Scattered Memories Pt. 1
A Few years ago, somewhere in the north Europe.
"Mona! Mona, wait!"
The girl shouted, trying to keep up with the pace of her older friend. The ice cold air and the large snow drifts made it hard to run after her. Mona always did that at any random moment. And the big chunks of snow falling from the sky were not making things any easier.
"I can’t, I’ve gotta chase that cursed spirit! Stay back!" She urged and ran even faster after the hideous monster.
At least, if there was any that is.
Eir could not always see it. She wasn’t a sorcerer like her friend. Nevertheless, she still wanted to keep up with her.
The wind began to howl even louder in her ears, the snow falling on her face mercilessly. She sped up surrounded by the cold breeze, breathing heavily. Taking a turn, Eir almost tripped over her own feet, trying to stabilaze herself, running faster and getting a bit closer to the sorcerer girl now. She saw Mona in the distance. Her friend was standing calmly, looking at something Eir wasn’t able to see even in deep concentration. The sorcerer raised her hand with her palm facing upwards, long fingers spread wide, and after a few seconds she clenched them into a fist without blinking.
Eir covered her ears to protect herself from the bang of the explosion she kind of expected to hear and squeezed her eyelids. A few moments had passed in the complete silence. A warm pat on the top of Eir’s head made her open her eyes, looking up.
"Why did you cover your ears?" Mona grinned, ruffling the younger girl’s hair. "Nothing happened. Nothing ever does and you’re still scared, haha."
Eir took a look around, squinting a little. Everything looked exactly like it did while they were running up the snowy hill, except for the huge hole burnt into the ground a few meters away from them, the snow melting away on its edges, mixing with the dirt. Taking a few steps towards it, Eir squatted and dipped her finger in the newly created mud. It was still warm. Mona crossed her arms, standing right beside her.
"You always say that." Eir replied, rolling her eyes. "And the next thing I see is a fucking hole in the ground like something just exploded seconds ago, or this weird substance splashed around and…" Eir sniffed the mud on her fingers. "It smells like shit." Scrunching her nose she wiped her fingers on the snow which didn’t get to melt away yet.
"Well, that’s actually blood." Mona stated like it was a well-known fact, shrugging her shoulders. "That cursed spirit’s blood. I mean I’m not sure if that’s blood, but it could be… at least that’s how I call that… thing." She added tapping her chin with her index.
Eir’s eyes widened, her face twisting in pure disgust.
"What?! Fuck! That’s gross!" Her voice screeching, piercing through the winter air. "Why didn’t you warn me?!"
"Hey, it’s not my fault you always need to touch things!" Mona shrugged again, starting to slowly climb down the hill. "And stop cursing! I promised your parents you’d stop. You’re way too young for that, kiddo."
Standing up, Eir almost fell again.
"I’m seventeen, come on!"
"Yup, still too young."
Mona slid down the last meters of the hill gracefully, her feet steady the whole way back. Eir was following her not too far behind, wobbling like crazy.
"You’re like three years older than me, just three years. Fucking hell!" The younger one cursed again loudly, slipping on the ice hiding under the snow. Her bum landing down on the frozen ground caused her to wail in pain, clothes getting wetter and wetter by the seconds.
Mona tried to hold back the laugh gurgling in her throat. She reached out her hand towards Eir, pulling her up.
"And therefore, three times smarter than you, Eir." The corners of her mouth went up in a wide smile. "Come on, we gotta go. My mom’s waiting."
Eir exhaled loudly, rubbing her sore buttocks.
"Mona" she called. "Why can’t I see these cursed spirts and the things you do with them, but I’m able to sort of feel their presence? Or their remanents I suppose… like I did right now?"
"Well I told you. You’re not a sorcerer, you do not posses any technique, you cannot control your cursed energy. You’re just a human and that’s why you cannot see what I can." The snow falling right onto Mona’s lips melting away as she spoke. "But it is possible to some of you, more sensitive to the outside world ones to be able to balance on this line which divides these two worlds. Some people although not able to control their cursed energy, have it high enough to even be able to see cursed spirits. They’re called Windows."
Eir bit her lip, still massaging her bum.
The world of "jujutsu sorcery" as her friend called it, was something she did not understand and yet, it made sense to her all together. Monsters created out of people’s negative emotions, pain, grief, jealousy, greed, fear… if this emotions felt like being filled with the energy one cannot contain, it made sense for it to give birth to such monstrocity.
"Is this why you’ve told me about sorcery in the first place? Because you knew I can sense it, even see it sometimes?"
Mona stopped in her tracks, turning to her friend. "No. I knew you’re somehow close to being a Window, but that’s not the reason why I told you about this."
Eir scratched her head, confused.
"Then why?"
"Because I just felt like it." She brushed her off, grinning.
"Oh come on! You’re just giving me the anserw based on whatever comes to your mind first."
Mona sighed, looking at her friend from the corner of her eye.
"I trust you." She stated simply, turning her head to face her. "You’re my friend and I’ve never had many of them. I’ve always been either a freak for the normal humans or a undisciplined brat for my fellow sorcerers." A quiet sigh left Mona’s lips. "I told you all about what I can see cause no one before wanted to look."
