The moment I opened my eyes, everything felt wrong. The sheets were wrong. My hair felt wrong. My eyelashes didn't close right. The nails on my fingers were too heavy.
Everything felt like too much. I felt everything. I heard everything. And everything was WRONG.
I realized that today should have been a day where I would curl up in a giant sweatshirt stolen from who knows where (probably Kirishima -sorry bro) to get me through the day. But alas, the weather had different plans.
It was 90 degrees.
So, I changed into my school uniform, wincing at every noise it made. The fabric unpleasantly rubbed against my skin, but I tried to push through. The seams felt like they were burning into my skin - needles stabbing me every which way. My neck was being choked, I couldn't breathe- the tie was too tight, but it was wrong, everything was wrong. My socks feel off and I don't know why, Why is my hair feeling this way IT IS WRONG I need this to stop, I need everything to STOP PLEASE MAKE IT STOP I CAN'T DO THIS-
I uncurled myself from the floor, trying to stop the flow of thoughts.
Okay. I can do this.
It's going to suck, but a hero needs to be able to handle wearing a uniform... Am I just not that good? Should I even be a hero if I can't even handle wearing a tie?
Oh for crying out loud...
Doing what I learned to help me regulate, I pulled out my earbuds and started playing my calm-down music. I likely had the music turned up too high, but I didn't give a shit at the moment. Closing my eyes, I organized the layers while listening to it- pulling each individual instrument out, feeling it in my brain. I noticed the bass, the drums, the melody, the harmony, all sweeping across my head in smoothing motions.
I was finally able to regulate myself enough to function like a "normal" neurotypical person.
Glancing at the clock, I saw that the common space would be FULL of people.
Yeah- no.
I did a quick body scan of myself, the music still playing, and found myself feeling the way I normally did when I went into verbal shutdown.
Oh shit.
I mean, Koda, Shoji and Kirishima know, and when they found out they just took it with stride, but...
Just thinking about talking to people and forcing myself to speak made me feel sick and lose my appetite.
Choosing to skip breakfast, I sat in my room, reading my stories which helped me regulate a bit more. Maybe I can get out of this 'episode' before class starts.
I really don't know if I have the willpower to explain to everyone.
Well, I do have those communication cards that I made...
_______
Before I was ready, I realized I had to leave for class if I didn't want to be late. Waiting until everyone left the common space, I followed quietly behind. All the sensory things started coming back slowly, so I tried my best to focus more intently on the music, rather than all of the feelings.
Finally, I made it to class, unfortunately causing everyone to glance at me. I quickly snuck to my desk, sitting down and looking deeply into my desk as if it held the secrets to the universe. My knee, of course, started bouncing at a speed that could shatter glass- my body moving to stim in any sort of way without bringing unwanted attention to myself.
It didn't do much to keep people from talking to me though, as Uraraka turned around and started leaning onto my desk and talking to me. She was rambling on and on about this one show she thought I would like, but before long, she asked a question.
I panic a little, trying to think of a way to avoid answering without making her think she's mad at me.
Out of nowhere, (honestly, better heroes than All Might) Koda and Shoji swooped in to pick up the conversation. They both could tell I wasn't feeling super great, and they quickly confirmed it was a verbal shutdown episode when I signed it to them.
Koda smiled compassionately as I brought my hand to my mouth- making the sign for speaking while shaking my head. Shoji nodded understandingly.
I grinned at two quiet but incredibly kind people, eternally grateful for their sacrifice (imagine the "I volunteer!!" part in the Hunger Games).
Before anybody else could ask me unwanted questions, Aizawa walked in with his very fashionable caterpillar cosplay.
______________________________
The class went by okay. No teacher called on me (THANK THE HEAVENS) and the students of rambunctious class 1-A weren't as loud as they normally were.
But, all good things must come to an end.
Aka, the peace and quiet.
Aka, it was now lunchtime.
And curse all of those hypervigilant goody-two-shoes heroes who always say, "Meddling where you don't belong is the very essence of being a hero!" (*cough cough IZUKU*)
Like, no thank you. I'm fine, all I need is space.
But, of course, I can't just - SAY it...
