Unanswered Questions

And although the axe is heavy

It just sits in my hands

While you're changing like the current

Not a shore on land

Every time I try to bring it down

You always turn my head around

- Make Up Your Mind by Florence + The Machine

Theo was sure of a lot of things.

The sky is blue, a rich, deep shade often reserved for the description of eyes in romance novels.

Persuasion was definitely the best Austen novel.

He writes dialogue better than most people.

He absolutely despised Eloise Bridgerton.

Theo rarely met people he hated this much.

He always stuck to a few rules, which included keeping his head down and not sparing anybody who annoyed him more than a glance. He was always described as quiet by his teachers, reserving his ideas for his submissions and exams instead of participating in class.

Eloise strutted around in those heeled boots and stomped on each of those rules.

Once, in the previous semester, after Eloise called him an ‘the type of character who would get killed off in the first act of a book and be forgotten by the readers’, Dev had asked him,

 “Is this just playful banter, like some sort of friendly competition?”

“I am not competitive”, Theo had responded with honesty, “I just don’t like her. There is nothing friendly about this.”

He never bothered with competition. He didn’t care enough. It was hardly worth the stress. What twisted in him around Eloise had nothing to do with academic performance, and everything to do with her personality. More specifically, everything he hated about it.

Her vanity, her insensitivity, her ego, her stubbornness, her, her, her.

He really shouldn’t be surprised then, that in the present, while walking out of Literary Theory, he wanted nothing more than to find her, stare into her cruel eyes and—

“Theo, what was that all about?”, Dev demanded, seizing his shoulder as he caught up with him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”, Theo said flatly. He felt like his head was burning up. It was all Eloise Bridgerton’s fault. The knob in him had been switched on and the flames were going to swallow the stove. He remembered some of the soft giggles from the idiots sitting behind him. Most people would enjoy getting a rise out of each other, tangled in heated discussions like they were flaming bedsheets. He on the other hand, felt the need to take several deep breaths in any situation that involved conversing with Eloise Bridgerton.

“I’ve never seen you walk this fast, brother.”, Preston panted, holding a stitch at his side,  “Slow down and tell us what’s got you—”

Theo rounded on him,  “Where were you in the morning?”

“Call from my Ma. My grandpa isn’t doing well. She has gone home to Jamaica to see him.”

Preston was fiddling with his bag strap as he said this, carefully avoiding their eyes.

Dev’s dark brown eyes widened with worry. He reached out to put an arm around Preston.

“God, I am sorry Preston.”

“It’s fine man.”, Preston said shortly, still not meeting their eyes.

Dev and Theo exchanged a worried glance. Preston was easily the worst liar Theo had met. He was definitely hiding something.

“Mate”, Dev said, “If you want to talk about it--?”

“No, Dev, I don’t”, Preston said firmly, “Anyway, Theo, tell us what happened, won’t you?”

Theo launched into the story, only pausing every time Dev grabbed his arm to steer him clear of an oncoming bicycle.

“Her pity”, Theo snarled, as a fifth bicycle whizzed by, missing him by millimetres, “Honestly, I am just perplexed that someone is completely incapable of looking at another perspective.”

“She is bang out of order”, Dev said, shaking his head, “but maybe you should have sorted it out in private.”

“Should I have explained it to her?” Theo asked furiously, running his fingers through his hair, “I don’t get it.”

“Come on Theo”, Preston said airily, bumping his shoulder against his, “You are so quick to blame yourself. She shouldn’t have spoken that way.”

Dev rubbed the back of his neck, “Look, I am not justifying what she said, or saying you have to teach her or anything.  I know she was wrong but you didn’t have to burst out like that in front of everyone in class. Mr. Dean didn’t look too chuffed either.”

“I don’t need you to lecture me about it being unprofessional.”, Theo said, irritated.

“I am not lecturing you.”, Dev said coolly, “In case you didn’t notice, I am on your side.”

Theo felt the hot flush of guilt.

