Chapter 1
“Episky”
Sirius gritted his teeth as he watched his split lip close, his eyes watering slightly. His eyes flitted shut as he took a deep breath through his nose, willing the tears to go away. He wasn’t in much pain; Sirius was relatively used to the healing and cleaning of the various injuries he received. He did, however, have a hard time controlling the frustration that came with those injuries. He despised the puppet strings they held, and he wasn’t proud of the person they made him when he was home.
They pull something out of him: the heart-throbbing, knee-folding, door-slamming rage that bubbles from the darkest fraction of his soul. The pure hate and anger that clouds his judgement, and shoves thoughts out of his mouth.
Sirius opened his eyes and looked at himself in the mirror, anger welling up in his chest.
“You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to cry and feel bad for yourself,” he said firmly. “This is your life. Fucking deal.”
He glanced at his body one more time in the mirror, making sure no cuts or bruises were visible, and left the bathroom.
***
Regulus and Sirius were silent in the dining room, standing side by side as they stared at the mantle ahead of them. Sirius’ back hurt from standing so straight, but he didn’t dare change his posture. He heard the clicking of his mother’s heels and stiffened involuntarily. She came into view, hands folded behind her back and her face severe, as always.
“What we discussed last night stands. I trust both of you are aware that if your father and I hear anything about these rules being broken, you will have no home to return to.
“The Black family has been known and respected for centuries. Poor behavior,” she narrowed her eyes at Sirius, “is something that we will not tolerate in this house. Do I make myself clear?”
This wasn’t a question, not really, but regardless the brothers answered in unison, “yes ma’am.”
Sirius looked his mother in the eye and the events of the past few months flashed through his mind. It took everything in him not to cringe as he recalled every “punishment” he was given.
He long ago accepted that he would never be enough for his parents; that he wasn’t Regulus and probably disappointed his parents the moment he took his first breath. But every time he was yelled at for smiling, or laughing, or speaking without being spoken to, the light in him dimmed.
“Toujours pur.”
His mother’s harsh tone snapped him out of his train of thought, and he and Regulus immediately parroted the phrase back. Walburga nodded and left the room.
***
The ride to the platform had been silent, and while usually that would have set Sirius on edge, he had been consumed with his excitement of going back home, which had genuinely been what had kept him alive over the summer.
Sirius and Regulus had made it to the station with no problem, and once they were finally on platform 9 3/4, they took a synchronized breath of relief. Sirius caught Regulus’ eye and grinned. Regulus held his straight face for a few seconds, but slowly the the corner of his mouth turned up and his body relaxed.
“Dans ce cauchemar d'un monde…” Sirius started, face hopeful. Regulus hesitated, eyes darting around the station, but finished his sentence.
“Tu m'as et je t'ai.”
They held each others gaze, all the unspoken words hanging between them. Then Regulus nodded and turned to walk towards the train. Sirius felt a sense of loss as he watched, knowing those were probably the last words they would share until the end of the year. He shrugged off the feeling and looked around the station, searching for a mop of dark hair. People swarmed the station, filled with tearful parents and a combination of equally as tearful young kids and embarrassed older ones, who were quite frankly doing a terrible job of acting “too cool” for their parents. Their eyes shone just as bright as the first years.
Out of his peripheral vision, a flash of light caught his eye and he turned to glance over. A boy, at least a few inches taller than Sirius, stood fidgeting by who must be his parents. The fraction of light that came from the windows high up in the station fell on him, catching on his loose curls and turning them golden. Sirius stared as the boy turned his head, his eyes falling on him. Sirius knew he should probably look away, but that voice in his head quieted as the boys mouth turned up slightly, and Sirius felt himself do the same.
“SIRIUS, MY LOVE!” Two arms wrapped around Sirius’ stomach, lifting him off his feet in a weird variety of a hug.
“Unhand me you scum,” Sirius laughed back. James released him and spun him around.
“You twat, that’s the first thing you say to me after nothing all summer? Not even a fucking letter?! I actually hate you,” James beamed.
“I’m getting some mixed signals here. Are you mad at me or not?” Sirius replied, turning his head slightly and getting on his tiptoes, looking for the boy in the light.
“I’m pissed, honestly, but I’m too excited to see you again and to be going back to school to care too much. I even saw Snivellus," James shuddered, "and managed not to throw up! Aren't you proud?"
The boy had disappeared, and Sirius felt oddly disappointed. He pushed that thought away and gave his full attention back to James.
“I’m sorry I didn’t write, but I had a lot of family commitments and I was booked solid. I haven’t done any of my summer work either, I swear I just had no time.” Sirius explained, knowing his half-assed excuse would do absolutely nothing. He was right, of course, as a look of worry passed over James’ face and it was clear he did not believe him. Thankfully, he didn’t press, and instead pulled Sirius into another hug.
“It’s whatever, I was just bored out of my skull,” he pulled back, “let’s get on the train shall we?”