “Why?”

Dev shoved the pamphlet towards him.

Theo’s eyes travelled across the page, his heart thumping

“… our dear old professor probably hoped to milk the legacy to thicken whatever storm she is brewing in that teacup.

…Professor Danbury, whose accomplishments and research experience overshadowed Fairwater’s.

…Certainly, there isn’t much that’s fair about Dr. Fairwater.”

“I swear”, Theo said, seizing Dev’s wrist, “I didn’t say a word to anyone.”

“Then how?”, Dev hissed, jabbing his finger at If you wish to drink more water, don’t poison someone else’s well.

“I dunno”, Theo’s mouth was very dry, “Maybe someone overheard us, or Dev, maybe other people know—”

Dev shook his head mournfully, “I overheard Danbury and Fairwater arguing about it when I went to speak to Danbury about an assignment last semester. Nobody else was around.”

“Did she know you overheard them?”

Dev’s shoulders slumped in relief, “No, but still—”

“D’you reckon they argued some other time as well, and someone eavesdropped like you did?”

“I didn’t eavesdrop!”, Dev began hotly but was interrupted by a loud peal of laughter. The others were bent over Lady Whistledown’s latest issue.

“God, the author really has it in for Professor Berbruke.”, Penelope said,  “Look at this line, El.”

Eloise being called El hit a note in the bottom of Theo’s stomach. He could not even picture her as anyone but Bridgerton.

El wasn’t a student who glared and sniped at him at any opportunity, who was so stubborn and arrogant, it made him wonder how anyone could put up with her. She wasn’t ferociously debating every second, or bent over her notes, scribbling furiously.

 El was a girl who probably skid her knees on the streets she drives her cars on, who slung her arm around Penelope and swayed to music, who nearly cried from laughter, and paced around in her room waiting for her acceptance letter from Mayfair, overthinking and guilt tripping herself over every detail. El learned how to swim, probably failing multiple times.

Eloise’s eyes lit up, and for the first time since he was pulled out of the water, Theo properly looked at her. Her hair hung in wet tangles, slightly rumpled. She was laughing with Penelope, her face bright in the oddly misty, warm glow of the lights. It was a far cry from the worried scrunch between her eyebrows he saw when he woke up after being pulled out of the water.

He tried imagining the pressure of her hands against his chest.

His insides tightened and a new emotion unzipped under the beat of his heart.

Why hadn’t she tried to help him?  

He looked at her laughing with her brother. She wouldn’t have thought twice if one of them was drowning. Maybe—Theo thought with an unwelcome spasm of pain—she secretly hoped he wouldn’t resurface.

To his shame, the thought nettled him more than he expected, mainly because he knew as much as he disliked her, he wouldn’t have hesitated to jump in if their roles were switched.

“We should have guessed Berbruke would try coming on to a student!” Eloise said in disgust as she scanned the paper, wrenching him back to reality, “Matters not the number of girls who wish to keep a pole the size of his ego between themselves and Berbruke, but the number of people he knows at the Board of Directors.”

“Clearly, poor grades are not the only numbers he is handing out to students.”, Colin read out, grinning, “And here I was thinking Whistledown just takes the mickey out of people.”

“Hey, William is mentioned!”, Eloise said, “the bloke in our Literary Theory class.”

“He’s one of Victor’s friends, right?”, Colin said.

“Yup.”, Eloise said, “My throat will fizzle out. Read it won’t you Menon?”

Dev looked at her in shock, “You pronounced Menon right.”

“How is that surprising? It’s far easier than Bridgerton.”

 Dev blinked, and then smoothed out the paper and read, “William Bramford is no William Shakespeare. Forget sonnets. Bramford can’t even come up with an excuse. Last week, he threw a party in the university auditorium, breaking glasses, expensive equipment and a hundred rules along the way. The shards of the shattered window were swept away, along with the incident. Guess whose family paid a heavy donation to Mayfair Academy last month to renovate the gymnasium? Since you are preparing for exams, gentle readers, your guessing game must be in its highest form.

Bramford and his friends are as far from being punished as they are from flinging their wealth and privilege out of the window like they did with a very expensive bottle of wine. Just like wine, as long as yours truly stays writing, the stains of their actions won’t be scrubbed away regardless of the lack of disciplinary action. If thousand wads of this pamphlet is used to clean the floors, they can’t wipe away the truth. It just means thousand more print outs!

