the loss of my life

2008 — University of Virginia

Jane opened her eyes with difficulty, feeling her eyelids heavy and the sensation of sand bothering her eyesight as a result of the fatigue of the last few days.

Countless hours of studying— she should have listened to her voice of reason and not thought that her idiot best friend's suggestion was a good idea; he had recommended that the best way to end her indecision was to double major in both courses and with a little tequila in her blood, Jane thought it was a smart idea and so ended up studying psychology and global studies—, absurd amounts of poor quality coffee from the campus cafeteria and sleep deprivation was where her life had been heading for the last month.

But she was free of that and ready for summer break. 

Jane turned her body on the dorm's mattress, feeling the softness of the blanket she had gotten from her platonic soulmate last Christmas and let out a sigh. She really needed that nap. But the sound of heavy footsteps on the dorm floor followed by murmurs and huffs awakened a mind that, although groggy, was always on her guard.

“We need a new mirror,” said Alex, Jane's roommate, as she tried to look at her whole body in the dress she had chosen in the dorm's tiny mirror. 

Jane let out a sleepy giggle, stretching her body as she yawned.

“You're right,” she said, as she sighed. 

As she looked at Alex, Jane fought the urge to laugh. Alex was 5’8”' and was trying to fit into a mirror that would be ideal for those who were 5’0'”. Besides that, it was funny to observe the always composed Alexandra Clark, daughter of Octavia Clark, current Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, and Michael Clark, a successful plastic surgeon, was deeply, although Alex denied the intensity, in love with a frat girl— especially, considering the dislike Alex had always had for sorority girls (her words, not Jane's).

“Well?” asked Alex. 

She had walked over to Jane's bed and stopped in front of it. Arms crossed and lips pursed; she looked annoyed, if Jane hadn't seen the glint in her eyes. With six months separating Alex from graduation, she was always practicing her best ADA face to interrogate Jane. 

It was kinda cute. Like a white cat that tried to be fierce but purred at the slightest human contact. Not that Jane was going to say that to her friend— and she knew Clark would be a fucking good ADA (possibly one of the best).

“What?” Jane asked, raising an eyebrow. She saw the dress in Alex's hands and realization hit her face. “Yes, Clark, I'm going to the party with you” 

Alex sat on the bed next to Jane, covering her hand, squeezing it gently. “Thanks, Jane,” she said shyly, but with a tender smile. “And, uh,” she hesitated, frowning, but continued. “Maybe you'll find a nice guy?” she said doubtfully. 

Alex didn't like to presume on other people's sexuality, but she didn't know if Jane liked boys, girls or both. They talked about things and she had heard Alex talk about Serena several times, but was careful about sharing any information back. The only people she had seen around Jane, apart from the quirky Carla Chase, were the almost twin Whistler siblings and from the way they treated each other — more like her and Melissa and not her and Serena — Alex would say that what existed between them was platonic.

“I mean,” she cleared her throat. “I've only seen you with the Whistlers and—”

“Kate and Noah are my family,” Jane retorted.

Alex nodded, raising her hands like she was surrendering. 

“What if I don't want to find a nice guy?”, Jane asks, pursing her lips, feeling Alex's attentive eyes look at her and let out a sigh.

Jane knew it didn't weigh on Alex's shoulders; she had only recently come out to her parents and they had been welcoming. But she'd only spoken openly about her bisexuality once and it was still uncomfortable, the fear of getting a dirty look or the disgust Kate received from her mother when she told her parents she was a lesbian — Jane had never considered talking to her father about it; they were close, but not for that or anything involving feelings.

“What if I want to find a nice woman?”

The doubts appeared with Danielle Bloom, captain of the high school basketball team. Dana with her shoulder-length red hair, blue eyes and charming freckles around her nose. Smart, sweet, charming and deeply competitive— which made her even more charming in Jane's eyes.

Dana was the first to awaken unknown feelings in the 15 years old Jane who had just moved from Tampa Hills to Chicago. 

After her, Alicia Moore, at the end of High School. The voluminous dark hair and silky pouty lips evoked doubts in Jane's mind— a quiet, frightening voice whispered mockingly that Jane preferred Alicia's silky lips to the rough ones of all the other boys she had kissed, but she ignored. 

However, it was only after a few events that Jane had the courage to verbalize the doubts that permeated her mind.

A year and a few months ago, Henrietta Whistler had lost her battle to an aggressive pancreatic cancer. 

She was a witty woman (unlike the circumspect and rigid Benjamin Whistler) and warm; on vacations, when Jane, Noah and Kate spent a few days at her penthouse, she would tell incredible and inspiring stories of the time she had been the Cook County State's Attorney — and Jane saw the sparkle in Kate's eyes and she knew that Kate chose Northwestern and law because of Etti; nana Whistler was Kate's person— Jane knew she was her platonic soulmate and Noah her best friend, but Kate's relationship with her nana was special and unique. 

Jane found out about Etti's death from Noah, who, although sad and miserable, being in his second year as an emergency medicine resident and having gone through medical school, had learned better how to deal with the finiteness of life. She arranged to meet him at the train station and together they would go to Northwestern to tell Kate. 

After her nana's death, Kate had become a mess. 

A month later, on the first Christmas they would spend without going to Ettie’s place, Kate told her parents she was a lesbian in the middle of an argument, spitting in their faces  when Kate's mom found a non-existent reason to criticize her — to Jane, unfortunately , figuratively. It had been the first time Kate had stood up for her and the first time Jane had found her extremely hot.

Kate's act of bravery (and hotness) had given Jane the courage to admit to herself that Dana wasn't just a pretty girl or that Alicia wasn't just a good kisser, but that she had been attracted to both of them.

In Kate's room, with her back against her bed, holding a bottle of a cheap, bad drink Noah had bought, Jane, before passing the drink to Kate, took a sip and whispered she liked women while feeling her body shudder at the way the drink went down burning. Kate, who was taking a sip, huffed and choked and Noah thought her coming out was original— that night, he'd told them he was gay and groaned at the punch he'd taken on his shoulder, given that he'd told them both two years ago, but said he felt inspired to do it again.

Noah put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple, whispering how proud he was of her. Kate drew closer to her and laid her head on her shoulder, her hand trailing from arm to forearm in a gentle caress and Kate entwined her fingers with hers, bringing Jane's hand to her lips and gave her a lingering kiss, assuring her that they would always be there for her.

Kate apologized for pulling away from Jane and ignoring Noah's calls and texts and said she had tried to fill the pain with alcohol and sex with unknown women— in the bathroom of a filthy bar, in the dark alley of a dangerous street, in the apartment of an unknown woman or in the back seat of the car of Mrs. Smith, her Employment Law teacher, who was married to an arrogant and overbearing Mr. Bruno, a Civil Procedure teacher. 

At the horror and shock on Noah's face when he discovered that his little sister had grown up, Jane, fueled by alcohol, burst out laughing. Kate followed her and Noah gave up and, still with a grimace on his face, laughed out loud. 

After years of trying to find a missing piece in the puzzle of her life — to her mother — Jane had found two perfect pieces. But Noah and Kate were Noah and Kate. They were her world but a very small part of a world that existed beyond their bubble on Kate's bedroom floor. 

And the real world was fucked .

Alex stared at her, tilting her head to the side. “A sorority girl?” she asked doubtfully. “I thought there was another kind,” Alex said thoughtfully. “Maybe law or something like that,” she shrugged. 

Jane opened her eyes, frowning in confusion at Alex's lack of reaction. 

