chapter 9
(james&sirius)
james:
SIRIUS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
LOVE OF MY LIFE
APPLE OF MY EYE
MY EVERYTHING
sirius:
JAMES
MY ONE AND ONLY
THANK YOU I LOVE YOU
james:
I LOVE YOU TOO
gosh you are old:/
sirius:
old??
how dare you
im literally just a year older
james:
and you can feel it in your bones, cant you?
poor grandpa
sirius:
this is blasphemy
on my birthday
you give this attitude to me instead of my present??
james:
wow
so presumptious
what makes you think i got you a present?
sirius:
cut the bullshit, potter
AND SHOW IT TO ME
james:
show you what..
sirius:
anything you want;)
james:
oh god
i’ve been assaulted by an old man
sirius:
what who??
james:
YOU
sirius:
OKAY ENOUGH
talk to me when you have my present at hand
james:
of course, sir
(remus&sirius)
remus:
happy happy birthday sirius
you are so old, its crazy
im so happy im alive when you are
sirius:
WHY IS EVERYONE BULLYING ME
YOU LITERALLY CANT DO THAT
ON MY BIRTHDAY?
its against the law
rewrite it.
remus:
happy happy birtday sirius
you are so young and glowing
i dont have to rewrite the last part
i AM happy that im alive when you are.
sirius:
thats so much better
thank you remus
and i dont want a universe where i wouldn’t be alive at the same time as you
remus:
i see you are feeling very sappy today
sirius:
you started it!!
remus:
..
fine
i hope your day will be filled with joy and whatnot
sirius:
charming
the real joy was your morning breath when you woke up
remus:
okay
low blow
I AM SICK
sirius:
do you want a low blow?
remus:
okay i take it back
YOU are sick
sirius:
prude
remus:
i was bedridden and now you make fun??
i thought you wanted to nurture me
sirius:
BEDRIDDEN he says
you were up and about at the arse crack of dawn
remus:
is 10 o’clock the arse crack of dawn to you sirius?
sirius:
yes
and you should know that
i dont like mornings
remus:
you seemed very chipper this morning
why was that?
sirius:
who wouldnt be when they get to wake up next to you
remus:
OKAY
kiss ass
dont say anything to that.
sirius:
come on remus
where’s the fun in that:(
remus:
i dont need to hear your stupid innuendos
sirius:
do you want something ‘in-your-end-though’?
remus:
im blocking you.
sirius:
YOU WOULDNT
remus:
JUST WATCH
sirius:
need i remind you its my birthday?
and you can’t
remus:
im hitting the block button when the clock turns to midnight
sirius:
empty threats
(regulus&sirius)
regulus:
bon anniversaire, sirius
je t'aime beaucoup
sirius:
aww reggie
merci beaucoup
je t’aime beaucoup aussi
regulus:
dont tell anyone
sirius:
that you’re actually a softy?
secrets safe with me, little brother
regulus:
thanks
i would have had to cut all your hair off otherwise
sirius:
my hair??
you cruel little man
regulus:
IM THE SAME HEIGHT AS YOU
sirius:
doesnt matter
you are itty bitty in my eyes
regulus:
wonderful
(peter&sirius)
peter:
PUMPKIN
GOSH ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY
my heart is breaking because it cant contain the love i have for you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
sirius:
oh my god sweetie pie
i just shed a tear
when did you become a poet, pete??
peter:
when my eyes hath laid upon yourths
sirius:
oh wow
just butchering the old english
peter:
yeth
now to important buisness
are you free this afternoon??
sirius:
yes, what are you planning?
peter:
nothing!!
aside from the drinking with the lads
but you know that
sirius:
riiiight
so why then?
peter:
i have to take bertram to the vet
and i need you to come with me
sirius:
oh my god peter
IS OUR BABY OKAY
peter:
yes dont worry!!
he just needs some mandatory shots
and needles freak me out
please?
sirius:
yeah of course
anything for bertram
peter:
thank you sirius!!
(operation BIRTHDAY)
peter:
okay
phase one is done
marlene:
there are more phrases??
peter:
no:(
it just sounded good
james:
great pete
so you’ll text us when its safe to go?
peter:
yepp
you’ll have like an hour at least to set up everything
lily:
okay i think thats fine
mary:
i got the party hats!!
dorcas:
me and marlene are bringing the booze
you’re welcome
remus:
james, regulus and i will pick up the cake
lily:
superb
im bringing the music
dorcas:
what do you mean the music??
mary:
she bought a dj set
remus:
since when do you know how to dj
lily:
since now!!
james:
sounds great lily
marlene:
can i co-dj??
lily:
yes of course
peter:
guys
someone needs to bring my present for me
i cant exactly have it on me while we go to the vet
james:
its okay wormy
we’ll pick it up
peter:
thanks guys
(regulus&james)
regulus:
is everyone sure i won’t be intruding tonight?
james:
regulus
you are literally his brother
and we asked you because we like your company
and you are not intruding.
regulus:
i dont want to break some weird tradition that you guys have
james:
weird??
nothing about us is weird:)
regulus:
careful
your pants are on fire
james:
how do you know that im wearing pants??
regulus:
WEIRDO
stop
maybe i dont want to go
james:
sorry
no take backs
(marauders&co)
lily:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIRIUS
i cant wait to see your adorable face and squeeze those cheeks!
remus:
who turned lily into a grandma
mary:
BON ANNIVERSAIRE
you are so hot and sexy
i havent seen you today but i just know
marlene:
oh wow you are a year older!!
dont die on us grandma
dorcas:
happy birtday lovely!!
sirius:
oh wow guys
you spoil me
aside from marlene
who can kiss my ass
marlene:
gladly
which cheek?
sirius:
whichever you prefer, honey
james:
CANT WAIT TO DRIINK
marlene:
will i ever see the day when james gets a hangover
lily:
no i think the world would collapse then
would stop spinning
remus:
ah so you think the world revolves around james?
or just your world
(lily&remus)
lily:
shut your mouth
remus:
SCARED OF THE TRUTH?
lily:
do you want to talk about how your world revolves around sirius?
remus:
touché
i’ll shut up
lily:
thats what i thought
(marauders&co)
sirius:
whose world doesnt revolve around him??
peter:
talk your truth!!
marlene:
okay enough pining
i want to know how our lovely sweet baby is
sirius:
ahh you know im fine
marlene:
i clearly meant bertram??
peter:
sirius and i are taking him to the vet today!!
but not to worry, he is totally okay
regulus:
what the fuck
why wouldnt you tell us he is sick??
peter:
HE IS NOT
regulus:
poor baby
remus:
idk guys
regulus saying baby is doing something to me
sirius:
SHUT UP??
james:
yeah i have to agree remus
my stomach did the thing
marlene:
maybe you just need to fart
james:
wait i’ll try
sirius:
jesus wept
james:
yeah it was just a fart
sorry, false alarm