James
James(Prongs)Potter:
“You’re telling me that you haven't kissed anyone?” Sirius laughed, they were on the train back to Hogwarts. Sirius had moved in to the Potters over the past Christmas break, which gave him plenty of ammo to embarrass James. Euphemia loved to talk about James and Sirius loved to listen to the embarrassing stories. Which resulted in James begging Remus to “keep Sirius on his leash, no pun intended Moony I promise!”
“It's not a big deal, I’m saving myself for Lily.” James boasts proudly which causes Sirius and Peter to break out laughing.
“You can't be serious!” Sirius blurts out before realizing his mistake,
“No you’re Sirius, I’m being honest though.” James pauses to let Sirius glare at him, “why can’t I wait for Lily?”
“You don't want your first kiss with Lily to suck? Do you?” Peter places his wand down and picks up the coin he was trying to transfigure.
“Eh?” James’ face falls, “what do you mean?”
“Well if you haven't kissed anyone then when you kiss Lily it's probably gonna suck? Right?”
“Pete's right mate, first kisses are sucky?”
“All of yours were?” The other three boys nod and James places his head on the table, “that means I have to kiss someone before I can ask Lily out again?”
“It would probably be best,” Sirius kicks James under the table.
“Don’t let them psych you out, if you want to have your first kiss with lily then you should do that,” Remus finally looks up from his book marking his spot with his index finger.
“Was Sirius your first kiss?”
“No” Remus says at the same time Sirius says “yes”
“What? Moony? I wasn't your first kiss? You told me you didn’t kiss anyone that night.”
“No, I said I didn’t kiss any girls that night.”
“What guy?”
“That's a story for another time; right now we’re talking about James.” Sirius pouts but Remus successfully gets out of answering the question.
“Okay, so if I don't want my first kiss with Lily to suck I need to kiss someone first?”
“Yes.”
The train pulls into the station and no one gives James more time to think it over, they all head inside and into the great hall for the sorting; they spend the entire time trying to guess what the hat will yell out. Only Remus hears Lily guessing, and getting all the houses right. The conversation of kissing is put on a pause until that night.
“I’m just saying, Lily has kissed other people, she's probably done more, you don't want to be the inexperienced one in the relationship do you?” Peter and James are playing exploding snaps and James is taking every word he says to heart.
“I need to kiss someone, now. Like right now.”
“Go find a girl, someone has to be desperate enough to kiss you.” Sirius is lying on Remus’ bed reading a life worth living one of the books both Remus and him enjoy.
“Right!” James misses the obvious insult and runs out the door.
“That was mean.” Remus says flipping the page on their book.
James isn't back until after curfew, he falls into his bed and groans, “Lily's gonna hate me.”
Remus mindlessly says, “you could kiss me?” Both James and Sirius jump out of their beds while Peter grabs some candy to watch the show.
“No, no he can not.” Sirius shoves James back onto his bed.
“Hmm?” Remus keeps reading his book until Sirius pulls it away from him.
“James is not allowed to kiss you! I will share many things with my brother but my boyfriend, the love of my life, my moony, mooncakes, is one thing I refuse, Absolutely Refuse.” Sirius huffs and Remus just smiles at the string of nicknames.
“Sirius, I need to kiss someone! And Remus is the one who offered.” James pleads as he stands back up just to be pushed back onto the bed.
“No.”
“Sirius is just jealous, because he knows moony is the best he’ll ever have.”
“Shut up.” Sirius scowls.
“It's not like James or I ever liked each other-”
“Well,” James says, trying to stand up just to be shoved back down, “but now I only like Lily and I understand you two are dating.”
“It would be totally platonic and it would end this entire conversation. Plus I'll let you sleep in my bed tonight, okay?”
“Hmmm” Sirius grumbles, “I still don’t like it.”
“You know I won’t kiss anyone without your permission.” Remus takes his book back from Sirius and leaves the conversation.
Over the next two weeks James won’t leave Sirius alone about kissing Remus. Every time they are in the same room James brings it up. Sirius usually grumbles something about Remus being his boyfriend not James’ and James whines.
“Please Sirius? Please? I'll do your homework for two months, and plan dates for you and Remus and I'll propose to Snivellus” James is almost in tears from begging.
“Propose to Snivellus first and I’ll consider it.” Remus can’t help but snort at Sirius' condition.
“Done.” James immediately gets up from the table and leaves the room.
“I owe you forever Sirius.” Peter says following James out of the room.
“You've been against this since day one, are you sure you could get behind it,” Moony sets the book down without marking his spot which is a rare and special occasion.
“I’m just worried that you're gonna choose him over me.” Sirius flicks at the end of his book.
“Sirius,” Remus grabs Sirius’ hand and kisses his knuckles, “you're it for me, no one else, I will never choose anyone over you.”
“Promise.”
“Promise.”
They follow James and Peter out just in time to get to the dining hall for the start of dinner; before Sirius jumps up on the Slytherin table. Regulus looks mortified while the rest of Slytherin looks disgusted.
“I have an announcement, can I please have everyone's attention?” The dining room falls quiet.
“James, what are you doing?!” Lily looks mortified and is checking for professors. He jumps off the table in front of Severus.
“I wanted to ask you something,” James tries to grab his hand but Severus just pulls back, “I have wanted to ask you this for a long time, but thanks to Sirius I finally have the courage to ask you,” he pauses as he gets down on one knee and pulls out a fake engagement ring, “will you, Severus Slytherin Snape, will you marry me.” The entire student body holds their breath confused as hell.
“What?” Severus says quiet enough that no one can hear him.
“He said yes!” he jumped up, throwing his arms in the air; without a second thought, James leaned forward and kissed Severus, Severus pushed James away before hexing him over and over again. He only stops when McGonagall comes in and takes over two hundred points from both Slytherin and Gryffindor.
That night they're all sitting in the hospital wing while Pomfrey feeds James potions, “I can't believe my first kiss was with Snivellus.”
“That was your first kiss?” Lily says from the doorway.
“This could not get any worse,” he groans, shoving a pillow in his face.
“Why did you do that?”
“Because I wanted to kiss Remus.”
“That's-” she pauses, unsure of what to say, “Okay then.”
“Go away.” he says and the other marauders leave him alone with Lily, “I wanted to kiss Remus so that when we had our first kiss it wouldn't suck.”
“Bold of you to assume we're gonna kiss, and if somehow we ever do kiss, I wouldn't have cared.”
“Well that's just great, I kissed Snivellus in front of the whole school for no reason.”
“You can still kiss Remus,” the Marauders come back in and James looks at Sirius like he's insane, “he's a really good kisser.”
“You'd seriously kiss James?”
“If it would cheer him up and Sirius is okay with it, why not?”
“Oh whatever,” James holds his hands out to Remus who leans over the medic bed and kisses him on the lips, “holy crap,” James says once Remus pulls away, “you are an amazing kisser, way better than Snivellus.”
“Obviously!” Sirius says kissing Remus on the cheek, “and I'm so telling this story at your wedding.”