For those of you wondering why you are finding out about a party through a gossip rag, Bramford kept the invites shorter than the list of assignments he has been submitting on time. Looks like no amount of sneaking around in your parents’ Benz will teach you to keep your mouth shut about how your father slipping money to your professor prevents your grades from slipping.

Theo nudged Dev harder than he meant to, “Hey, do you reckon one of the faculty members—”

“Is Lady Whistledown?”, Colin said. Theo jumped, not having realized how loud he was. Colin looked at them with a frown and shook his head vigorously.

“Getting employment here is the equivalent of a golden ticket.”, Erin said, “There is no way they’d throw that away.”

“Maybe one of William Bramford’s friends got drunk and bragged about the party and word spread.”, James said.

“To be fair, I don’t think faculty members give a toss about student parties.”, Reena said, swallowing the dregs of the Rasam.

Theo looked at Dev. It wasn’t the useless gossip about the party that he was concerned about. Dev was staring intently at Reena. Preston cleared his throat.

“I don’t think Whistledown is who we should be worried about.”, he said flatly, “It’s Crane. He and William are practically attached at the hip, and if you noticed, Crane wasn’t even mentioned in the article Whistledown wrote. Clearly even the writer—who didn’t even hesitate to throw dirt on three renowned professors—is afraid of Crane.”

“I don’t think Crane would do anything after this.”, Dev said, but even his airy attitude couldn’t mask the slight tremor in his nervous laugh.

“How do we know?”, Preston bristled, “If half the things I’ve heard about the bloke are true, Theo is at risk.”

He looked at Colin, “You’d know, right Bridgerton?”

Eloise and Colin jumped at the same time, “Yes?”, they said in unison, then looked at each other and laughed.

“Wait!”, Reena spluttered, nearly choking into her cup, “You both are Bridgertons?”

“Did you not know they were siblings?”, Erin asked her, amused, “they even look alike.”

Reena paused with her hands on her hips, “Don’t you judge me Ms. Quinn, you thought Dev and I were siblings just because—”

Erin held her hands up in defence, “Colin practically gave us an orientation on all of his siblings when we befriended him. Up till that point I thought he was El’s only sibling.”

Reena rounded on Eloise and Colin who were looking at her with identical expressions of amusement, “There are more of you?”

“Including this one”, Eloise said, jerking her thumb towards Colin, “I got seven siblings.”

Theo and Reena let out a low whistle in unison and Preston gaped at them.

“Who are they?”, James asked eagerly. He was in the corner, sharing a blanket with Erin. He had an arm tightly wound around her. Every time Erin spoke, James looked like he was simply lucky to hear her voice. It was sickening.

“Do you have all day?”, Eloise asked dryly, and Colin chuckled.

“Well, let’s see.”, Colin said, “There’s Anthony, the oldest. He is managing our estates and business. We can’t survive without him. Then there is Benedict, who is doing something related to art. They come down here sometimes but apart from Penelope, you lot probably haven’t seen ‘em.”

As far as Colin knows, Theo thought. He wondered what would happen if he told Eloise how he met Anthony and Benedict and what he knew about their secret relationships. He privately came to the conclusion that he would be safer back in the water.

“Then there’s him.”, Penelope said, nudging Colin, who grinned, raising his hands in mock celebration.

“Followed by you?”, Theo asked Eloise.

“Nah”, Colin said, “It’s Daphne—she’s doing medicine in Cambridge—followed by Eloise.”

“Then there’s Francesca, Gregory and Hyacinth.”, Eloise said, “who are still in school. Fran just got done with her GCSE’s.”

Erin and James let out a shudder, like the word ‘GCSEs’ triggered bad memories. Theo however, was staring at Eloise and Colin, who looked eerily similar in the flicker of the firelight, their wet hair slicked back as they sat, pressed against each other.

“It’s alphabetical!”, Theo said.

“Yeah.”, Eloise rolled her eyes, “Easy to keep track.”

“You still forgot to mention Gregory once.”, Colin pointed out.