“I’m sorry.”, he mumbled.

“Quite alright, come on now.”, Dev said, with dignity, “Look da, all I am saying is that you got to still work with the girl. If she comes with a genuine apology, tell her how you feel and let it go.”

“I don’t want to work with her.”

“Don’t sulk.”, Preston said, “All you can do is be honest with her. You can’t avoid her.”

Dev shot Theo a look, “You do want to sort it out, don’t you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”. Theo asked. They were approaching the gate to the student accommodation centre which was a cluster of large red-bricked buildings.

Dev waved at the security gate, “I mean you should be open to the possibility that Eloise—as tactless as that was of her—probably respects you more than you think. Maybe you don’t know what she intended.”

Theo grumbled. He didn’t know what to think. She is the one who started it the previous year, the moment she marched up to him, demanding why he didn’t like her favourite Austen novel. He wasn’t going to lie down and take it.

When she got angry, he’d feel a sense of satisfaction, that he could get under his skin. That she would, even for a second, understand what being infuriated feels like.

Preston nudged him, ”Come on, it’s a nice day. Put this out of your mind and let’s go cycling before you run off to work.”

“Preston, we have exams.”

“How about swimming?”, Preston suggested, “The lake is closer.”

“No”, Theo said flatly, “I don’t like swimming.”

“Cycling then. Just half an hour”, Dev said airily, pushing himself in between them. He was at least two heads shorter than them, so when he stretched and looped an arm around each of them Preston and Theo had no choice but to smirk at each other and bend down.

“Shut up.”, Dev grumbled.

“We didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah but your faces did.”

Cycling around the nearby park with Dev and Preston was an ideal way to pass the rest of the day. The breeze whipped on his face as he soaked in the warmth of the sun while his friends tried to toss almonds in each other’s mouths while they circled around on their cycles. The lush green around him was all he needed, cool and rich in the flush of spring. He tried taking his hands off the brakes, stretching his arms in the air, relishing the cool air filling up his lungs.

At around 4:30 PM, he was quite sorry to break away from them as he cycled his way to the printer’s office.

“Theo!”, Jonathan exclaimed, “You’re early.”

“Yeah, if you’re letting me off early…”

Theo sat in his usual chair, straightening the piles of papers in front of him.

Jonathan wiped his brow, “Kid, listen, I am in a bit of a spot. You know Helm printers, on the street five minutes from here?”

“Aye.”

“Look, it’s run by my brother, but he broke his leg. He appointed his daughters to take over for a bit but they can’t tell one type of paper from another.”

Theo looked up, “Do you want me to teach them?”

“Your salary will be increased.”, Jonathan said quickly, “Work here till around 6:30 and stay there till 7:30 or 8. Show them the ropes. Keep an eye out.”

He leaned forward, “Keep them both out of trouble, please.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem”, Theo said. He hardly got into trouble. His life was as boring as he liked it to be.

“Good man.”, Jonathan clapped his hand on Theo’s back, but his spirits didn’t rise. Theo was still nettled about the previous night, and couldn’t shake off the feeling that Jonathan didn’t want him around.

“Look about yesterday”, Theo began but Jonathan shook his head.

“I just felt bad. My wife laid in on me about you working so late. You wouldn’t want to argue with her.”

Theo nodded, but said nothing. The next couple of hours trickled by like ink until Jonathan stood expectantly in front of him at 6:30.

He followed Jonathan down the street, passing by street hawkers and small shops.

“There we go.”, he said cheerfully.

Helm’s printers was a little larger than the one Theo worked in, and had three fans instead of one. Two girls emerged from the back door.

“Theo”, Jonathan placed his hand on his shoulder, “this is Monique and Aubrey.”

“Hello”, Theo said, striding forward with his hand out, “It is lovely to meet you both.”

“Hey Pretty Boy”, Aubrey grinned, “That fancy school taught you all this?” She was tall, and had her curly hair in a ponytail, her dark brown skin shining with sweat.

