crawling back to you.

“Y'all, hurry up!” Lara yelled up the stairs, tugging her boots on with a sharp huff. Megan stood nearby, shrugging into her jacket and giving Lara a bemused look. It was a typical Tuesday morning, which meant they had rehearsal, which also meant they were running late. Again. And, as usual, the culprits were most likely Yoonchae and Manon, probably still tangled up in their bedsheets, blissfully oblivious to the time.

That wasn’t fair, Megan thought. She shouldn’t just assume the worst of her bandmates.

“I just got Manon out of bed,” Dani announced breathlessly, darting past them and out the front door toward the car.

Never mind, Megan thought wryly.

“I’ll meet you there,” Megan told Lara, heading for the kitchen. She grabbed a couple of snacks off the counter—fuel for the day ahead—and made her way to the car. When she climbed into the very back, she found Dani already seated with her headphones on, staring absently out the window. Sophia was up front, naturally; Megan could tell by the way she sat with her arms folded and a faintly irritated expression that she’d probably been waiting in the car for at least half an hour.

Megan slid into the seat beside Dani, nudging her lightly before holding out a banana.

“You didn’t eat,” she said with a shrug, her tone casual, as if the gesture was no big deal.

Dani blinked, then gave her a small, surprised smile as she took the fruit. “Oh. Thanks,” she said softly, holding back her surprise. The thought of grabbing breakfast hadn’t even crossed her mind this morning.

Moments later, the sound of boots on gravel heralded the arrival of the others. Manon threw open the car door with dramatic flair, plopping into her seat with a sarcastic drawl. “Okay, people, let’s go. God, such slow movers.”

Sophia shot her a sharp look over her shoulder, the kind of look that could have stopped traffic. Manon, unbothered, mouthed a sheepish “sorry” and added a dramatic pout for good measure. It earned her a second eye roll, this one exaggerated for effect, because Sophia was hiding her fond smile as she turned her attention back to the front as the car hummed to life.

Yoonchae and Lara climbed in shortly after, the last of their group finally assembled. The vehicle rumbled down the driveway, heading toward another long day of rehearsal.

Megan leaned back in her seat, watching the others settle in, each in their usual way: Sophia, ever the leader, quietly radiating authority from the front; Lara scrolling through her phone with a faint frown; Manon already leaning toward Dani, whispering something undoubtedly ridiculous in her ear; and Yoonchae, head resting against the window, looking like she might fall asleep again at any moment.

✰✩✩✩✩✩

Rehearsal was almost over and Megan had never been more relieved. She loved dancing but there was definitely a limit. A quick glance over at the girls’ and their sweat soaked clothes told her they were feeling the same. Well, except Dani, who was still going even when the rest of them had moved to the side to quickly sip some water. She always danced like she had something to prove, as though stopping would mean she’d lost. Megan’s chest tightened watching her.

“Dani,” Sophia called over the music, her voice firm but kind, “You wanna grab some water?”

“Nah I’m good,” she answered back, not stopping in her movements. Sophia shook her head and muttered something about Dani being insane and having a crazy amount of energy under her breath.  But Megan knew it wasn’t energy. It was drive. And Dani’s drive was a relentless, unforgiving thing. Just then, Sohey, their dance trainer, had walked back into the room and declared practice to be over. 

“Thank God,” Yoonchae groaned, throwing her head backwards. Lara put her hands on the youngsters' shoulders and shook the girl, cheering. 

“Let’s get out of here, I need to eat,” Manon muttered, swinging her bag over her shoulder and then focusing her gaze onto Daniela, who had gone over to the music control to put the volume back up a little, “Dani what are you doing? We’re going.”

“I’m gonna stay for a bit,” Daniela informed, still focused on the speakers, her back towards the rest of them, “You guys go ahead.”

The group exchanged uneasy glances. Sure, Dani often stayed late—too often, really—but something about it always felt... off. Like she was trying to outrun something only she could see. And though Megan didn’t fully understand it, she felt it. Felt it in the way Dani danced herself raw, as if the music could drown out whatever haunted her. Also it just felt odd to not leave and enter the building together, all six of them, like a machine without all its parts. Megan shifted on her feet. She didn’t want Dani to be alone, even if the girl seemed to prefer it that way. Plus, Megan figured, she didn’t mind a little extra time on the floor herself. Dancing was their bridge—maybe the only thing they truly had in common. She liked that.