“It happened one time—"

“Anyway”, Preston said with a bite of impatience, shaking off his awe regarding the extensive Bridgerton brethren, “Crane. What do we do?”

“Nothing.”, it wasn’t Colin who responded, but Theo.

“Do nothing?”, Eloise repeated in a hollow voice, “You seriously do not want to even report the matter? You can’t sit there and not retaliate, Sharpe.”

“That’s exactly what I plan to do.”, Theo said coolly, “I am not giving him the satisfaction of a response. I don’t want him to think that he got to me.”

“Got to you?”, Eloise said snappishly.

“Must you repeat everything I say? We aren’t in a class.”

“He tried to drown you!”

He felt like he was locked in another debate with her. Everyone had their eyes fixed on them. Eloise’s stare was intense, like the look she gave him in the car. Except this time, there was no mirror being used as a medium. Her piercing look bore right into him. She leaned forward, the blanket slipping off her shoulders. She tucked a wet hair strand behind her ear and took a deep breath, her jaw tightening.

Theo had seen this a hundred times before.

This wasn’t El. This was Eloise Bridgerton, readying herself for a fight.

“Sharpe, he could have killed you.”

“He didn’t.”, Theo said softly. He knew exactly how she would attack the premise of his argument. It was clockwork. Automatic dialogue. She’d say he was

missing the point.

“That’s not the point.”, she said angrily and Theo felt a small flare of triumph, “He wanted to, and if none of us were around, we know he very well could have. If you do nothing—”

“If I do nothing, he won’t be provoked.”, Theo said calmly.

“What if he takes it as a free pass to do anything?”, she said loudly. He knew this, like the lines of a play. Eloise always raised her voice when she counter questioned Theo’s rebuttal to her initial argument. He leaned back. This was the time she would clear her throat, and give a pause before her final assertion.

 Theo didn’t say anything, and just as he predicted, she let her silence swell up the room to make space for her upcoming solution to soak in.

 “If you at least complain to the authorities,”, she said slowly, every word ringing,“ he may be punished.”

 “You mean the authorities who are probably in his family’s pocket?”, Theo retorted, “you know they won’t do jack. Besides, if he tried to

drown me just  because I refused to write an essay, God knows what he’d do if I report him.”

The others’ heads were swivelling between Theo and Eloise like they were watching a Tennis match.

“Then retaliate!”, Eloise’s fists were clenched on her lap and blotches of red had appeared on her cheeks like they did when she was arguing. She was breathing heavily.

“Retaliate?”, Theo said with a barely suppressed chortle.

“Why are you repeating what I’m saying?”

“Guys—“, Colin tried to intervene but Penelope nudged him and he immediately fell silent.

“Let’s amuse ourselves then.”, Theo said, “What’s your plan, Bridgerton? Drown him in return?”

“Well I thought—”

“You aren’t going to fight him, Bridgerton. You can’t be that thick.”

“You have no business telling me what and what not to do.”, she said, her ears scarlet.

“Eloise, come on, Y’know that’s not what he meant.”, Reena said sharply.

“He can speak for himself!”, Eloise snarled.

“Theo,”, Dev muttered, “maybe you should cool off.”

“Maybe we should give Crane a taste of his own medicine.”, Eloise snapped.

Theo had enough, “I am not going to stand here and let him hurt you.”

Everybody suddenly stopped talking. The rest of the room had plunged into silence. Theo could feel the prickle in the back of his neck return. Eloise’s jaw dropped, like she was stunned into silence.

“I mean”, Theo said  hastily, his voice louder than ever, “any of you. I won’t let this situation escalate such that any of you are put in harm’s way.”

He looked at Dev and Preston desperately. Preston nodded and a second later, so did Dev, although his eyebrows were raised higher than normal. He almost reminded Theo of Danbury.

“Well,”, Dev said lightly, always one to diffuse the tension, “if Theo doesn’t want to do anything, let’s trust that he has his reasons and respect it, yes, Bridgerton?”

Eloise looked mutinous, her ears scarlet. She opened her mouth furiously but Colin put his hand on her knee. She shot him a murderous look but settled back into the blanket, silently fuming.

“I think we ought to go to bed.”, Penelope said firmly.