I walked alongside Todoroki, who didn't ask any questions. I didn't normally spend time with him, and I only knew him from the few assignments we've been partnered with, but I know he's fine with being quiet. So, even though Mina and the Bakusquad were giving me worried looks, I stuck next to Todoroki.
He moved to sit down with Iida and Tsu, so I sat next to him. Iida gave me an over-exaggerated welcome, his hands almost spilling his drink. Froppy only nodded politely before returning to her conversation with Midorya.
I still didn't have an appetite. shoot.
Ahh well, I should drink water at least.
Todoroki looked at me quizzically as he pulled out his Bento box.
"Do you have any food with you?"
I shook my head no, and shrugged a little bit. I didn't want him to worry.
He scowled a little bit, before opening up his small container and pulled out a few potstickers. He placed them on a napkin and passed them over to me.
"You should probably eat something at least."
I blink at him in shock from his kind gesture, before snapping out of it and bowing my head in thanks. It's rude to deny a gift, so I might as well eat...
Taking very small bites, I force myself to eat the food, chewing methodically and praying I won't regret it. I will admit though, it tasted really, REALLY good...
"Do you like it?" The Candy-cane boy asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
I smile brightly and nod my head, signing VERY GOOD, THANK YOU before happy-flapping slightly.
__________________________
"Are they mad at me? They didn't even say hi or ANYTHINGGG" Denki cries, leaning dramatically on Bakugo, before he shoves him off.
"Shut up, dumbass. That's obviously not the case." He rolled his eyes, glancing back at the small American across the cafeteria.
Kirishima sat down at the table, bending down to give a small peck to Bakugo's temple.
"Hey Bakubabe! How are you doing?"
"Tch. Fine." He paused for a moment, glancing at the worried gaze of Mina- who was staring at the too quiet student with Icyhot. "Do you know what's up with Happy-flaps? They seem... off."
Kirishima pauses, wondering what the best thing to say in this situation. Well, his friends would have to find out eventually, so Kirishima decided to tell them the truth.
"They told me once before that they sometimes struggled with verbal shutdowns..." Kirishima's knee brushed against Katsuki's trying to bring a bit of comfort."I'm sure that's what's going on, and you know how they have been struggling to unmask. Especially from what I heard of their old school, it makes sense why they would be scared."
Mina blinks in shock. "Wait, do they not feel comfortable with telling us?!? Oh, babies!!"
Kirishima bit his lip worriedly, "I am a little concerned about them though. They mentioned they only go into shutdown when things are hard."
"OH BESTIE- WE ARE HERE FOR THEMM!!!" Denki shouted dramatically, pushing both fists into the air.
"Quiet dumbass. Happy-Flaps probably ate with icy-hot cuz your idioticness is too much for them to handle"
"Hey, that wasn't very Manly, Bakubro! But, um, did any of you guys see them at breakfast? I'm not sure if they ate..."
Sero thought deeply, before suddenly remembering- "Oh! yeah, the light was still on in their dorm when I passed to talk to Toru about our presentation in Midnight's class."
The group quieted down for a moment, pondering what to do next with the information they received.
______________________________
Finally, a long day was over. While the other kids changed out of their hero costumes, I took a long shower to help regulate. By some miracle, people were too distracted to talk to me or ask me questions.
I entered back into the common space, finally feeling safe enough to not wear my noise-cancelling headphones. Fingerspelling random words, I made my way to the kitchen to grab something to eat. Finally, I felt relatively hungry and my body kept on grumbling to remind my brain of that fact.
Denki, Kirishima, and Bakugo were there, as they were the ones who had to help with dinner that day.
Kaminari saw me and smiled brightly, "Hey Lightning-Bug! oh! um I remember you saying how cinnamon pop tarts were a comfort food and how you also really like chocolate milk, so I bought some while we were at the store today cuz I saw you haven't eaten yet, so-"
I cut him off, my hands flapping very excitedly and my body rocking from side to side. The electric boy smiles in response, holding his hand out for me to clap, himself stimming a little as well. Handing me a pop tart, he holds out his hands in the universal gesture of HUG. I dive into his arms, enjoying the deep pressure and grounding feeling of his arms around me.
