Backstory & Arrival
Merlin Wylit and his twin sister Gwen were born in 540 A.D. Gwen died in childhood. Merlin served Prince-turned-King Arthur Pendragon in Camelot from 556-560 (Arthur’s death). He left Camelot soon after, though he kept tabs on Gaius, Gwen, the knights, and the dragons.
In 736 A.D…
Kilgharrah dies, and Merlin performs a ritual memorial for him.
In 955 A.D…
Merlin, in female alias Mellica Eddason, gives birth to a daughter, Dahlia Mellicason. Dahlia’s father, Wilford Brimley, is a Byzantine founder and refuses to marry Mellica.
In 957 A.D…
Mellica Eddason gives birth to a second daughter, Esther Mellicason. Wilford Brimley continues to favor his religious society over family.
In 971 A.D…
14y Esther chooses one of her Viking captors – Mikael – over her mom and sister. 16y Dahlia disowns her, but Mellica keeps an eye on her.
In 972 A.D…
Esther and Mikael give birth to a daughter, Freya Mikaelson.
In 973 A.D…
Esther and Mikael give birth to a son, Finn Mikaelson.
In 977 A.D…
Mikael is away on a hunt when Dahlia shows for Esther to uphold her end of the conception bargain: her firstborn child. Dahlia leaves with 5y Freya, leaving 4y Finn behind with his pregnant mother. When Mikael returns, Esther has placed a spell over Finn that causes him to be withdrawn and unable to speak of the truth, and she instead tells Mikael that Freya died from pneumonia.
In 978 A.D…
Esther and Mikael give birth to their second son, Elijah Mikaelson.
In 981 A.D…
Esther takes her sons – 8y Finn and 3y Elijah – to visit her mom. While there, Mellica watches over her grandchildren, and Esther has an affair with a werewolf called Ansel.
In 982 A.D…
Esther and Mikael (though secretly Ansel’s child) give birth to their third son, Niklaus Mikaelson. 4y Elijah is instantly attached to him.
In 983 A.D…
Esther and Mikael give birth to their fourth son, Kol Mikaelson.
In 985 A.D…
Esther and Mikael give birth to their first [read: second] daughter, Rebekah Mikaelson.
In 989 A.D…
Esther and Mikael give birth to their sixth [read: seventh] and final child, their fifth son, Henrik Mikaelson.
In 1000…
11y Henrik Mikaelson dies from fatal wounds in a werewolf attack.
In 1001…
Esther calls on her mom Mellica to help turn her children – 28y Finn, 23y Elijah, 19y Niklaus, 18y Kol, and 16y Rebekah – into vampires to secure them from werewolf attacks. With his first kill, Niklaus learns he is a hybrid, and Mikael shuns him.
In 1759…
The very last of the dragons – Aithusa – dies, and Merlin is a wreck. He uses the alias Merle Emrys to immortalize his magical upbringing. In an unintentional backlash of his power, Merle’s boyfriend, Brutus Malfoy, changes genders.
In 1762…
Merlin’s fiancé Brunhilda died while giving birth to his twin sons Robert Morgan and Septimus Malloy. He’d already claimed to have another son named Manfred at sea.
In 1779…
Robert Morgan Emrys and Mary give birth to Henry Morgan Emrys. Robert Morgan Emrys’ unwed mistress Antoinette Donnelly gives birth to their son John William Donnelly. Elijah and Rebekah follow Niklaus in finding their grandmother.
In 1783…
Septimus is resentful toward his father for his inability to die; he legally ditches his middle name and changes his last name to ‘Malfoy’. Robert enslaves a woman named Victoria aboard his ship.
In 1800…
Unknown to Henry, Robert Emrys and a woman named Elizabeth Gould have a son, Robert II. While on expedition, Merlin discovers another dragon’s egg, still uncracked, in the far reaches of Aithusa’s caverns. 21y John William Donnelly marries 19y Taylor Donley. Niklaus, Elijah, and Rebekah discover the great sorcerer Merlin is their grandmother/ grandparent, and Merlin unofficially adopts his godchildren.
In 1808…
29yo Henry married a woman named Nora and joined the Diogenes Gentlemen’s Club. John and Taylor Donnelly give birth to their son John William Donnelly Jr.
In 1814…
Henry was murdered with the captain’s (of a slave ship on which he was the doctor) flintlock pistol. He survived, arising in the lake a few months later, and found by his grandfather Merlin (plus the grandchildren).
In 1815…
Henry went back to Nora, who commits him to the Bethlem Royal Hospital Asylum.
In 1816…
Henry was transferred to Southwark Prison, sharing a cell with a convicted Catholic priest. He committed suicide and escaped. To hide his identity, Henry switches his middle and surname: Henry Emrys Morgan.
In 1819…
Mellica Eddason has relations with a Chilean war criminal called Whitney Albright.
In 1820…
Mellica gives birth – with Rebekah acting as her midwife – to a daughter, Lillian Eddason.
In 1822…
Robert and Nell Lassiter give birth to their daughter, Margaret Josephine Lassiter.
In 1825…
25yo Robert Emrys II married a 16yo nurse (Nell) in the Anglo-Nepalese War. 17y John William Donnelly Jr marries 14y Selena Jameson.
In 1837…
17y Lillian Eddason marries town councilman and vampire hunter Giuseppe Salvatore.
In 1839…
Lillian and Giuseppe Salvatore give birth to a son, Damon Salvatore.
In 1842…
Nell (33y) becomes pregnant with Robert’s (42y) child. He’s killed in the war. Their daughter, Margaret “Marmee” Lassiter (20y) marries soldier Robert March.
