Schrodinger's Cat

1971 

“You look lovely, Connie,” Eleanor compliments as she finishes curling my dark hair so it sits half up, half down against my neck.

“Why aren’t you going?”

“I wasn’t invited. Truth be told, I am just awful at Potions,” she sits down on my bed and I step into the shoes she had shrunken for me to borrow. “I don’t think Slughorn is particularly impressed by me.”

“Shows what he knows.” I grab my wand and then decide to leave it, having nowhere to keep it while in my dress.

I had taken the liberty of repurposing my bedsheets into a dress with purple layers flowing down to my knees and a black bodice with off-the-shoulder full-length sleeves.

My first party. 

To say I was nervous was an understatement.

“You should go, I’d hate for Evans to be standing in the hall outside for too long.”

It’s an excellent point. Most of my housemates would jinx Lily on sight.

So I leave Eleanor in my room and head out into the hall.

I spot Lily leaning against the wall a few feet past the entrance.

She looks beautiful. Her white gown has green accents, much more appropriate than mine for the holiday spirit.

“You look smashing!” I say to get her attention.

She looks up and her eyes go wide.

“So do you!” she gushes.

We walk arm in arm towards Slughorn’s office.

Once inside I feel my nerves grow. The room is full of students and professors talking and dancing.

Lily and I find Severus quickly and then spend a long time standing against a wall drinking pumpkin juice.

When Professor Slughorn sees us he comes over, dragging an ancient woman along behind him.

“These are my youngest pupils. Already proving to be quite gifted,” he says to the older woman. She smells like mothballs. “I’m sure all of you have heard of Ms. Bagshot.”

Lily gasps excitedly and Severus smiles with teeth. It makes me laugh, so I have to cover my face with the back of my hand.

“It’s such an honor to meet you,” Lily takes the witch's offered hand.

“I so enjoy meeting the future of the wizarding world. Some of the brightest minds of this century have attended these parties,” Bathilda Bagshot is a refined woman. Her white hair is coiffed elegantly. 

Lily launches into a slew of questions about her writing process and A History of Magic, her most famous writing.

I excuse myself to refill my glass, trying to move past the older students bragging about themselves to older witches and wizards, potential employers.

“Why are we here Lucius?” A stunning platinum blonde girl is saying to the Slytherin Prefect who had scolded Eleanor months earlier.

“My father wants me to talk to Avery about a deal for property in Wiltshire,” Lucius replies.

I fill my cup and look at the pair of them. They are a delicate pair. Fair features and sharp angled faces.

“Can I help you?” The girl asks me, arching a brow.

I shake my head.

“Fawley, isn’t it?” Lucius asks.

I nod.

For some reason I can’t find my words.

“Fawley? Really?” The girl looks to her boyfriend for a response. Then she stares at me, appraising.

“You and I are cousins. Distantly at least. And through marriage.”

“Connie,” I offer my hand, using it as an excuse to stare at her face, looking for features we might share.

I don’t find any.

“Narcissa Black. Soon to be Malfoy.”

She didn’t need to tell me that. It is obvious from how close they are standing and the look in Lucius’s eyes that they are together.

“I couldn’t help but notice you came with a mudblood,” Lucius says.

I swallow down a string of insults.

“How astute,” I settle on a response that won’t lose me any house points.

“Mr. Malfoy,” a voice interrupts us before he can continue spewing hateful words.

“Mr. Avery, it is such a pleasure to see you,” Lucius says, turning so I am blocked from their conversation. Narcissa says nothing, hanging onto Lucius’s arm like a prize.

I glance over at Lily and decide I’ll leave her alone until she is done talking to Ms. Bagshot.

Severus is watching her, barely blinking. He loves her.

“I like your shoes,” a boy wearing dress robes steps into the empty space beside me.

“Are you talking to me?” I ask.

“I’m Eddie. Eddie Davies.” 

So he is talking to me.

“The shoes aren’t mine.”

“I like your dress too,” he drinks his pumpkin juice.

He is wearing a yellow tie. Hufflepuff. Harmless. Probably.

“Thanks. I’m Connie Fawley.”

“Is this your first time attending a Slug Club gathering?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yes. I mean, no. I just mean that I haven’t seen you here before. I’m in my second year.”