“You guys go, I’ll stay with her,” Megan announced, her head inclining towards Dani. 

Sophia smiled up at her gratefully, she was reluctant to leave Dani alone here too, more so she didn’t want her to travel home alone in the dark. It was winter, and they’d been at the studio all day so it was likely to be pitch black by the time the two of them got home. Sophia finally bounced up to her feet, pulling Manon up from the ground too. 

“Ok I guess let’s go then,” Manon said, her hand still in Sophia’s, Megan noticed. 

“Make sure she drinks some water,” Lara said in a quiet voice to Megan as the rest began to walk off, “And text the group chat when you're on the way home please.”

Lara pulled her into a quick hug—Lara always hugged, never needing a reason—before joining the others as they filed out. The sound of the studio doors shutting echoed through the room, leaving Megan alone with the muffled rhythm of Daniela’s footfalls on the hardwood. Turning back, she saw Dani had already returned to her routine. The sight tugged at something deep in Megan’s chest—equal parts awe and ache. Daniela danced like she didn’t know how to stop, and Megan wondered if she even wanted to. But the way she moved was so beautiful, Megan wasn’t even sure if she wanted her to. Daniela was dancing.

Dancing with vigour and vividity. Dancing like she was born to do nothing else but dance. Dancing like it was breathing.

Megan couldn’t tear her eyes away. The way Daniela moved was breath-taking, like the world itself might come undone if she paused for even a moment. She danced as if she’d been born for no other purpose, as if it wasn’t just her passion but the very thing that kept her alive. Megan had seen Daniela dance thousands of times by now—day after day during Dream Academy, rehearsals, performances. She should have grown used to it, but she never did. Each time felt like the first, like discovering something utterly, impossibly new. Megan had no choice but to stop in her tracks and watch in awe as Daniela spun across the floor. The girl moved with such grace and precision that it almost seemed unnatural, yet it was so profoundly human—like a butterfly fluttering its wings, delicate and intentional, every movement imbued with meaning. For a moment, Megan forgot to breathe, lost in the beauty of it all. And then, as if waking from a dream, she blinked herself back into the moment. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she grabbed Daniela’s water bottle and marched toward her.

If Dani wouldn’t take care of herself, Megan would do it for her.

“If you’re gonna stop me-” Daniela began, doing a high kick into the air. 

“I’m not going to stop you,” Megan interrupted, “Just- you need to drink. Just a few sips at least.” Megan thrust the water bottle forward and waited patiently for Daniela to stop in her movements. Dani’s breath heaved as she came to a stop in front of Megan and closed her lips over the bottle in Megan’s grip and sipped. 

“There, happy?” She said, wiping the back of her hand over her lips. 

“Very,” Megan grinned, bouncing on the balls of her feet which made Dani chuckle a little before she quickly turned on her heel. 

“I gotta get back to dancing,” Dani said, like she caught herself laughing when she should’ve been practicing instead, she was stupid for listening to Megan and taking that short break anyway. Just like that, her gaze was locked in on her reflection in the mirror, her body once again going over the moves they had learned today. From what Megan saw she was amazing, already having down all of the moves. She wasn’t sure why Dani was so hell-bent on going over them again and again. Maybe Sophia was right and it was more so for the release of energy. Some people journaled, some baked, some ranted; Daniela danced, Megan had found out quickly. 

Dancing wasn’t her greatest love, not like it was for Daniela, but it held a special place for her nonetheless. There was something captivating about the way the human body could respond to music, the way rhythms could be felt so deeply they demanded to be expressed. Megan loved exploring that connection, testing what movements fit which beats, finding the interplay between structure and freedom. It wasn’t her everything, but it was still something—a part of her.

She had other passions, though, ones that lived closer to her heart. Writing and stargazing, for instance. Writing because sometimes her thoughts felt too heavy, too crowded, and the only way to make sense of them was to spill them out onto a page. Her dyslexia meant those words often came out jumbled, messy enough to give her a headache when she tried to reread them, but that wasn’t the point. The act of writing itself—of emptying her mind and giving her thoughts form—was the release she needed.