“What?”

“What?”

“Is that all you're going to say?”

Alex laughed. “Jane,” she dragged her body closer to Jane. “What do you want me to say?”

Jane shrugged, inhaling sharply. 

Alex shook her head, chuckling. “What's the matter if you're marrying a man or a woman? What matters is that you're with someone who respects you and doesn't have a criminal record”, she raised her index finger, as if making an important point while raising her eyebrow.

Jane let out the breath she had been holding ever since she had asked Alex that question. She had just understood what Noah had said about it being stressful and uncomfortable that need to always come out. 

“Thanks, Alex,” said Jane, genuinely.

Alex rolled her eyes, a tender smile on her lips. “Now, you're going to help me find a nice dress, Strand,” she said, getting up from the bed. “I need Serena to realize I'm prettier than her ex” 

***

Jane grunted as she felt her body being abruptly pulled by Alex as soon as they arrived in front of Alpha Xi Delta.

The reason she had never accepted the invitations was very simple: it wasn't her thing. And she preferred other kinds of fun, like getting off campus to drink and dance. But after those tiring weeks and with summer break coming up, Jane decided it was time to venture out and find out what the hell goes on at these parties — and she knew Alex would complain if she turned her down again.

It was a bigger house than Jane expected it to be —although she didn't know what she was waiting for— but definitely less glamorous than the sorority houses in the movies Noah insisted they watch.

After crossing the threshold, Jane stopped and frowned as she realized that Alex was standing next to her. Alex exhaled slowly and noisily and Jane's confusion deepened as she looked at her friend blocking the doorway. As she followed the direction Alex was looking, Jane huffed a laugh. Alex was looking at Serena who was looking back at her; her expression lit up and a broad smile on her face.

“Your girl is waiting for you, Clark,” murmured Jane, giving a small smile. “Go,” she gestured in Serena's direction, “I'm gonna take a walk.”

Worried, Alex looked at Jane. She had asked Jane to go to that party and didn't want to leave her alone. “Wait a minute,” she instructed. 

Alex walked towards Serena and squeezed her arm lightly, winking at her before heading towards the kitchen. With a bottle of beer in her hand and open, she returned to where Jane was waiting for her.

“The garden is very nice and less noisy,” said Alex, flashing a soft smile.

Jane stared at Alex and took the bottle from her hand, “God,” she exclaimed. “I really needed it,” she says, taking a small sip before sighing. The heat was starting to get to her 

It was a hot day and she really needed something cold. Jane dodged a few people and ignored a guy who stopped in front of her with a smile that was meant to be charming, rolling her eyes. As she passed through the sliding door, she exhaled with relief when the loud music and the conversations that tried to be louder than the music fell behind her.

Alex was right, apart from being a less noisy and messy space, it was definitely a beautiful garden. Near the pool, she saw some people huddled in a circle and others around a table while two people played beer pong. 

Finding an empty bench next to the pool at a safe distance so as not to be included in a game of ‘truth or dare’, but still able to watch them, Jane sat and brought the beer bottle to her lips, exhaling as she tasted the cold drink - beer wasn't her favorite drink, but it suited the heat.

“Too noisy there?”

Intrigued by the softness and hint of curiosity in the voice, Jane turned her face to the side and swallowed as her eyes met intense hazel eyes. She was wearing dark blue jeans, a deep green T-shirt with the short sleeves folded up and black sneakers on her feet. Stupidly pretty. An adorable, easy smile escaped the girl's lips. Her long red hair was swept to one side and cascaded down her left shoulder; on her forehead, charming bangs gave her a more youthful look, which was at odds with the glasses that rested on the bridge of her nose. 

She approached the bench and holding a can in her hand pointed to the empty space, asking permission to sit and at that moment Jane would do anything that girl wanted.

“Heather,” she says, placing the beer can between her legs, while turning her body towards Jane. 

Jane reached out and gently squeezed the other girl's hand, feeling her thumb caress the back of her hand.

“Jane,” she replied, as her lips folded upwards into a small smile.

“Right,” says Heather, as she inhales slowly and snorts out a giggle. “I need to be honest with you,” she said, as Jane raised an eyebrow. “Serena is my friend,” Heather rolled her eyes, as she shook her head. “Alex told me that a friend of hers was here,” she continued, leaning her shoulder against the seat back, speaking again after taking a sip of her beer. “I think she was trying to get rid of me,” she frowned thoughtfully.

Jane giggled. That really did sound like Alex and her attempt to be alone with Serena.

“That sounds like Alex,” said Jane, as she brought the can of beer to her lips and took a sip. “She said something about needing to show Serena that she was prettier than her ex,” Jane concluded, waving her hand.

Heather snorted, rolling her eyes. “Abbie's not my favorite person,” she said, squeezing the can lightly. “And I feel that deep down she was a comfort person because they've known each other for a while”

Jane nods.

“You've known each other for a long time?”

“Me and Serena?” Heather asked, continuing Jane's nod. “Since, uh,” she tilted her head to the side, sketching a thoughtful expression as she tapped her chin lightly with her index finger, ”Since freshman year.”

Heather told Jane how she and Serena met; Serena's parents had just moved to the neighborhood where she lived and something clicked between them. Over time, the friendship grew closer and more intense and now Serena was one of the people she trusted most. They had the same plans for university — in fact, Serena had also been accepted to Richmond, but ended up choosing UVA after her father got sick to be closer to home.

“And you want to be a lawyer too?” Jane asked.

“No,” says Heather, shuddering and grimacing. “Nothing against it, I'd say,” she gestures with her hand, shrugging. “But, I don't see myself inside an office or surrounded by papers, you know?” she looks at Jane, dragging her body towards the other. “I like—” Heather pauses, exhaling slowly as a small smile appears on her lips. “I like art; the depth of it, understanding the history of art over time, what the artists thought at the time when they painted that particular picture, and what the context influenced the creation.”

Heather was studying Art History, following in the footsteps of her mother, who now owned an art gallery in the city center — unlike her father who, although he liked depth as a field of work, preferred science and was an immunologist.

“Kate, my best friend,” she says as she sketches a tender little smile when she pronounces Kate's name, ”She knowns since she was 13 that she wanted to be a lawyer. But I never even thought about it”

“And what do you want?” Heather asked, moving closer to Jane and closely studying her face.

Jane inhaled slowly, narrowing her eyes. She never thought much about the future, always trying to live in the present. She likes the possibility of understanding the human mind and its complexities, which is why psychology had been her first choice. Understanding motives, discovering reasons. Global Studies, came after a lecture on Political scenario analysis and impacts on the economy and finances. Being the person who takes the lead in some kind of conflict, especially if it involves national security and diplomacy, was something that caught her attention.

In the end, all Jane wanted to do was be on the front line when it came to helping a person, a country or a mission.

“I want to help people,” Jane says, without looking away from the depth and intensity of Heather's eyes that stare at her intently. “I'm double majoring in psychology and global studies,” she says, lowering her eyes and trying to suppress a smile at the way Heather looked at her— surprise, admiration and, if Jane was interpreting correctly, a spark of awe in the way her eyes intensified. “But it's less fascinating than it sounds,” Jane continued, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she looked up and smiled shyly. “I mean, it's mostly a pain in my ass,” she joked, drawing a smile from Heather. “And I just want to,” she hesitated, shrugging and putting her arm on the back of the seat. “To be able to help people and if I can do that, be useful to someone, my job will make sense”

Sketching a tiny smile, Heather nodded as her eyes expressed understanding of what Jane had said. “Beautiful”, she whispered.