In 1843…
Widowed Nell Lassiter gives birth to her son Muscum Robert Lassiter. Robert II does not resuscitate. John William Donnelly Jr and his wife Selena give birth to their son James Oliver Donnelly.
In 1844…
Robert and Marmee March give birth to their first daughter, Margaret March.
In 1846…
Lillian and Giuseppe Salvatore give birth to their second son, Stefan Salvatore. Robert and Marmee March give birth to their second daughter, Josephine March.
In 1847…
Robert and Marmee March give birth to their third daughter, Elizabeth March.
In 1850…
Robert and Marmee March give birth to their fourth and final daughter, Amelia March.
In 1858…
38y Lily Salvatore dies of consumption – though the reality is, she was Turned by an unknown nurse – leaving her 19y son Damon and 12y son Stefan in the hands of their abusive father Giuseppe. Lily’s third child, Geppetto Salvatore, survives as a vampire-human hybrid.
In 1863…
17y Stefan falls for a (unknown to him) siphoner witch, Valerie, and loses his virginity. Margaret “Meg” March (19y) marries her neighbor’s tutor, John Brooke.
In 1864…
25y Damon Salvatore willingly drank Katherine Pierce’s blood. Katherine then bit 18y Stefan while he was compelled into her seduction. While helping Damon and Katherine (weakened by vervain) escape, Giuseppe shot and killed his sons. Valerie gave birth to her and Stefan’s son, Jacob Salvatore. Stefan returned home to kill Giuseppe.
In 1868…
John and Meg Brooke give birth to a son, John Brooke Jr, and a daughter, Margaret Brooke II. Beth March dies from scarlet fever.
In 1871…
Josephine “Jo” March marries her college professor, Fritz Bhaer. Amelia “Amy” March marries her neighbor, Laurie Laurence.
In 1872…
Colonel Muscum Robert Lassiter and his wife (Kathryn, a historian) gave birth to twins Robert Morgan III and Merle Emrys II. Luda learns Giuseppe is dead but wants her 13y son Geppetto to meet his siblings.
In 1874…
15y Geppetto Salvatore and a 14y wench Elizabeth Jones give birth to a son, James Bartholomew Jones. Due to the wench being the captain’s daughter, she is given custody of her son.
In 1875…
In Greece, Merlin – as Merle Emrys VI – finds the third person in his life he can see spending the rest of his life with… until his first love resurfaces: Aurora Pamela Katsopolis. 32y James Oliver Donnelly marries his 22y nurse Miranda Churchill. While traveling around Stefan’s old haunts, 11y Jacob Salvatore is killed due to mistaken identity at the wrong place, wrong time. Fritz and Jo Bhaer give birth to their son, Theodore.
In 1876…
John and Meg Brooke give birth to a daughter, Josephine Brooke.
In 1879…
Merle Emrys VI and Aurora Cochran marry. James and Miranda Donnelly give birth to their son Charles Gareth Donnelly.
In 1880…
21y Geppetto Salvatore and a 17y slave Harriet give birth to a son, Zachariah Salvatore. The child is given to Geppetto to raise, resulting in Harriet’s death.
In 1881…
Laurie and Amy Laurence give birth to their daughter, Elizabeth Laurence.
In 1883…
Margaret “Daisy” Brooke II (15y) marries street musician and soldier Nathaniel Blake. Fritz and Jo Bhaer give birth to their second son, Robin Bhaer.
In 1888…
Merle Emrys VI and Aurora Cochran – after three attempts – give birth to their son Hermes Emrys-Cochran. 14y James Jones learns the truth about his father and hijacks an escape boat to run away.
In 1889…
Nathaniel and Daisy Blake give birth to a son, Ashley Blake. John “Demi” Brooke Jr (21y) marries high school sweetheart Alice Heath.
In 1895…
Robert and his wife Charlene gave birth to Robert Morgan Lassiter IV. 16y Charles Gareth Donnelly marries his ill 16y girlfriend Jessica Bennett.
In 1900…
Demi and Alice Brooke give birth to a daughter, Nora McGee Brooke. Elizabeth “Bess” Laurence marries Navy Sergeant Soren Heprage.
In 1901…
Josephine “Josie” Brooke (almost 25y) marries the knighted Sir James Hargreeves.
In 1902…
Merle Emrys II and his wife Charlotte gave birth to Miriam Emrys Lassiter. 22y Zachariah Salvatore and 19y war criminal and journalist Sarah give birth to a son, Joseph Salvatore.
In 1903…
Hermes fell in love with his classmate, Donna. Charles and Jessica Donnelly give birth to their son Edward Oliver Donnelly. Jessica dies during the childbirth.
In 1904…
Muscum died, and {1,364y} Merlin arrived to help his family. 30y James Jones discovers Never-Neverland and commandeers a ship which he renames the Jolly Roger. Sarah Salvatore dies from pneumonia.
In 1905…
Merle and Charlotte give birth to twins Muscum Aithusa II and Merle Kilgharrah Lassiter. Hermes and Donna give birth to Iorgos Emrys Katsopolis out of wedlock. 30y James Jones discovers Never-Neverland and commandeers a ship which he renames the Jolly Roger. Sarah Salvatore dies from pneumonia.
In 1910…
Sir James and Josie Hargreeves give birth to their son, Reginald Hargreeves. Soren and Bess Heprage give birth to their daughter, Beatrice Dorothy Heprage.
In 1911…
Demi and Alice Brooke give birth to their second daughter, Fallon Mason Brooke.
In 1912…
32y Zachariah Salvatore believes his 10y son Joseph needs a mother’s touch and marries military nurse Patricia Blumberg.