And then there were the stars. Stargazing had always been her quiet escape. Short answer: the night sky was comforting, a vast expanse that made her feel small in a way that didn’t scare her, a way that made her feel free. Long answer: it reminded her of home. When she was little, her mom used to take her and her brother out to stargaze, pointing out constellations, spinning stories about the universe above them. It was a ritual that made her feel grounded, loved.

She’d kept that part of herself tucked away, though. Stargazing wasn’t exactly the kind of hobby you brought up in conversation without people raising an eyebrow. She’d tried once, back in school, only to be met with teasing and sideways looks. “Weird,” they’d called her. It had stung back then, the way those words always did when you were a kid just trying to belong. But now? Now it didn’t matter. The stars could be hers and hers alone, and she was okay with that.

Soon enough, a half hour had gone by and Megan had definitely reached her limit. She went over to the side and slumped down against the wall, breathing heavily and looking over at Daniela who was somehow still dancing. 

“Hey Dani, don’t you want to take a break o-or maybe we can go now? Aren’t you tired?” Megan tentatively asked. 

“I can’t take a break Megan, I’m going to keep going till I get this down.” Dani answered without missing a beat, her tone clipped.

Megan blinked at her, incredulous. “Get it down? Dani, you’ve got it down . You’re hitting every move. You’re fucking great—”

“Great?” Daniela cut her off with a scoff, her voice sharp and bitter. “It can’t just be great , Megan. It has to be perfect. So if you’re staying, shut up and let me dance.”

The words stung, like a door slammed in her face. Megan’s jaw snapped shut, and she leaned her head back against the wall, swallowing hard. If she were someone who burned hot like Dani, she might’ve snapped right back, might’ve stormed out of the studio and let Daniela dance herself into the ground alone. But she wasn’t that kind of person. She was Megan. So Megan stayed quiet. Megan shut up and sat there until Daniela was done.

She watched Dani push herself to the edge, knowing full well that she wouldn’t stop until there was nothing left in her. And for reasons Megan couldn’t entirely explain, she felt compelled to be there when that moment came. Not to stop her. Not to tell her to slow down again. But to catch her when she fell.

✰✩✩✩✩✩

Daniela didn’t say a word as she disconnected the speaker and blue-tooth. She didn’t say a word as she packed up her bag and swung it over her shoulder. She didn’t say a word as she beelined towards the exit, Megan in tow, and she didn’t say a word on the ride home. 

Megan didn’t mind, she was so beat she actually preferred not talking. She doesn’t know what had Dani so wound up that she felt she had to dance all day or that she snapped at Megan like that, but Megan was willing to look past it because it was Dani. Just as she would for any of the girls. 

“Sorry,” Daniela muttered, suddenly, from beside her, her eyes flitting up to the side of Megan’s face.

“It’s fine,” Megan responded, mostly into her palm, as she tried not to fall asleep against the window. Silence fell again and Megan was seriously close to falling asleep, the low thrum of the car’s engine and Dani’s breathing lulling her gently. 

“Your neck’s gonna cramp, come here,” Daniela murmured, gently guiding Megan’s neck and head down onto her lap.  

“I really am sorry,” Daniela said again after a minute, her fingers slipping into Megan’s dark hair, carding through it with a tenderness that made Megan’s chest ache.

“I know,” sighed Megan as she began to nod off. 

✰✩✩✩✩✩

Daniela felt bad. It wasn’t the first time she’d snapped at one of the girls but it was Megan . Sweet Megan. The one person who always seemed to show up for her, even when she didn’t deserve it. Daniela clenched her jaw, frustrated with herself. She hadn’t meant to lose her temper, but there was so much on her mind, and she needed to dance it out. It was the only thing that ever seemed to work. Well, that and drinking, but she didn't like herself very much when she drank. 

Their performance in her hometown was coming up soon and it was likely her father was going to be there, watching her every move. Judging. Critiquing. She would rather die than mess up in front of him. She had to prove to him how good she was, it had to be perfect. She needed him to see how far she’d come, to see that she was worth something, that all those years he pushed her, tore her apart, and built her back up into someone he could be proud of weren’t wasted.

So, she pushed herself harder than ever. Long hours in the studio, running laps before the sun rose, drilling every move into her muscles until she could do the choreography in her sleep, it was what she did. There couldn’t be room for error. Not this time. Not in front of him.

