Infinity Times Infinity

You stretched in your chair and felt almost every joint pop and crack at the tension. Once you were finished you slouched over the desk. The girl next to you gave you a look of worry. 

That’s when you realized then that the seat beside you was finally being occupied – she was extremely pretty. Her warm, honey-brown hair reminded you of the tall wheat fields that accompanied the Weasley’s house, especially when the setting sun hit the grain with its light. It was wavy and well-kept in defined waves that cascaded well past her shoulders. The next thing you noticed was her eyes, which reminded you of the sea beside your home during the winter; the dusty blue and grey from the water that brought calm to anyone who saw it. Careful not to give off the wrong idea that you were staring at her this entire time, you offered your hand, she shook it. 

“The beds aren’t all that comfortable in the dungeons.” You told her, an easy smile on your face. That wasn’t the real reason, they were actually the softest thing you ever laid on, but you weren’t exactly keen on telling her the fact that you couldn’t fall asleep after another nightmare. 

“You should use this spell.” She flipped open her notebook to a page full of scribbles. “It cushions objects, but you have to be careful with it, if you don’t do the right wand movements it could become unstable and you might suffocate yourself instead — it’s probably best if I show you.” 

She did a circular motion, then pointed her wand at her bottle of ink. “Molliare.” 

You poked it and your finger sunk into the should-be glass bottle. “Woah, that’s brilliant. Thank you… ” But you realized that you didn’t know her name. 

“Orinthia, but everyone just calls me Thea.” 

“Never heard of it before. I like your name.” She smiled at the compliment. “So how come this is the first time I’ve seen you around?”

Her face reddened a bit. “Ah,  you see, my schedule’s been a bit wonky. But it’s finally been settled. Now I won’t be taking this class near midnight like Astronomy.”

“But I thought—”

She giggled. “Yeah, color me surprised when I first found out that Flitwick wasn’t holding his classes so late at night.”

“You’re joking!” 

The two of you continued with small chatter throughout the rest of the class (sometimes being hushed by Flitwick himself). Class flew by quickly since you finally had a partner of your own. Thea invited you to sit with her some time at the Ravenclaw table to meet some of her classmates, which you accepted. You offered her the same hoping to introduce her to Solaris and Adrian. 

– – – – –

Your next class was Defense Against the Dark Arts. Luckily, it was one of your favorites seeing as your dad was the one teaching the subject. So far, he had done amazingly well and had become one of the favorite professors named by students. You couldn’t blame the students, after having two complicatedly, incompetent professors, Remus was outstanding in his field. Even Solaris, who was one to oppose studying as much as she could, justified studying his course material. Then again, O.W.L.s were just around the corner. 

Walking alongside Adrian and Solaris, the three of you walked through the corridor that led to his classroom. Solaris stared at the assigned reading, confused about the lesson plan. 

“I thought we already learned about bogarts in 3rd year?”

“If you think Quirrell taught us anything about bogarts that year, you’re dead wrong,” Adrian sighed. “Poor man wouldn’t be able to fight one with how jumpy he was.”

“But wasn’t that because You-Know-Who was —”

You shushed them as the group of Slytherins walked into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. It probably wasn’t necessary seeing as everyone quieted down when they got inside. The rows of desks weren’t in their usual spots, rather they were pushed towards the walls and created an empty aisle that led to a wardrobe. 

You heard Solaris say something under her breath. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

As students settled inside the classroom, your dad explained that the reason why they were covering boggarts briefly was to teach the class that facing one’s fears was no easy task, but manageable. It created a sense of ability and confidence in the caster and prepared them for the other lessons throughout the year. It was also made clear that he wanted to refresh students’ memory from the past two years for the O.W.L exams happening in June. 

He made it explicitly clear that he wasn’t going to force everyone to go up and face the boggart, just those who volunteered. Of course, working with fear wasn’t one of the best things to do, but many students found it fascinating and lined up for their turn. Most of the Slytherins didn’t go… you had a hunch as to why and didn’t dwell on it any further. 

Soon enough, all the volunteers went up and your dad looked around the classroom in case someone else wanted to go in the end. 

“Last one to volunteer, step up,” he said to the class. 

Adrian gave you a reassuring nudge and you returned the gesture with a playful laugh as you stepped up to the closet. Your dad noticed and nodded approvingly. 

A good chunk of students had already gone, so how bad could it be? So far most of them had been typical fears: spiders, heights, a character out of a muggle horror movie, failure of their O.W.L.s, etc. You were afraid of a few things, some you weren’t even sure of. Maybe the boggart would settle once and for all something it believed you ‘feared most.’

“Ready?” He asked, his voice laced with concern, but you nodded and gripped the wand in your hand. 

As soon as your dad opened the cabinet’s door, the dark space within stared at you, there was nothing, but you could sense something brewing. A second later, a hand emerged from inside. It was a person… You wondered who it could be? Then, the being began to materialize from the darkness of the cabinet as the salt and pepper hair that you grew to despise appeared. The next thing you saw was the person’s grey eyes as they pierced through yours. 