Bakugo and Kirishima watched the interaction in slight shock (heh), quite confused. After I left to go to the dorm common space, Kirishima whirled on Denki with a questioning look on his face. "How?"
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT DUNCE FACE?!?"
"well, I know what it's like to be super overwhelmed, and I figured that was the case for them too. There was a time when we discussed our safe foods together, and we promised to help each other out when either of us needed it- especially with our neurospicyness."
Denki shrugged before heading out to join me.
Kirishima pondered for a minute before worriedly mumbling, "pop-tarts don't HAVE protein..."
"tch, no wonder they don't feel good, they're eating like shit."
"Should we make something?"
"Hold on, let me ask Pinky."
Bakugo screamed. Mina appeared.
~ Magic ~
"Oy, Pinky, what does Happy-flaps like to eat that has actual protein and is not a pop tart?"
"They really like bagel sandwiches, they make one almost every day. when they remember to eat, that is."
"Well, duh, but do you know remember what they put on it?!?"
"Oh! are you going to make them something because they haven't eaten much?"
"Tch, obviously. It wouldn't be very heroic to leave them to accidentally starve themself. What an idiot."
"HERE! I WANNA HELP!!"
Much to Bakugo's chagrin, Mina joined the party (heh) and helped him make a suitable meal for the neuro-divergent person who couldn't accurately feel when they were hungry.
____________
I showed Denki my communication cards on Pinterest, pulling out the
ヾ(*’Ｏ’*)/
*Gay gasp*
When he watched Shinso walk past. He blushed, and I elbowed him to try and get him to finally make a move on his crush.
He just scowled at me and shoved me a little to get me to stop, causing me only to laugh and flap.
We continued to talk (me showing the cards) and him excitedly speaking with his hands. Because when two neurodivergent people meet together, chaos ensues. Topics went from smash or pass Pokemon, to how to start a pyramid scheme.
Suddenly, Kirishima burst into the room, accidentally hardening his face as he shouted, "EATING IS A VERY MANLY THING TO DO!"
I startled, especially when I notice he is staring DIRECTLY at me. Whoops... so much for not worrying them...
Denki snickered, mumbling something like: "eating dick sure is..."
This causes me to laugh, whacking Kaminari slightly on his shoulder. He grinned cheekily.
While Kirishima made his manly announcement, the other students were surprisingly unresponsive. Strangely enough, they were used to this type of thing occurring by now. But, they still weren't prepared for the argument to get slowly growing in volume behind him. The pink girl and the angry blonde were practically at each other's throats, screaming at each other about types of meat.
wait what?
"NO, I TOLD YOU THEY LIKE HAM BEST!"
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT RACOON EYES?!? IVE ONLY EVER SEEN THEM EAT CHICKEN!!"
"WELL, YOU ARE WRONG!! I KNOW THEM BEST!!!"
"TCH, IVE MADE MORE MEALS FOR THEM THAN YOU HAVE!"
"I. DONT. CARE. THEY WOULD WANT HAM, NOT CHICKEN!!"
"DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A SHIT ON WHAT YOU SAY? OBVIOUSLY I KNOW WHAT THEY NEED MORE THAN YOU DO!"
"WHAT?!? YOUR'E CRAZY!"
Denki and I look at each other, concern painting our faces.
"WELL LETS JUST ASK THE HAPPY-FLAPS!"
"FINE."
"FINE."
Two furious people stomped out of the kitchen, walking to corner the two autistic children.
"OY! Happy-flaps, you want chicken or ham?"
I blink in shock, not wanting to speak yet, but not wanting to be rude. Glancing at Denki for help, he points to my phone and says, "use your cards!"
Oh... would... how would they react? Bakugo and Mina were starting to glare at each other again. Shoot, I need to answer soon.
So, as anyone would do, I pull up a picture of ham.
🍖🥪
This caused a new cacophony of noise.
"HA I TOLD YOU, SUCK MY BEAUTIFUL HORNS" Mina exclaimed.
"Tch. I was gonna give that to them anyways..."
Before either could leave, I quickly found a:
"I'm not hungry" card.