Megan had gotten caught in the crossfire of all that, and the guilt gnawed at Daniela’s chest. It might’ve been easier if Megan hadn’t been there at all. Then she wouldn’t have to feel the weight of hurting her feelings on top of everything else. But, of course, Megan had stayed. Megan, who was too kind for her own good. Megan, who probably didn’t want Daniela to be alone, even though she had every right to leave. Because Megan wasn’t like Dani, Megan was sweet and thoughtful, willing to keep Daniela company even if she was exhausted herself and Dani was being an asshole. Daniela felt a jolt of pain in her right hand and unclenched her fists when she realised her fingernails were digging harshly into her skin. Her other hand was still stroking Megan’s soft hair. Funny, the duality she held sometimes. One of her hands causing pain and ugly dents in her palm while the other moved soothingly, over something so gentle and beautiful. That duality, the constant tug-of-war between the harshness she inflicted on herself and the care she could give to others, was something she’d never been able to reconcile.

She sighed heavily, letting her head fall back against the car seat as the vehicle finally came to a stop outside the house. She didn’t move right away. The idea of stepping inside—of being that much closer to the show, to her father—made her stomach churn. She wanted to stay here, cocooned in the stillness of the car, where time didn’t feel so immediate, where she didn’t have to think about everything waiting for her.

She was dreading seeing her father, she was dreading having to perform in front of him, having to live up to his expectations. She didn’t know why, even now when they were so many miles between them, that he still had this hold, this effect on her. His words followed her everywhere she went. She wishes she could turn her brain off, even for just a moment, to escape the noise of him.

Their relationship was... complicated. She loved him, she truly did. She knew she wouldn’t be where she was without him, but sometimes she found herself wondering what it would be like if he didn’t exist, what that freedom would’ve felt like. Would it have been different growing up? Would she have been able to have friends, boyfriends? Would she have been able to do anything besides dance, train, and endlessly chase perfection? Not have to worry about how much she was eating, how much she weighed?

Would her mom still have been around?

Daniela’s chest tightened at the thought, and she quickly shoved it aside. Those questions never led anywhere good, and she didn’t have the energy to go down that road tonight. Instead, she focused on waking Megan, shaking her gently until the girl stirred, bleary-eyed and half-asleep. Together, they made their way into the house, Megan leaning heavily against her.

It was late, Dani was hoping to get Megan into bed and then curl into her own covers herself but as soon as she walked in she was met with a stern faced Sophia. Of course. One more thing to deal with before she could rest.

“You didn’t text,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest, “Do you know how late it is?”

This was another thing Daniela had to get used to fast; someone older actually caring about her. Not because they wanted her to be the best-trained dancer in the world or to wring every ounce of potential out of her, but because they cared, just for the sake of it. Sophia genuinely worried about all of them, their well-being, their lives, and she never asked for anything in return. That kind of unselfish concern made Daniela feel... complicated. She wasn’t sure how to hold it, let alone accept it.

“I’m sorry, we got caught up, won’t happen again,” Daniela apologised. Sophia raised a skeptical eyebrow, and the corner of her mouth twitched in a knowing smile.

“Yes, it will. Knowing you,” Sophia chuckled, though her eyes softened. “Do you want to eat first, or are you two heading straight to bed?” Her gaze flicked to Megan, who was slouched against the wall, eyelids drooping as she fought to stay awake. Daniela kept a steadying hand at the center of her back, making sure she didn’t tip over.

“Sleep,” Megan yawned, her voice barely audible. “Tired.”

Sophia laughed, shaking her head. “God, did you break Megan?” she teased, but Daniela flinched, the guilt hitting her like a stone. She glanced at the floor, her jaw tightening. Megan had stayed behind because of her, because she didn’t want Daniela to be alone, and now Megan was paying the price. Daniela swore to herself she wouldn’t let that happen again.

“Come on,” Daniela murmured, her voice soft as she gently urged Megan toward the stairs. “You need rest.”

As they passed, Sophia laid a hand on Daniela’s shoulder, stopping her briefly.

“So do you, Dani.”

✰✩✩✩✩✩

Daniela, to no-one’s surprise, was squeezing in another dance practice. She was moving to the music until it came to an abrupt stop and Dani’s eyes went over to the source of disruption. Manon stood with the cord in her hand. 

“Hey what gives?” Daniela huffed out, brushing a damp strand of hair from her face.