In 1913…
Robert Morgan Lassiter IV marries Didilia Bell. Ashley Blake (24y) marries a classmate named Grace… for eight months.
In 1914…
Zachariah and Patricia Salvatore give birth to a daughter, Anabel Salvatore.
In 1915…
Robert and Didilia give birth to Dylan Burke. Nora Brooke (15y) marries Tristan Marin.
In 1918…
Ashley Blake and his former classmate/current lover Grace give birth to a son, Nicolas Blake.
In 1921…
Septimus Malfoy is 159y but can pass for merely 28. He meets and falls in love with Genevieve Petau.
In 1922…
Tristan and Nora Marin give birth to twin sons, Steven and Bram Marin.
In 1923…
21y Miriam Lassiter gives birth to her (and her 15y ‘boyfriend’ Albert Shay) daughter, Constance Shay. Since the baby is born out of wedlock, she sends the baby to live with the Shays.
In 1925…
Miriam marries Martyn Campbell. 22y Edward Oliver Donnelly marries the maid’s 18y daughter Brandine Jackson. 30y James Jones agrees to help a cursed mermaid named Dela in exchange for an heir.
In 1928…
Miriam Campbell gives birth to Samuel Emrys Campbell. 26y Joseph Salvatore and 22y war nursing educator Irene Beland give birth to their son, Randolph Salvatore.
In 1929…
Iorgos marries a former groupie, Gina Snart. Robert Morgan Lassiter IV and Didilia Bell divorce. 15y Anabel Salvatore marries her 17y boyfriend Jasper Humphries before he’s shipped off to the war. Martyn and Miriam Campbell divorce, and Miriam returns to Albert’s side. Fallon Brooke marries Philip McGee.
In 1930…
Robert Morgan Lassiter IV dies. Genevieve believes her husband Septimus’ immortality “curse,” though she thinks of it as a gift. Dela gives birth to son, Brennan Jones, and – rather than uphold his end of the bargain – James kills her. 28y Miriam Lassiter marries 22y Albert Shay; Constance is 7.
In 1931…
Didilia Bell is impregnated by her ex-husband’s cousin, Muscum Aithusa Lassiter II. Gina Snart’s 21y brother Connor marries his classmate, Siva, so she can have a green card. Albert and Miriam Shay give birth to a son, Oslo Shay. Beatrice “Bea” Heprage marries Burt Sigurdson.
In 1932…
Didilia Bell gives birth to Thomas Aithusa Bell. Iorgos and Gina Katsopolis give birth to their son, Nicholas Vernon Katsopolis. Edward and Brandine Donnelly give birth to their son, Alphonsus Joseph Cyrus Donnelly.
In 1933…
Philip and Fallon McGee give birth to a son, Andrew McGee, and a daughter, Adrian McGee. Burt and Bea Sigurdson give birth to twin daughters, Paula Theodore and Catherine Albert Sigurdson.
In 1934…
Albert and Miriam Shay give birth to their last child, another daughter, Ruthie Ray Shay. 29y Muscum Aithusa Lassiter II takes his mom’s maiden name, Byers. Nicolas Blake (16y) marries his pregnant lover, Helen.
In 1935…
Septimus and Genevieve Malfoy give birth to Abraxas Malfoy. Muscum Aithusa Byers marries 23y housekeeper Jana Donaldson. Edward and Brandine Donnelly give birth to a daughter, Heather Boone Barrel Donnelly. Her brother Alphonsus is 3. Nicolas and Helen Blake give birth to their son, Alexander Blake.
In 1936…
Dylan Burke Lassiter is elected mayor. He marries Phyllis O’Connell. S’gn T’gai Spock’s most ancient – yet still alive – ancestor Merlin Wylit helps him travel through time to better learn about his family’s history. Merlin creates a glamour so Spock can live life in the past as the immortal Manfred Greyson.
In 1937…
Iorgos and Gina Katsopolis give birth to their second son, Lachlan Luthor Katsopolis. Jasper and Annie Humphries give birth to a son, Jeremy David Humphries.
In 1938…
Miriam Shay and Martyn Campbell have their second child (despite Miriam currently being married to Albert), a daughter named Lois Whitley Campbell. Dylan and Phyllis Lassiter have a son, Heinz Burke Lassiter. Henry Morgan is 159y but is technically still 34. He meets and falls in love with a war nurse named Abigail. He explains his immortality, and she believes him.
In 1939…
Merle Kilgharrah Lassiter (34y) marries Amanda Landau. Jasper and Annie Humphries give birth to their second son, Wilberforce Claybourne Humphries. Miriam and Albert divorce.
In 1940…
Dylan Lassiter and Phyllis O’Connell are going through a divorce despite Phyllis being pregnant. In the same year (Nov), she gives birth to Kieran Henry O’Connell. Steven Marin marries a stewardess named Lisa.
In 1941…
Miriam Lassiter and Martyn Winchester remarry. 18y Connie Shay marries Simon Tucker. 36y Muscum and 29y Jana Byers give birth to a daughter, Hay Meadow Byers. Bram Marin marries a teacher named Marie.
In 1943…
Simon and Connie Tucker give birth to a daughter, Charlene Tucker. Muscum and Jana Byers give birth to a second daughter, Joyce Byers. Edward and Brandine Donnelly give birth to a daughter, Heather Boone Barrel Donnelly. Her brother Alphonsus is 11. Steven and Lisa Marin give birth to a daughter, Evelyn Nora Marin.
