University Chronicles

Three weeks following the Halloween party, everyone is back to their classes and life is back to normal. Sirius hasn’t spoken to Remus since the day after the Halloween party and has been actively avoiding him. Lily also only really got better for about a week and since then she’s been sick pretty much every day. Everyone can tell James is getting more and more worried yet Lily simply insists she’s fine.

One day, Sirius walks into the flat and can hear crying from the kitchen. He walks in and finds Lily sat at the table, she’s crying into her hands and her hair falling down by her face. Sirius isn’t sure what to do. He doesn’t want to intrude on her but he also can’t just ignore that she’s crying. Instead, he gently knocks on the frame work of the kitchen causing Lily to jump slightly.

“Sorry. Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you ok?” Sirius asks and puts his bags down onto one of the spare tables. Lily gives him a half nod and wipes the tears from her face but more just fall. “I don’t want to impose but- you don’t look ok.” Sirius says and gets Lily a glass of water. “Are you still feeling sick? I can call James if you would prefer.”

“No!” Lily says rather loudly. Sirius takes a step back and nods. “Sorry, that was unfair. Just-” Lily pauses and then hands something to Sirius who looks down.

“Pregnancy test?” Lily nods. “Positive?” Lily nods again and more tears fall from her eyes.

“I guess that’s why I’ve been so sick.” She shrugs, “Fuck.” She adds running her fingers through her hair. Neither say anything for a while.

“Does James know?” Lily shakes her head.

“I always wanted children.” Lily says. “When my sister and I were little, we pretend we had children and raising them together with our husbands. We didn’t see much of our aunts and uncles and cousins so we said we’d raise them together.” She continues tears continue to fall from her face. “And now our children are not going to know each other. I don’t even know what I’m going to do. James and I haven’t spoken about children, we wanted to get our degrees and- Sirius how am I going to finish my degree with a child?” Lily questions.

“This probably won’t help considering but my parents finished having children before medical school. My mum had two kids by the time she was an intern and finished the rest of her residency and fellowship. She’s one of the most successful surgeons in France.” Sirius says and Lily nods.

“You had money Sirius. I don’t. I might not even have James.” Lily ends the sentence with a sob and Sirius instantly pulls her into a hug. He isn’t normally sure how to comfort people but he knows in this moment Lily needs something, so he gives her something.

“If James doesn’t back you I’m sure Remus, Pete, and I will put him in line. And, our lessons at least one person can be here. We’ll all help and we can make it work. You won’t have to drop out, you can finish your English degree, you’re going to get your PGCE and become the English teacher that everyone falls in love with and turns to for help. Your child is going to proud of you Lily, you’re going to be an amazing mum,” Sirius tells her with no room for argument.

“Now I’m crying for a whole other reason.” She half smiles and wraps her arms around Sirius’ neck. “How are you so positive about this?” She then questions.

“Because I have faith in you.” Sirius smiles. “Tell James, I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.” He then adds and Lily nods and this time when she wipes the tears from her face more don’t fall.

“Can you do me a favour though?” Lily questions. Sirius nods.

“Talk to Remus. He’s been beating himself up about Halloween for weeks.” Lily says and Sirius sighs. “He likes you Sirius and from what I heard you like him too.” Sirius gives a small nod.

“I kissed him the night of the party. I was drunk but I- I remember that and I haven’t talked to him because I couldn’t face him like that, not knowing.” Sirius answers and Lily nods.

“You talk to Remus; I’ll talk to James.” Lily says and Sirius nods.

Two hours later, Remus and James arrive back at the flat, both sounding very serious. They both stop in their tracks when they see Lily and Sirius at the kitchen table looking equally seriously.

“What?” James questions.

“James, I need to talk to you.” Lily says and James nods looking concerned and sits down at the kitchen table.

“Remus, can I talk to you to?” Sirius asks and Remus nods and both walk towards Sirius’ bedroom, leaving James and Lily alone.

“What do you want to talk about?” James asks. Lily takes a deep breath and passes over the pregnancy test. James looks down at appears to study it for a moment. After about a minute he looks up at Lily with an apologetic face, “I have no idea what this is.” He states and Lily just stares at him. “What, should I know what this is? It isn’t a COVID test, they’re smaller, and I don’t know what other tests looks like this.” James answers and Lily nods.