“Hush”, Monique said, “Mr. Sharpe, it is nice to meet you too. Jonathan has told us a lot.”

“Of course I have”, Jonathan said, his hand on the door as he left, “Girls, pay attention. Theo is the best apprentice I have had.”

The next two hours passed like that. Theo always wanted to be a teacher one day, so he took it in stride as he repeatedly and patiently explained the workings of a printer. Whatever mistakes Monique and Aubrey made were made up by their enthusiasm, even as Monique accidentally smeared Aubrey’s nose with ink.

“Any questions?”, Theo asked, handing Aubrey a wet hankerchief.

“Yeah”, she said in a nasally voice as she rubbed her nose, “You single?”

Theo coughed uncomfortably, heat spreading up the back of his neck, “Yes, but—”

“Ignore her”, Monique said smoothly, “Aubrey is just trying to set me up.”

Aubrey rolled her eyes, “Thank you, Mr. Sharpe. Can we leave a little early?”

“Don’t you have to stay for another hour?”, Theo asked, “and please, call me Theo.”

The girls exchanged uncomfortable looks. Theo noticed his hands were on his hips like he was a strict teacher. He let them hang loose.

“We uh—“, Aubrey said, “just wanted to meet some friends. Nothing odd, I promise.”

“Where?”, Theo asked.

Monique crossed her arms and stood in front of Aubrey, “That’s personal.”

“Jonathan asked me to look out for you guys.”, Theo said, “if something happens, I’ll be—”

“We will be fine!”, Aubrey insisted, “Jonathan let us go early yesterday too. Come on, we want a break! We were focusing for so long. We won’t drink, or do anything crazy or--”

Theo pressed his hand against his forehead,  “Fine.”

Aubrey clapped her hands, “Thank you!”

Monique smiled, “Promise you won’t snitch?”

Theo chuckled, “Why would I snitch? You said you aren’t doing anything crazy.”

After locking the shop up and bidding them good-bye, he unlocked his bicycle. He fished through his pockets for his keys to Granville’s cottage before remembering he wasn’t supposed to go there that night. He eyed the sky. It seemed to be only just darkening.

Thinking gloomily about the mountain of poems waiting for him in his bag at Dev’s room, he slowly set off, hoping the dining hall’s dinner won’t make him miss his own cooking.

He cycled past the cobblers and bag sellers, who leaned out to shout at him, and waited as a group of women huddled in his way.

“Tha’s what my old man was sayin’, Red Quill’s gonna rip ‘em a new one.”

“Bugger.”

“Red Quill?”

“Nah, I thought we were at the wrong street. It’s behind Helm’s Printer place, eh? You reckon I can get a cuppa--”

“No. We’ll run late and miss half the meeting.”

Theo kept his eyes fixed on the two women chatting. What was behind the store he was just working at?

One of the girls caught him staring,

“Watchu staring at, sonny?”

“Uh, sorry”, he faltered, “I’m uhm, lost. I want to go to the…uh, meeting.”

“Who are you?’, she asked shrewdly.

“I work at Jonathan’s Printers”, Theo said quickly, “I was actually helping his brother at the printer shop on Helm’s street you just mentioned.”

One woman smiled at him. The other didn’t look too impressed.

“Humph. Follow us.”

He turned around and slowly cycled between them, not taking his eyes off them. He shouted every time he had to pause when a throng of people zipped past him. They waited, rather impatiently, setting off quickly as he caught up with them. He parked his cycle and walked behind them to a dark inn. His head nearly scraped the ceiling as he walked in.

“Down that staircase.”,the girl said, pointing at a group of people.

Bewildered, he walked down the staircase, thinking this had to be some sort of joke.

The breath caught in his mouth as he entered a large room, full of people, excitedly talking together. People filled the room- old men with canes, young girls with notepads, and a man in the corner was distributing something, shaking hands with everyone.

