The Promise
The Promise
Remus shifted slightly, adjusting his angle so his back was more comfy up against the sofa. He turned his head so his eyeline traced the sliver of the moon out the window. He felt his hair stand on end. He hated how something so beautiful could turn him into something so horrendous.
Sirius wriggled up so his back rested on Remus’ chest. He nuzzled his head into the crook of Remus’ neck, breathing in the scent of chocolate and smoke. Sirius closed his eyes and let the smell envelope him.
“Y’alright Pads?” Remus asked quietly, as he wrapped his arms around the other boy and rested his face against Sirius’ forehead. Sirius had set a David Bowie record going in the background and was now nestled up against Remus. Sirius adjusted his head slightly so he could answer. “Yeah. Now anyway.” He replied, moving himself so he and Remus could sit comfortably. “That’s alright, then.” Remus decided, grinning against Sirius’ face.
Sirius leant forward briefly to retrieve his packet of cigarettes, then returned to his position. He took one out of the packet and then tossed it across the floor. Sirius brought the cigarette up and placed it between his lips. Remus picked up his wand from beside them and held it to the end of the cigarette, lighting it with a quick spark. Sirius inhaled and puffed out a cloud of smoke before passing the cigarette to Remus.
The two of them sat like that for a while. Comfortable silence in the air between them, David Bowie’s raspy vocals in the background, passing a cigarette back and forth. They both liked it like that. It was good. They listened to each other's steady breathing, each silently depending on the other. Remus felt Sirius’ breathing change, and immediately knew he was going to say something.
“I don’t wanna grow up.” Sirius stated on an exhale. Remus hadn’t expected that. Sirius stubbed out the cigarette on the floor, leaving a black mark on the plank. Remus trained his gaze on the wall opposite, reaching up to brush one of Sirius’ long dark hairs off his face. “I know, Pads.” He sighed. Sirius stirred, leaning back more heavily onto Remus. “Growing up means we have to leave Hogwarts. We have to find a new home and we have to join the war. I don’t want to. I don’t want to lose any of this. I don’t want to lose you.” he said. Sirius sounded dangerously close to tears. Remus felt his face soften and his own eyes water. “Pads,” he began, bringing his hands up to rub Sirius’ shoulders. “Pads, we have to grow up. And we have to leave Hogwarts and find a new home. And join the war. But none of that is a bad thing. Because we’ll do it together. We won’t lose it. Any of it. Any of this. And you won’t lose me.” Remus whispered, almost believing it himself.
Sirius fiddled with a loose thread on one of his socks. “Do you promise?” he mumbled. Remus didn’t say anything. How could he? How could he make a promise to the boy he loved? How could he make a promise he wasn’t sure he could keep? How could he do that to him?
Sirius turned himself so their faces were mere inches from each other. “Do you promise?” He repeated desperately, moving Remus' chin so he would look at him. Remus let his eyes travel over Sirius’ face. A tear fell down Sirius’ cheek. Remus’ jaw set. He knew he would promise. And he knew it would be a promise that he would keep. He would have to keep. He would keep it for his whole life.
“I promise” Remus said as he brought his thumb up to wipe away the tear. Sirius nodded, leaning in so their foreheads were touching. “I love you” he whispered.
“I love you.” Remus replied.