Chapter 4
The rain drummed steadily against the library windows, a rhythmic, almost soothing backdrop to the quiet hum of students buried in their textbooks. You shook the droplets from your umbrella softly before stepping inside, weaving through the aisles toward your usual corner; the one place on campus where you could actually focus if left alone.
Your mood instantly lifted when you saw it unoccupied. And, more importantly, Yeager bomb was nowhere to be found. No obnoxious lip-smacking, no hushed giggles, no wandering hands. Just peace.
With a quiet sigh of relief, you settled into the chair, spreading out your notes and opening your laptop. Midterms were creeping up fast and your little break-up would not stop you from passing. Nothing ever put a halt in your education and nothing ever will.
The library was dimly lit, the gray sky outside casting a muted glow over the space. The occasional rustle of pages and the soft tapping of keyboards filled the silence.
'Finally, a distraction free evening.'
Two beautiful hours had passed and you were still going strong. You had completely tuned out the world around you, deeply engrossed in the dense paragraphs and scribbled notes spread out in front of you.
You failed to notice when a group of familiar faces entered the library.
Yes, they partied—a lot. But that didn't mean they were idiots. Most of them actually cared about their education, even if they balanced it out with nights of questionable decision-making and an ungodly amount of alcohol.
Bertholdt, Reiner, Armin, Eren, Jean...Floch somewhere behind them, probably talking too loud.
There group found a table on the opposite side of the library, dropping their bags onto the surface with quiet thuds. They pulled out their book, notebooks, and laptops. Armin had already begun highlighting something, and Jean looked like he was genuinely trying to focus.
Eren, however, wasn't.
Because Eren noticed you.
He should've just sat down and started presenting to work like the rest of the group. But for some reason, he didn't.
His green eyes lingered on you, watching the way you tapped your pen against your notebook, how you leaned forward slightly, chewing on your lip as you concentrated. It was the most peaceful he'd seen you in a while.
It only took minutes for Ere to come up with a plan to slip away without drawing too much attention—especially Jean's.
He leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms with an exaggerated sigh before muttering, "Gotta find a book for my paper."
Jean barely glanced up from his notes, uninterested. Reiner and Bertholdt didn't care either, too focused on whatever assignment they had. But Armin?
Armin was watching him like a damn hawk.
Not only had he noticed the way Eren kept glancing over in your direction, but he had clocked you the second they walked in. He just hadn't said anything yet.
Now, though? He took the opportunity, closing his book dramatically and tilting his head. "Ooh, is that what we're calling it now?" His voice was teasing, barely containing his smirk. "So who's the girl, huh? You meeting someone in the corner? Should we come watch?"
Eren immediately glared. "Shut the fuck up Armin."
Unfortunately for him, Armin lived to push his buttons—especially recently.
He grinned, eyes glinting mischievously. "So it is a girl. You know, if you just tell me who she is, I might not allow you—"
Eren snapped. "I said shut the fuck upArmin!" His voice was too loud.
Every student within earshot turned to glare, hushed whispered filling the air as someone from across the room shushed him aggressively.
"Dude. Library." Jean grumbled, rubbing his temple.
Eren gritted his teeth, muttered a half-assed, "Whatever," before shoving his chair and stalking off.
Armin just smirked as Reiner leaned into him, "Yeah. Definitely a girl."
Eren made his way over to you, his mood sour after Armin had loudly exposed him in front of everyone. That was exactly what he had been trying to avoid, and now, thanks to that "little shit" as Eren likes to call him from time to time, everyone probably thought he was sneaking off to meet a girl.
Which technically he was. But it wasn't like that!
The closer, he got to you, the crazier he felt, and it was fucking ridiculous. You were just sitting there, focused on your work and probably listening to music, completely unaware of his approach.
It would have stayed that was if it weren't for your soundproof headphones.
Bad for you. Good for him.
Eren took a seat beside you, uninvited, relaxing in his chair with a level of comfort that made it seem like he had every right to be there. His sharp gaze was fixed on you—studying the way your brows knitted together in concentration, the way you bit your lips when you were deep in thought. It was weird. Stalkerish even.
When you finally noticed him, you startled slightly, pulling your headphones off and blinking at him in mild horror. "What the hell are you doing here?"