She'd told Jane about Alex's attempt to get rid of her to be alone with Serena, which was the reason why she was also on the outside of that excessively large house. However, what Heather didn't tell the other girl was that although Serena's attention had been on Alex as soon as she arrived, she had also noticed the way she had looked at Alex's friend when they arrived. Heather omitted Jane from Serena's teasing and the not-so-subtle way Alex Clark encouraged her to go after Jane, claiming that Jane was not only single but also interested in girls.

And at that close distance, she found Jane even more beautiful than she had when she saw her enter that house. The long brown hair with lighter highlights, the intense, deep brown eyes, the full, lined lip and a smile that had zoned her out before she tried to look like a functioning human being.

Heather had always known that she was attracted to girls and boys; she had never been forced to come out of the closet or make a big announcement because she never saw herself inside a closet. 

When she was 13, her mom told her that her aunt Carol's friend wasn't just a friend, but her girlfriend. Her mom also said that love was love and that even though the world was chaotic, her home would always be a safe place — Heather could never tell if her mom said that because she had suspected something, or just to reaffirm something she had always known and felt; but from that moment on she understood that she would always have a support, a place to go back to and someone to lean on.

Jane wasn't the first pretty, attractive girl she'd talked to, nor the first she'd been interested in, but she was undoubtedly the first who'd baffled her like that.

“Are you hungry?” asked Heather as she noticed Jane moving the empty beer bottle in her hand. 

“Dying,” Jane exclaims as she snorts, drawing a giggle from Heather. She looks past the red-haired girl and frowns as she focuses on her. “I guess there's nothing to eat here, huh”, she wrinkled her nose, letting the doubt remain in her voice.

Heather shakes her head, getting up from the bench. “Just dips and some fries,” she looks at Jane. “I was—” she hesitates, looking away from Jane as she scratches her lower lip with her teeth in a gesture of shyness. “I was thinking of getting something out of this party,” she gestures with her hands and looks at Jane. “Do you want to go with me?”

Jane pondered, as she thoughtfully brought her hand to the necklace she was wearing — a gift from Kate and Noah when she was accepted at UVA. She had known Heather for an hour, or a little longer than that. However, there was no denying the attraction she felt for those curious eyes and that open, cheeky smile. 

Rising from the bench, Jane nodded. She looked at Heather and raised her eyebrows in surprise; sitting next to her, the red-haired girl didn't look as tall as she really was (she was 5’7”, a little shorter than Kate, who stood at 5’9” and she believed Heather could easily be 6’0”),  something that maybe — for sure — made her even more attractive to Jane

“Let's,” she said, giving a small smile, ”I'm really hungry.”

Before they left the house, Jane had tried to find Alex to inform her that she was leaving the party — and she had hoped that Serena would have softened her friend up a bit, allowing Alex not to be so annoyed that she hadn't stayed more than two hours in that mess. 

But Alex was nowhere to be found.

“They must have gone to Serena's room,” Heather whispered in Jane's ear, “And I could say let's go there, but…” she let it hang in the air, snorting a suggestive giggle.

Jane closed her eyes, feeling her breath catch and her body shudder as Heather leaned towards her, her breath touching her skin. She had to control the urge to put her hand to the back of Heather's neck and kiss her — not because she didn't think the desire was mutual, given how many times Heather had looked at her mouth, but because she wanted to kiss Heather in privacy.

Clearing her throat, Jane gave Heather a suggestive smile, reaching out and touching Heather's hand with her fingertips. “Shall we?” she asked, lowering her eyes to the other woman's mouth. “I'm really hungry,” she whispered.

***

Heather's dorm wasn't different from the one she shared with Alex.

It was simple. Not a big dorm, nor was it the most spacious but it was comfortable. The walls were white, there were two parallel beds next to each other, a private bathroom and two desks near the window.

Heather assured her that her roommate wouldn't be returning any time soon, since she was spending the summer break at her family's house. So, she could wait for her sitting on Amy's bed and they could watch the movie they had agreed to watch without interruption.

“I'm sure,” said Heather, trying to balance a bag of popcorn and two cans of soda, while closing the dorm door with her hip. “That you're going to love this,” she stated quite confidently as she waggled her eyebrows, watching Jane who had stood up. “Thank you,” she said with a sigh as Jane took the cans from her hand, preventing everything from falling to the floor.

Jane placed the cans on a stool next to Heather's roommate's bed and raised an eyebrow, looking at her

“What am I going to like?” Jane asked curiously.

Smirking smugly, Heather held the bag of popcorn towards Jane. The smell of buttered popcorn with just the right amount of salt to turn that simple snack into a true masterpiece was making her hungrier, but Jane frowned as she noticed that there wasn't just popcorn in that bag. “M&M's?” she asked as she raised her face and looked at Heather, wrinkling her nose.

“Exactly,” Heather exclaimed, flashing a wide smile and ignoring Jane's confusion. “The saltiness of popcorn with the sweetness of chocolate, trust me,” she patted Jane twice on the shoulder as she passed her, turning her head back and winking, letting a smile that was wide become suggestive.

Jane chuckled and shook her head, turning her body towards Heather. As she was holding the popcorn, Heather moved forward to put her computer on the bed and sat down by the wall, gesturing with her head to the empty space next to her as she looked at Jane.

Jane handed Heather the popcorn and carefully pulled the stool with the sodas closer to the edge of the bed, taking a seat in the tight yet comfortable space Heather had left for her.

Heather looked at the computer screen and realized that 30 minutes had passed without her noticing  and ‘a walk to remember’ was one of her favorite movies (if not her favorite). The first time she watched it was with her aunt and she cried her eyes out and every time she watched it she cried as if she had seen it the first time. 

But this time was different.

Given the small bed, Jane's body was pressed against hers.  She could smell the citrus scent of Jane's perfume, the warmth of her body, the energy she was carrying and her skin from her arm rubbing against her arm all the time. And the fact that Jane leaned over and whispered something related to the movie in her ear distracted and messed Heather up.

Heather leaned forward and paused the movie, ignoring Jane's confused expression. She closed the computer and held on, moving her body over Jane's with the intention of putting the computer on the floor, shuddering at the way Jane's breathing hitched. 

She returned to her sitting position and swallowed at the way Jane looked at her; her eyes stared at her face, the tip of her tongue moistened her lips and Jane leaned forward. Heather cleared her throat, forcing a smile.  “Well?” Jane tilted her head to the side, narrowing her eyes and giving Heather a questioning look ‘Did you like it?’ she pointed to the empty bag of popcorn carefully placed on her roommate's bed. 

Jane shrugged, “It's not bad,” she said; a slow, teasing smile grew on her lips and she raised an eyebrow. “But, I still think these things should be eaten separately,” she frowned. 

Heather lowered her eyes to Jane's lips; the teasing, almost defiant smile. And up to her eyes, which certainly sparkled as she looked at Jane's mouth. A nervousness mixed with anxiety took over her body as she moved Jane's hair away from her shoulders, tucking it back and moving a little closer. 

Jane lowered her eyes to Heather's lips, leaning towards her. “I'm not misinterpreting the signs, am I?” she asked, clamping her lower lip between her teeth as she looked up and met Heather's eyes.

From that distance, she could feel Jane's breath on her face and she leaned her head forward, lowering her eyes to the other woman's lips, licking her own lips as she looked up to find a different glint in Jane's eyes.