In 1944…
Merle Kilgharrah and Amanda Lassiter have a son, Merle Kilgarrah Lassiter II. Henry and Abigail Morgan adopt a son, Abraham Emrys Morgan. 12y Nick Katsopolis falls for a transfer student named Irene. Connor and Siva Snart give birth to a baby boy, Lewis Anchil. After the baby’s birth, Connor learns that Siva’s mom is not only the Telmarine Queen of Narnia but also the disappeared Lily Salvatore. Martyn and Miriam Campbell give birth to their third child, Siger Holmes.
In 1945…
Muscum and Jana Byers give birth to their third daughter, Grace Byers. 17y King Caspian X of Narnia takes 15y Edmund Pevensie as his husband to rule at his side. Bram and Marie Marin give birth to their daughter, Regina Evan Marin.
In 1946…
Muscum and Jana Byers give birth to their last child, a fourth daughter, Serenissima Byers.
In 1949…
Jasper and Annie Humphries give birth to their only daughter, Florence Sergei Humphries. With Narnian magic, 21y King Caspian X and 19y King Edmund Pevensie give birth to their son, Victor Savage Pevensie. Andrew McGee (16y) marries seamstress Allison.
In 1950…
Simon and Connie Tucker give birth to a second daughter, Mary Tucker. 19y Oslo Shay marries his 17y girlfriend Barcelona.
In 1952…
Abraxas impregnates call girl Kuki. He pays for her to have and let him raise the child. Nick Katsopolis marries Irene. Merlin gives the last dragon egg to a 24y half-giant, half-wizard named Rubeus Hagrid for safekeeping. Amanda and Merle Lassiter give birth to a second son, Howard Stark Lassiter. 22y Alphonsus Joseph Cyrus Donnelly marries his 23y girlfriend of three years, Anne Kyle Sebastian.Oslo and Barcelona Shay give birth to a daughter, Tess Shay. Alexander Blake and a call girl named Victoria give birth to a daughter, Elizabeth Victoria Blake, without marriage.
In 1953…
Lucius Abraxas Malfoy II is born, and Kuki is out of the picture. Samuel Emrys Campbell marries his girlfriend, Deanna. A forever young boy called Peter Pan fights with Captain Jones and the Jolly Rogers – and the captain loses his left hand in the battle. Martyn and Miriam Winchester divorce.
In 1954…
16y Lois Whitley Winchester and her 15y boyfriend Hogarth “Hoagie” Crandall give birth to a daughter, Angela Noel Crandall. Alphonsus and Anne Donnelly give birth to their first son, Martin Rupert Wayne Donnelly. Oslo and Barcelona Shay give birth to their second child and only son, Steven Shay. Adrian McGee (21y) marries mortician Adam Pierce.
In 1955…
Samuel and Deanna Campbell give birth to a set of triplets: two daughters, Jessica Laverne and Mary Emrys Campbell, and a son, Alexander Desteria Campbell. 18y Lachlan legally changes his surname to Luthor when he and his fiancé Eliza move to America. 18y soldier Jeremy Humphries marries 22y military secretary Nicole Novak. Catherine “Kitty” Sigurdson marries Red Foreman.
In 1956…
Lachlan and Eliza Luthor give birth to their son, Lionel James Luthor. Alphonsus and Anne Donnelly give birth to their first daughter, Patricia Ellen Anne Donnelly. Captain Hook challenges his 26y son Brennan to a duel when the latter suggests he leave the Jolly Roger to captain his own ship. Hook is killed in battle. 18y Ruthie Ray Shay marries her 31y farming boss Marcus Stewart. Andrew and Allison McGee give birth to John McGee.
In 1958…
Blythe House – two years married to John House, who is stationed overseas – cheats with Thomas Aithusa Bell. A pregnant 20y Lois Whitley Campbell finds herself and her boyfriend Hogarth “Hoagie” Crandall in trouble with the law. Nick and Irene Katsopolis give birth to a daughter, Pamela Judith Katsopolis. Alphonsus and Anne Donnelly give birth to their second son, Eamonn Patrick Dale Donnelly. Miriam Lassiter and Albert Shay remarry, and all her kids [Connie Tucker is 35, Sam Campbell is 30, Oslo Shay is 27, Ruthie Ray Stewart is 24, Lois Campbell is 20, and Siger Campbell is 14] visit. Red and Kitty Foreman give birth to their daughter, Laurie Anne Foreman.
In 1959…
With fake passports, Lois and Hoagie marry and assume the surname ‘Whitley’ in time for their son Kansas Iowa to be born on January 12. On Jun 11, Gregory Aithusa House is born. 15y Merle Kilgharrah Lassiter II meets 19y Mona Samara Mercier, a young maid from a family of house servants. Captain Brennan Jones instructs the castmates aboard the Jolly Roger to pillage a village – in which he finds a commoner named Gwendolyn. Simon and Connie Tucker give birth to their son Edward Tucker. Oslo and Barcelona Shay give birth to their third child and second daughter, Teresa Shay.
In 1960…
Hoagie and Lois Whitley give birth to a second daughter, Virginia Alaska. Phyllis O’Connell remarries 24y Amos van Pelt. Kieran O’Connell begins dating his classmate and friend Josephine Sanders. Martyn Campbell dies from a heart attack. Jeremy and Nicole Humphries give birth to a daughter, Kathryn. Red and Kitty Foreman give birth to their son, Eric Albert Foreman.
In 1961…
Gwendolyn and Captain Brennan Jones give birth to a son, Liam Jones. Marcus and Ruthie Ray Stewart give birth to their first son, Earl Ray Stewart. 15y Serenissima Byers marries 18y garage band violinist Duncan Finster. 18y Heather Donnelly marries 20y football player Tyler O’Neil. Regina Marin is pregnant by Finch Roberts.