Theo got to his feet shakily, his legs quivering slightly. Preston and Dev shot up too, gripping his elbows on either side. Eloise made a sudden movement as if she were about to leap from the couch but didn’t, still glaring at him through her narrowed eyes.

“I’ve got to go.”, Theo said, shaking off his friends and raising his hand to wave them off.

“Are you sure—“, Dev started but Theo interrupted him, his eyes sweeping across the room,

“Thank you.”, he said, aware of how inadequate he felt, saying just those two words, “Thank you all, for saving me. I—”

“If you say you owe us, I’ll drown you again.”, Eloise muttered under her breath. Everyone laughed. Even Theo managed to crack a smile.

Even as he left the room, the back of his neck felt warm, like an electric current was shooting through him. He could still picture Eloise’s face. Each time he recalled it, there was a small change. The crease of worry between her eyebrows, like the scrunched fabric of a curtain, would contort to an angry frown. So much for a girl who just watched him drown.

“Has it been raining?”

“No.”, Theo said, still aware of the dampness in his hair as Henry blankly stared at him.

It was already too late for work so Theo went straight to the cottage with Preston and Dev, who looked like they’d rather retake Literary Theory rather than not accompany him

“We were  just horsing around.”, Preston said, trying to keep his voice light.

Henry blinked slowly, a bottle dangling from his fingertips.

“Are you alright?”, Dev asked carefully.

“Uh, who are you? Deepak…?”

“A little simpler. Dev.”

“Ah”, Henry slightly swayed and Theo suddenly caught him, feeling embarrassed. Doing everything he could to ignore the glances Dev and Preston shot each other, he let Henry lean against him and walked till Henry’s bedroom.

“Why…you…wet?”, Henry mumbled, slurring. He stank.

Theo ignored him, and the sharp pang in his chest. He couldn’t lie to himself. He was expecting Henry to burst into fussing mode the moment he saw Theo drenched to the bone—demand to know what happened, insist on another warm meal, march up to the college and crack open Victor Crane’s skull.

“Where’s Ben?”, Theo muttered, looking away as Henry peeled off his shirt as if Theo wasn’t standing there.

“Left.”, Henry said shortly, as if that explained everything. He lumbered to the bathroom as Theo held the door open for him. Theo stood outside, in the silence, wondering if he really was the one who needed saving an hour ago.

He walked back to the living room, where Preston and Dev sat with their heads bent close to each other. Theo cleared his throat. They sprang apart and abruptly stopped talking.

“Hey, do you think there’s room for one more in your dorm, tonight?”

Dev glanced at Preston and said, “We were actually thinking about spending the night here.”

He briefly stared at the door Henry had gone through and Theo felt embarrassed again. He had never brought any his friends over to his parents’ house when he was younger. He thought after moving into a cottage with Henry, he’d be able to show Preston and Dev a lovely cottage, have dinner that Henry cooked with a smile on his face and no bottle in his hands.

“You don’t have to—”

“We want to.”, Preston said firmly.

“I’ll take the couch.”, Dev said, stretching, “You got an extra room for Preston?”

“I’ll take the couch, Dev.”, Preston said, “you’re a light sleeper.”

“Are you stupid?”, Theo asked, “I’ll take the couch.”

“You’re not gonna be kicked out of your own bed.”

“Do you have two extra rooms?”, Preston asked.

“Look.”, Theo said loudly, “If you want to take the couch, I’ll throw you out of the house.”

“Fine.”, Dev said exasperatedly, “I’ll take the floor in Theo’s room.”

“No way.”, Preston snapped, “I’ll do it—”

“Or”, Theo said impatiently, “you two could share the bloody bed.”

Preston opened and closed his mouth. He brought his hand to the back of his neck. Dev blinked rapidly and immediately recovered.

“What?”, Dev asked, “Scared, Preston?”

“You wish, Menon.”

Theo didn’t understand the big deal. Preston garbled a hasty goodbye as he shut the door of Theo’s bedroom. Theo privately didn’t want to sleep in his room in the first place. He felt like a different person had slept there the previous night.

He settled into the couch, throwing the blankets aside. He felt like his skin was on fire, as if the sofa was swallowing him alive, gnawing into him as he lay to rot. He tossed restlessly, and constantly sat up, grasping at every bit of skin he could find, convincing himself he was dry.