There was a raised platform on the other side. A brutish looking man stood on top, glowering at them all.

Was this some cult?

Theo turned around to look at the girls to ask, but came face to face with Monique and Aubrey.

“Theo!”, Monique exclaimed, “you followed us! Why?”

“What is this?”, Theo asked furiously, “This is the spot of your girls’ night out?”

Monique opened her mouth to argue but Aubrey intervened, “Come on, Mon, let’s just tell him. Theo, a lot of the workers around here meet up here to discuss stuff, you know, all the problems they face, changes they want—”

Theo stared around the room, which was steadily filling up.

A sound crackled across, and Theo whirled around to see the brutish looking man take the ‘stage’.

“Red Quill! Red Quill! Red Quill!”, the crowd chanted, stomping their feet.

“Who’s he?”, Theo asked over the thundering applause, “Is Red Quill a street name?”

“He’s a genius”, Monique said, looking at the man in awe, “he has a bruise that he turned into a tattoo of a quill on his cheek. He writes exclusively in red too ink…”

“Why? What does he do exactly?”

Aubrey started to answer but her voice was drowned by Red Quill’s booming voice.

“WELCOME! I see some new faces here. You have done very well…bringing more to the brethren, to our cause. Let us welcome them. Let me introduce and remind you of our vision.”

But Theo never found out what their vision was, because his eyes had travelled to the corner of the room where he entered from, his eyes zoning in on a figure at the top of the stairs swallowed by the thickening crowd : a flash of chestnut brown hair, and a tail of a coat.

“Where are you going?”, Aubrey asked, putting her hand on his shoulder. He brushed her off, pushing through the crowd, ignoring the grunts people let out as they chanted Equity! Empowerment! Education! He reached the top of the stairs, words coating his tongue and dissolving in his anger just as quick, his eyes fixed on her.

“So, this is how you spend your evenings?”, Eloise drawled, leaning against the wall and eyeing him up and down, “Forgot where the public library is, Sharpe?”

“Bridgerton.”, he snarled, “What are you doing here? Don’t you know the designer shops are the other way?”

She folded her arms, “Well of course, I just came for an evening stroll—”

Eloise jolted aside as a man knocked into her.

“Out of the way, lass.”, he grumbled as he came in, holding a carton on pamphlets, “Special delivery.”

Eloise stepped backwards and her foot caught the edge of a step, scraping against it. Theo could see a man walking up the stairs just behind her.

“Careful!”

She lost her balance and slipped. She nearly tripped down the stars when Theo lunged forward, catching her by the elbow, steadying her as the man squeezed past them.

“You alright, sugar?”, the man leered, showing his mossy teeth.

“Yes”, Eloise said stiffly. Theo tightened his hold of her elbow. She didn’t shake him off, and instead stepped a little closer to him. She could see a flicker of worry in her round eyes.

The man leaned forward, his hand close to her face. She smacked it away and tried to press herself against the wall.

“Where are you from?”, he asked, reaching out towards her again.

Theo, still gripping Eloise’s elbow pulled her swiftly behind him,

“Keep your hands to yourself before you go home without them.”, he snapped. He sounded more braver than he felt. The man was thrice his size.

The man scowled and walked away, and Theo whirled around to face Eloise, who had shaken off his hand and the look of alarm on her face. She was looking up at him with cool disdain.

“I could have handled it.”, she said, affronted.

“What would you have done?”, Theo sneered, “hit him with the copy of Aristotle’s poetics you won’t stop borrowing from the library?”

She glared at him, “How do you know that?”

He glared at her back, “It was never there when I needed it for Literary Criticism last year. Every time I checked the register, I saw your name.”

“How long have you been angry about that?”, she taunted.

“My anger dissolved the moment I ended up scoring more than you.”, he shot back, “Tell me, how long have you been angry at that?”

“I wasn’t angry, because it was by half a mark, and I beat you in British Literature”, she snapped, “I bet that sting took a while for you to soothe.”

