I knew that I was gonna die in this.
I knew that my 'Saving and Helping People' thing will bite me back in the arse in the long run (yes, it had to be capitalized. I was a Ravenclaw for Merlin's sake— not a Gryffindor although it came close). I've already neglected and hurt myself doing that plenty of times before, my best mates always there taking care of me. And the moment I heard that we're gonna have a Second Wizarding War, i just knew that not all of us were gonna make it alive— or even as whole.
I was, understandably, scared.
I was a curious soul, I hunted for knowledge every opportunity I got to do so. A true Ravenclaw no you were a Gryffindor, a Hufflepuff. The Sorting Hat said that itself. I loved reading as much as I loved creating art. I read histories, origins, and stories of every little thing that fascinated me. I carried the words I read on parchment with me— in hopes that it wouldn't be forgotten, just like dust flying in the wind (the prospect of me being forgotten scares me-). From books I knew the horrors of the past, of the things people do for power, the FirstWizarding War- of every casualty, every life spent just because of a madman's ambition. From reading and from first-hand experience, I understood that..no matter the circumstances, there's always gonna be a sacrifice. A balance. Life gives and Death steals.
I have to kill
Oh God.
(knowledge made me pessimistic realistic about life(I wished it never did)).
Yes I was scaredIam scared of everything, but there was so much to fight for.
For family, friends. Our country. For the next generation to live without the fear—
So I pushed on.
Hoping for the best but prepared for the worse.
I ran into the fray, never making plans in my head as I risk myself for others. (maybe I shouldn't have been in Ravenclaw, I'm acting like a reckless lion (that doesn't matter, there's a war to fight)). Casting shields and flinging spells like there's no tomorrow — no, there's actually a chance of that if we don't win — I tried to save as many lives as possible with my knowledge of spells
"Stupefy! Brachiabindo!"
"Flipendo!"
"Diffindo!"
Dodging and deflecting the curses, I inspected the yard when I had the chance. Pieces of rubble and carnage was all around me. I found my allies — my only true mates — defeating a group of death eaters with their wands and limited knowledge of runes. 'They've definitely improved ever since we first dueled', I thought while cursing the scum attacking my younger cousin from behind. "Go! Hide and defend our injured cuz'." "Right!" He smiled at me for a moment, and immediately turned around and casted jinxes as he ran towards the makeshift infirmary in the damaged castle. (focus). Sprinting at my underclassmen — who were too unexperienced to fight back more — I blocked the incoming curses while doing what i am best at...
Protecting others
As we go on defending Hogwarts (oh beautiful and majestic Hogwarts (our home)) i heard a familiar voice shout from my right and i knew that is from him , my first friend my love. I took down the two Death Eaters remaining in front of me and i saw— they were getting overwhelmed by other Death Eaters joining their fight, and they were almost down for the count. Some of them are struggling to stand up — dirt, blood, sweat, and tears all over their bodies-
No...
He wasn't standing up.
I can't feel his magic. His aura.
"NO! NOT THEM!" I screamed as I accidentally cast an overpowered shield charm over the ones who I was defending, unconsciously making sure that there were no more casualties in that group. And I ran.
And ran.
And ran
.
.
.
No matter how hard I tried, I didn't get to protect my female mate from the Death Eaters using Crucio to her. It was...
Painful.
Really painful to hear her tortured screams
...And pretty frustrating that you broke your promise to protect them.
I lost it.
My magic flared to life as I screeched and threw all of the Death Eaters back (away from them)— napping their necks on impact. I didn't notice what I just did, but I didn't care at all, all I waNT IS THEM TO BE SAFE. HIS PAIN HURTS ME. HER SCREAMS ARE KILLING ME—
I flung myself at all of them, taking care not to hurt them. I checked their injuries and magic levels. "Oh thank Merlin, you're all alive" i sobbed, now sure that they're all here (they're okay). I collapse from the relief and my injuries (where did those come from?). Their arms around me, their WARM and ALIVE arms. "We're okay, we're all gonna be okay", my love — who just got up — chants like a mantra, also relieved that while looking worse for wear, they're alive. They're alive.
Alive
.
.
.
Heh.
I should have known that happy endings are never ended without a tragedy.
The fight wasn't even calming down yet.
Stupid Ravenclaw.
Stupid Gryffindor tendencies.