Each time he closed his eyes, all he could see was blue.

Another small voice in the back of his brain had awakened.

“If it was her instead of you, would you have jumped in?”

Yes.

“No hesitation?”

Not a moment.

“What if you knew she wouldn’t do the same for you.”

“…”

“Would you have been happy to get rid of her?”

“Shut up.”, he told himself firmly.

“Jeez!”, a loud voice jolted Theo upright. He blinked owlishly at the silhouette.

“Sorry.”, he heard Dev’s sheepish voice, “I came to uh—get some water. I heard you tell me to shut—”

“Sorry!”, Theo mumbled, heat creeping up his face. He was going to drive away his friends at this point.

“You okay?”, Dev asked softly.

“Yeah…”, Theo scratched his head, “No. Listen.”

“If you’re gonna thank me or apologize, the next time I make Rasam I will pour some up your—”

“No, that’s not it.”, Theo said, “Why…why didn’t Bridgerton try to help? I know I can be a pain in the ass but does she hate me that much?”

Theo could hear Dev gulping down water.

“I don’t…”, Dev faltered, and Theo’s heart sank. If Dev couldn’t put a positive spin on it, it really is bad.

“I don’t think she hates you as much as you think she does.”, Dev said firmly.

“Yeah? How’d you know?”

Dev set the glass down with a clunk and spoke slowly.

“The same way I know you don’t hate her as much as you used to.”

“As I matter of fact”, Dev continued, interrupting Theo when he tried to interject, “I don’t think you hate her as much as you think you do.”

Theo couldn’t find his voice.

“How could you say that?”, he whispered.

Dev’s footsteps filled the hall. Theo closed his eyes as Dev’s hand lightly brushed against his hair, pressing a bit of warmth into his skull.

“G’night Theo.”

Theo fell back into the couch.

He saw blue again.

Theo and Dev spoke nothing about their conversation the next day. It soon became clear why his friends insisted on staying with him. Throughout the day at university, Preston and Theo flanked him like a pair of human parenthesis.

When he tried shaking them off to walk alone, he made the mistake of walking by International Relations, which Colin shimmered out of. The next day when he walked through the same corridor, Reena Deshpande had immediately emerged like an illusion out of some Philosophy lecture and insisted on an urgent conversation about 1984, until he shook her off to go to his class.

As the next few days passed, he felt like a citation crammed between brackets everywhere. He couldn’t go anywhere, not even the loo, without someone by him.

Preston.

Dev.

Colin.

Reena.

James.

Erin.

Penelope.

Everyone except Eloise.

It had been officially seven days since Eloise had spoken a word to him. Apart from a small nod and a raspy “You alright, Sharpe?” on their first day back in class, she was completely ignoring him.

She wouldn’t even look at him while answering in class.

She didn’t even ask him when they should sit to continue writing the story.

Theo felt it twist inside him like a knife.

The professors had continued over to the next few chapters but Theo was so distracted, he could barely focus.

“Tell me,”, their professor asked as they analysed some bloody poem, “Is it better to never realize the beauty around you, or to go your whole life never seeing beauty?”

“The former”, Eloise said, “I think there’s beauty you don’t know…waiting for you, even if you can’t explain it, you’ll feel it.”

“But that depends on how you define beauty.”, Theo said loudly. He didn’t even look at the professor for approval. His eyes were fixed on the back of Eloise’s head.

To his horror, he just saw Eloise’s shoulders rise in a shrug, “Yeah, I suppose.”

Preston stirred from his stupor to blink at Eloise, confused. Dev gave Theo a sideways glance.

The next day, they had started Catcher in the Rye in Literary Studies.

“Tell me what you think the ducks symbolize.”

“Childhood!”, Theo barked, startling William, who was sitting next to him, “Holden fears the change into adulthood. He keeps asking where the ducks go during winter, right? That represents his general anxiety about adapting to change.”

“Right,”, the professor said with an impressed nod, “Ms. Bridgerton, you had a different view you spoke to me about today morning. Would you like to share—”

“Not really. What he said makes sense.”

Now more people were staring at Eloise in shock. She was looking at her notes.

Theo was officially losing his mind.