In 1962…
34y Randolph Salvatore and 47y jazz singer June Richmond give birth to a son, Zachary Salvatore. When Zachary is four months old, one month before the scheduled wedding, June dies of a heart attack. 15y Grace Byers marries 17y gas station attendant Frank Dunphy. Evelyn Marin marries Frank Harper. Regina Marin gives birth to a son, Thomas Marin.
In 1963…
16y Marisa Damude – engaged to Adam Trueblood – has a one-night stand with 25y Heinz Burke Lassiter. Eight months later in the same year (August 25), Marisa gives birth to Peter Burke Trueblood. Nick and Irene Katsopolis give birth to their second child, Hermes Jesse Katsopolis. Merle Kilgharrah Lassiter II and Mona Samara Mercier marry. Merle and Amanda Landau-Lassiter give birth their third child and first daughter, Zoella Gharrah Landau-Lassiter. Samuel and Deanna Campbell give birth another daughter, Nazari Dean Campbell. Gwendolyn and Captain Brennan Jones give birth to a second son, Killian Jones. Duncan and Serenissima Finster give birth to a son, Jesse Finster. Tyler and Heather O’Neil give birth to a daughter, Erica Brooten Brandine O’Neil. Andrew and Allison McGee give birth to their daughter, Diana McGee.
1965
“Vulcan Student Spock”
Status: Online
VSS: Sorcerer, are you available for communication?
Merlin: How many times have I asked you to call me by my name?
VSS: 3,849 times if one includes today since our first illegal encounter.
Merlin: Time is fluid. S’not illegal.
VSS: Sorcerer, I intended to communicate with you with reason.
Merlin: Right on. What is this reason, Student?
VSS: I am far advanced than others in my group, yet my mother wishes for me to remain within my age range. I have lately been experiencing ennui and fatigue through the tedious repetition of my daily life at the Vulcan School.
Merlin: …
Merlin: You’re bored.
VSS: … that is what I said, yes.
Merlin: I have an idea.
Merlin: I’m inviting you to the Emrys Family Reunion.
VSS: Intriguing. How do you plan on accomplishing such a feat?
Merlin: I know a time loop portal spell. Send me your coordinates in exactly fifteen minutes. I’ll set up shop here. You’ll only be missing an hour in 2241 for every twelve hours you spend in 1965.
VSS: What is the time range for this celebration?
Merlin: 3 days. Can you spare 6 hours?
VSS: Affirmative. I shall retire early and pack.
Merlin: Don’t worry about clothes. I’ll see you in 15.
VSS: Affirmative.
Merle Lassiter is off on another ‘sabbatical’, leaving his kids behind. Merle “MK” Lassiter II is twenty-one and living in a military basic training camp alongside his same age first cousin, Siger Campbell, and fourth cousin, Abe Morgan. 13y Howard “Stark” is left at home, caring for his 2y sister, Zoe. The boy washes the dishes from sandwiches made for lunch, watching Zoe play with wooden blocks on the floor. A portable phonograph player is on the floor nearby, singing a Buddy Holly song.
He glances at the invitation sitting on the counter by the phone, sent out by his great-great-granduncle Henry. Stark knows his family is a soap opera. His dad is always away, and his older brother is at a military base. Their mom, Amanda, is an airline stewardess, and she’s rarely home. MK’s wife, Mona, is a medical secretary, and she spends most of her day in the Mayo Clinic. A dish slips out of Stark’s hand when the phone rings.
“Y’ello, Lassiter residence. Howard speaking.”
“Hi, Stark,” his friend, James Lisbon, calls out the other end, “Do you want to go catch Alphaville with me and Sev?”
Sev Snape is their younger friend, only twelve, and Stark hesitates. The cord springs out as he checks on Zoe, still playing with her blocks.
“Shit, I can’t. Zo”
“Hire a damn babysitter.”
There’s a pause, and Stark rifles through the side table drawer for an address book. “… yeah, I’ll get back to you.”
“It starts at two.”
James hangs up, and Stark searches through the book. Once he finds a page marked ‘sitters’, he starts dialing numbers.
“Leslie residence,” a young feminine voice rings out. “Beverly speaking.”
“Hi, uh, this is Stark Lassiter. Can you sit for my kid sister today?”
Beverly places a hand over the receiver and looks over at the tykes he’s currently watching. 6y Kansas and 5y Ginny are fighting over Candy Land, and Beverly rolls his eyes. “How old is she, and how long?”
“She’s two, and uh, three hours.”
“No can do, Honey. I start sitting four and up. Try again in two years.”
Beverly hangs up, and Stark growls at the dial tone. Calling the sitter a bitch under his breath, he dials another number.
“You’ve reached the Carruthers House. This is Marcia.”
“My name’s Stark Lassiter, and I need a sitter for my kid sister.”
“Date and time?”
“Today at one-thirty.”
“… cutting it close, aren’t we?” She asks after checking the time. 12:15. “Sorry. I require a three-hour window. Do you want to schedule ahead?”
“No.”
“Hmm… you could try Martha Sissons. She’s always looking for new clients.”
Stark thanks her and hangs up. While Martha’s name isn’t in the address book, there’s only one Sissons listed in the thick phone book.
“Hello, this is Maybelle Sissons.”
“Um, I’m actually calling for Martha.”
There’s a beat before Maybelle screams out, ‘Martha, there’s a boy on the phone for you!’ It’s apparent Maybelle covered the receiver, but Stark can easily hear the sisters squawking. He checks on his sister, now riding her rocking horse while Buddy Holly skips on the phonograph. Carefully avoiding getting his feet tangled on the cord, Stark walks over and kicks the phonograph player to bring the music back.
“Hello?”
“Martha?”
“… yes. Who is this?”
“Uh, my name’s Stark, and”
“Stark Lassiter? MK’s brother?”
