The Words Wouldn't Come
The words wouldn’t come.
She’d tried in her room, on her bed, on the windowsill, on the trunk. She’d tried in the library, in the open, in the stacks, in the back. She’d tried the Great Hall, the Potion’s Practise lab, the grounds.
Yet, the words wouldn’t come.
Now she was in the Common Room, on the couch by the fire, having moved from the far corner tables, to the window nook, to there.
And still, the words wouldn’t come.
SNAP
“Shit,” Lily swore softly, the Muggle swear coming before a Wizarding version, as it always did in times of stress.
It was unlikely she had another quill in her bag, it had to be the seventh one she’d broken today. She was pretty sure it was her last one, but she rooted through her bag anyway. Screwed up pieces of parchment, balled together by rage and frustration, fell to the floor in her search.
“Here.”
Lily looked up to see a standard brown owl feather quill at her eye level. She followed the hand that held it to see James’ face looking down at her.
“Thanks.”
She took the quill gingerly, sitting back on the couch and pulling her half-filled scroll back towards her. To her surprise, James sat down on the couch too.
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t seem to take offense at her tone. Quite the opposite in fact. He shifted to and fro on the couch, settling himself in, a book in his hand. It was opened, bookmark placed in the back, finger poised at his current place like how he always read, before he answered her.
“Keeping you company.”
“What-”
“You’ve been trying to finish that essay all day. It’s due tomorrow, so you’ll be staying up until it’s done. It’s Sunday, everyone’s in bed, so I’m keeping you company.”
Lily stared at him, for longer than she’d ever want to admit. He didn’t look back at her, gave no sign that her staring was bothering him. Even turned his page, finger still tracing each line.
“If this is about last -”
James didn’t even let her finish. “It’s not about last night.” He did look up at her disbelieving snort. “It’s really not. It’s okay. I’m not upset about that. I just want to keep you company while you write.”
“James -” Lily sighed. She wanted to say more. She should say more. He deserved more.
But the words wouldn’t come.
“I-”
He cut her off again, with a pat on her knee that drew her gaze straight down to his hand. “Write your essay, Evans. So we can both get to bed.”
His hand stayed on her knee, even as she turned back to her parchment. She thought for long moments, re-reading the paltry argument that she’d taken all day to craft. Her quill, well, his quill, really, was dipped in preparation. And eventually, she started to scratch out an acceptable piece of homework.
The fire was well and truly dying when Lily looked up again. The Common Room, depleted before, was now completely empty apart from the two Head Students. Candles burned low, casting shadows across the normally cheery room. It was quiet, it was cold, and yet, she didn’t want to be anywhere else.
James’ grip had slackened during her work, his fingers had drifted when she moved, smoothing along her calf as her legs had curled closer to him on the couch. His book had fallen with his other hand to the couch. The turn of the pages had been so soothing, so rhythmic, she was surprised she hadn’t noticed when they’d stopped. Which they must have, at some point, because James was asleep.
“I’m sorry about last night,” she whispered as she turned to study him. “Some Gryffindor I am. Running away because I’m scared.” He didn’t move as she shook her head. Chest gently rising with each breath. “You scare me. This scares me. If I cared less, maybe it wouldn’t be so terrifying. But I’m not going to run anymore.”
Lily brought one hand to his cheek. The gentle brush of her thumb caused JAmes’ eyes to sleepy blink open. He smiled as she came into focus.
“Hey,” he murmured. “You finished?” He let go of the book to mirror her hold, cupping her jaw in a way that made her feel treasured. “We should get you to bed. Classes tomorrow.”
The words finally came.
“I love you.”
She could tell it surprised him, his fingertips tightened on her cheek as his eyes opened wider.
“You don’t have to -”
“I love you. And I should have said it yesterday. I should have said it when you said it to me. Because I do. Love you. I have for ages and I should have said it yesterday because you deserve to hear it. I want you to know it, and I don’t want you to ever doubt it. I love you.”
James didn’t need any more words.
He moved forward, his hand tightening on her calf, the other threading into her hair, pulling her towards him. Their lips met in the middle, pressing together softly in a way that was gentle and delicious and utterly mind numbing. Lily couldn’t believe she’d gone a whole day without kissing him. She wouldn’t make that mistake again.
He smiled when he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. “That was worth the wait, Evans. I love you too.”