Eren grinned, "What, can't a guy sit next to a beautiful girl in peace?"
You rolled your eyes, exhaling sharply. "Leave me alone Eren. I'm actually trying to get shit done."
"Damn," he huffed, placing a hand over his chest dramatically. "You wound me."
"Not deep enough apparently," you muttered under your breath, earning an amused chuckle from him.
But Eren, as always, was persistent. He kept talking, throwing out shameless pick-up lines like it was his full-time job. You ignored him, only giving him occasional exasperated sighs and eye-rolls in response. That is, until he said something so stupid that you couldn't help but snort softly.
"See?" Eren smirked triumphantly. "You love me."
"I pity you," you corrected, shaking your head.
Before he could fire back with another smartness remark, you both heard footsteps approaching.
Your shoulders stiffened.
Jean and Reiner had stopping right behind your table.
The air turned awkward and Jean looked completely thrown.
His eyes flickered between you and Eren, his expression one of shock. Reiner on the other hand, was fighting back a smirk.
The silence stretched between you and Eren as the two watched your interaction unfold.
Eren for once, didn't have a cocky remark. And you?
You just looked away, going back to the pages and pages of notes in front of you.
Jeans face twisted with something ugly—shock, jealousy, possessiveness. His gaze hardened as he looked at Eren, lips pulling into a scowl.
"Didn't take you for the type to actually go sniffing around after someone else's girl, Yeager. I thought your attempts with (Y/n) were just a joke." He sneered, arms crossing over his chest as he moved closer into your spot.
His comment made your blood boil.
Eren, to his credit, didn't react immediately. He just let out a short, amused scoff, leaning back in his chair. He looked bored. Like Jean's words barely fazed him. But you weren't about the let that comment slide.
"I was never yours seeing I was never the one you truly wanted."
Jean's breath hitched. He looked completely blindsided. Like he had been punched in the gut. His mouth opened, then closed, like he was scrambling for something to say, but for once, he had nothing.
Reiner and Jean exchanged an award glance, clearly regretting following Eren over here to see what girl he was having fun with this time.
Jean's jaw tightened, shifting his attention back to Eren. "Why'd you leave the group just to come over here? What's your deal?"
Eren had half a mind to ignore him—to not even entertain his overthinking. Jean was clearly grasping at straws, projecting his own feelings onto the situation. But instead, he met Jean's glare head-on, expression unreadable.
"Relax Jean," Eren said, voice smooth, almost mocking. "She's not yours anymore."
Jean flinched at that. His hands balled into fists at his sides.
You sighed heavily, rubbing your temple before shooting both of them a sharp glare. "Both of you, keep your voices down. People are actually trying to study here."
Jean barely reacted, still stewing in whatever mess of emotions he was tangled in.
Eren, however, looked genuinely amused, shooting you a teasing smirk. "Yes, ma'am.
Jean exhaled harshly through his nose, muttering something under his breath before storming off. Reiner reluctantly following behind him only after speaking his truth: "You're in for some deep shit Eren." Then, he turned around and walked away, laughing quietly about the situation.
That left you and Eren alone again.
He exhaled a quiet chuckle, shaking his head. "Well, that was fun."
You just rolled your eyes, slumping in your seat. "I hate you all. The only good one of you is Bertholdt. Armin has been corrupted by you."
A couple of minutes passed, the tension between you two settling into a weird, unspoken truce. You were laser-focused on your work now, flipping through notes, highlighter gliding across the page, completely ignoring the fact that Eren Yeager was sitting right beside you.
Eren, on the other hand, had his phone in his hand, but he wasn’t paying attention to it.
Not really.
Every now and then, he’d glance over at you, watching the way your brows furrowed when you concentrated, the way you chewed at the inside of your cheek when a problem stumped you. He was bored, and if there was one thing about Eren—it was that he hated being bored.
So, naturally, he decided to be a pain in your ass.
He leaned in slightly, resting his chin in his palm as his warm breath fanned your shoulder. "So.. how have you been holding up?"
You froze for just a fraction of a second before shaking it off. The last thing you wanted to do was talk about your breakup with the school whore. You scoffed, keeping your eyes trained on your notes. "I'm fine."
