Chapter 5
The next morning when Sirius woke, Remus was already dressed in his robes and gathering his belongings. Sirius checked the clock, and he saw there was still half an hour before breakfast even began.
Sirius was a little surprised he hadn’t woken earlier as it was only the second day, but he, James, and Peter had stayed up quite late playing exploding snap, so he wasn’t shocked.
He was surprised, however, that Remus was up. Trying to conceal the fact that he was awake, Sirius quietly watched through the hair that swept across his face. Remus scuttled about the room, obviously trying not to make too much noise.
Sirius considered different plausible reasons why Remus was awake. Perhaps he didn’t want a repeat of yesterday, or couldn’t sleep.
Why do you care, anyway? The little voice in his head reprimanded. Just stay away from him like you promised yourself. Sirius willed himself to close his eyes and ignore Remus. However, his eyes flew open once again when he heard the door open and then shut. Where could he be going at this hour? Sirius wondered to himself. Nope, nope, you don’t care. Forget about it, the little voice argued back.
Sirius forced himself to get up and shower, and vowed his day would be filled with only non-Remus thoughts.
***
Sirius, James and Peter were in the middle of breakfast when Remus came to sit next to them, repeating the events of yesterday almost exactly, piling food on his plate as the other three watched. James and Peter had been speculating where Remus had gone that morning, and were buzzing to ask. Sirius was also very curious, but was trying to convince himself he wasn’t. Only non-Remus thoughts.
“Mornin’ Remus. Where were you?” Peter asked, taking a massive bite of his jam on toast.
“Had some stuff I needed to do, figured I’d get it out of the way early,” Remus said through a mouthful of food. “Remind me what we’ve got today?”
Sirius rolled his eyes, scoffing in his head. Maybe he could get his own schedule out instead of making them read it to him? He wasn’t Remus’ skivvy.
James happily read the classes aloud, and Sirius stiffened slightly when he mentioned arithmancy. He’d forgotten he had that with only Remus.
Remus seemed to remember at the same time, swallowing a bite of food before saying, “that’s the one I’ve got with only Sirius, yeah?”
Sirius nodded without looking up from his food and gave a quiet “mhmm”, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. He felt a strange sense of dread unfurling in his stomach, and he was desperate to be rid of it. He was usually so sure of himself, but something about this bloody new kid threw a wrench in his engine. He was sick of feeling anxious when Remus came by and he was sick of him being on his mind all the fucking time. It was only the third day with Remus and he was already so done with it all. He could feel this irritation leaking into his mood, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“… and after classes we’ve got tryouts, and I can just feel how good our team is gonna be this year,” James was saying, and Sirius quickly tuned back in.
“Remus, think you’re gonna tryout?” There was a hopeful edge to James’ voice, forever working to bring his favorite things together: his friends and quidditch.
“M’ afraid it’s not my thing. Good luck to you lot though!”
James visibly deflated a bit, but recovered quickly. “That’s alright, you can just cheer us on!”
Remus nodded absently, looking around the Great Hall, turning in his seat. He spotted whatever he was looking for, and began to get up. “I’ve gotta run, but I’ll see you lads in herbology, yeah?” He left the table without waiting for a response, and Sirius looked up to see him walking over to Lily. The irritation grew inside Sirius as he thought about how rude the whole interaction was. Remus didn’t even bother to hide the fact that he was ditching them.
It only fueled Sirius’ current bad mood. Desperate not to have a repeat of last night, he quelled his anger, making eye contact with Peter and nodding, silently telling each other to distract James before he noticed it was Lily Remus was going to sit with.
“Let’s head to class early, shall we?” Sirius asked, while Peter added, “we could stop by the library quickly to check out that book we used last year for our pranks?”
James nodded and got to his feet, and they walked out of the great hall together, Sirius certain not to turn around like he had the night prior.
***
Sirius dreaded Arithmancy throughout the whole day, which, of course, only made the time speed up, and before he knew it, James and Pete were tossing “see you later” over their shoulders. Sirius began walking towards Arithmancy without so much as a word Remus. Maybe he could lose him in the crowd of students.
Unfortunately, Remus had quite a bit of height over him, so he spotted and caught up to Sirius rather quickly.
“Whoa, almost lost you there. Anxious to get to class, are we?” Remus said, a smirk playing on his lips.
Sirius kept walking, ignoring Remus’ comments. Remus stuffed his hands in his pockets, muttering a quick, “alright, then.”
By the time they reached the class, Sirius was slightly out of breath from walking so fast. His legs were significantly shorter than Remus’, so he had to basically jog to stay in front of him. If they walked side by side, Remus might take it as an opportunity to talk. He turned to look at Remus quickly, and the sight of him—slightly flushed, mouth parted and breathing a little louder than normal—set his heartbeat off on an erratic rhythm. He chalked it up to his journey here and walked into the room, sitting down in one of the open seats (which they all were, since they had practically ran to get there).
Remus chose the seat directly to the right of Sirius, and he sighed internally. He wished he would just take the hint; Sirius didn’t want to be friends.
As the students flooded in, Sirius spotted a familiar face and waved him to sit to his left. Eric Jordan grinned, setting his stuff down on the floor before sitting on top of the desk and turning towards Sirius.