Heather tilted her head forward, resting her forehead against Jane's and reached out, bringing her hand to Jane's waist. “Kiss me, Jane,” she murmured

Jane leans her lips towards Heather's and kisses her gently. By instinct, Heather brings her hand to Jane's face, feeling her hand on her waist, pulling her body closer.

There was something so powerful, intense and yet soft and tender about Heather. It wasn't her first kiss or the first woman she had kissed, but it was the first time she had felt that whirlwind of feelings with just one kiss.

It was strange, unfamiliar and at the same time extremely stimulating.

Jane licked Heather's lips lightly, and when Heather opened her mouth, she sighed. Heather ran her tongue over Jane's slowly and held her lower lip between her teeth. Heather pulled back just enough for Jane to moan a delicious protest that made her squeeze her waist tightly, bringing her closer. Heather's fingers pressed into the base of Jane's neck as she leaned in to deepen the kiss, biting Jane's bottom lip when she felt the firm grip around her waist. 

“Jane,” whispered Heather, pulling her mouth away from Jane's. he opened her eyes and bit her lip, trying to keep from moaning; Jane's lips were swollen, her brown eyes deeper and brighter, her hair messy. 

Jane licked her lips, lowered her eyes to Heather's mouth and leaned towards her again. “Heather,” she whispered with her mouth almost touching Jane's mouth.

Jane leaned her head towards Heather's neck and brushed her lips along the side of the neck. She licked and giggled cockily as she noticed the way Heather's skin shivered. Jane felt the slight tug on her hair and in response sucked on the skin of her neck and sank her teeth into it.

Heather closed her eyes, feeling a pressure between her legs. She moved her hand down to Jane's shoulder and pulled her body back, finding a look of confusion on Jane's face at her abrupt departure. In Jane's eyes, beyond the confusion, she found the desire written in the orbs and she got down on her knees on the bed and slipped her leg over Jane's legs, straddling her lap.

For a brief moment, Jane was surprised. She studied Heather's face, and it was her turn to find some doubt in Heather's almond-shaped eyes, whose coloring was more pronounced and intensified. Heather's lips curved upwards, flashing a smug smile at the stunned way she had left Jane. 

“Kiss me again, Jane,” Heather instructed; her low, husky voice making her intention clear. 

“Bossy,” Jane teased with a smile, ”I like it.”

Jane tilts her face towards Heather and kisses her again. Slowly at first, as if they were kissing for the first time. Then eagerly when Heather slips her hand under the shirt she's wearing, scratching her stomach. Jane squeezes Heather's waist tightly, pulling her closer and Heather grinds her hips in response, seeking a friction she can't get.

Needing to feel Heather, Jane slid her hands under her shirt, scratching her back as she pressed her body closer. Heather moaned against Jane's lips and interrupted the kiss. “You can take it off,” she murmured, gesturing to the T-shirt she was wearing.

Jane studied her eyes, searching for any trace of doubt, and gave a naughty smile as she nodded. She took hold of the hem of Heather's shirt and ran her hands up the side of her body until she had removed it completely. With only Heather's bra on top of her, Jane ran her eyes down her torso; the freckles on her shoulders, a few spaced moles and one between her breasts, which were covered by a blue bra that contrasted with her fair skin

“You're so beautiful, Heather,” said Jane, sighing the last word as her eyes traveled down Heather's torso, meeting her eyes.

Heather felt an even heavier pressure between her legs as Jane looked at her. She brought her hands to her back and opened the band of her bra, hastily removing it, “Touch me, Jane,” she whispered as she leaned towards Jane, “I want to feel you,” she smiled, as she caught Jane's bottom lip between her lips and sucked slowly.

The request followed by a lazy, desperate moan and the way Heather tugged on her hair were urges for Jane to keep going.

Jane put her hand on Heather's stomach, feeling the muscles stiffen and her skin crawl. She moved her fingers up, lightly scratching Heather's skin with her nails. Heather gasped and she felt more motivated. With the tip of her index finger, Jane reached around Heather's breast and took both hands, holding each one and squeezing. At first, gently. But, with another sigh, she squeezed a little harder, liking how messy Heather was becoming.

Heather put her hands on Jane's waist, squeezing hard as she felt her squeeze her breasts, feeling the wetness in her panties get even bigger. She tilted her head back, letting out a moan she didn't even know she was capable of, when she felt Jane's tongue circle her nipples, her lips pressing and then sucking. Heather slid her hands under the shirt Jane was still wearing, scratching her skin. And, needing more contact, she, with Jane's help, pulled her shirt up, removing it, leaving her in just her bra. 

“Babe,” Heather whimpered, wriggling in Jane's lap and pushing her hips against Jane's in an attempt to make more contact

Jane had never heard such a beautiful moan, or one that caused such a hunger for more — she wanted Heather moaning her name wildly, Jane wanted Heather to make it obvious to everyone on that floor that she was fucking her. And Jane switched off her brain at that moment, because if she thought any more about how crazy and bizarre this need she felt for Heather was when she had just met her, she would go into Kate Whistler mode of rationality. She shook her head as if that would clear her thoughts and lifted her lips from Heather's breasts, running her hands down to the crotch of the pants she was wearing.

“Heather,” she called out and Heather, who had her eyes closed, opened them and looked at her ”Are you sure?”

Heather brought her hand up to Jane's wrist and held and directed her hand inside the pants and panties she was wearing. Jane opened her mouth, raising both eyebrows. She was surprised, and even more turned on by Heather's attitude. And when she felt how wet she was, she felt a shiver run through her body and closed her eyes as she bit her lower lip. “What do you think?” Heather whispered huskily against Jane's lips.

Jane had had sex with three people in her life, two of them being two men — her first boyfriend, and another guy at the beginning of university when she was still conflicted about her bisexuality — and one woman; a friend of Noah's from the last time they went out together (Noah, since Jane had assumed he liked women too, had started introducing her to some of his coworkers). And as nice as it was to have sex with Nicole and feel Nicole's fingers inside her in the cabin cubicle of the bar bathroom they were in, she couldn't say she understood everything about sex with women.

Jane pulled her body back, saying with some apprehension and hating how unsure her voice was. “Heather, I just, uh,” she exhaled audibly. “I only had sex with a woman once, uh, she—”

Heather brought her hand to Jane's neck, pulling her closer and silencing her doubt, indecision and apprehension with a lingering kiss. “I'll teach you,” she whispered.

***

The next morning, Jane woke up and the first thing she felt was Heather's arm around her waist and her breath against the back of her neck. 

She closed her eyes, remembering the night before. Jane had never felt like that with anyone else. She couldn't complain about her first boyfriend, he had been kind and thoughtful about what she wanted and how she felt, where she felt comfortable being touched and how she wanted to be touched. It hadn't been a bad first time. Unlike what it had been with Evan — a classmate of Carla's — who had come before her and lay next to her believing it had been a good fuck when she needed to solve her situation in her room with her hand.

With Nicole she'd had her first real orgasm and had come as she should have but none of them compared to the night before.

Jane came to the conclusion that there was nothing more beautiful than a woman overwhelmed by pleasure. The way Heather tilted her head back and let out a naughty, shameless moan and sank her nails into her back, begging for more, faster, harder. The sloppy kiss, the moan against her lips and how her body responded to her fingers. She could orgasm just watching Heather. 

And as interesting as that night with Nicole had been, when she felt Heather's tongue between her legs, any memory of that night involving tequila and bad music faded from her mind. 

But what now? Do they say good morning and go back to living their lives as if that night was a summer memory?