After class, he made  a beeline towards her retreating back and left half his things in the classroom.

“Oi, Bridgerton!”

Eloise ignored him, almost swallowed up by the crowd. He elbowed through everyone to reach her.

“Bridgerton!”

People were starting to stare but he didn’t give a damn.

“Eloise?”, Penelope said nervously. Eloise made to turn and climb up the stairs.

Theo lunged forward, past Penelope and stood in front of the staircase, blocking Eloise’s path.

“You’re in the way, Sharpe.”, Eloise said. She was looking at somewhere above his shoulder.

“You can’t look at me in the eye, now?”, Theo asked.

Eloise said nothing, breathing slightly heavily. Theo turned around and felt his heart stutter.

Victor Crane was on the landing, leaning against the railing with his arm crossed. He observed them coolly. His face was half hidden in shadow. William stood next to him, with a small smirk.

“Well”, William said softly, “How the mighty have fallen.”

“What’s going on here?”, a voice came from behind Theo.

Colin stood next to Eloise, an arm slung around her. Preston and Dev flanked Penelope, glaring at Victor and William with their hands deep in their pockets.

“Ah, all of you are here for the show.”, William said softly, reaching into his pocket and retrieving a piece of paper. He let it dangle from his fingertips and dropped it. It flipped in the air, fluttering down at Theo’s feet. Eloise made a sudden movement but Theo flung out his arm.

“Don’t give him the satisfaction.”, Theo muttered under his breath.

She still wasn’t looking at him. She stared at the sheet blankly.

“Oh for God’s sake.”, Penelope huffed, bending down to pick up the sheet. She unfolded it and blinked, struggling to keep her face empty. Colin looked over her shoulder and glanced at Eloise.

Theo plucked the paper from Penelope’s hands and Colin grimaced.

          RESULTS FOR MODERN POETRY  MIDTERM- 4^TH SEMESTER B.A. ENGLISH

PROFESSOR: Dr. FAIRWATER

Exam type: Submission – A poem and an essay

Maximum marks: 100

Marks in order of highest to lowest.

Theo stopped reading, not looking at the rest of the names. He looked up at William who was smirking at Eloise.

Eloise was staring at him defiantly.

“God, is that the marks sheet?”, Professor Fairwater bustled towards them, “I pinned it on the softboard and it disappeared.”

Theo gave it to her and she fixed him with a piercing stare, “Next time, don’t take it off the board.”

“That’s what I was telling him, ma’am,”, William piped up innocently.

“Thank you Bramford.”

Theo opened his mouth to argue but Colin gave him a sharp kick.

“Are those our results?”

Theo turned to see a couple more of their classmates staring at the sheet in Fairwater’s hand in interest. She sighed and gave it to them.

“I don’t understand why you kids had to take it off the board. Just pin it back after you read it.”

“Oh what’s the big deal?”, Rahul Vohra said, “we know Eloise or Theo probably topped.”

“No”, Eloise said quietly, “It was William Bramford.”

“No way!”

Eloise’s face hardened. Everyone was staring at her or William. Some of them looked gleeful. A couple of them were smirking.

Rahul gaped at William, “You beat Eloise by 15 marks?”

Theo shifted and wrenched the sheet out of his hands, “That’s enough, Vohra.”

Another girl piped up, “Oh just because one of you didn’t get the top spot for that.”

“I said that’s enough.”, Theo glared at her, “You’re making fun of someone who has topped half of our exams and submissions for the past three semesters. If you think not topping for once has ended her streak, then you are sorely mistaken.”

They all stared at him, abashed and angry. Theo handed the sheet back to William. He somehow didn’t care that William beat him by three marks. Somehow that detail wasn’t creating a dent.

“Why don’t you read my work?”, William retrieved a folder and tossed it at Theo. Theo watched it soar with no intention of putting an effort to catch it, but Dev and Rahul swooped in to grab it before it hit the floor.

“Sorry.”, Dev muttered, giving Theo the folder, “Out of habit. Didn’t want it to hit the ground.”

Colin cleared his throat, “Aren’t you all supposed to go to your next class?”

“Right, Theo, you don’t wanna be late for Danbury.”, Preston muttered, “Dev and I got Linguistics…”

“Uh”, Theo said, “Yeah, I’ll go.”