“I got over it quickly”, he hissed, “although not as quickly as I’d like to see you get out of here.”

“Oh, stop being a—"

“Now I called you here!”, Red Quill’s voice resounded, so loud, Theo swore he could hear the walls shake, “To make an announcement you wouldn’t want to miss. I am proud to announce a pamphlet! A newsletter! Best part is, all of you get to participate and contribute. I want to hear you use your voices to express…”

With great difficulty, Theo wrenched his gaze back to Eloise, who was watching Red Quill with rapt attention.

“Brilliant, isn’t it?”, she muttered.

“After you’re done getting your fair share of pleasure and entertainment,”, Theo said irritably, “perhaps you can tell me why you’re here.”

Eloise gritted her teeth and stared at him, her blue eyes bright and fierce,

“You think I am here because I find fighting for rights exciting, so I can feel better about myself?”, she asked, then rolled her eyes, “Oh, of course you’d think that.”

“Care to explain what that means?”

Eloise moved a step closer, “Sharpe, I wanted to apologize. I went to your workplace, and Mr. Jonathan told me to go to Helm, and I saw you cycling—”

“You followed me?”, he asked, astonished. The back of his neck was heating up and it had nothing to do with the warm press of people around him.

“Sharpe, I am sorry”, the words tumbled out of her. She looked oddly flushed.

“I shouldn’t have said that…what I said at the library.”, Eloise said, now playing with the cuffs of her sleeve, “I understand how condescending it seemed and I assure you that I meant no harm and didn’t intend to make you feel disrespected—”

Theo felt a smile coming on, and wrestled with the edges of his mouth for it to not spread across his face, “My my Bridgerton, you are saying that I am right, aren’t you?”

Eloise scoffed, “Well I wouldn’t go so far…”

“Yet you have come far.”, Theo pressed, unable to hold back a smirk. He ignored the chatter around him as Red Quill shouted into the microphone, “This is a long way from Mayfair Academy.”

Eloise tilted her head, “Luckily for me, there is a thrilling invention called a car that might transport a lady from one place to another.”

Theo blanched, “you brought a bloody cab to Helm street?”

She shook her head, “The driver refused to go beyond Greenbrookes street.”

“Right…”, Theo trailed off, watching Red Quill pump his fist in the hair, holding a thick wad of papers in the other hand. He felt detached from the people hooting and whooping in celebration. Theo was furious with himself for not paying attention.

Eloise cleared her throat, “So do you accept it?”

“Eh?”

“My apology.”

He looked down at her, and saw a flash of eagerness in her eyes. He ran a hand through his hair.

“Bridgerton, can I ask you a question?”

Eloise nodded.

He bent down, his mouth hovering near her ear. She tried to step back, and scrambled for purchase by gripping the wall. He could smell the trails of perfume from the collar of her shirt.

“Did you think I never accept apologies, but tend to make exceptions for girls who wander into a strange meeting room to give one.”

Eloise tilted her head towards him, the tip of her nose inches from his cheek.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I am mulling it over”, Theo said, dropping his voice, “the idea of not being angry at you sounds like a sort of peace that can only be found in the endings of your stories.”

“You’ve read my stories, then?”

“Only the ones you’ve submitted for assignments.”, Theo rolled his eyes, “You have a thing for happy endings.”

“Your first correct observation. Now that’s a plot twist.”

“Yeah?”, Theo’s legs were starting to hurt. He leaned against the nearest pillar and bent down slightly to look at her.

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re an expert at plot twists.”, he said sarcastically, “I suppose I must put up with you if—"

“Sharpe, if nothing else serves as motivation, at least think of being civil only because you can’t possibly write the short story without me.”, she said hotly.

 “I can’t decide if that’s flattering or insulting to you.”, he replied, “I suppose that’s a mystery for you to solve.”

She straightened up, her glare only intensifying, “Look, I want a good grade, and I can’t achieve that if we keep snapping at each other. What the hell do you want Sharpe?”

