Letters and Barty
James wakes up with aching eyes and a hole in his chest, it is Friday and long before the others wake up.
James stares at the ceiling of his four-poster bed, Remus next to him still sleeping soundly.
It's still early, James can tell everyone's asleep but he can't bring himself to cast a tempus to check the time.
He slowly crawls out from under the covers, he does so carefully as to not disturb Remus. He pulls open the curtains, closing them behind him. He sits down at his desk, he wants to write to his mother.
Dear mum,
I know I haven't written since school started, i'll write more. I...I have been let know somethings. Things that have led me to an important decision.
I know you miss Sirius. I know you won't say it, I know your worried about him. I know you and Dad cried when the news got to us last summer.
But i trust Sirius, I trust he can keep himself safe. I trust he will come back to us, I trust he can protect himself wherever he is, but in the meantime, I need to protect some more strays.
I have 5 people, 5 strays, people who need help just like Sirius did. I don't care if its our summer place in India, i don't care if its our own manor. I need you to add more protection spells, i need you to help me keep them safe.
I know it's a lot to ask, i know i haven't been a good son since we found out. I know i take a lot of things for granted, I know i make things harder for you.
But this is important, their children just like me. I can't leave them in a place i know is slowly killing them. I can't ignore this, i simply can't.
I will get them to which ever place you decide, just please Mum.
I love you, मां. Tell Dad i said i love him, too.
With love,
James Potter
When the letter is done, he's mailing it 10 minutes later.
He sighs and pulls out the box from under his bed. He stares at it for a second and thinks, what if this isn't really Sirius talking?
He dismisses the thought, he does. He slides the head phones on and puts in the fourth tape, pressing play proved difficult.
"Hey B, i know you resent me for leaving Regulus in that house."
That...doesn't surprise James much. What does surprise him, is the fact Crouch is on these tapes. Which means he's listened to these, he knows.
"Leaving without him will always be my biggest regret."
James heart clenchs, he was there when Sirius had spent weeks having panic attacks, worried about his brother.
"But i was a child, who had the choice between save myself, or lose myself."
James' mother was the one who had told Sirius that, repeated it day after day so Sirius would understand.
"I know, he is a child too, but he hasn't got to the point i did. I hope he never does, truly."
He won't have to.
"I'll miss our smoking sessions, i have since i left in 5th year. I miss having someone who understands my mind when no one else does."
That confuses James, he didn't know they smoked together, or stopped when Sirius escaped.
"You and I, were not meant to be contained into someone else's beliefs. It won't work and it will kill you."
James understands now, why Sirius was adament Regulus and his friends never get caught up in their pranks, why Peter liked Barty.
"You were a brother for Regulus when i couldn't be, i'll never be able to thank you enough for that. You must hate me now, and that's okay, i get it."
James has the suspicion Crouch doesn't hate him.
"Regulus knew how to play their game and get what he wants, i couldn't. That's the difference honestly, i refused to play their game right, he played the game perfectly."
James knows Sirius thinks of it like a game for his own piece of mind.
"I know your smart, people assume your not. But you are, you can utilize your intelligence as a weapon, and intelligence is one of the sharpest weapons."
"Use that weapon, find a way to get what you want without pain."
"You're good B, fucking crazy, but you're good. I know it, Reg knows it, Evan knows it, Pandora and Dorcas know it. The only people that matter know it."
Sirius is so smart and caring, James doesn't even think he realizes.
"Don't let Evan become a Deatheater."
"Have your rose and worm, prove everyone wrong B. Every joint or cigarette i smoke is for you."
Don't let Rosier become a death eater? Whats this about?
Worm, Peter. Of course Sirius knew, he's always so observent, he has a sixth sense for this. He encouraged Crouch, James is glad.
"Goodbye."
James doesn't know what to think, he can't exactly be mad at Crouch for telling him about the tapes.
But it doesn't feel pleasant honestly, who else is on these tapes that he knows? His gaze drifts to his curtains where Remus is sleeping in his bed.
Does Remus know? Would he tell James if he asked? Is he hiding it from James? Would he lie?
No, Remus wouldn't lie after what happened with the prank. But James decided to listen to the tapes before making any hasty decisions.
James sighs, he doesn't want to this about this. He wants to go about his day as normal, he doesn't want to listen to these tapes.
He racked his brain, trying to figured out the reason for these tapes. Why? Why can't Sirius just come back and leave The dark lord to the adults. He wants his best friend.