Chapter 5
Pansy gingerly knocked on her door and waited for Ada’s permission before coming in. She went and sat on her bed, carefully watching the other girl. Ada was still shaking a little bit but she couldn’t tell if it was from anger, adrenaline, or pain. Maybe a combination.
“Do you want to talk about what just happened?”
“Not particularly.” was the short reply.
Pansy was at a loss for words, an unusual feeling for her.
“Would you be willing to tell me why that letter has you so upset?”
“Go ask Michael. I’m sure he’d love to humiliate me some more. And I’m sure if you asked Draco he’d even let you read the bloody letters.”
Pansy was taken aback by the Ravenclaw in front of her. She couldn’t have imagined the quiet girl could have had this in her. She wondered how long and how much it had taken to push her over the edge like that.
“I’d rather not hear it from either of them or read the letters. I just want to know what you think and what caused this so I can understand how you, of all people, exploded like that.” Pansy said gently.
Ada turned to face Pansy square on and could see both pain and frustration clearly written across her face.
“Fine. I’m upset because Michael took those letters from my bedside table, most likely read them, and gave them to Draco. Draco definitely read them and went to McGonagall with that information to get something he wanted. What's in those letters is painful enough to have me know. Having so many other people know is even worse because now I’m the object of pity and I certainly don’t need anyone’s pity, much less that of Draco Malfoy.” her words came out in an angry rush and when she finished she flopped down with a sigh. “And I find this out after I’ve already been severely burned and embarrassed because I couldn’t fix it on my own and I even, for some god forsaken reason, let myself be comforted by him.”
“It doesn’t make you weak, to accept help. Quite the opposite actually.” Pansy said, surprising herself. Ada looked at her suspiciously.
“You sound more like a Hufflepuff than a Slytherin.”
“I know,” Pansy sighed, “but it’s true.”
Ada just shook her head before gingerly grabbing a quilt from the end of her bed.
“I’m going to sleep.”
“Dinner is in less than an hour, do you want me to wake you up for that?”
Ada just shook her head before curling up under the blanket and pulling it over her head. Pansy decided it would be best to leave her so she turned out the lights and gently pulled the door shut behind her. Draco and Blaise were sitting in the common room staring at her when she looked up and she just glared at Draco.
“You’ve done quite a bit of damage today.” was all she said before sitting down next to Blasie with a huff.
“Believe it or not I was actually trying to help for once.” he said defensively and Blasie snorted.
“You sure bungled that up.”
“Yeah, I did.” he sighed. “How do I fix it? I don’t want her to hate me. Pansy, what do you suggest?”
“Maybe start by giving her the letters back. Then you need to talk to her and apologize, actually apologize. Don’t try to do any of the slytherin maneuvering. Then buy her a gift of some sort and maybe, just maybe, she’ll deign to forgive you.”
Draco groaned and covered his face.
“Why are girls so difficult?” he asked.
“Why are guys so stupid?” Pansy fired back.
“Hey!” Blasie protested. “I’m not stupid.”
Pansy just looked at him and smirked which made him pout.
“What kind of gift do I get her? She doesn’t seem the type that would appreciate chocolates and who knows what books she’s already read! Pansy, you have to help me!”
“Mmmm, no. You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out. But I suggest you get started now otherwise there’s no way she'll go home for the holiday’s with you and Blaise.”
Draco pushed himself up from his chair with a sigh and went to his room to think. His friends were no help. He pulled out a catalogue from a book shop in Hogsmeade and thoughtfully perused. None of the books caught his eye but he saw a nice set of quill’s with silver nibs. They also came with an inkpot that would never run dry. He quickly sent the order in, Glad he had been able to bring his owl up to his room, rather than having to travel all the way to the owlery. He finished up just as a bell rang from somewhere to signify dinner.
Everyone was seated around a long wooden table that had been set up and he quickly sank into a chair next to Blaise. He looked around and frowned slightly, Ada wasn’t at the table. He looked over at Pansy but she was talking to Theo. He just sat back as Professor McGonagall swept into the room.