“Girl, you need to tell me what’s going on with you,” Manon said, no room for argument, her hand on her hip. Dani threw her hands up in the air frustratedly and brought herself down to sit on the ground to catch her breath. Manon dropped the cord and made her way over, nudging the semi blonde-haired girl with her foot. Dani looked up to meet her friend’s expectant gaze, groaning as she flopped flat onto her back. Manon followed suit, lying down beside her.

“It’s nothing,” Daniela grunted and Manon immediately scoffed. 

“It’s not nothing, you’ve been working yourself to the bone and I heard you almost killed Megan yesterday.”

Daniela bit down on her lip in guilt again. God, did everyone know about that now? Guess there really was no hiding anything in a house with six girls. Megan seemed like her energy was fully restored today and that made Dani feel a little better. She’d gone out with Lara to get her hair done. Their stylists had decided a change was in order, lightening their hair for a new look. Daniela loved their dark hair, but she couldn’t deny she was excited to see the transformation. When her own hair had been lightened back to blonde earlier that week, she’d been ecstatic.

“I apologised,” Dani said back. 

“Yeah I hope you did,” Manon chuckled. They lay in silence for a moment and Dani actually thought Manon might drop it until she spoke up again, her voice gentle.

“Dani you can tell me, what’s up?”

The thing with Manon was, she had a way of getting Daniela to open up which was an insane thing to Dani. Daniela who kept her cards very close to her chest, who would rather have her walls up at all times, Daniela who thought what she was feeling wasn’t important enough to be shared. Being in the group, with these girls, with Manon as her roommate, that was slowly, very slowly , changing. Manon had become someone she leaned on regularly, someone she felt at ease with, without her even realising. 

“Is it your dad?” 

It was a simple question but it made Dani’s whole body tense nonetheless. Manon didn’t know much of how Dani had grown up but she had some ideas from the little Dani had shared or how she acted around certain topics sometimes, she had a feeling it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. She’d noticed the way Dani avoided certain topics, the way her mood shifted whenever the other girls’ moms showed up for shows or events. Dani’s mom was never there. Dani purposely didn’t let Manon, or any of the others in on much anyway but her home life was a complete no-go zone, absolutely not something she liked talking about. So that’s why Manon was surprised to see Daniela give a short nod of her head. 

“I just don’t want to disappoint him.” Daniela quietly admitted.

“Oh Dani,” Manon lay a hand on her forearm gently, “You won’t. You’ve been working so hard, he’s going to be proud, okay?”

Daniela inhaled shakily and nodded again, but the tightness in her chest didn’t fully ease. Manon didn’t get it, not really, how could she?  Dani had never told her the full story but she appreciated it still. Manon was her rock: steady, unwavering. And when it felt like she was drowning, sometimes Dani let herself lean against that rock. Other times, though, she just... sank.

“Can we get up off this gross floor now?” Manon said, jumping up in disgust, Daniela chortled and joined her, threading her arm through hers.

“Can we go see the girls? I wanna see what they did with their hair.” Daniela suggested. 

“Yes, let's! I bet they look great- if yours is anything to go by, Miss Shakira,” Manon teased to which Daniela rolled her eyes, giggling as they made their way out of the studio.

✰✩✩✩✩✩

Megan looked beautiful. Was the first thought that came to Daniela’s mind when she saw a head of ginger hair bounce into the living room, twirling in a circle to show off her new hair. 

“WOW,” Dani exclaimed, which set off a chain of compliments from the rest of the girls. The blush spreading across Megan’s cheeks now rivalled Lara’s newly dyed hair. Speaking of Lara, she was putting on an impromptu runway show, strutting across the living room with dramatic flair, flipping her dark red hair over her shoulders to a chorus of cheers and laughter from the girls. Daniela watched her fondly, a soft smile playing on her lips, before she felt someone sink into the couch beside her.

The familiar warmth of Megan pressed into her side, accompanied by the gentle scent of lavender.

“Do you really think Chinese ginger is a good look?” Megan tried to joke quietly, but Daniela detected the layer of uncertainty in her voice. She locked eyes with the younger girl immediately. 

“You are literally the hottest Chinese ginger I have ever seen.”

Megan laughed at that, head tilting back, whisker dimples and all. It was wonderful, thought Dani.