He is nervous. Just like me. I hope I don’t sound that terrified.

He has bright blue eyes and chestnut hair. The freckles smattered across his face make him seem kind. He isn’t as pale as most of our classmates.

“First year. Slytherin.”

“You must be brilliant. Slughorn has an eye for talent.”

I blush.

“The same could be said for you I assume.”

“Magical Creatures. I have a gift with bowtruckles.”

For the first time in weeks, I want to ask questions. 

“What kind of gift?”

“Bowtruckles guard trees that yield a lot of wands. They can get angry when wizards try to take any of the wood. I have a gift for calming them.”

“How did you discover that talent?”

“My uncle owns an orchard of walnut trees. The bowtruckles were giving him a run for his galleons. I figured out that they like wood mites dipped in a pollen blend. Not only is it a safe food for them to eat, but it puts them to sleep long enough to harvest. My uncle bragged about me to the Prophet.”

“Prophet?”

“The Daily Prophet. Wizard newspaper. I thought Fawley was a pureblood family?”

“I was raised in the muggle world.”

“My Mom is muggle-born.”

“So how did you figure out the pollen blend?” I ask, not sure how to talk about my parents yet. I still know so little about them.

“It’s embarrassing,” he blushes.

I give him an inquisitive look, having no desire to end our conversation.

“I was feeding the hummingbirds in my aunt’s garden. I dropped the feeder on my uncle’s bag of wood mites. He asked me to feed them and I just used the ruined feed. They were out for hours and woke up happy.”

“That’s wonderful. I wish I knew so many magical creatures existed as a child.”

“I like all animals. I used to beg my mother to bring me to the London Zoo.”

“Connie, are you alright?” Severus asks, interrupting us. 

“Sev, leave her alone. She’s finally socializing.” Lily says it loudly.

I glance at Eddie, feeling my face warm.

“That’s alright. I want to talk to Joan March. She plays for Puddlemere United,” Eddie says, pointing towards a fit young witch with beautiful braids.

I wave as he walks away and turn back towards my friends.

“Connie, you should have stayed to talk to Bathilda. She is incredible. She offered to sign my copy of The History of Magic.”

“Wicked,” I stare past her at Eddie. I’ve never seen him before. I’ve been so focused on keeping my head down, I have lost out on meeting people in other houses. Or in other years.

Lily and Severus are talking about some politician I’ve never heard of.

“I think I am going to go back to the common room,” I interrupt.

Severus gives me an odd look, but Lily just shrugs and says “okay.”

Leaving the party, I decide not to go straight to my room. Instead, I head towards the astronomy tower. The staircases sidetrack me twice, but eventually, I make it to the staircase.

Except before I reach the top, I hear something. 

Peeking at the landing, I notice someone is standing against the railing.

Before I can retreat back downstairs they turn around.

It’s Sirius Black.

“Are you spying on me?” He accuses. 

I stomp all the way onto the observation deck.

“Only you would have such a big head, you would assume you have a stalker.”

“And look, you even dressed to impress,” he sneers. Except his eyes are red.

“I thought I’d be alone. I’ll go.” I don't have the energy to fight with him. Even if he is looking for one.

“Don’t bother. I was about to leave anyway.” He walks past me, brushing his arm against mine to reach the stairs.

I think about stopping him. About asking him what is wrong. Except he doesn’t want to talk to me. So I just wait until I can’t hear his footsteps anymore and then I walk to the edge of the tower, looking out over the Forbidden Forest. The moon is waxing low in the sky. 

The castle has gone quiet. 

I try to picture my parents. There were tiny black and white pictures of them in the pureblood registry. Grainy faces and dark eyes.

There have to be more answers out there. More for me to understand about them. The Christmas Holiday starts tomorrow. Lily and Severus are both going home, although Lily seemed more excited than Severus about it. Eleanor was leaving too. In fact, I didn’t know of any Slytherins staying in the castle. 

Purebloods had family traditions to fulfill. Muggle-borns were the same. Everyone had families to see.

I resolve myself to spending the holiday in the library, researching what happened to my family. How to be recognized as a Fawley under magical law.

The night is silent, but my mind is spinning from the possibility. Maybe by next Christmas, I will have a place to call home.