Eren saw right through it. He leaned in forward slightly, resting his elbows on the table. "You don't have to put on a brave face with me. I know you're probably feeling..." He let the sentence hang, watching for your reaction. "Lonely."
You paused for half a second before scoffing. "I'm not lonely, Eren. And why do you care? We're not even friends."
Regardless of what you said, he went on with the teasing. Only trying to get on your nerves and embarrass you. "Good, but y'know... if you ever do get lonely, I could always keep you company."
You froze mid-highlight, turning to glare at him.
Eren only grinned, his eyes wickedly playful as he leaned in even closer. "Anytime—day or night."
Your nose scrunched up, shoving his face away with two fingers. "You're disgusting."
He laughed, grabbing your wrist before you could fully retreat, holding it loosely. "Relax, I'm just saying." His thumbs grazed over your pulse, slow and deliberate. "A breakup can be rough.. wouldn't want you to feel all
Neglected."
You yanked your hand back, heart pounding in irratiion. "Eren I swear—I'm going to fucking slap you." You shoved your notebook into your bag, fingers trembling as you flipped the pages too aggressively before stuffing them inside. The weight of frustration settled heavily in your chest, and still, you could feel Eren watching you, but you refused to acknowledge it.
"Whoa—hey," He said, his tone light, but confused. "What the hell? Where young going?"
You yanked the zipper of your bag too hard, slinging it over your shoulder as you stood up so fast that your chair scraped against the library floor. A few students glanced over in annoyance, but didn't care.
"I'm leaving."
Eren sat up straighter, eyebrows raised, like he couldn't quite believe you were actually mad. "Leaving? What, you're really gonna ditch a guy like me?" He put a hand over his heart dramatically and the playful way he said it, like the was just another one of his jokes—it pissed you off.
You whirled around, eyes burning. "What the fuck is your problem Eren?"
His smirk faltered, surprised by your outburst. "What?"
"Why are you here? Why do you keep pushing yourself into my space?" You gestured toward the table, toward the seat he had taken next to you without being invited. "Why do you keep making things worse?!"
Eren frowned now, sitting back slightly as if he was actually processing your words. "I didn't think I was—"
"You are." You cut him off, voice sharp, but shaky. "This—you—it's making everything harder." Your throat tightened, and suddenly, it felt like too much. Everything. Jean, the break up, the way your heart still ached no matter how much you tried to pretend it didn't. And now Eren, always there, pushing, pushing, pushing.
Eren's jaw clenched, his expression shifting into something more serious. "I wasn't trying to make things worse."
You huffed out a bitter laugh, shaking your head. "Then what are you trying to do, huh?" You swallowed past the lump in your throat, feeling pathetic for even getting emotional in the first place. "Why are you here Eren? What do you even want from me?"
Eren opened his mouth, hesitated, then closed it.
You scoffed, rubbing at your face as you tried to compose yourself. "Just leave me alone Eren. We're not friends."
Eren stared at you, completely silent. His expression was unreadable, like he was trying to figure out what to say, if he should saying anything at all. But, he saw you. The way your expression cracked, the way your breath hitched as you tried so damn hard to keep yourself together. He hadn't realized how much his presence alone was making you was to burst. His stomach twisted, something uncomfortably tight settling in his chest.
And instead of standing there like an idiot—again—he gently reached out, resting his hand on top of your head—light, careful. He could feel how tense you were beneath his touch, how much you were holding in.
"...Shit," He exhaled, his voice softer now. "I'm sorry."
You blinked looking up at him, caught off guard.
"I don't even know what I did," Eren admitted, a weak chuckle escaping him, "but I must've really pissed you off." His fingers twitched slightly against your hair, like he wasn't sure if he should keep his hand there or not—it was incredibly off brand for him and he knew it. Never would he be caught dead doing this for another girl.
"Wanna go get something to eat?"
You stared at him.
"In town," He clarified, shrugging slightly. "Shiganshina. There's this little diner that stays open late. I dunno. Thought maybe—"
He stopped when he saw the way you were looking at him.
It wasn't anger anymore, not exactly. It was something more complicated. You were surprised at the offer, at the way his hand lingered there, offering a kind of comfort you never expected from him.
But instead of answering, you reached up, taking his wrist gently and removing his hand yourself.