“Uh… yeah.”
“I went to school with him! Well, he was a senior when I was a freshman. and now I’m a senior. Well, for a few months anyway. What grade are you in?”
“Seventh. Do you babysit?”
“Ohhhh! Yes, I do. Do you want to come over, or should I go to your house? I know where you live, by the way. Your brother tutored me in history.”
“Um, sure. You can come over. I have somewhere to be at two, and I’ll be gone for three or four hours.”
“Who am I babysitting?”
“My kid sister, Zo. She’s two.”
“Okay, that’s the Baby Rate then. Two dollars an hour.”
“That’s the Baby Rate?” He repeats incredulously. “What other rates are there?”
“Tyke Rate, Teen Rate, Senior Rate, and Family Rate. Teens are the only one more expensive since they’re harder to control. You’d be in my Teen Rate. I’ll be there in half an hour.”
Stark blinks at the phone in his hand even after Martha hangs up. He runs a hand across his face but places the phone back on the base. He changes the record to Martha Reeve and the Vandellas, and he drops his wallet and spare key in his jacket pockets.
“Well, Campbell Kids,” Martha chirps as she hangs up the phone, unaware that the Campbells and Lassiters are related. “We’ve got a new friend to meet!”
The twin girls look up from their paper dolls sprawled out on the kitchen tile, but their triplet ignores her as he focuses on the puzzle before him at the table. The youngest Campbell is too busy teething to pay notice.
“If all the big kids can pack their bags and get buckled into the Wagon in ten minutes, we’ll stop by McDonald’s for a Treat of the Week!”
Jess and Mary immediately jump up, gathering their dolls, and Alex abandons his puzzle. Martha smiles proudly and moves to pack up the baby bag. When she walks out to the car with the bag and two-year-old Nazz on her hip, the other three kids are buckled in – and two neighbor children have joined at the open window.
“Lilly and Lily,” Martha smiles. “How are you girls?”
“Real neato, Miss Martha.” Lilly Hooper smiles toothily. “Are you still gonna come over next Friday?”
“Definitely, Dearie. Miss Evans, have you been practicing for enrollment?”
“Oh, yes,” The other Lily nods. “I get my wand on my birthday. I hope I get sorted into Ravenclaw.”
“I’ll bet you’ll either be in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor. You’ve got the traits for both, Honey.”
In a nearby town, 12y Cici Malfoy practices basic spells with his best friend and fellow Second Year, Siri Black. Abraxas is hard on him for living up to the pure-blood Malfoy name. Siri’s dad Orion is much more laid-back and merely wishes for him to fluidly pass his classes. He doesn’t get along with anyone else in the family, including his mom or younger brother. His being a Gryffindor has never stopped Slytherin Cici from staying his friend either. He knows he’ll never have a normal life like his neighbors, the Luthors.
“Eliza didn’t like my gift this morning.”
“She’s pregnant, and you’re a practicing wizard.” Cici sets his wand at his side. “What did you expect?”
“A little gratitude would be nice.”
“I’m going to regret asking, but what did you do?”
Siri glares, “I just asked if she wanted me to speed the healing process.”
“With the kid still inside?”
“I meant that I could make the kid pop out and she’d go back to not having a Mom Body!”
“You are a lost cause.”
When Martha and the Campbells arrive at Stark’s house, the young teenager runs out the door with his skateboard in hand. He almost makes it to the theater when he’s ambushed by a group of greasers. Their leader, 15y Hubby Smithers steps out with his steady girlfriend, 16y Jewel Zsasz.
“Hey, where’s the hassle, man?”
“… theater,” he answers honestly, slightly rolling backward.
“Ah, no. You’ll need to pay the toll.”
Stark subconsciously feels for his wallet. “I only have enough for my ticket and a popcorn.”
“I dunno…” Jewel leaves Hubby’s shoulder and advances on the younger teenager. “This board looks like it could be worth something.”
Hubby nods to the boys standing behind Stark. Two of them hold his arms back, lifting him off the skateboard. Jewel collects it as Hubby sails his fist toward the younger teen, halting inches away. Stark still recoils, and Hubby chuckles lowly.
“Two for flinching, panty waist.”
The greaser punches Stark twice in succession, sending him to the ground in pain. The group walks away, one of the lackeys firing up a cigarette. Stark scrubs at his face, trying in vain to wipe away his frustration and unshed tears. James and Sev notice him walking up and abandon their post at the ticket window.
“Man, you’re a zoo. ‘Ja wipe out on your board?”
Stark sighs and shakes his head, subtly gesturing to the gang smoking their cancer sticks in front of the arcade.
“Slick and his sleaze comped it.”
“Candyass sweat hogs,” James growls, noticing how Hubby mugs 9y Nick Helman – no doubt for his root beer scratch. “Let’s bail.”
Sev nods, tempted to cast a spell on the greasers. “Ham radio?”
“Solid.”
The boys vacate the theater in favor of Sev’s house in the poverty-stricken neighborhood.
A few days pass, and 25y Kieran O’Connell whistles the lyrics to ‘Home on the Range’ when he knocks on the door to his great-great-great-granduncle Henry’s Connecticut house. Abe answers the door instead, still wearing his military uniform.
“Hey, Kieran! Gimme some skin.”
“Uncle Abe,” he smiles and slaps his hand, bringing him in for a one-armed hug. “My girl, Joey.”
Joey waggles her fingers with the hand not holding onto Kieran’s arm. Abe nods and welcomes them inside. Bonanza can be heard on the boob tube in the living room, and Billy J. Kramer is skipping on his record in the kitchen. Pam, Rory, and Ginny are sprawled on the floor in front of the television. Pam plays mediator while the younger kids get a kick out of Chutes and Ladders. Their dads – Nick, John, and Hoagie – have cracked their brews to watch the western. Abe hands Kieran another beer, and the latter joins the older men.