It was the man from your nightmares. Why was it the man from your nightmares?

You felt yourself still for a moment as he began to shout and brandish his wand at you. As if on instinct, you flicked yours up and shot a disarming spell. 

“Remember, the spell we’re learning today, Y/N: Riddikulus!” 

With a shuttered breath, you cast the spell and watched as the man’s wand became a balloon that zipped around the room and through students’ heads. They all laughed as the balloon continued to fly around the classroom; their laughter made the man quiver, causing him to return to the cabinet that your dad locked soon after. He looked at you, but you weren’t sure what to tell him. 

Were you afraid of the man? Of death? 

Your heart pounded darkly, the rush of blood nearly drowning your dad’s voice as he explained the homework and study guide before ending class. Nobody seemed to sense the state of distress you were in (it was best they didn’t). You shakily pocketed your wand away in its holster before returning to your bag. You didn’t look at your dad. 

“Y/N, can you stay after class?” 

You gave your dad a cautious look but nodded nonetheless. He was going to ask you who that man was, it was obvious. But what were you going to tell him? You didn’t know who he was, or why he manifested himself as your fear, you weren’t afraid of the man… were you?

Adrian and Solaris stayed behind once everyone else had gone and waited for you, but you assured them to leave without you with a nod. They exchanged wary looks, but nonetheless, the two Slytherins waved goodbye and left the classroom. It was empty now, except for the two werewolves inside. You stood awkwardly in the center of the class where the other students had just been for the boggart demonstration. 

Remus approached you and leaned on the desk adjacent. “Y/N, who was that?”

“I dunno,” you muttered. “I don’t know who he is, what his name is — nothing.” You couldn’t stop yourself from rambling. “I’ve been having nightmares ever since the dementor incident on the train. I keep seeing that man screaming at me, telling me to join him — join the death eaters — but I refuse, and then he kills me. At least I think it’s me because next thing I know, I’m a small baby, and you walk into the room and pick me up and then—”

“That’s enough,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around you, placing a soft kiss on your head. “You don’t have to tell me all of it right now.”

“Dad, it all felt so real.” 

He sighed as he pulled away from the hug to watch you carefully. “I was afraid you would somehow remember that evening because you were so little…”

Confusion etched your face. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?” 

A quiet buzzing ran through the room now, a privacy ward by the feel of it. “Just in case a student passes by. We wouldn’t want them listening in.” 

You watched him carefully. “What happened that you were so afraid of me remembering?”

Remus paced a few steps before finally settling on leaning against his desk. He glanced at you as he began to explain that your nightmare wasn’t just a nightmare. 

“So it actually happened?” You asked, dumbstruck.

He nodded. “I was at work when it happened. Your mother and I were supposed to go to a meeting for work later that evening, but you know what happened… I got home and I found your mother in her room.” He cleared his throat as his gaze fell towards the floor. 

“I never knew what happened that afternoon. I don’t know how long the two of you had been there before my arrival. However, now that I’m aware of it, I can’t fathom the idea of it. I can’t…” His voice ceased to sound as his eyes glazed over. 

You placed your hand over his. It was warm like usual, a perk to being a werewolf you supposed. The two of you remained silent for a moment before your dad cleared his throat again. 

“So… that’s what happened? Someone wanted to recruit her as a Death Eater, she refused, and paid the price?” The old pain flared for a second but settled. He had managed to cope with the pain, but now with this new information… 

His amber eyes reminded you of those from the nightmare. The way they shone as he found your mother and you that evening — cold and alone in the room. The pain in them, they never fully healed. They were just another speck of gold swirled into the rest of the warm brown. 

You nodded, accepting everything as fact even if you didn’t want to. “I think she knew who he was. He was pleading with her like it would hurt him to lose her, but even after all that he still…” 

Flashes from the nightmare clashed in your mind. The woman, who you had assumed to be a complete stranger, was now known to be your mother. It was a hundred times worse now that you realized you were watching your mother get killed most nights. That man, whoever he was, you were going to find him and give him a taste of his own sickly medicine. You were no longer distraught, in fact, you were feeling angry, enraged even. You wanted to tear – 

“I wished you had told me sooner.” Your dad’s voice drew you away from your murderous thoughts. “How about we go and ask Madame Pomfrey for some dreamless sleep potion? A diluted solution to ease them. Perhaps that’ll help you with the nightmares?” 

You shook your head. “No, It’s okay. I’m not getting them as frequently anymore.” 

“Y/N,” he said softly, “how frequent are they now?”

“Once a week now? Less? I swear it’s not bad anymore.”

He kept his eyes on you. “How frequent were they before?”

“I—” you almost didn’t want to say, “— almost every night… since the dementor incident on the train.”

“Three months?” Remus held you carefully as the two of you stewed in the revelation. “I will ask Poppy for a vial and you will keep it on you for the remainder of your time until you no longer have them, okay?” 

You glumly nodded your head in agreement. There was no use in fighting him when he got like this. It was odd… finally getting answers to questions you hadn’t been asking. You wondered if it had been best not knowing that your nightmare was no longer confined to the extremities of your mind…