"...No," You said quietly, trying to remember there were still countless other people in the library. "I just want to go home."
Eren's throat bobbed, but he nodded, letting his hand drop to his side. He didn't stop you as you turned, walking past him and heading for the exit. He stood there for a few seconds, staring at the door you had just walked out of and with a sharp exhale, he turned on his heel and made his way back to where Armin looked up from his book, eyebrows immediately furrowing at the sight of him.
Bertholdt and Reiner were still off somewhere, actually looking for whatever book they needed, and Jean was nowhere to be seen.
Good. Eren didn't care about him right now.
Armin, on the other hand, took one look at Eren's expression and immediately knew something was up. "What the hell was that?" He asked, closing his book and pushing it aside as if he were preparing for a lecture.
Eren plopped into the chair across from him, slouching back, looking unbothered—but Armin knew him too well. He saw the way Eren's knee bounced, the way his fingers tapped against the table restlessly.
Armin's eyes narrowed. "Tell me you didn't do something stupid."
Eren scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Why do you always think of me as some sort of idiot?"
"Because you're Eren." He leaned forward, lowering his voice. "You're being reckless. You know that, right? You need to stop whatever the hell you're doing with her."
Eren frowned, tilting his head slightly. "What the hell am I doing?"
Armin groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "You're so stupid," He muttered under his breath before leveling Eren with a look. "She's off limits. You know that."
Eren stared at him, genuinely confused. "What the hell does that mean?"
"It means you don't get to—whatever this is. Flirting, following her, getting involved. You saw what just happened, right? She's hurting. She's still dealing with everything with Jean, and you're not helping."
Eren clicked his tongue, looking away. He didn't like hearing this. Mostly because Armin was probably right.
"She hates me anyways," Eren muttered, slumping back in his seat. "So I don't know why you're acting like I'm some home-wrecking asshole."
"How many years have I known you Eren? You are an asshole."
Eren didn’t respond. He just sat there, arms crossed, brows furrowed.
Meanwhile, outside the library, the rain poured relentlessly, drumming against the pavement in a dull roar, soaking the streets. You shivered slightly, adjusting your grip on the handle of your umbrella, which refused to budge no matter how many times you tried.
Maybe it was some sort of cruel metaphor.
You stood there under the library's awning, staring at the downpour, debating whether it was worth running in the rain, but then you heard it—his voice.
It was faint under the sound of water hitting the pavement, but you'd recognize it anywhere.
Jean.
You stiffened. Your fingers curled around the useless umbrella as your breath caught in your throat. For a second, you thought about pretending you didn't hear him, about just stepping into the rain and letting it swallow you whole.
But then he said something that made your blood run cold.
"What the hell was that with Eren?"
Slowly you turned to face him.
Jean stood a few feet away, hands studded in his pockets and shoulders tense. His hair was damp, sticking to his forehead, rain clinging to the edges of his jacket. His expression was unreasonable, but his eyes—his eyes were burning.
But the words he spoke? The question he dared to ask...
That was what he wanted to say to you.
Not Are you okay?
Not I'm sorry.
But Eren?
A sharp laugh pushed past your lips before you could stop it. A bitter, humorless thing/
"That's what you want to ask me? About Eren?"
Jean took a step forward. "Just—just answer the damn question."
"What does it matter? Why do you care, Jean? We're not together anymore. You don't get to ask me things like that."
He flinched at your words, his jaw tightening, fingers twitching at his sides like he wanted to reach for you but knew he shouldn't.
Still, he had no answer.
And that? That made you scoff. A cruel, empty sound that echoed between you.
"Look I—"
"Save it."
The rain filled the silence between you, an ever-present reminder of how things had changed, how everything was different now.
The, like he was desperately trying to cling to something, he whispered.
"I still love you, (Y/n)."
For a split second, the world around you blurred.
Your chest ached, something inside you cracking open like a wound that never healed right.
But you forced yourself to stay firm. Because it wasn't fair.
Jean didn't get to day that to you. Not after everything.
He must've taken your silence for hesitation because suddenly, he moved toward you.
For what? A hug? Comfort? Like that could fix anything.
Before he could get close, you stepped back.
Jean froze, eyes wide, as if he hadn't expected you to reject him.