“Before you begin your meal I would like to make an announcement that I’m sure you all will be glad to hear. We have decided, through some persuasion,” she nodded to Draco as she said this, “that we would let you go home for the break on Monday. The train leaves at 10:30 sharp so don’t be late. Now enjoy your meal and have a good night, I expect you to be on your best behavior.”
As soon as she finished, food appeared on the table and everyone dug in. The empty space for Ada was right next to him so he put small portions of everything on the plate before casting a warming spell on it. He’d be damned if after everything that had already happened she went hungry. Ada didn’t come out for the entirety of dinner and when he finally got Pansy’s attention she just said that Ada hadn’t wanted to eat. He was growing slightly concerned but decided to wait another hour. When she still didn't come out he walked over to Pansy.
“Would you go check on Ada with me?”
“Chill dude, she’s sleeping.” Pansy said, irritated.
“She hasn’t been to any meals since dinner the night before last. I’m waking her up and she will eat.”
Pansy snorted in derision and shook her head.
“Yeah, that’ll really endear you to her.”
Draco ignored her as he went over to her door with the plate of food and knocked before slowly pushing it open. He turned on the light and ducked just as she sent her pillow flying at him.
“You need to eat, I’ve saved you a plate and it's still warm.” he said, choosing to ignore the pillow she’d sent flying at him.
She didn’t say anything, just pulled her blanket over her head. He set the plate down on her desk and sat at the end of her bed. Tugging the blanket down he smiled as she glared at him. He tried to pull her up into a sitting position with her elbows but she just went limp and flopped back down.
“Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I read your letter and that I went and talked to McGonagall about it and I am really sorry that you got burned. I know things are… complicated but I really am sorry.”
Ada just pulled her quilt back on so Draco continued.
“I got you a gift, but I just ordered it so it won't be here until morning. I know it may not seem like it but I’m not completely awful. I am trying to help right now. You haven’t eaten anything substantial since dinner two days ago so you need to eat.”
“I don’t feel like eating.” she said.
Draco smiled slightly. He was making progress, however little it might seem.
“Do you feel like starving?”
“I’m not starving, I’m just too tired to get up and eat right now.”
“What if you didn’t have to get up?”
“Then I may consider it. I’d still have to do something though and that's exhausting. Also, you’re not hand feeding me so good luck.”
“Why not, you wouldn’t have to do anything and you’d still get food into your body.”
“I don’t trust you okay, I already didn’t trust you after last night and today then you hurt me in more ways than one so I definitely don’t trust you now.”
“Okay, that's valid but do you trust anyone here?”
“I trust Blaise and Pansy more than I do you right now.”
“What? Why? You barely know them!”
“I trust them because so far, they haven’t hurt me, humiliated me, or shown any reason not to be trusted.”
“They’re slytherins! No one trusts slytherins, not even other slytherins.”
“That’s because you’re all trained to be suspicious and judgemental by the stigma of your house! Society has trained you to be this way, can't you see it? It's pure psychology and none of you can see past the end of their nose enough to realize it. It's why the teachers came up with this combination scheme in the first place!”
Ada had sat up finally and was gesturing about with her hands as she talked, clearly passionate about this topic.
“What’s psychology?” Draco asked.
“Ugh, pure blood.” She stood up and started looking through her books in her wardrobe. “Psychology is the study of the psyche, or study of the mind. Conley basically says that we learn social behaviors from what we see, hear, read, and experience in our social groups.” she clumsily pushed a book into his hands and started to pace. “Here in the wizarding world you hear slytherins described as untrustworthy, shifty, crooked, dark and other such nonsense. You only really see examples of the worst in public and media labelled as slytherins, you read about all the evil slytherins more than the good and you experience other students act these ways because that's what they've been trained to be by society and then you do the same thing. It's a vicious cycle that is incredibly hard to break. Few people even realize what's happening and try. One theory of development is the blank slate theory that basically says at birth everyone starts out basically good. As they grow up, their environment shapes them and instills their moral code, or lack thereof. At eleven years old you’re still fairly impressionable and so then you come into a world that says slytherins act a certain way. The other houses are trained to see slytherins as basically evil and you yourselves are trained to see yourselves as sneaky, manipulative, dark, and other such nonsense. It's all learned!”