Joey joins Blythe and Lois in the gracious kitchen while Abe wanders off. The ladies have wine glasses in their hands, flipping through some magazine at the center island, paying the newcomer no attention. Irene walks into the kitchen from the back, smoking a cigarette. She grabs Blythe’s glass and takes a sip.
“Has your brother found a job?”
She nods, reaching for her glass again. “Not the best one, but Tommy’s stocking shelves at the grocery.”
Irene snorts. “Good thing he doesn’t have a crumb grabber. Wouldn’t be able to upkeep with $1.50 an hour.”
“Kieran’s manning the register at the Winn-Dixie,” Joey awkwardly pipes up.
Blythe smiles slightly. “That’s nice, dear. Are you the girlfriend?”
She nods, collecting a can of Coke from the fridge.
“Have you thought about kids?”
“Not any time soon,” she answers, quickly opening the can, wishing she had kept her mouth shut.
Lois rolls her eyes and switches the record out for Elvis Presley. At the beginning strums of ‘Heartbreak Hotel’, the house is again alerted to the front door. Abe bounds down the stairs to greet his family. Samuel and Deanna stand at the doorstep with an antsy set of triplets and a sleepy two-year-old clinging to her mom.
“Hey, man. Hoag’s watching ‘Nanza. I’ll get you a brew. Come on in.”
Before Abe can shut the door, however, ‘Cousin’ Angie Winchester arrives at the door. The eleven-year-old is a little muddy, wearing her soccer uniform and carrying a ball under her arm. She grins at the soldier boy.
“Hiya. Ma let me go practice with Maria and Violet this morning. I almost forgot about the reunion.”
Abe smiles back, despite knowing how out of place she is from the rest of the family.
“Your cousins are in the sitting room. Why don’t you see if they’ll play a round in the backyard?”
“Don’t you want to come?” She asks, “You did teach me, after all.”
“Sounds fun, cuz, but I’m the doorman today.”
Angie nods and jogs inside to round up enough cousins for a match.
“See, that wasn’t terrible, was it?” Merlin asks his newest descendant three blocks away from the Morgans’ residence.
“It was quite fascinating.” Spock agrees.
“Spock, or should I say, Manny,” Merlin admonishes the half-Vulcan child using his alias, “You need to remember you’re an eleven-year-old on Earth.”
“Yes. The only place on Earth I have visited in the past in San Francisco, when the Ambassador needed to visit while my school was on leave.”
“What I mean is, you need to talk like you’re a Sixties kid. You dig my rap?”
Spock blinks, “Pardon?”
“Every decade has its own language on top of regular speech. If I say, ‘dig my rap’, I’m asking if you understand. A lot of the adults might be talking about Big Brother, but they mean the government. If the reunion is unpleasant, you’ll hear people calling it a bad scene. The younger kids are crumb grabbers, you might be called an egghead because of the studious way you talk. If someone did something against the rules and didn’t get caught, another someone might say, ‘copasetic’.
Dead Heads are people who love the band, Grateful Dead. You might hear, ‘what is it, big papa?’ directed at you by the same people who call you egghead. It just means you’re being condescending, and they don’t appreciate it. The boneyard is a yard with junked cars. Cancer sticks are cigarettes, the boob tube is the television, and a fink is a tattletale. Some of the kids talk about flower power, which is a peaceful protest. Freaks are stoners, Freedom Riders are Civil Rights protestors, badasses are troublemakers, and cool heads are nice guys.
It’s not a compliment. Love beads are hippie jewelry. That’s a good thing. If you bogart something, you’re keeping it to yourself. A head shop sells drugs, and The Establishment means parents who’re keeping the status quo. Groovy is good, grungy is bad, hairy is difficult, pigging out is overeating, crashing is sleeping, jazzed is excited, righteous is fantastic, meshuga means idiot, and rash is short for irrational. Resisters are teenagers over sixteen who’re unwilling to go to war. C’mon, we’ll go over more on the walk there.”
Arriving collectively from the Vietnam War, Siger, Lewis, and MK chat on the doorstep. Along with the twenty-one-year-old boys are Siger’s Broadway singer girlfriend Martha Rodgers and her four-year-old son Ricky, Lewis’ psychology major girlfriend Althea Sherry, and MK’s medical secretary wife Mona. Abe invites them inside, bringing the boys upstairs to catch up while the women walk to the kitchen. Ricky joins Kansas and Ginny Whitley in a board game as Abe’s parents, Henry and Abigail, walk down the stairs.
Ten minutes later: “Well now, while we await the other members of the family, why doesn’t everyone wash their hands and retire to the dining rooms. Main one’s for the adults. There’s a room set for the kids behind the playroom. Shall we?”
Hoagie reluctantly switches off the television, and Blythe walks over to help pick up Candy Land and the Play-Doh. Rory, Ginny, and Ricky comply, but Kansas protests – asking what if they want to play more after dinner. Blythe instead sends his to the backyard so he can tell the preteens to come in. The five kids – Angie, Jess, Mary, Alex, and Pam – show their displeasure of being interrupted, but they reluctantly follow Kansas to the kitchenette so they can wash their hands.
Abigail stands at the end of the kitchenette, inspecting hands and handing dishes to the women to carry to the main table. Lipton onion soup dip, Swedish meatballs with grape jelly, stuffed celery, asparagus rollups, beef bourguignon, and fondue. When the kids show their hands, she simply directs them to the smaller room where simpler meals are already set in dinner plates. Henry has assigned seats for everyone who RSVP’d.