"Don't. Don't do that Jean."
His face crumbled and at this point, the farther you moved from him, the more the rain consumed you.
"I—"
"Why?" Your voice wavered, raw with everything you'd buried. "Why did you let it go on for so long? Why did you let me love you when you were still so unsure about us."
Jean's breath hitched and now he stood with you, in the rain. The campus unusually empty as everyone seeked shelter in their homes or another near by buildings.
"You knew." Your voice rose, hot with emotion. "You knew you never got over Mikasa. You knew your feelings for her were still there, and yet—you let me believe I was enough for you. You let me think you loved me the way I loved you."
Silence.
A thick, suffocating silence that made your ribs feel too tight.
"How could you do that to me?" Your voice cracked, the weight of it finally pushing you to the edge. "How could you waste my love?"
Jean had no answer. And you were done waiting for one.
Hitch, leaned back against your couch, one leg crossed over the other as she popped a chip into her mouth. "Okay, but you have to admit—arguing in the rain? That's some movie shit."
Annie, curled up in a blanket next to you nodded. "So cinematic (Y/n)."
You rolled your eyes, but a small laugh slipped out despite yourself. "Yeah-yeah, super cinematic. Too bad I was the miserable protagonist in this depressing indie film."
For a moment, the mood was light, laughter filling your tiny apartment, but just as quickly as the joke came, the weight of it settled back in.
Because now, there was no you and Jean. No more Jean.
And suddenly, the air in your chest felt thinner, the reality of it wrapping around you like a slow-moving tide, pulling you under.
Your fingers fidgeted with the hem of your sweatshirt, voice quiet. "I just... don't know what to do now."
Hitch's expression softened. "What do you mean?"
"I put so much into that relationship. So much of me. And for wager? The first couple months of us dating, he was still talking to Mikasa. That should've been my first time to leave, right? But I stayed, and I kept trying." The words felt so raw leaving your mouth, your heart squeezing painfully.
The room was quiet for a beat before Hitch wrapped an arm around you, pulling you in. "Everything is going to be okay," she murmured, rubbing your arm. "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you're going to get through this. And you're gonna be even better for it."
You wanted so badly to believe her, but right now, nothing felt okay.
Annie, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, suddenly spoke up. "Jean's a dumbass." She sat forward, fixing you with a rare intensity. "You are spectacular. You're smart, funny, and gorgeous. Even in a moment of chaos, you make anyone feel calm and he was too blind to see any of that. Or maybe he saw it, but he was too much of a coward to appreciate it."
Your throat tightened, emotions rising all over again.
Then, casually, too casually, Annie added, "I'm sure Eren sees it."
You blinked, "Excuse me?"
Hitch let out a knowing hum. "Mmm. She's got a point."
"What point? Eren is—Eren's a whore."
Hitch grinned. "Yeah, but he's a whore that been all over you since Jean first introduced you to his frat brothers."
"That's just how Eren is," you argued. "He flirts with everyone."
Annie raised a brow. "Sure."
"No seriously. I even asked him once why he was always like that with me, and he just said it was because ofd his and Jean's weird-ass friendship dynamic."
Hitch let out a laugh. "Okay, that's the worst excuse I've ever heard. 'Oh yeah, I flirt with your girlfriend because of our friendship dynamic.' What? Sounds like bullshit to me."
You opened your mouth to argue, but stopped because the more you thought about it, the more you realized you didn't actually have a real answer for why Eren was always like that with you. And for some reason, that realization made you want to vomit.
But then, the memory came back to you so vividly, like it had been tucked away in the back of your mind, waiting for the right moment to resurface.
Three years ago.
You and Jean had only been dating for a short while and had just started college, still in that sweet, almost awkward phase where everything was new, and neither of you have figured out all the rules yet. It had been a particularly hot day, the sun blazing down relentlessly, so the two of you had found a shady spot under a large tree on campus, stretched out in the cool grass.
Jean was going on and on about his "bullish" professor, someone named Levi Ackerman who apparently had it out for him. "That short bastard always picks on me. Says I never pay attention, and I have a horse face—like, what the hell does that even mean?"
You just stared at him, confused, because Jean did kind of have a long face, but you figured pointing that out wouldn't help. The moment of silence must have made him self-conscious, because the tips of his ears turned red before he suddenly tackled you onto the grass, his weight pressing down on you as he smothered your face with playful kisses.
