Chapter Two
The next evening, Snape poured some of the Wolfsbane into a goblet and made his way to the Defence against the Dark Arts classroom where he knew Lupin would be, no doubt working overtime as he always did. As he reached the door he took a breath and knocked.
“Come in.”
Snape opened the door. He stopped walking almost immediately because there in front of him was Lupin sat down quite nonchalantly with a cup of tea and opposite him was Harry Potter. He narrowed his eyes at him in a grimace. Potter had somehow managed to time his intrusion perfectly and get in the way of Snape’s planned interrogation of Lupin. Now he would have to find some other excuse to see Lupin alone.
“Ah Severus,” said Lupin, smiling. “Thanks very much. Could you leave it here on the desk for me?”
Snape’s eyes wondered between Harry and Lupin.
“I was just showing Harry my Grindylow.” said Lupin pleasantly, pointing to the tank.
“Fascinating” said Snape dryly, his gaze fixed on Lupin. “You should drink that directly Lupin.”
“Yes, yes I will.”
“I made an entire cauldronful” Snape continued, “If you need more.”
“I should probably take some again tomorrow,” Lupin smiled gently at Snape, his eyes sparkling with gratitude. “Thank you, Severus.”
“Not at all” he replied, “I’ll be in my office if you need me.” And with that he turned and left.
Snape had very few lessons the next day so the majority of his time was spent in his office preparing for tomorrow’s lessons. He was just arranging some of his notes when a knock came at his door.
“Enter.”
Lupin walked in looking a little sheepish and stood awkwardly in the doorway, wrapped in his tattered cloak.
“Sorry to bother you, Severus. I’ve come about –”
“I know what you’ve come about.” said Snape, slowly rising from his desk. He walked away to a small cupboard at the back of the room and returned with another goblet full of smoking Wolfsbane. He handed it to Lupin who gulped it down.
“Never do that again.” Snape hissed.
Lupin cocked his head. “Never do what again?”
“Never assume that I am too busy for your needs. Never think that a small spat will make me petty enough so as to neglect you and never put this school or its inhabitants at risk again out of pride.”
Lupin looked down, shame darkening his pale face. “I am sorry, Severus. You are right. I – it wasn’t pride. And I never thought that about you, please understand I –”
A sort of desperation had crept into his voice and his usually calm eyes looked almost panicked. Snape had never seen the calm and collected Lupin like this before and, though he wouldn’t admit it, it shocked him. Placing an arm around Lupin’s back, Snape guided him to a chair by his desk and sat Lupin down in it. Lupin rubbed his face and stared at the floor. Feelings that he’d bottled up for years were threatening to surface and he couldn’t cope anymore. He needed to let them out to someone, anyone. But he didn’t want to be a burden.
“I’d been going without it for so long that I just thought… but you are right. Of course you are right. My responsibilities are so different now. Towards myself as well as others.” He buried his face in his hands and in a painfully strained voice he whispered “Why am I such a burden?”
Snape heard the faint words that left Lupin’s mouth and it struck a hushed chord with his hardened heart. It was a question that he had often asked himself in his childhood. But he had grown since then and many things within him had changed. Yet here sat the once tall, calm and quietly confident boy slowly breaking into pieces in front of him.
Snape looked at Lupin properly for the first time since his arrival. He had assumed that not much had changed but now that he looked again he saw a gaunt body with sunken eyes. Two new scars had appeared on Lupin’s face and several small scars littered the skin of his wrists.
“What happened to you…” Snape breathed.
Lupin caught him looking at his wrists and made to cover them up with his tattered sleeves. “Brambles are a nightmare when you shift.” He tried for a light laugh but it came out a little strained.
He rose from his seat then and said in an attempted casual tone “Well, I best be heading off now. I have… things to prepare for… well, you know.” Snape rose as well and followed Lupin to the door. As he was about to leave, Lupin turned to Snape.
“Thank you, Severus. Truly. Sorry to be a bother.”
An irritable feeling rose in Snape. “You really must stop apologising so much, Lupin, it’s bad for my digestion.”
“Yes, of course. Well, good night Severus.” He began to walk away down the dark corridor.
“Lupin.” Snape called quietly. He stopped and turned slightly to face Snape. “If you require a tonic or remedy of some sort when you… return, I have several that need using. They’re beginning to take up space in the storeroom.”
Lupin smiled to himself and nodded his head slightly. “Much obliged.” And with that he headed to his quarters to begin preparations.