Boyfriends
“You were unconscious, Remus.”
“Maybe I woke up when we got here. Maybe I ripped his clothes off and demanded he fuck me. You don’t know.”
“Neither do you. Do you even remember anything from last night?”
“No, but he gave me a replay of all the good bits this morning, if you know what I mean.” Remus smiled suggestively.
They were in the kitchen of his little house having coffee and chocolates from a large tin that Remus always kept full for snacking. While they talked, Sirius puttered around wiping down counters, clearing books and papers from the table, sweeping the floor. Remus wasn’t very good at taking care of himself, so he and his home were often a mess, but there were reasons for that. For one thing, he’d grown up in filth. He was prone to pneumonia and bronchitis as a child from sleeping on a mouldy, wet mattress, and he’d rarely been allowed to bathe, partly because the bathtub was too filthy to use and partly because he was the hated child. Then there was Sirius’ suspicion that Remus didn’t think he deserved a clean space or regular showers; he still saw himself as unlovable, just as he’d been raised to do.
He had showered this morning, though, Sirius could see from his wet hair. But he apparently hadn’t thought to get dressed after. Instead, he had got back into his gray pinstriped pyjamas, adding socks and a navy-blue bathrobe over top so threadbare that his shoulder poked through a hole on one side.
“He saw how drunk you were. You couldn’t speak, couldn’t hold your head up.” Sirius felt like he could scream with frustration. “So, what does he do? He has sex with you anyway. You know what that’s called, don’t you?”
“Don’t say it!” Remus snapped. “It wasn’t like that. This morning he was very gentle. He kissed me like I was his boyfriend. We talked after, about theatre and literature, and he was interested in what I had to say. It wasn’t… that.”
Sirius kept his mouth shut. He wouldn’t use the word Remus didn’t want him to say. He’d heard enough stories about the hundreds of times his friend had been brutalized to know he would never be convinced last night’s experience was comparable.
“Please, Sirius, can’t you let me have this? It’s been so long since I’ve felt desirable. He’s asked me out to dinner tonight, an actual date. Can you try and be happy for me?”
“Well, this whole situation is no surprise; apparently he fucks all his leading men.”
As soon as he said it, Sirius regretted it. Damn it, he couldn't let jealousy get the best of him at his friend's expense.
Remus squeezed his eyes shut with a pained expression and took in a deep breath. For a full minute he sat like that, silent, finally hissing out, “God, you’re right. Why else would he want me? I’m so stupid.”
“No,” Sirius said. He went quickly to Remus and cupped his face firmly in his hands, tilting it up so he could look him in the eyes. “That was stupid of me to say. I’m just mad at Severus.” He took his both his hands and pulled him to his feet. “Come sit on the couch with me.”
On the couch, he beckoned Remus into his arms and held him tight against his chest, rocking him back and forth. He felt his body shake with silent sobs.
“You’re perfect, Mooney,” he murmured, kissing over and over the damp hair on top of his head and where it fell over his temples. “You’re so perfect. Of course he wants you. Don’t let an idiot like me wreck this for you. I was jealous, okay? I don’t want Severus stealing my best friend from me, that’s all. I’m being selfish, Mooney. I just want you all to myself.”
“He won’t.” Remus’ voice came out muffled as he turned his tear-streaked face into Sirius’ chest, soaking through his T-shirt. “No one could ever steal me from you, Sirius. You're the best. Besides, you’ve dated loads of people and it’s never changed things between us.” He sat up and dabbed at the wet patch on Sirius’ shirt with his hand. “Sorry,” he laughed, still sniffling.
“No sorries,” whispered Sirius, and he gathered a handful of T-shirt, using it to wipe Remus’ tears away.
“Do you really think Severus finds me attractive?” Remus asked. “And even likes me a little bit?”
“Yes, to both of those,” he answered honestly. “And I think he’s going to fall in love with you. How could he not?”
Remus smiled shyly, his eyes sparkling. Sirius loved making him smile like that.
***
Remus reported that the date went exceptionally well, and after a week they were officially a couple. They started arriving to rehearsals together and sneaking kisses backstage. Sometimes, between scenes, Severus would call Remus off stage to “have a word.” Remus would bound eagerly down to where he sat because the “word” was never really a word, but a passionate grab for the back of Remus’ neck and a hungry kiss. Sirius was usually able to put aside his jealousy in those moments by focusing on the joy on Remus’ face. He was always glowing these days, like an adorable pumpkin all lit up inside.
Most nights Severus would stay at Remus’ house instead of making the long drive to his own home in the next town. This meant Sirius didn’t see Remus as much outside of rehearsals, and he was so busy during rehearsals with his stage-managing duties that he didn’t see him much then, either. But he was happy that everything was going so well for Remus. Until one day, it wasn’t.