I Know You
“Thought I’d find you here.”
Lily felt her breath both constrict and whoosh from her lungs at the sound of his voice. Her heartbeat sped up and stopped simultaneously. Her limbs froze in place, yet felt jittery and restless.
She shouldn’t be surprised really, that he was the one to find her. Well, not that he’d come looking for her, at least. That he’d managed to find her, when the girls had not, was a bit more unexpected.
“How did you know that?” Her voice sounded small in the vast space, she hadn’t bothered to raise it as he moved ever closer.
“Wisdom. Cunning.” James sat down beside her, and though she didn’t look at his face, Lily could hear the smile in his voice with his next words. “Sheer dumb luck.”
She snorted despite herself. “Sounds about right. But seriously. Even Marlene hasn’t-”
“Because I know you, Evans.” James leant back in the seat, his broad shoulder brushing and then resting against her arm as he did so.
Lily tried to ignore the warmth that flooded her veins when he spoke, tried to ignore the heat racing down her arm at his touch. “I think it was luck.”
“Nah.” He sounded so confident, so sure. She envied him. “I knew you’d be here.”
Her eyes finally tore from where they’d been focused out in front, focused on the nothingness that was the middle of the Quidditch Pitch in the rapidly fading light. She turned to face James, raising her eyebrow in what she hoped was haughty disbelief, instead of the rush of feelings she’d rather not name.
James, seemingly unperturbed by her expression, reached out, tucking a wayward strand of hair back behind Lily’s ear, mouth curving upwards as he did so. He seemed softer, gentler, tender even - if a seventeen year old boy could ever be called such a thing.
“I know you, Evans. I know how you react when it all starts to get too much. When the walls start closing in with the opinions, the words, the pressure and the slights of others. When you feel like you don’t have anywhere to go, anything you can do, when you feel like you’re helpless against the relentless tide of just, well, shit, that you have to go through daily, that the rest of us don’t.”
“Stop.” It came as a desperate request, a plea. She’d never felt more seen, and she’d never hated it so much.
He didn’t. But he did take her hand, twining his fingers with hers, gripping them in a way that couldn’t not be comforting, stroking his thumb over her knuckles as he continued. “I know the look on your face when you desperately want to escape. When you want space and time and to feel like you’re free of all the weight and responsibility you pile on yourself.” He huffed a laugh, squeezing her hand within his. “And where is there more space, more freedom, than here?”
Her hand gripped his tighter and Lily worked hard to control her breathing from coming out like a sob. He’d read her like a book she hadn’t known she was writing. It was too much. It was, just, all too much. So instead of thanking him, instead of appreciating him, she pushed back.
“If you knew I wanted freedom, space… then why are you here?”
James didn’t seem to mind her comment. At least, he didn’t show any offence outwardly. Instead his smile turned to the more customary trademark smirk as he used his grip on her to pull her closer, until she was leaning into his side.
“Because I knew just as much as you needed space, you also needed not to feel alone.”
She gave in, resting her temple on his shoulder, relishing the comforting weight of his head as it rested against the crown of hers. “Thank you.”
His lips pressed to her hair. “Always.”