Starting with himself at the head of the table and rotating clockwise: Abigail, Mona, MK, Siger, Martha, Lois, Hoagie, Eliza, Lachlan, Nick, Irene, Deanna, Samuel, a spot for Abraxas, seats for Merle Sr and his wife Amanda, Blythe, John, seats for Merlin, Dylan, and Muscum II, Thomas and Heinz, seats for Phyllis and her husband Amos, seats for Marisa and her husband Adam, Kieran, Joey, a spot for Miriam, Abe’s friend Lyle, and Abe.
“Have you seen Doctor Zhivago?” Hoagie asks as an icebreaker.
“Shoot no,” Eliza chortles. “Prices shot up another sixteen cents. A dollar-nine for a movie ticket. What, do they think everyone is made of money?”
“Did you hear about the Prime Minister?” Nick pipes up, frowning when Irene smacks his arm.
“Ignore him. He doesn’t understand dinner etiquette.”
“Quite alright, Irene.” Henry assures her. “Yes, Winston was an honorable chap. England will miss him.”
“He hasn’t been in office for ten years.” Siger rolls his eyes. “It’s not like he was still the PM. It’s not like it was Anthony Eden who died.”
“Weren’t you in the British Army with Churchill, Dad?” Abe asks.
Henry nods, “Yes, he joined for four years shortly before 1900. Gave him quite the fright when I showed my face in his office forty years later.”
Conversation drifts to Henry’s past as it often does. In the kids’ room, Angie is casted out by the girls and sits with the boys with no hesitance. Jess, Mary, and Pam hold their Chatty Cathys in hand, excitedly talking about which member of the Fab Four is the cutest.
“The girls are in the Twilight Zone,” Alex scoffs, stabbing a meatball with a fork. “Who cares about those mop tops and panty waists?”
“Sup squares and punks?” Stark calls out from the doorway.
His friends James and Sev flank him, and an unknown boy stands behind them in a military stance despite being shorter and obviously younger.
“Who’re you?” Kansas is the one to ask around the straw of his juice box.
“My name is Manfred Greyson. I have been living with the Establishment overseas, but they decided I was cruising for a bruising, so they sent me here to stay with my dad.”
“You a hawk?” Angie frowns at him.
“Get real,” he copies her facial features, unused to expressing his emotions so openly. “I had to bail after we had a beef about the Freedom Riders.”
“Right on,” Sev grins, holding his fist out.
Spock swallows but quickly fist bumps him and drops his arm.
“Alright, I’m done.” Lionel pushes away from the table and stands up. “I’m going topside to catch some rays. Got any cancer sticks on you, James?”
James nods, shaking a pack of smokes for the room to see. Alex, Jess, Mary, Sev, Stark, and Angie follow in suit. When Spock stays behind with the younger kids, Stark stops.
“You hanging back with the crumb grabbers? Knew you were a panty waist.”
“On the contrary,” he retorts, “I was simply exercising the phrase ladies first.”
Stark’s face turns red, but the other kids laugh, so Spock counts that as a win. They bypass the much younger children left in the nursery on their way outside. Spock reluctantly accepts a cigarette and succumbs to peer pressure.
Some point later, after the sun goes down, Cici shows up with his best friends Siri and Remy. Although they’ve ditched their robes, they’ve still got their Slytherin and Gryffindor ties around their necks. Too late for dinner, Henry shows the family a screen that he’s obtained from a former drive-in that was in Hartford.
New film The Sound of Music begins playing via a projector sitting on the second-floor balcony, and several children from the neighborhood – fifteen-year-old Nicky Fury and Molly Prewett, ten-year-old Georgie Feeney, Gabe Sullivan, and Eddie Vogler, nine-year-old Nicky Helman, and six-year-old Henry Spencer – are invited to the backyard to join the extended family.
“Choice meat!” Alex grins when Molly walks through the fence. “How’s it hanging, foxy lady?”
Molly smiles, but Nicky F beats her to it.
“What do you know about foxy ladies, fucking nork?”
“Take five, man. Don’t be ticked. I’m just complimenting her.”
“I oughta pound you just for talking to her. Shove off.”
“Nicky, I can handle it.” Molly complains, but the boys don’t listen.
“Why don’t you beat it?” Alex takes a step forward. “This is my house for the weekend. Love it or leave it.”
“Listen here, you fucking dweeb,” Nicky grabs a fistful of Alex’s shirt, raising him an inch above the ground.
Lewis walks over and places a hand on the bully’s shoulder. “No, you listen. You were invited to the passion pit, so either hang loose and watch the boob tube like the other nice kids or beat feet. The crumb grabbers here don’t need any beef. Quit being a dick.”
The rest of the night goes much smoother… until it comes to bedtime. Couples are forced to share the queen-size guest beds, and the kids have sleeping bags arranged for them on the guest room floors – beds taken out for the parents. Ginny falls asleep soon as her head hits the pillow, but her brother rolls over and whispers to the room at large.
“Is anyone else awake?”
“Unfortunately,” Alex groans from two bedrolls over. “It’s cold in this joint.”
“What I wouldn’t give for a joint,” James sighs behind him. “Your cousins are liberal freaks.”
“Shut up,” Mary hisses from Kansas’ side of the room. “Uncle Henry is going to wake us up early.”
“Do you come here every family reunion?” Sev asks, yawning since he’d been woken up by the conversation.
“No,” Stark shakes his head, sitting up beside him. “It’s supposed to be at Lewis’s next year, I think. Everyone takes turns hosting a reunion.”
“Weird,” Sev grunts, falling back in his bedroll.