Preferring to avoid embarrassment, Jane gently removed Heather's arm from around her waist and let out a sigh of relief when she mumbled something but continued sleeping. She got out of bed and started looking around the bedroom floor for her clothes

 “Are you leaving?” 

Jane clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, finishing putting on her T-shirt before turning her body towards the other woman. Heather was leaning on her elbow, her cloudy eyes squinted, her hair messy and an expression of discontent and sleep adorned her face.

“I thought that's what you were supposed to do?” said Jane, her voice dripping with doubt as she tilted her head to the side, not so sure about it anymore.

Heather snorted, rolled her eyes and lifted the blanket, “Get your pretty ass back in that bed, Jane,” she said in a soft voice.

Heather let out the sigh she had been holding in as the doubts she had found on her face gave way to a small, sleepy smile. She felt her tensed jaw and the annoyance she'd felt at thinking Jane had left without saying anything melt away the moment Jane lay down next to her and slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

***

Under Noah and Kate's influence, Jane watched rom-com movies throughout her teens. Movies in which the characters got to know each other and fell in love in obvious, beautiful and clichéd ways. Sometimes when one of them returned to their hometown and met an ex, or when one of them went into a cozy coffee shop and met the owner. In many cases, it involved family, kids and even dogs, making them get to know each other and fall in love, always with a happy ending.

In the movies, love at first sight was something considerable and conceivable. It was to be expected, given that it was fiction. But what about real life?

Could it be possible to meet someone and with that look you could see their soul? When do you know you're falling in love with someone? Is there a socially accepted limit or a right time to fall in love with someone? If there is, what is the right time? 

It had been three months since she'd met Heather, but it felt like three years, three lifetimes or more lifetimes than just three. She ignored Noah's invitations and talked superficially with Kate, without revealing anything about what was going on, without telling her friends that she didn't understand what she was feeling but that she had met someone and was falling in love.

Ever since she had met Heather at that party, something had been hammering in her chest.

Every little detail about Heather was beautiful and fascinated her. Her hazel eyes, which turned a shade of yellow in the sunlight and when she was turned on. The smell of her perfume, the birthmark on her ribcage that looked more like a mole, her cocky smirk, the way she gestured with her hands when she talked about an artist she liked and the sarcasm when she disliked one — accusing them of being overrated. The wrinkles that formed on her nose when she smiled expansively. How she frowned while reading and put her finger on her glasses pushing them back, the bangs that occasionally fell across her face and how she smiled broadly when Jane agreed to eat popcorn mixed with chocolate, although she always handed the chocolate to her when she found it among the popcorn.

Every day they got to know each other a little more and Jane felt like she was falling in love with every detail, secret and mystery she uncovered about Heather. From her weakness for Disney movies, to the way she was very touchy-feely, needing to be touched almost as if it were something crucial, to her addiction to caffeine, to her huge cleverness and confidence. And also her love of sweaters and addiction to buying books.

Her charm and sensuality, her objective yet outgoing and expansive manner, as well as her dramatic and exaggerated personality. Her heart beat a little faster when she could just smell the red-haired girl's perfume in the room, and sped up when she was in her presence, when that smile and those eyes were directed at her.

They completed each other where the other was lacking and complemented what already existed. 

Holding a glass of coffee and another of chai latte, Heather sat down next to Jane and, taking advantage of her distraction with a book she was reading, openly admired the woman sitting next to her. She observed the delicate facial features, the tanned skin and the firm, determined chin. The sculpted eyebrows — and when Jane raised just one, sometimes to question, sometimes to tease, she felt like taking her clothes off instantly — the intense, deep brown eyes and that charming smile.

But Jane was still a mystery to her. A rough diamond that hardly allowed itself to be polished.

She knew how to control her emotions. Cautious and careful, watching what and how much she said, often choosing to be a listener. Heather noticed that Jane spoke very little about her life, her parents, her childhood, but didn't mince words when talking about her best friends Noah and Kate. Jane was charming and extremely smart, as well as caring, kind and understanding. Every time she talked about her career aspirations, Heather felt herself falling for her even more.

Heather turned her body towards Jane, bending her leg and placing it on top of the other. “Hey...” called Jane, giving her a tender smile and extending her cup of chai latte towards her. 

Jane closed the book she was reading and turned her body towards Heather, she approached and leaned towards her, giving her a lingering kiss on the lips. “Thank you, beautiful,” she whispered, smiling at the way Heather closed her eyes and groaned as she pulled away

Sketching a tender smile, Jane exhaled slowly, and slipped an arm around Heather's shoulders, smiling and closing her eyes as the other girl leaned back against her body. “I'm thinking I'm going to miss an empty campus like this,” she pointed to the wooded space where they were sitting and smiled when she heard Heather's giggle.

Heather lifted her head from Jane's shoulder and gave her a lingering kiss, then brushed her nose. She tilted her face up and brushed her nose across Jane's cheek, making a line up to her ear. “I love you, babe”

So, if love at first sight was something out of a movie, what the hell was she feeling for Heather?

Jane's body stiffened when she heard those words, but softened and calmed down. She felt her heart beating fast against her ribcage and swallowed as she tried to ignore her uncontrolled emotions

“You, uh, you don't have to say it back,” Heather snapped at her lack of response, “I mean—”.

Jane placed the cup of chai latte behind her on the bench and moved closer to Heather, leaning towards her and silencing her by pressing her lips to hers in a delicate kiss. “I love you, Hezzy,” she murmured, opening her eyes and flashing a tender smile, which widened when Heather looked back at her with a soft smile, “I really do.”

And they would have continued living in their bubble if Jane hadn't received a call two weeks later that afternoon.

Jane squeezed her eyes shut, trying to return to the dream she was having, but realizing it was impossible, she grumbled and stretched her arm out on the table to her left, hearing a grunt behind her and Heather, still asleep, mumbling something with her head against the back of her head and pressing her body against hers.

“Yeah,” she mumbled sleepily with her eyes still closed.

“Hey, Jane”

Jane opened her eyes quickly, feeling a shiver run down her spine. She'd known Noah for eight years and he'd never called her Jane; besides, that wasn't her Noah's tone, but Dr. Whistler's. She removed Heather's arm that was around her waist, and couldn't take any notice or find her grumbling cute, since her mind was racing at everything that might have happened, and her heart was beating fast and anxiously, getting up until her back was against the headboard.

“What happened, Noah?” said Jane, with obvious concern in her voice.

Noah always wanted to be a doctor, ever since he first stepped inside a hospital, when he was 7 years old and their parents had taken Kate to the hospital after a high fever and a crying spell that was unusual for Kate, who had always been a quiet baby. At the age of 7, Noah was fascinated by the way the doctor had ended Kate's pain and calmed her down, knowing that he would want to do that when he grew up. 

He was currently a resident at a hospital in DC, but for three years he was stationed in Afghanistan where he served as a Ranger, specifically as a medic. He was discharged from the military and transferred to an army medical center where he stayed for a year, moving three months ago to join the team of Dr. Joseph Thomas, a leading name in emergency medicine.

She heard Noah take a deep breath on the other end of the line and knew he was scratching the back of his head nervously as he closed his eyes. 

“Noah,” she exasperated, huffing nervously at his lack of response, ”Kate is—”

“It's your father, Janie,” Noah finally said, taking a breath. “Look, he had a stroke,” he continued, knowing that Jane would want everything detailed and explained, “He's stable, but his situation is critical and delicate.”