“It’s a pregnancy test.” James still looks at her blankly, “It’s a positive pregnancy test, I’m pregnant James.” Lily clarifies and it looks like a light bulb goes off inside his head.

“I’m going to be a father?” James questions his voice uncertain, Lily nods feeling her stomach drop. “You’re going to have a baby?” Lily once again nods, “And it’s going to be my child?” Lily nods, “Are you sure?”

“Yes James.” She snaps. “I am having a baby, it is your baby, you are being a father.” She says and walks into their bedroom and comes back with several pregnancy tests and gives them to James who looks through each of them. Lily starts to anxiously pace the kitchen whilst James looks at each one. After he has gone through each one he stands and moves over to Lily, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Stop pacing. You’re going to have a baby. We’re going to have a baby.” James smiles and Lily nods. “I’m sure my parents can help; my mum has wanted grandkids for years. When you have the baby we can figure something out for childcare so you can finish your degree and PGCE. Unless you don’t want to finish your degree or change your mind, I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. Oh my God do you want a child cause I take everything back if you don’t.” James says quickly and Lily chuckles.

“I want to have a child James. I do. I thought you wouldn’t one. We’ve never spoken about it.” Lily explains and James nods.

“Ok good cause I got really excited about becoming a dad.” James smiles and places a strong kiss to Lily’s lips. “Imagine having a little me running around.” James then whispers.

“Oh god. We’re doomed.” Lily laughs, James just glares at her. “Your parents won’t be mad? I know they are more traditionalist.” Lily then asks. She’s only ever met Euphemia and Fleamont twice and one of those times was her sneaking out of James’ room at 3am and her and Fleamont shared an awkward car ride back to her house.

“Please. My mum married, and I quote my nani, ‘a white boy who wants you for a slave’ so I don’t think my parents will care. Also good to point out that my nani did come round to my dad when I was born. My dad also didn’t speak to his parents after he married my mum, they could never get over the fact he married an Indian woman. He will want to know his grandchild.” James explains and Lily nods. “Also, a wonderful woman god rest her soul.” James says his voice going rather quiet and Lily smiles.

“Do your parents like me? The last interaction with your dad was a very awkward car ride to my house.” Lily asks, “If I’m birthing their grandchild I want to make sure that they like me.” Lily checks and James nods.

“They keep asking me when I’m going to marry you so they love you.” James reassures her and Lily feels a weight be lifted from her shoulders. “Relax, ok? Our child does not need to know how anxious his mother is before he comes into this world.” James tells her almost rather stern.

“It’s a ‘he’ is it?” Lily questions and James gives a stern nod and gently places a cup on Lily’s stomach.

“When can we a doctor’s appointment? I wanna see this little guy?” James asks desperately and Lily laughs.

“I can call them on Monday and get one.” Lily promises and James nods, a huge grin on his face. “I was really nervous about telling you.” Lily then says and James shakes his head.

“Can’t imagine why.” Both just laugh. “I love you Lily June Evans.” James says and it comes out as a promise. Lily nods and leans in to kiss James softly. “You’re going to be a perfect mum.” James then whispers, “Can we go look at baby items online?” James then asks and Lily nods both running off into their bedroom.

“Remus, can I talk to you to?” Sirius asks and Remus nods and both walk towards Sirius’ bedroom, leaving James and Lily alone. When they get to Sirius’ room, Sirius gently shuts the door unsure what he is going to say. No matter how many he had just practiced it with Lily he still isn’t sure what he is going to say. Sirius turns and finds Remus standing in the middle of his room. “You can sit down.” Sirius starts. Both sit down on Sirius’ bed, opposite ends and say nothing. They don’t say anything for a long time.

“Look Sirius, I have work to do-”

“Please don’t. Go. I’m just trying to think of what to say. No matter how much I practiced with Lily I, I still can’t think of what to say.” Sirius pleas and Remus sinks back down onto the bed. “Ok. Ok. I’m sorry about Halloween.” Sirius starts. “Wait. No. I’m not sorry about kissing you, I don’t regret doing that.” Remus nods, “God, doing this to Lily was so much easier.” Sirius sighs and Remus laughs.

