Severus had just come home from his biweekly shopping trip and began to get a late lunch ready. The house was suspiciously quiet for one-thirty in the afternoon, especially when there was an energetic fourteen year old boy living there. Of course the young boy could be having one of his numerous naps right then. Deciding to finish their lunch before investigating, Severus turned back to the half finished food.
Of course, that was a mistake.
A song that was turned up seemingly as loud as possible began to echo through the entire house.
“I said, certified freak
Seven days a week
Wet-ass pussy
Make that pull-out game weak”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, you fucking with some wet-ass pussy
Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass pussy
Give me everything you got for this wet-ass pussy”
Severus whipped his head toward the ceiling with wide eyes, jaw dropped in confused horror. “What in the hell did that say?”
Now Severus is a logical man, he simply must have misheard the words coming through multiple walls and a sturdy bedroom floor. ‘Yes that’s what it was, I just misheard, definitely.’ Severus was pulled from his thoughts a moment later by a new verse of the song playing through his home. And this time, he could not mistake the words he was hearing.
“Beat it up, catch a charge
Extra large and extra hard
Put this pussy right in your face
Swipe your nose like a credit card
Hop on top, I wanna ride
I do a kegel while it's inside
Spit in my mouth, look in my eyes
This pussy is wet, come take a dive
Tie me up like I'm surprised
Let's role play, I'll wear a disguise
I want you to park that big Mack truck
Right in this little garage
Make it cream, make me scream
Out in public, make a scene
I don't cook, I don't clean
But let me tell you how I got this ring”
Severus sprinted through the living room and up the stairs. He came to a stop in front of the room where the music was loudest. It was absolutely deafening!
“Gobble me, swallow me, drip down the side of me
Quick, jump out 'fore you let it get inside of me
I tell him where to put it, never tell him where I'm 'bout to be
I'll run down on him 'fore I have a man running me
Talk your shit, bite your lip
Ask for a car while you ride that dick
You really ain't never gotta fuck him for a thang
He already made his mind up 'fore he came
Now get your boots and your coat
For this wet-ass pussy
He bought a phone just for pictures
Of this wet-ass pussy
Pay my tuition just to kiss me
On this wet-ass pussy
Now make it rain if you wanna
See some wet-ass pussy”
When opening the door he saw his adopted son dancing around, back facing the door, holding a hairbrush up to his mouth. Severus stood in the doorway jaw slack. ‘This is my imagination,’ Severus decides, pinching himself. When he is sure he will have a small bruise on the side of his arm and the awful song is just as loud as before, he decides he is unfortunately not imagining anything. His son is really playing the most vulgar song he has ever heard before. ‘Is this what muggles listen to now?’
“Your honor, I'm a freak bitch, handcuffs, leashes
Switch my wig, make him feel like he cheating
Put him on his knees, give him something to believe in
Never lost a fight, but I'm looking for a beating
In the food chain, I'm the one that eat ya
If he ate my ass, he's a bottom feeder
Big D stand for big demeanor
I could make you bust before I ever meet ya
If it don't hang, then he can't bang
You can't hurt my feelings, but I like pain
If he fuck me and ask, "Whose is it?"
When I ride the dick, I'ma spell my name
Ah”
Everything slowed down. The moment is like a car accident, he watches as the boy starts to spin around to face the door. Their eyes lock immediately and he sees his son’s eyes grow with horror and embarrassment. The music continues to play as they stare at each other for a long moment. The boy’s brain seems to reboot and he abruptly shuts off the song.
“Dad!” His whole face is red, either from the dancing or the pure embarrassment of being caught, Severus doesn’t know which.
“Harry…”
“How long have you been home?” Harry asks with as much innocence as he can muster up, “I didn’t hear you come in.”
Severus stares at him for another moment and finally replies, “long enough.” Harry’s face goes impossibly redder and he suddenly bursts with laughter. The situation is absurd, but he feels the corner of his mouth twitch before he begins to laugh too. Minutes pass and their laughter finally subsides. As Severus is wiping his eyes he looks at his son. “I have no idea where you heard that song, but I never want to hear it again.” When Harry looks like he is going to protest he continues, “No, you are barely a teenager!”
They sit in silence for another minute thinking, when Severus once again breaks the silence. “Merlin, you had better not know what over half of that song meant.” Glancing at Harry’s, once again, very red face Severus laughs again. “Harry! That is not what you’re supposed to learn at Hogwarts!” After another round of very manly giggles from both father and son, Severus gets up. “Why don’t you pick a nice, clean, song to listen to while you help me finish our very late lunch, hm?” When Harry agrees they walk downstairs together.
Once in the kitchen, Harry starts another song. Severus gives him a look, ready to scold him for playing the damn song from before when the lyrics start.
“I said you know I like to eat
Eleven days a week
Wings and pizza
Stuff that crust with extra cheese!
Yeah, we feastin' on some wings and pizza
I'm so hungry I can't stop, bring that wings and pizza
Gimme all the ranch you got for that wings and pizza”
Looking at Harry’s mischievous smile, Severus can’t help, but laugh. “You,” he starts, with no small amount of affection in his voice, “are an idiot.”
“Yeah, but you love me” Harry responds.
Severus lightly smacks the back of his head, then ruffles his hair.
“Yeah, I guess I do.”
FIN