Bellatrix.
He pressed play, and instantly his ache that came from missing Sirius got worse.
"Bellatrix, My Trixy. I hope your doing well, i know what your parents have planned for you, i thought i'd let you know as a warning. They will want you to marry Rodolphus Lestrange, and you will take the dark mark. Lestrange is someone who will kill your little quill if she's found, keeps her safe for now."
Bellatrix is tricky, James has never talked to her nor like her. But Sirius seems to be making an effort to protect her, so, James listens.
"You always did want to become the heir to The Noble and most Ancient House of Black, i wanted to give you that role so many times. But you underestimate the weight that role carries, i'm ashamed to say i pretended to hate you for many many years, because 2 years before i went to Hogwarts i followed you a night you had snuck out, i saw you kiss a girl."
Ah, no wonder their relationship is so estranged.
"That was when i realized you didn't hate me for being gay, you hated me because i was a male and didn't try, and you were female and tried your hardest."
James guesses that makes sense for that family.
"I wish i could have changed that, you deserved recognition for your succession, i just also wish you didn't want to be the heir to this wretched house."
James wishes Sirius would never have to wish that.
"I think, you're much like me. So, i wouldn't wish being the heir on you."
"I remember some of the fun times all of us had when we were younger, it was so fun, your the one that convinced both our parents to let us play outside, i only got that freedom with you for the first 11 years of my life."
"I used to think that maybe if i was like you, things would be different."
"But i don't want to be you, i'll miss the times when we'd sit together in silence, or we gossiped even though we pretended to hate each other. I never hated you. but pretending to hate you kept you at arms length, and i thought if you were at arms length i couldn't slowly kill my attachment to you."
"But you're my cousin, there is always going to be an attachment to you, so for that, i will miss you dearly."
"Oh Sirius you deserve the world." Jmes whispers to himself.
"If i had stayed at Hogwarts, and the original timeline proceeded, you were the one to kill me. And, i think that's an honor, but it is not what i want to happen."
Origanal timeline? what does he mean? Bellatrix was supposed to kill Sirius?
"I want to live in a world, where i can laugh with you instead of pretending to hate you."
"I wish we could've dueled one last time, the spells you throw are creative, you're a smart girl Trixy. And you're going to go, so far."
"I know you miss Andy, i know you don't agree with her choices. i know you don't agree with my choice to run away. But it wasn't much of a choice, that house was slowly killing me, not physically, it killed a piece of me every time i went back there."
James has heard about Andy, Sirius used to write to her all the time. James never hears about her anymore.
Of course that house was killing Sirius, James could see it. But being reminded hurts just as much as when he found out.
"And, i believe it was the same for Andy, you may not be able to, but me and her, we refuse to be in a house where the person we love is not accepted or respected."
"It just simply, isn't a choice for myself either. What i'm doing, will not only bring peace to the world without a war. It, I, will make a world, where i can be with the people i love and Blood Supremacy, The Dark Lord, The Dark Mark, our parents, we won't have to worry about any of that."
Oh Sirius, your putting to much pressure on yourself.
"I want to be able to visit you and your quill whenever, and we can be cousins, hopefully cousins who don't hate each other."
"I used to hate that we had the same hair color, but honestly, i'm glad we do."
"I may not like your quill as a person, but she makes you happy, and if she does, then i'll make a world for you and her."
Quill? Who's her quill? James guessed Sirius is giving her anonymous-ness for Bellatrix's sake.
"Go about as normal, Graduate Hogwarts, follow what the family says, pretend as if you've never heard this tape."
"Goodbye."
By the time James was done listening to the tape, he could see the lights in the dorm has gone off, he peaks out of his curtains, he sees everyones curtains closed. He then realized it was later than he thought.
He puts the box under his bed and sneaks to the loo for a shower.
He does a lot of thinking in shower, he thinks of Sirius voice a lot, and his plan. It's a stupid plan, when does he come in the tapes?
Is Sirius okay?
James doesn't know, he pushes it to the back of his brain, he washes up and dresses as he trys not to think of Sirius, it's almost impossible.
He quietly crawls in bed and closes his curtains, he lays under his covers and lets himself think of anything other than Sirius.
He trys, he really does, but he comes back to Sirius with every thought.
A muffled sigh leave his lips, he burried his face into his pillow and after a while, he drifted into sleep.
Dreaming of Sirius.