 Theo slid his hands into his pockets, the clamour around him rising to a crescendo, “I think keeping what you saw and heard here a secret in exchange for us working together smoothly seems like a good deal.”

She raised an eyebrow, “What makes you think that?”

He laughed, “Go around blabbing about this then. Would you rather try writing dialogue without my help?”

“I don’t know”, she shot back, “Would you try writing a mystery without my help?”

He leaned back, “You tell me, Bridgerton, since you’re so good at mysteries. What’s the bigger mystery here: why you turned up here, if not to use this as an opportunity for quaint entertainment, or if I am really as petty when it comes to grudges as you think? After all, you came all the way here to apologize.”

Eloise bristled, “I can solve both mysteries in a second. I wasn’t afraid of you holding a grudge, Sharpe, and I came here because I wanted to—”

“Clear your conscience?”, he said, “Are you here because you don’t want to feel guilty?”

“You are jumping to conclusions.”, she snarled, “Is being wrong a new hobby of yours?”

“Like a walking red herring?”, he asked with a teasing smile.

“Like a walking red flag.”, she shot back.

“Is this your first apology?”, Theo tilted his head back, “Practice makes perfect, Bridgerton”

“Perfection is a myth.”

“Clearly, so is the existence of an apology that doesn’t involve an insult, according to you, anyway.”, he said, amused, “Now if you excuse me, Bridgerton, I’d like to catch up on what I missed.”

Theo turned around to look at Red Quill when he felt Eloise’s hand on his arm.

“Sharpe.”

He looked down, at her fingers curled around his bicep. It dug into the fabric of his sleeve, the warmth of her skin pressing against his arm.

He didn’t look back, but halted, the emotion in every syllable she said tearing through it.

“I really am sorry. I want to do better, instead of making you feel undermined…and I promise, I won’t say a word about this meeting.”

Theo wrenched his arm away, and finally turned his head to the side, so only a side of his face is exposed to her.

“I’ll see you first thing after the midterms, Bridgerton, at the library. Business as usual.”

He heard her exhale, and almost enjoyed her hesitance as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Almost.

Theo turned back to watch Red Quill bellow into the microphone. He tried to pay attention to his words, but a prickle in his neck was focused over something else: the fact that Eloise hadn’t turned on her heel and marched out once she got what she wanted. Her conscience might be clear as a blank slate, like his mind at the moment.

A sudden shadow of guilt coiled in him. How must he seem? He had always called Eloise difficult to work with, but here he was, giving her a hard time after yelling at her in class. He was frustrated by all the conclusions he assumed she jumped to, but wasn’t he just as bad as her?

He cleared his throat.

He added, “And this time, if I am angry, I won’t argue with you in class. I am sorry about that…I should have been more polite while communicating how I felt.”

Eloise nodded, “Thank you.”

She stayed, lingering. He turned back by a fraction, and saw her eyes, determined and sharp, fixed on Red Quill, as if in genuine awe. Not the way boys ogle at an action sequence in a movie theatre, but in a way that she sat up straight when she passionately agreed with a professor.

She quirked a corner of her mouth at him, and he shook his head, suppressing a smile.

“My my Bridgerton”, he muttered under his breath, “What must you have to say after this is over?”

Eloise leaned forward, the ends of her hair nearly brushing against his shoulder blades.

“Tread lightly”, she whispered, “I think you just implied that my opinions matter.”

He turned to face her fully, just as Red Quill cried, “You know what we are here for! You know what we want! The beginnings will be rocky, in the terrains of animosity. I say we hold hands in the face of fire for adversity is a flame that won’t burn the ones who don’t hesitate to hold torches of resistance.”

“Hear Hear!”, everyone shouted.

Eloise had her eyes fixed on Theo and just as he opened his mouth, she said, “All the best for the midterms, Sharpe. I’ll see you at the exam hall.”

Theo tilted his head, “Not if I see you first, Bridgerton.”