We didn't notice one of the death eater stood up — apparently still alive after my outburst (he's persistent I'll give him that)— and got ready to cast an Avada Kedavra that sc u m . It's only my sensitive magic sensing him that alerted me of the action. And in this moment I knew that I would have to sacrifice myself, for them, for him to survive. (I could've shielded ourselves with the debris but I wasn't thinking; I was improvising and stuck in the moment as always). I quickly used a weak "Flipendo!" at my mates to get them away from me.
Bodies collided with the ground as they processed what I did to them.
My best female mate — who was still recovering from the Crucio — shouted at me, just realizing what I was gonna do.
"NO!"
I swiftly cast a 'Protego Maxima'..
"Avada Kedavra!"
Green light shined behind me as I turn back to my friends. (They know that I left my will at my trunk if something ever happens to me (I was paranoid, scared; writing the things I didn't get to say on parchments at only 15 years old (I'm scared of being forgotten, of death)) — my last message to them, my last cry in this world.) It felt like everything was in slow motion as I realized, 'Oh, I'm really doing this'...
.
.
.
.
Time stops
You can feel it.
Looking at their teary and filthy faces, I still see the smiling chubby faces of their first year selves overlapping with their present ones — when we first entered Hogwarts. All of the memories that we made together in Hogwarts start flashing in my mind one by one. Meeting at the train sorting, started our friendship rocky because of House prejudices. Old friends coming in and out of our lives. Finding a friend in each other despite our different houses, desperate for someone to understand us. Procrastinating our school works , learning new spells, raiding the kitchens, wondering the Forbidden Forest at night, pissing Umbridge off. Making loud noises in the library, connecting with each other, finding new friends like us, innocent laughing, dirty inside jokes.
Walking in the school's hallways towards the Great Hall, where a group of students of different houses are getting along— goofing-off even. Being exasperated at them for being so loud (even though I was the loudest out of all of them) and huffing in amusement, but eventually joining them. I miss the peaceful times, when we were innocent, carefree, and naïve- a contrast to the time today.
The green light gets closer.
(you wonder if God (if there is a God, you weren't really Christian) was granting you a little time for your last words)
(probably not)
(shut up mind, now's not the time to overthink)
You tried your best to smile at them— albeit shakily as you try to not collapse, probably the last one they would see on your face. "Don't worry, it won't hurt. Death is only the next chapter after all.", you whispered the beliefs of your late Headmaster- trying to reassure them (or is it yourself? nononono (shit, my hands are shaking))
(I'm sca r e d)
why am i doing this?
foR tHeM
"Thank you for giving me the happiest life I could ever have."
Tears started to form in your eyes, you smiled more genuinely.
You looked at your first, and last love
"Protect them, please?".
He nods, "Anything".
You mouth 'Love you' before you look away, staring lovingly at your group of loyal mates, and missing the widened eyes and dismayed look on his face.
(he regrets not saying it before the war started(you wouldn't even kno w))
They tried to save you, but you're too far away.
They pounded on the barrier
Again
And again.
The protective barrier didn't budge a bit (you put all of you love into that, it its your last stand)
(you gottamake this worth it, rig h t?)
.
.
.
.
Time seems to start again.
A flash of a smile
A tear drops
"I'll be waiting for you guys."
"NOOO!!!"
The killing curse hits me.
My life is still flashing before my eyes when it did.
I have- had many regrets in life but I'll finally let it all go.
(i have too many mistakes to forget )
(nononono Don'T forGet mE )
Huh
It felt...
Peaceful
..And cold,
It claws at my arms, my back.
I guess it's Death claiming me from the mortal realm.
(nonononononono dOn't PleAsE-)
...
.
Calm
I've never felt calmness or tranquility before.
It's... nice
Even if I only felt it when I died.
I can still them shaking my body
Even if it's numb
I feel really cold..
Screaming voices
Atleast I protected them
I kept my promise (thank Merlin).
Tears of my friends falling down onto my body
I'll miss them though...
I wish I can meet them again when the time comes.
The warmth of someone hugging me tightly
It's a nice feeling...
My overthinking mind is silent now
Huh, it's a weird feeling.
My consciousness finally dimmed, and my vision blackened...
For forever i guess.
(I guess I have to face my fears now huh, whether I like it or not)
.
I can still hear their voices, screaming for me to wake up
.
.
.
.
.
Last thing I hear was him sobbing that he loves me too.