The honesty in Mona’s words warmed Eir’s heart. The girl could feel her cheeks warming up. She swallowed hastily, and opted to change the subject, thankful to the ice cold air, biting the skin of her face making it redder and masking her blush.
"Erm… Do you like being a sorcerer?" She blurted out, not knowing how to handle sudden rush of emotions.
Mona frowned for a second.
"I don’t know. I don’t think there’s an answer to this quesition." She replied. "It’s like you would ask me if I like being a human."
"What?" Eir asked with confusion lacing her tone.
"I was born a sorcerer. I never thought if I like it. It’s just a fact that I am one, just like birds are birds and bugs are bugs. It’s something you don’t think of in this category. It’s just who you are." Mona explained, seeing the outlines of her house through the falling snow somewhere in the distance.
"Yeah but as a sorcerer, you save all this people and stuff. You have to like that, at least a little bit." Eir insisted, still confused.
"Not really. I don’t like saving people in particular." Mona catched some snowflakes in her palm. "But it’s not something I hate either. To be honest I just don’t care if I save them or not. That’s just an outcome of what I do, and I don’t always succeed."
The snowflakes melted on her skin, but the one which dissapeared were already replaced by the new ones.
Eir stopped. She felt a weird feeling rising up in her chest. How could Mona not care about the people in danger? Under a threat of dying if she’s not there to help them?
"Then what’s the point?" The younger girl questioned, trying not to sound like the sorcerer’s words had touched any sensitive string.
Mona rolled her eyes.
"Ahh back to square one, Eir. Does everything need to have sense? Life doesn’t have one, being a sorcerer or a human either. It’s just that you’re born like that. It’s the role you get and act accordingly. I do what I do, because that’s who I am, because I have those powers, ordinary person doesn’t. It’s not something I can change. I don’t wanna think if I like it or not, if I would change it if I could." She exclaimed, almost sounding a bit bored. "It’s more fun this way, to accept who you are and not ponder too much whether it makes sense or not."
Eir shook her head.
"I’d say it’s easier not more "fun". But there you go with such stupid answers."
"That’s because you don’t know what fun is." Mona quipped with a careless smile, walking away.
Eir could feel she was not able to contain the growing dissapointment in her best friend. Mona had said that she trusted her, yet thought she was dumb enough to not understand her words. She followed her grabbing her hand. It was cold and a bit reddish from catching the snow Mona was so invested in a while ago.
"What is fun, then?" Eir asked with seriousness in her voice. Her eyes clear as ever, zeroing in on her friend’s face.
Mona hesitated a bit, something which Eir rarely saw in her movements, stance or words.
"Eir…" She spoke sounding a bit tired now. "I stand by what I said." Adding calmly, Mona intertwined her fingers with Eir’s, holding them tightly. "I don’t care for the lives I can save or cannot save. Because if I did…" She trailed off, looking for the right words. "I can’t afford to do that. As a sorcerer, I just can’t."
Mona swallowed, her gaze focused on her friend. She didn’t look sad or guilty, just a bit disoriented. Like she didn’t know how to convey her emotions. The silence between them was getting longer than Mona intended to.
Suddenly Eir pulled her in, hugging her tightly, almost crushing her bones.
"Eir!" She squeaked. "You’re suffocating me!"
The younger one didn’t react, still not letting go of her.
"Then I wish you never lost that fun." Eir said urgently, her voice muffled by her, hiding her face in Mona’s jacket, still holding her friend in a tight grip that Mona would have called a deathly one, if she could utter any word that is.
The sorceress smiled despite the slight pain, shaking her head. The feeling of relief flooded her brain. Eir was more than a mere "close to being a Window" human being. She was closer to being a sorcerer, than any real ones Mona had ever met.
Eventually Eir let go of her, laughing at the older girl being out of breath.
"You know what, you look like a fragile, little chicken, but the strength you have could be of that dumb-looking guy from the Marvel movies in those ugly, blue one set with a red cape! What did they feed you? Some krypton or shit… fuck… my back hurts."
"For the record, he’s called Superman." Eir stated as a matter of fact, helping Mona to straighten up her spine. "And he did not eat Krypton. It’s a planet he comes from, you idiot."
"Yeah, yeah whatever." Mona gave up, motioning for Eir to let her go.
Both of them started walking towards the house again, grinning. The snow almost stopped falling so heavily, as it did a while ago. The blue sky was peeking out of the clouds which were lazily swimming through the winter horizon.
"If you’re not going to care for those lives, you know" Eir started enthusiastically out of nowhere. "I’m going to do that for you." The nod of her head was a confirmation of confidence the younger girl had in herself.
The corner of Mona’s lips went up in a lopsided smile. She glanced at Eir and bit her lip, not wanting to let out a giggle which fought its way out of her throat.
She was right. She was right about Eir, all that time.
Mona hooked her arm under Eir’s elbow happily.
"I’m glad you’re not a sorcerer." she shared, geniuenly amused and relieved.
Eir turned her heard towards her friend, frowning.
"Why?" She asked, blinking a few times.
Mona only chuckled in response.
"Because you’d be a miserable one."