Jane clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, leaning her head against the headboard, exhaling a shaky breath as she felt a tightness in her chest. “How critical?”

“He's going to need intensive care in hospital,” said Noah. “He'll stay in for now, until we're sure he can get out of here, but Janie...” Noah hesitated, then snorted. “It's too early to say, but I don't think he'll be able to look after himself on his own” 

Jane slowly let out the breath she had been holding, closing her eyes as she tilted her head back. “I'm going,” she murmured. “I need to get organized and I'm going”

“I'll be waiting for you, Janie”

“Noah”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think...”, Jane hesitates, afraid to verbalize why her body was shaking, “That he—”

“He's stable, Janie,” Noah assured her; his soft, firm voice bringing Jane some comfort and silencing the dark immensity of fear that harbored in her mind and chest. “It's critical, but he's stable”

Jane nodded. “Thanks, Noey,” she murmured, getting a giggle out of him at their childhood nickname - they were Janie, Katie and Noey. “See you in a few hours” 

“Come safely, Janie”

Jane hung up the phone and put it on the table next to her bed. She took a deep breath, trying to control the tears of worry, and preventing her mind from going to dark places. And as much as her father hadn't been the most affectionate when it came to physical touch (definitely, his love language was acts of service and words of affirmation) or someone she could talk to about everything — sexuality, boys and girls, doubts about professions and life — he had always supported her in whatever decision she made, and even the scoldings were softened, with a gentler voice. 

As she got older, the distance between them grew because Jane's father was difficult to reach — always discreet and silent, he spoke little about his life, nothing about work and controlled his emotions. Conversations were superficial; about grades, what they were having for dinner, how Kate and Noah were doing. Perhaps he, more than Jane, could never get over the fact that he had been left by the woman he loved, plunging into work as a way of filling the throbbing hole in his heart.

“Hey...”

Jane heard a soft whisper from her right side and sniffled; something about the comfort Heather provided for her made her safe to be vulnerable — thing that usually only happened with Kate and Noah. 

“Oh, Janie,” Heather said softly. She stood up, dragging her body closer to Jane and slipped her arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. “I'm here, bae,” she murmured, as she ran her hand up Jane's hair and stroked.

The comfort of Heather's arms was enough for Jane to actually allow herself to let out the tears she had been trying to swallow since Noah had told her about what had happened. She put her arm around Heather's waist and ran her hand up her back, pressing her body to hers as she smelled her smell, the softness of her skin and the comfort and warmth of her arms.

Feeling calmer, Jane lifted her face from Heather's neck, sketching a small but tender smile as she felt Heather's fingers gently on her cheek wiping away the traces of tears. “It's my dad,” she explains. “Noah called me, he had a stroke and he's in the hospital,” she says, letting out a shaky breath. “And I need to go to DC”

Heather nods, sketching an apologetic expression. The same thing had happened as Serena's father a few years ago; she understood the concern and the delicacy of the situation. “I'm sorry, bae,” she said, as she curled the end of Jane's hair between her fingers. “What can I do to help you?”.

Despite all the worry pounding in her chest, Jane was unable to hold back a smile at Heather's kindness — every day she liked her even more and fell a little more in love. She leaned towards Heather, placing a lingering kiss on her lips. “You're already doing it,” she says, her lips closer. “I just....,” Jane hesitates, tilting her head back as she brings her hand to her face, pinching the tip of her nose. “I need to work out how I'm going to get there.”

“You can go with my car”

Jane raises an eyebrow. “Heather,” she shakes her head and clicks her tongue, “I appreciate it, but you don't have to”

Heather rolls her eyes. “The car is in the garage at my parents' house unused, Jane,” she retorts, shaking her head.

There was something very charming and attractive about those narrowed hazel eyes and Heather's attempt to sketch an expression of annoyance when the smile slipped past her lips. Jane decided not to ignore the courtesy and kindness, and forget the feeling that she felt she had to deal with it on her own, and accepted Heather's help, assuring her that she would take excessive care of the car and bring it back in no more than two days

The sun was almost down when Jane arrived in DC.

Although it would take about 3 hours and 30 minutes, Heather didn't let Jane go on the drive without being properly packed — clothes, water, a snack and an energy drink. She parked her car in front of the hospital and went to reception, where after giving her details and receiving a “visitor” sticker to stick on her chest as a way of identifying her, she was told to go around to the left and up to the 6th floor, where the ICU was.

“Janie”

She heard a hurried voice just as the elevator doors opened and she reached the correct floor. Jane looked in the direction of the voice and all the weight she had been carrying on her shoulders from stress and anxiety dissipated a little when she saw Noah's face.

In large steps, Jane walked towards Noah and exhaled audibly when she felt his arms around her shoulders. He still had the same comforting scent and after so much stress and worry, the feeling of being at home with her family was exactly what Jane needed.

Kate and Noah were very close and rarely fought, but when they did — usually when Noah pushed all of Kate's buttons — they would only talk for a few hours, when Jane had to intervene to get Noah to stop being annoying and Kate to be more flexible. 

Although there was a false sense between them of having shared the same womb, the differences were still noticeable; they were blonde, having acquired it from Natalie, but Kate's hair was lighter and her eyes were an intense, deep brown, while Noah's eyes were blue. Kate had wavy, shoulder-length hair, while Noah had straight hair and was trying it longer in a medium-long style, with a small, neat beard that covered his face — the deep gaze mixed with the demarcated jaw was certainly something Whistler.

Although Noah was different from his parents, Kate was more like her father than she would have liked to think . 

Kate is demanding, straightforward, wary and very observant. Brief, precise and to the point. Noah was the middle ground, critical, demanding, strict and meticulous like Kate, but patient, understanding and easy-going. Both were sweet and kind, but each showed it in their own way. Noah's harsh and strict side was mostly reserved for work. Both were extremely determined and deeply smart.

“It's good to see you, Noah,” Jane whispered as she rested her head on his chest.

And in some way that Jane will never understand, but will always be grateful for, is that despite both being overprotective of each other and protecting each other — Noah generally overprotected Kate more than she protected him — they allowed her to access (initially, Kate more reticent and cautious than Noah) the thick layer of protection and care that existed between them and wrapped her in that same blanket.

“Here, Janie,” said Noah, standing next to her and holding out a paper cup.

After updating Jane on her father's condition, Noah took her to the ICU, where her father was in a peaceful induced sleep. According to Noah, he was responding well to the treatment and medications and the fact that he was breathing on his own without any devices was a good sign. In addition, his cognitive functions were good, but they wouldn't know about the stroke's consequences until he woke up — Noah said it was too early to define anything, but the bleeding from the brain was worrying and he believed that the concerns would be in relation to the possible loss of basic movements and speech difficulties.

Jane turned her body to the side, giving a small smile, without showing her teeth, as she took the body from his hand, “Thank you,” she said in a low voice, bringing the cup to her lips and taking a sip, almost giggling as she realized that it wasn't coffee or tea, but hot chocolate, which used to be her comfort drink when they were teenagers. “So,” she began and Noah looked at her. “Are you really betting on that beard?”.

Noah snorted, pushing her body slightly. “I'm handsome,” he said smugly, as he took his hands to his hair and pushed back a few strands that were falling into his eyes

“That's what he thinks”

With the beginnings of a smile appearing on her lips as she recognized that voice, Jane turned her head in its direction and that comforting feeling of being with her family intensified. Her wavy blonde hair was tied up in a bun on top of her head, she wore a purple sweatshirt with ‘Northwestern’ printed on the chest, black gym pants and sneakers on her feet. She looked tired, a little sleep-deprived and like someone who had rushed off campus, packed some clothes in a backpack and taken the first flight to DC.