 The crowd immediately dispersed, but Eloise had disappeared.

He craned his neck and saw her slip through another corridor. Theo hesitated, but followed.

She descended a flight of stairs and after giving her a small headstart, he went down after her.

What was he doing?

He followed her into the courtyard. She was several paces ahead of him, and was walking very fast.

Theo was a lot of things, but he was not bad at answering questions. This was one question he could not answer. 

Was this out of spite or in spite? 

“Bridgerton!”

“What?”, she shouted, turning around on her heel to glare at him, her face red, “Came to humiliate me too?”

“Why do you think I am here to do that?”, Theo walked towards her, “Bridgerton, I know we are at each other’s throats for ranks, but it truly—”

“Don’t tell me it doesn’t matter.”, she said coldly. Every line in her body was rigid and angular as if she was holding herself together.

“If there’s one person who’d understand, it’s me.”, Theo said coolly, “Bridgerton, why do you care what they think?”

Eloise was breathing heavily as she stared at him, “I read his work, and I—it genuinely is so much better than mine. I can’t believe I missed out on so much.”

“Wasn’t this the one you only started writing from scratch three days before the due date, while preparing for the midterms?”

“That was on me.”

“If you think success would be possible if you didn’t allow yourself to mess up, then you’re stupider than I thought, Bridgerton.”

Eloise blinked at him furiously.

“Don’t give me that look”, Theo said, “You think you’re so important that coming third place for once will have everyone thinking you’re an idiot? Nobody gives a damn.”

“You saw how they—”

“No”, Theo said furiously, “I saw how you were devastated.”

“Of course I was.”, Eloise spoke slowly but her lips were barely moving, “It’s like…if I am not the best, then I am the worst. I don’t know—I don’t think you’d get it.”

Theo reeled back.

“Who said I wouldn’t? Is jumping to conclusions a new hobby of yours?”

She tossed her hair behind her shoulder, somehow still looking haughty, “Citing me, Sharpe?”

“Dodging the question, Bridgerton?”

“What question?”

“Why do you care?”

Eloise scoffed, “you’re the one here. Why do you care?”

“I don’t!”, Theo snapped. He didn’t know why he was here. She hadn’t bothered even trying to save his life. Why should he care if she was throwing a hissy fit over not getting above 85 percent? He should be thrilled. Something was clenching within him and his face felt warm. Dev was wrong—of course this was nothing but dislike.

Yet when he looked at her, he couldn’t bring himself to move away. For a horrible moment, she wasn't cold, vicious, arrogant Bridgerton, who refused to try to save him. 

“Anyone there who puts in the effort wouldn’t be judging you.”, he said, “And if they do, you really shouldn’t give a damn, because slips ups are guaranteed—”

“I don’t need you tell me—”

“I think you do.”, Theo said angrily, “Honestly Bridgerton, if you can’t bounce back from this, this whole degree is a sodding joke for the rest of us.”

Her bag was slipping off her shoulder. He lunged forward to catch the strap. She did nothing to hold it and instead looked up at him. He realized how close he was standing to her.

“Who told you that you’re nothing without being on top?”, Theo was surprised at his own voice- low and rough.

She shrugged, “Noone.”

He stared at her. She was looking at the floor.  His pulse quickened as he bent down, close enough to spot the wetness in her eyes, the strained lines around her mouth, the loose strand of hair curled around her collarbone.

“It has clearly slipped under the student’s radar", he muttered, "that in comparison to her previous submissions, this is clearly the worst idea she has ever come up with.”

He dropped her bag on to the floor and turned around only to have his dramatic exit be interrupted by William.

“Read my essay?”, William asked.

“Yes”, Theo lied stiffly.

“Anything new you realized?”

“Yes”, Theo said coolly, “I never thought I’d regret being literate.”

He tossed the folder into William’s hand and strode off, pausing only to look back at Eloise's face.

She smiled.

Give me none of affluence, oh

Affluenza, affluenza

Fat stacks, cold cash

You've always had it real lavish, first-class

Trust fund, gold tongue

80 grand in both your hands, but no love

All these kids have got affluenza

                                                                                        -Afluenza by Conan Gray