The two of you were laughing, your protest half-hearted as he tickled your sides, when suddenly—
A throat cleared.
"Didn't know you got some action, Jean. Truly a surprise."
Jean immediately stopped, stiffening against you before pushing himself up, his laughter replaced with something harsher. He stood quickly, brushing grass from his pants like he needed something to do with his hands. You sat up too, blinking up at the three strangers standing before you.
A blonde haired boy gave you a polite but amused smile, and there was a girl with style you've never seen in your small city, but you loved it. She stood slightly away from the two of them, staring off into the distance, expression unreadable.
Jean was glaring at Eren now, fist clenched at his sides. "What the fuck, Eren?"
You were just confused. The tension between them was immediate, and you weren't sure where it was coming from. Your eyes flickered between Jean's furrowed brows and the war Eren was... staring at you. His gaze was sharp, piercing, and unblinking, like he was committing your face to memory.
But then, like he'd snapped back into reality, Eren suddenly grinned. "When were you gonna introduce me to your gorgeous girlfriend?" He cooked his head, eyes sweeping over you with something unreadable. "You should stop by the house more sweetheart. Maybe we could get to know each other."
"Back the fuck off, Eren."
Jean sounded pissed, but you weren't even looking at him anymore. Your attention had shifted to the blonde, who was watching the entire scene unfold with thinly viewed amusement.
You turned to him, crossing your arms. "Are they always like this?"
He chuckled, nodding. "Yeah. They've always been competitive. You'll get used to it."
You hummed, unconvinced. But you introduced yourself properly, shaking hands with Armin before turning to Mikasa.
She blinked at you slowly, then reached her hand out.
"You're really pretty," you said without thinking, tilting your head slightly as you studied her. "And your name... Mikasa. It sounds familiar." The words had barely left your lips before Jean practically lost his shit.
You barely had time to register his reaction before he was grabbing your wrist, tugging you away from them with more force than necessary. "Alright, that's enough. Time to go."
You frowned, more out of anger than sadness. "Jean."
He immediately loosens his grip, realizing he'd crossed a line, but his expression was still tense. His jaw was tight as he grumbled, "I don't want you around that asshole."
You weren't entirely sure what that was supposed to mean, but you let out an exasperated sigh, turning back to Armin and Mikasa with an apologetic smile.
"I'll see you guys around. Hopefully."
They nodded, Armin giving you a small wave as Mikasa's expression remained unreadable.
And just before Jean pulled you away completely, you glanced back at Eren one last time—
He was already looking at you, seeing something no one else had.
As you walked away, Jean's hand resting comfortably over your hip, guiding you away as you let yourself be absorbed into his world of familiarity of safe conversation and comfortable silences.
What you didn't know was that behind you, Eren was still watching.
His arms crossed over his chest, brows slightly furrowed as he tracked the way you disappeared into the distance. His gaze lingered on you for a few extra seconds before he finally turned back to his friends, his expression unreadable.
Then, with all the subtly of a wrecking ball—
"Armin. I know you got her insta. Give it to me."
Armin blinked, then let out a sharp laugh. "Weirdo. No, ask her for it yourself."
Eren scoffed, rolling his eyes. "The fuck? Armin, just give it to me."
Mikasa, who had been watching the exchange quietly, finally spoke. Her voice was soft, but firm. "Even thought you've grown into a new person, you'll always be the same as when we were kids."
"The hell does that mean, Mikasa?!"
"She means you'll always be the same eight-year-old we've known."
Mikasa hummed in agreement, hands interlocking each other behind her back as she waited for Armin to practically judge Eren.
"You want to stalk her instagram that bad? Even though she's dating someone. Someone as in Jean."
"It's not like that." Eren narrowed his eyes, already defensive.
"It's exactly like that." Armin countered smoothly, smirking as he met Eren's glare with unwavering amusement.
Eren opened his mouth to argue, but nothing came out because deep down, Armin knew.
The memory soon faded and you were left with a guilty feeling. Not because of Jean.
It was because Eren was trying so desperately hard to be by your side, to help you—to not feel alone and you'd been pushing him aways this entire time.