She walked towards Noah and Jane, messing up her brother's hair as she passed him and stopping in front of Jane who, still sitting down, put her arm around her waist and smiled at the kiss in her hair.

“Hi, Katie,” Jane said, leaning her head back as Jane stroked her hair.

She allowed herself to feel the comfort of Kate's touch on her hair and Noah's hand covering hers. Jane needed that reassurance, needed to feel that she wasn't alone.

“So...,” she huffed, inhaling slowly and looked at Kate, “He's growing a beard.”

They were in the ICU waiting room where Jane's father was still asleep, resting from the delicate procedure he had undergone in the morning after feeling unwell and fainting at work — Keanu Strand was a Master Sergeant in the United States Marine Corps, having been reassigned to the Pentagon for the last five years. It was truly a delicate situation that was troubling Jane's mind and heart. But she was comforted and relieved that her two best friends were together using deflection to avoid the central issue of why they were there.

Kate frowned, grimacing as she looked at Noah. “Your beard is too big”

With a smug smile, Noah put both arms on the back of the chairs next to him and crossed one leg over the other. “Guys like beards, Katie,” he waggled his eyebrows. “At least, that's what Brian told me at the beginning of the week,” he winked at Kate.

Kate pretended to choke, emulating a vomiting situation and drawing a giggle from Jane. “Gross!” she exclaimed.

***

“I've met someone,” said Jane, taking a bite of her burger afterwards, looking away from the expression of shock or surprise that she knew she could find on their faces.

After they left the hospital, Noah took them to his apartment.

After a hot shower, Jane was wearing comfortable clothes and sitting on the floor of Noah's living room eating hamburgers from a place he said was amazing called John's Hole in the Wall — double patty, double cheese, smothered in Thousand Island

Kate raised both eyebrows in shock. As discreet as she was about the women she knew — unlike Noah, who was never shy about the men he knew — Jane was even more discreet. She talked little about people she was interested in, although she spent a lot of the time complaining about the last guy she slept with about how bad he was (in every way).

Kate nodded, she brought the glass of wine to her lips and took a sip. “Someone....?” she subtly asked.

Jane nodded. “Yes, someone,” she repeated. “A woman,” she finally said and blushed slightly at Noah's wide smile and Kate's proud look. 

She huffed and lowered her eyes to her burger, not understanding why she felt shy — after all, it was Noah and Kate, her people. Perhaps because Heather was the first person Jane really wanted them to meet, like and approve of. 

Jane inhaled slowly before continuing, “Her name is Heather,” she continued, sketching a tender smile as she remembered Heather's smile. “We met three months ago, almost four and—”

Impressed, Noah looked at Jane. “Damn, lesbians really do move fast,” she said thoughtfully. 

Jane pressed her lips together, trying to suppress a smile at the way Kate looked — dismayed and warning, but a restrained smile on her lips as she shook her head — at Noah and told them about Heather. 

Jane said her name was Heather Bailey and they'd met at the last party the sorority girls had before summer break at the sorority house — and she huffed at the smug smile Kate flashed, since she was a theta. Although Noah asked for details, Jane avoided telling him that she had an orgasm that left her weak at the knees and that Heather's taste was delicious (although she regretted not telling him afterwards, since the look on his face would have been priceless) but limited herself to telling Noah that she really understood him and smiled at the way he cleared his throat and looked away but gave her a tearful smile.

Jane was referring to Johannes Fitzgerald — John — also known as Lieutenant Fitzgerald. He and Noah had met two years ago, a month before he was discharged. 

Although Noah took an immediate interest in John, nothing had happened between them during his last month, due to the pressure they were under and the obvious reasons why it wasn't a good idea to start anything during a mission. However, a month later, on one of John's outings, he reached out to Noah and what initially started as subtle flirting, turned into something casual where they met every time John was in DC, until John asked if Noah wanted to be his boyfriend.

John was definitely an amazing guy and Jane had never seen Noah so happy. Until 10 months ago, Noah received a visit from John's sister. In tears, she told him that John's team had been ambushed due to information being leaked. A bomb destroyed a village in the Taj in Iraq and with it three casualties, John and two other soldiers.

For months, Noah's glow had faded in front of Jane and Kate. They spent a few weeks at his apartment, being the support he needed, but due to classes they had to go back to University, but the care remained through constant phone calls and weekends or holidays. 

With time, he went back to being the Noah they knew, but Jane knows that although he pretended to be over it, claiming that John would always be in his heart but he just had to move on; the jokes and the attempt to suffocate the pain of grief with casual sex, this was Noah trying to find in each of those men what he felt for John.

Kate leaned back on the couch, placing her wine glass and empty plate on her left, considering that Noah was sitting next to her and Jane in front of her, having finished eating her veggie burger and bent her knees, hugging her legs and resting her chin on her knee “When are we going to meet her?” she asked.

Jane gasped. She knew they were going to meet Heather. Hell, she wanted them to meet Heather, but for a brief second she felt overwhelmed since Alex knowing about them and some of Heather's close friends was one thing, however, Noah and Kate were her family and the quickness of how things were going was a bit overwhelming.

“Uh...,” she tried, “I mean—”

Noah snorted, rolling his eyes. “You're not going to scare her girlfriend, Katie,” he shook his head.

Jane's eyebrows rose to her hairline and she rolled her eyes at the term Noah used to refer to Heather. In fact, she felt like Heather was her girlfriend and they treated each other like girlfriends, but the question was never asked and they never talked about it.

“She—”

Kate gestured with her hand in disdain, but the smile she flashed was smug. She'd definitely like to scare Heather into giving her the Whistler look. “I need to know what her intentions are,” Kate defended herself as she shrugged. “I'll be subtle,” she looked at Jane. “I promise,” she assured her.

Noah leaned towards Jane. “You know she doesn't know how to be subtle,” he whispered, “And oh—ouch, Katie,” he groaned, rubbing the back of his neck where Kate had slapped him.

Preferring to evade the question, Jane turned her body towards Kate and raised an eyebrow. “What about you, Katie?” she said, with the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Have you met anyone?”

Noah gasped as the flush rose from Kate's neck to her face and she looked away, taking a sip of her wine and trying, and failing, to hide the flush and Jane knew she would say it was because of the wine “You've met someone too,” he exclaimed, “And how come I only know about it now?”

“Because with her,” Jane began, “You're worse than her with me and you,” she said laconically, shrugging at the exasperated look he gave her, winking conspiratorially at Kate.

Kate spoke briefly about the girl she had met a few times. 

Her name was Cara and she was in Kate's Environmental Law class. They went out a few times, but it wasn't anything serious and Kate didn't call it a relationship but it had been nice to have some distraction from the exhaustion she felt between classes and internship, especially with the bar exam date approaching.

Although she was objective and almost always literal and rational, Kate was sensitive when she asked Noah if he had met anyone important and rolled her eyes when he said he had met someones important.

For a few hours, Jane forgot that her father was in hospital and the decisions she had to make in his care and enjoyed the time with Noah and Kate as if they were still those teenagers who drank the crappy booze from the corner store and sat on the floor of Kate's room confessing their worries, insecurities, fears about what tomorrow had in store for them and what kind of world they would face when they got out of their bubble

***

As promised, two days later Jane parked Heather's car in a parking lot that, although it wasn't specifically for students, those who didn't live on campus usually left their cars there. 