“Heard you were trying out for beater, Black? Hope to see you on the field real soon, eh?” Eric said, knocking on the desk.
Sirius laughed, “only if you’re out there to narrate my beautiful plays.”
“Or you getting knocked off your broom, I’m up for either. And of course I’m commentating, the whole game would be a bore without me.”
Professor Altkin walked in before Sirius could reply, and Jordan slid into the seat, winking at Sirius.
The class was rather boring, and Sirius began to wonder whether James was right and he should have taken Divination with James and Peter, no matter how stupid it sounds. Regardless, he wrote the complex numerical chart out on his parchment, if anything just to keep himself busy.
At one point, Altkin wrote an theorem on the board and everyone was tasked to work through it. Sirius and Eric began to compare notes, but they both were equally as confused. Sirius stared at his parchment, beginning to get frustrated at his inability to understand the problem.
“You forgot to do step 3 of the magical discipline thing on the board“ Remus said, peering at his paper,
“I didn’t ask for your help, thanks,” Sirius snapped, irritation bubbling in his throat, he clamped his mouth shut, knowing the next words he said would be worse. Remus shifted back in his seat and didn’t respond.
Sirius left the class, talking with Eric as they walked up to the common room. He was distinctly aware of Remus trailing behind him, but he didn’t turn to include him in the conversation. He just couldn’t deal with that right now.
Unfortunately, Eric had other plans. As soon as he noticed Remus, he turned on the spot and began talking to him.
“ Lupin, right? The new kid? Everybody’s been talking about you mate, you’re basically famous,” Eric started, holding his hand out to shake. “I’m Eric Jordan, I’m a 6th year Gryffindor.”
“I’m not sure about famous, probably more just intriguing. I’m sure it’ll pass in a few days,” Remus replied, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand and shaking Eric’s hand with the other. “Nice to meet you, though.”
Eric laughed in response, and began asking him what he thought of the school. Sirius tuned them out, walking in silence, feeling his anger rising by the minute. Maybe it was irrational, or stupid, and maybe he knew he had a temper problem. But right now, Remus Lupin was a pain in his ass and he couldn’t bring himself to calm down.
“I’ve gotta run, but I’ll catch you at tryouts, Black? Nice to meet you, Lupin,” Eric said, and he turned before the Fat lady.
Sirius called out a goodbye and entered the common room without another look at Remus. He walked right up to the dorms and took his robe off in a huff, desperate to blow off steam.
The door opened quickly, hitting him in the back. That seemed to be the last straw.
“Oi, watch it!” Sirius growled, glaring at Remus with such fervor that you’d think he had just punched him in the face.
The sorry died on Remus’ lips and his eyes went hard, his whole body language changing.
“What the actual fuck is your problem, Black? I’ve done nothing to you and for some reason you have this- this personal vendetta against me. You ignore me practically every time I’m around, roll your eyes or make some bitchy comment when I dare try to ask you a question or, god forbid, help you,” Remus shouted, anger prominent in his demeanor. “I’m really bloody sick of it. So just get whatever the hell is bothering you out now so I can stop dealing with your shitty attitude,” he seethed, chest rising and falling.
Sirius got over the initial shock of being yelled at quickly and began rearing up for the argument. “I’ll tell you what my problem is, Lupin. You sweep in here, arrogant as hell and-“
“Oh I’m the arrogant one?” Remus interrupted, “look in a mirror.”
“If you're not gonna let me finish, then I’m not having this conversation,” Sirius scoffed, turning around. Remus caught his wrist, turning him back around.
Sirius’ heart stopped at the contact, and his skin felt like it was on fire. He yanked his hand away, staring daggers at Remus, breathing heavy,
“Don’t fucking touch me,” he snarled.
“Tell me what I’ve done to get you so pissed off then,” Remus shot back.
Sirius searched for an answer desperately, but his mind came up blank. All of his answers of times Remus was a dick seemed pathetic.
“What is it then? Spit it out,” Remus prompted.
“You just- I don’t like you. You make me- I don’t even know you just- just make me feel-“
“I haven’t got all day,” Remus said, crossing his arms.
Anger washed through him. “I don’t like the way you make me feel ok?” Sirius reeled at the way that sounded. He quickly went to amend it. “I feel uncomfortable around you, not to mention you’re a prick. But I don’t have to explain myself to you. Piss off,” Sirius finished, turning around to hide his face, which was now red from embarrassment. “I don’t like the way you make me feel?” What the fuck was that, Sirius?
Remus looked a bit taken aback at his answer, but the expression passed quickly and he regained his composure.
“Well that sounds like a you-issue. Don’t take it out on me, I’m not your bloody punching bag,” Remus said, though with much less bite as there had been. Sirius ignored him, grabbing his quidditch stuff.
Remus scoffed and left the dorm, slamming the door on the way out.
Sirius let out a sigh of relief, his blood thrumming through his body from the argument. As much as he hated to admit it, Sirius loved the adrenaline rush he had just gotten. He had kept all of that bottled up, and although he could barely get any of his annoyance out, it felt good to be yelling at him.
Sirius really hated his replies though, and was angry he hadn’t come up with a better response to why he hated Remus. It annoyed him, and the rational part of his brain was screaming you don’t have a reason! He was itching to get on the pitch and blow off some leftover steam there. He grabbed his stuff and left the dorm room.