Ada finally stopped to take a breath and looked around. Draco was casually lounging on her bed, which she frowned at, and at some point Blaise and Pansy had come in as well. Blaise was leaning back in one of the desk chairs and Pansy was sitting on her bed, staring thoughtfully at Ada.
“I’m sorry.” Ada said blushing.
“No, don't be sorry, it's an interesting concept. And never apologize for being passionate.” Blaise said.
“It's not just a concept though, if you just look around you can see it happening everywhere.”
“We know, but we’ve seriously digressed. I came in here so that you’d eat, not rant and exhaust yourself further. Besides, you should still be in a fair amount of pain. How are you managing all this?”
“First, I’m a Ravenclaw. When we’re passionate about a thing we tend to rant like this so you can’t really control that. Second, I told you I’m not in the mood to eat. Third, pain is pain. It's not sharp so I can manage it, as long as nothing touches my palms it's bearable.”
“Ada, you do need to eat. It's honestly impressive that you're still standing. After that long without food most teenagers would be shaking, dizzy, or lightheaded.” Pansy said.
“Who says I’m not?” she retorted then immediately wished she could take it back.
“Ada! Sit down right now and eat or I’ll make you!” Draco had jumped up and was staring down at her, daring her to refuse.
They stood there in a sort of standoff for almost a minute before Blaise intervened. He pushed Draco back a couple steps and sent him a warning look. Then just as Ada was looking smug he picked her up by the elbows and deposited her in her desk chair and pushed the food in front of her.
“Draco, chill out or leave. Ada, you need to eat and if you don’t do it of your own free will, I’ll personally hand feed you.”
Both Draco and Ada were at a loss for words but Pansy smiled. Blaise had never had much patience and was almost a Gryfindor in his approach to it. Finally Ada spoke up and Pansy knew things would be interesting because she had a stubborn look in her eyes.
“I’m not eating. I can’t hold a pen right now so I wont be able to hold a fork or spoon. It requires me to move my hands in a rather painful way so I’m not going to do that. You’re not feeding me either, I don’t need your help or pity.”
“You either let us feed you, or I'll bring you to Madame Pomfrey. Both Draco and I are big enough and strong enough to pick you up and carry you so it won’t be much of a struggle.”
Ada sat for a second, seeming to size him up. She looked first at the plate of food, then at Draco, Pansy, and finally back at Blaise. She briefly tried to pick up the fork but hissed and dropped it again.
“Okay.” she said simply and Blaise pulled over his chair.
He slowly fed her everything on the plate and when she was done he helped her drink a glass of water. She glared at Draco who was lounging on her bed again, reading the psychology book she’d given him. Pansy was curled up on her bed idly watching everyone and smiled at Ada when she made eye contact. Blasie stood to take care of the plate and Ada stood with him. She however moved over to her bed and glared at Draco who just looked up with a smirk.
“Can I help you?”
“You can get off my bed and let me go to sleep.”
“What's in it for me?”
“I don’t hex you.”
“Fair enough.” he sighed as he got up. “Can I borrow this to read?” he asked, lifting up the book.
“As long as you get out of our room and let me go to sleep.”
Draco just held up his hands in surrender and finally left the room. Ada sat down in relief and looked over at Pansy who was again considering her thoughtfully.
“It's not the worst thing you know, to let someone help you or even take care of you.”
Ada just crawled under her bed covers and turned to face the wall. Today had been way too much for her and she honestly just wanted to sleep for the next day and a half. And that's exactly what she did.