She put her backpack on her back, carrying a few bags in her hands as she walked onto campus, greeting the night security guard with a wave. 

After a walk of 15 minutes from the university entrance to her dorm, Jane felt even more exhausted; the weight of the decision she had made weighed heavily on her shoulders.

Jane put her backpack and bags on Alex's bed, not finding it strange that the dorm was empty, since she knew that Alex and Serena had escaped during the last week before the start of classes for an unplanned trip — although it had been very planned on Alex's part.

One of the things Jane would always be grateful for was the fact that she and Alex had a private bathroom inside their room. It wasn't a big or spacious bathroom, but the possibility of showering in a place that wasn't shared by everyone on the floor was a relief.

Wearing dark blue sweat shorts and a black tank top, Jane walked out of the bathroom. She was rubbing her hair with a towel when she heard a knock on the door.

Jane narrowed her eyes, frowning. She knew that Alex was traveling and hadn't met Heather yet — besides knowing that it was almost impossible for it to be Noah or Kate.

She opened the door and a mixture of emotions and sensations permeated her chest the moment she met those hazel eyes; comfort being the biggest of them. “Hey, babe,” said Heather, sketching a small smile. “Amy said that—”

Letting the towel fall to the floor in a heap near her feet, Jane put her hand to the back of Heather's neck and pulled her closer, silencing whatever she was about to say with her lips. Surprised, Heather gasped and moaned against Jane's lips, bringing her hands to her waist and pushing Jane into the room, closing the door with her feet. 

Jane slid her tongue into Heather's mouth, drawing a moan from her. Jane's tongue gently stroked and massaged Heather's, who moaned again when Jane slid her hand behind her neck, holding her steady. Heather squeezed Jane's waist tightly, moaning against her lips and between kisses as Jane sucked on her tongue. 

Jane slid her hand around Heather's ass and pulled her closer. She pulled her mouth away, panting heavily as she stared at Heather's ajar, swollen lips. She knew that look; Heather's expressive eyes were deep in color, intensified, her breathing was panting. 

She lowered her head and kissed the base of Heather's throat, sucking gently on her skin and smiling smugly at the soft sighs coming from Heather's lips. Jane squeezed Heather's waist tighter and brought her hands to her back, under the fabric of the shirt she was wearing, and scratched her skin hard.

Heather tilted her head back, giving Jane more space, who licked the length of Heather's neck from the base to her chin, held her face with both hands and lowered it a little to her height, nibbling her chin, sucking on her lower lips.

The two looked at each other and Jane pushed Heather's body towards her bed. 

***

Jane took a deep breath, trying to control her breathing. She ran the back of her hand across her forehead, wiping away the traces of sweat, and then across her temples. Her body was vibrating, a thin layer of sweat covered it and her heart was still racing. She felt a weight on her body and opened her eyes, meeting those bright hazel eyes - which, at that moment, were even more vibrant and bright.

“How's your father?” Heather asked.

Jane arched an eyebrow and let out a laugh. “Do you really want to talk about my father now?” she gestured between the two of them.

Heather was lying with her body literally on top of hers, her hair messy, her eyes puffy, an obvious layer of sweat also covering her body and a smile that permeated between satisfaction and smugness. She kissed the valley between her breasts and propped her chin up, looking at Jane curiously.

“What 's wrong?”

Jane put her hand on Heather's back and began stroking with her fingertips. “Nothing is wrong”, she said, “I mean, a bit strange, but...”

Heather squeezed Jane's waist tightly, drawing a squeal of surprise from her, followed by a giggle. She got off her and found her t-shirts on the floor, throwing Jane's towards her and putting on her own clothes. “Is that better?” she teased, rolling her eyes

Sitting on the bed, Jane remained motionless as she held up her shirt. She moistened her lips with her fingertips and audibly exhaled.

Noticing the way Jane's expression became darker, Heather draped her body over the bed, touching her leg and caressing her thigh, “Jane? Is everything okay with your dad?”

Forcing a smile, Jane nodded. She chose to put on her T-shirt, knowing it wouldn't be appropriate to have that conversation without any clothes on. “The doctors,” she began, clearing her throat and continuing. “I mean, the doctor, the neurologist who was monitoring his case said that he's out of danger,” she explained, gesturing with her hand, “But, that he had some effects,” Jane pressed her lips together, “He's going to need some care.”

FLASHBACK

With a neutral expression, Dr. Goodman explained to Jane, who had Noah and Kate by her side, what the next steps would be.

“As we expected,” he began, exchanging glances with Noah and then looking at Jane, “The results of the stroke are concentrated in speech, but one side of his body has also been compromised,” he explained. “I believe that with physio and speech therapy, it's a condition that can be reversed; although, I can't tell you the extent of it or if it will ever be like before. He may need help with crutches over time, but a physio will be able to explain that to you better.”

Numb and knowing that Noah would answer all her questions, Jane nods. “When can he go home?”

“He'll stay in the ICU for the next two days, then he'll be transferred to a room,” the doctor explains, “If all goes well, next week he'll start physio and speech therapy and he'll be cleared to go home, but it all depends on how he responds to the treatment.”

In silence, Jane nodded. 

The doctor put both hands together, giving Jane a restrained smile. “The worst is over,” he assures her. “He's out of danger, but care needs to be redoubled,” he says. “Whistler, you know where to find me.”

Kate narrowed her eyes as she observed the slight squeeze the doctor gave Noah's shoulder as he turned away and walked in the opposite direction to them and leaned his body towards his brother. “Did you sleep with him?”

Incredulous, Noah looked at Kate dumbfounded. “Katie,” he cooed. “I haven't slept with all the doctors in this hospital,” he grumbled.

Jane, oblivious to the teasing between them, tensed her jaw. “What am I going to do?” she asked, her voice tense and tight.

Kate looked at Noah and raised an eyebrow, while he looked at her and crossed his arms in agreement.

“Will you stop this,” she gestured to them, “Twins things you two have?” she smiled, but then became serious.

“We're not twins,” Kate retorted.

“But if we were,” Noah began, raising his finger to make a point, “I'd be the prettier one,” he argued

Ignoring Noah, Kate took a step forward towards Jane. She put her hand on her shoulder and stroked it with her thumb. “Janie, I have an idea, but I don't know if you'll like it,” she declared.

END OF FLASHBACK

Jane had gotten up and was standing in front of the bed, while Heather was sitting on the bed with her legs out.

“Katie, she—”, Jane clenched her jaw, fighting a battle with her tears, trying to swallow the sob that rose in her throat. Heather reached out, touching her fingertips to Jane's hand and sliding her fingers across her palm, gently holding her hand. “Her dad,” Jane let out a shaky breath, continuing with her voice almost breaking. “Her dad knows some people at Georgetown,” she explained, focusing her eyes on a spot on the wall behind Heather. “And he got me a transfer,” she focused on Heather, ”The Whistlers really know everyone.”

It took Heather a while to understand what Jane had said, the words resonating in her mind until they formed the complete sentence. When the realization hit her face, Heather frowned, letting go of Jane's hand and getting up from the bed. “You...” she let out an incredulous laugh. “You're leaving?”.

“Hezzy—”

Heather raised her hand, silencing Jane. She looked at Jane, hurt rising and growing in her eyes. “What about us, Janie?” her voice sounded fragile, almost breaking, “What about us?” she repeated the question, blinking away a solitary tear that ran down her cheek. “What about me?”, she whispered.