“You said this to Lily?” Sirius nods.

“Ok. I do regret kissing you. I regret kissing you drunk. I’ve made some not so good choices in the past because of alcohol and I-” Sirius takes a deep breath, “I don’t regret kissing you, I just regret doing it drunk.” Sirius then says. He refuses to look at Remus for the entire time, turning down to his hands instead.

“Sirius, please look at me.” Remus says and Sirius slowly looks up at Remus, “I’m glad I pushed you away, you were very drunk. But- but I do wish it happened when you were sober.” Remus answers honestly and Sirius nods. “I like you Sirius, I really do, but, I spoke to Marelene at the Halloween party.” That gets Sirius’ head to snap straight up. “She said that you have struggled with alcohol and that- she said that you do it to escape.” Remus says.

“That sounds about right. I know I can always trust her to say the right thing.” Sirius sniffles and Remus can see he’s crying. Remus didn’t want to make Sirius cry.

“I really like you but I can’t if you’re using it as a crutch. Sirius I won’t do that; I lived with a drunk for years and I’m not doing that again. It’s selfish I know and I- I get that it’s not your fault, but I’m not doing that again.” Remus shakes his head, tears also threatening to fall.

“I- I have been really good since I was 16. I- I don’t want to lie and say and that I don’t know why I kept drinking but I knew. My parents sent me a letter-”

“They cut you off. You told me. When you were drunk.”

“I’m not using that as an excuse but I- I lose control and I’m ashamed of that and I want to not look at alcohol every time an inconvenience happens.” Sirius tries to explain. Remus nods. “I- I don’t even know what I need but I know what I want. A-and I want comfort and love and friends and I do not want to lose that.” Sirius says, his voice stern. “Please Remus.” He adds. Remus can hear the desperation in his voice. He sounds like a lost little boy trying to find family, trying to find someone that will love him, cherish him, tell him that he’s perfect. Remus rationally knows that this is not a good way to start a relationship, having so much co-dependence on each other, hell, his mum would probably yell at him if she found out.

“Ok. But Sirius, you need to talk to someone. I cannot be the only one you rely on; I won’t be the only one you rely on.” Remus states and Sirius nods. Remus can tell that Sirius is still feeling unsure and worried and he looks like he’s about to throw up and for some reason that makes Remus want to kiss him more and he cannot even think before he’s gently pressing his lips to Sirius’. They remain in the kiss for a few moments until Remus pulls away and gently removes a tear from Sirius’ face. “That was much better than the last one.” Remus whispers.

“I’m sober for this one.” Sirius smiles.

“You’re also not sprinting off to the bathroom to throw up in my toilet.” Remus adds and Sirius’ face drops.

“I did not kiss you and then throw up.” Remus nods, “Oh my god I kissed you and threw up.” Sirius goes bright red and then, rather dramatically, flops himself onto the bed, burying his head into his pillow. Remus cannot help but laugh at his theatrics.

“You could have kissed me after you threw up. That would have been much worse.” Remus offers and Sirius flops over and stares at him. “What? It’s true.” Sirius gives a sarcastic nod and sits himself back up. “We should, however, start with a proper date.” Remus then says and Sirius gives a sharp nod.

“We’re both free tomorrow,” Sirius offers.

“I know a cute little coffee shop nearby.” Remus suggests.

“Perfect.” Both give a small smile. The smiles are quickly dropped when James burst into the room.

“You knew!” He half shouts at Sirius.

“Knew what?” Sirius asks.

“James, calm down!” Lily then chimes in and Remus looks at all three really confused.

“What is going on?” Remus asks.

“I’m pregnant and Sirius was the first to know because he walked in on me crying. If he hadn’t, James you would have been the first to know.” Lily reassures her boyfriend who mumbles something that no one can hear. James then places a kiss to Lily, saying something about continuing what they were doing and walks out the room. “I haven’t even given birth!” Lily throws her arms up and walks out the room. Remus and Sirius look between each other and then the door.

“We never finished Star Wars.” Sirius says.

“I have snacks in my room.” Remus offers and both quickly scatter over to Remus’ room and get comfortable on Remus’ bed. They spend the evening finishing the Star Wars movies, to which Sirius falls asleep but no one outside of Remus’ room needs to know that.