🙅🍽️
"WELL TOO BAD! I DIDN'T SEE YOU EAT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THAT POPTART THERE, DUMBASS!"
"Please baby? I really want you to have at least something..." Mina widened her eyes, begging me with her beautiful yellow irises.
Again, I looked at Denki, hoping he would help me out. Instead, he shrugged and said. "Sorry dude, but we know you'll feel better if you eat. Anyways, don't you always remind me to eat even when I'm not doing good?"
I sigh and pout a little but nod my head nonetheless.
"YAY! Thank you so much Sweet cheeks!! I'll make sure it tastes SUPER good!!"
Bakugo scowled and stormed back to the kitchen grumbling, "Tch, I'm not letting her touch anything... I swear she can burn water."
I smile softly, realizing how much my friends care for me. They are okay with me doing what I need to do, to help me feel better.
______________________________________________
That night, while I ate my sandwich (which was very good by the way), The Bakusquad migrated to the couches where Denki and I sat earlier. They talked about all the things, including solving world hunger and Minecraft techniques. Eventually, everyone around me made a meaningful glance to Mina, who got the hint and finally asked the question everyone was wondering.
"So, earlier, I saw that you weren't feeling the best. Would you like to tell us what happened?"
"Yeah, we were pretty worried... Especially when you seemed way more on edge." Sero added, holding a throw pillow to his chest.
"You know we won't judge you or whatever, right?" Bakugo had his arms crossed and was avoiding eye contact.
I nod my head weakly, now feeling bad for trying to avoid them. I quickly google a good description of what verbal shutdown is to me, especially how it is a safety measure I put in place to keep me from shutting completely down.
Passing my phone around, they all read it and started to understand the situation a bit more.
"Do you know what happened to cause the verbal shutdown stuff?" Sero asked.
I typed out in my notes app; 'Today was a bad sensory day'
Kirishima nodded, "Thanks for telling us- even though you were scared, telling us was a super manly thing to do!!"
I smile and give him a fist bump, grinning even brighter.
"One thing though," Mina spoke quietly, picking at her nails, "please let us know the next time you feel like you're struggling... We were all really worried."
Nodding my head sadly, I sign SORRY, I WILL.
Denki reached over, pausing a second for approval before crushing me in a hug.
"We love you bug, okay? You are worth it, and you could never be a burden!"
I close my eyes and lean into his touch.
I feel other people join our hug, one grumpy blonde being forced by the redhead.
It was nice.
"T-thank you." My voice whispered from misuse.
"We love you bestie."
"Let us know how we can help, okay?"
"And don't forget to eat protein!!"
"SHUT UP SHITTY HAIR, DONT SAY THAT IF YOU CANT COOK SHIT!"
I love my friends.
With the connections we have with each other, we could practically take down All For One.
:)
________________________
MINI SCENES
~~~~~~~~~
*Present Mic catches on during another bad sensory day*
*Gives me a sucker*
"There you go, listener! Now if anybody tries to talk to you, you can gesture to the sucker!!"
*It was a nice thought, but people still tried to talk with me*
~~~~~~~~
"Uraraka! I have an idea, can you use your quirk on me?!?"
"Um... Sure?"
*She uses her quirk and takes a step back while I start to happy-flap.*
"Woah... WAIT IS THAT Y/N?!?" Ojiro gasps while walking with Tokoyami, pointing to a quickly moving object in the sky.
There was a group of students moving around to try and catch me as Uravity let go of her quirk.
I fell quickly, laughing before I was caught by Shoji.
I continued to giggle, laughing
while Mina and Bakugo scolded me for being stupid.
"But Bakugo!! I wanted to see if I could fly with my stims!! And with Uraraka's quirk, I thought I could!!"
"BESTIE DID YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW DANGEROUS THIS COULD HAVE BEEN?!?"
"But I'm okay!!"
Ojiro decided to just keep walking and possibly avoid any more confusion from his classmates.
(*Sneaks in* "here's the playlist" ) WHOOT
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3B0gxJYpRDwRtAy3cd6BIq?si=OnLrsA4eTiSFbgUv3tXoQA&pi=ifrfwcycTyCG9