If being true to yourself means taking whatever you want, no matter the cost, then isn’t that freedom? Maloi asks herself this often, even though she’s not sure she’s ready for the answer. She thrives on the attention, the admiration, the whispers that follow her wherever she goes. She’s a firm believer in the “YOLO” mantra: no regrets, no second-guessing. She’ll try anything once, even when she knows better.
Her world is a game, and she’s mastered it. With her quick wit, easy charm, and a smile that could disarm even the most guarded hearts, Maloi doesn’t just move through life—she commands it. She’s the girl people envy and want in equal measure, the one who gets away with everything because the rules don’t apply to her. At least, that’s how it feels. But beneath the perfection is someone who doesn’t care about the fallout. If someone gets hurt, well, that’s just collateral damage. It’s not her fault they couldn’t keep up.
Maloi doesn’t plan to leave chaos in her wake; it just happens.
She pushes boundaries, sometimes without realizing it, other times because she’s curious to see how far she can go. Relationships falter in her orbit, but she’s never too invested to care. Partners become obsessed, friends grow distant, and it’s all the same to her. She tells herself it’s just good fun.
Love? Commitment? Those feel like cages to Maloi, and she’s not ready to be trapped again—not when the whole world is hers to explore.
Then there’s Colet. Sweet, grounded Colet—or at least, that’s what she seems to everyone else. Colet knows how to play the role of the steady best friend, the one who keeps Maloi in check. She calls Maloi out when no one else dares to, reminding her that not every mess can be swept under the rug. But Colet has secrets of her own. Beneath her calm demeanor is someone just as reckless, just as flawed.
Colet is far from perfect. While Maloi’s chaos is loud and unapologetic, Colet’s mess is quieter, harder to pin down. She’s the kind of person who hides her cracks under a calm exterior, but Maloi sees right through it. Colet might play the role of the responsible one, the brake to Maloi’s gas pedal, but deep down, she’s just as reckless. She isn’t the moral compass people think she is. She’s the kind of person who bottles up her own chaos, letting it build until it explodes. And Maloi is the spark that keeps setting her off.
Together, they’re a storm waiting to happen. They push each other to places they shouldn’t go, daring the other to step closer to the edge. And maybe that’s what makes their friendship so intoxicating. They’re bad for each other in ways neither wants to admit—and it’s only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.
Their friendship is a carefully balanced dance on the edge of something neither of them wants to name. Colet is supposed to be Maloi’s anchor, the voice of reason. But more often than not, she’s dragged along by Maloi’s whirlwind, unable—or unwilling—to pull away.
“Ano, nasan ka na naman? Nagmessage na naman si tita!” Colet snapped, irritation clear in her voice as the phone rang through.
“Col, relax lang. You know naman na what to say. I’ll get a ride back after this and d’yan ako uuwi, don’t worry.” Maloi’s voice was shaky, loud background music cutting through her words.
“At nasa bar ka na naman? Ulol. Gago. Bahala ka! Konti na lang, isusumbong na talaga kita!”
Maloi sighed. “Love you, text you later,” she said quickly before hanging up, her tone losing its edge as she let herself slip back into the chaos of the night.
“Hay nako,” Colet muttered, shaking her head.
She’s used to it, though. After all, this is what she signed up for when she decided to be friends with Maloi. She's the one who tries to steer Maloi back from the edge, even if it feels like a losing battle. She knows Maloi’s strengths and flaws better than anyone. While Maloi might flirt with danger and break hearts, Colet knows she’s clever enough to never truly get hurt, never get caught.
But even so, Colet worries. She worries because she cares. And every time she tells Maloi to be careful, she knows she’ll end up watching her drift further, out of reach.
It’s strange, really, that they’re even friends. On the surface, they’re opposites. Maloi is sunshine, warm and dazzling, pulling everyone into her light; Colet is the quiet shadow, the calm after the storm. Maloi thrives in chaos, while Colet craves control. Maloi is the picture of perfection, or so it seems, while Colet carries her flaws like cracks she can’t quite fix.
But nothing's impossible with Maloi. Somehow, that was enough for them to form a bond. It’s been seven years. And over half of that time has been spent navigating their unspoken, secret game—one that neither of them is brave enough to acknowledge fully.
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It started so innocently. Maloi and Colet had always had a special bond, something that was so natural, it felt like it was always meant to be. But somewhere along the way, their friendship began to shift, turning into something more dangerous than either of them cared to admit.
One night, after a particularly wild outing with Maloi’s friends, they ended up at Colet’s unit, as usual. Maloi had been drinking, her laughter echoing through the small space, the alcohol giving her a bolder edge. Colet, ever grounded, sat back on the couch, observing her.
But there was something about Maloi tonight—how her eyes lingered, how they sparkled with mischief. It made Colet feel like she was standing at the edge of a cliff, staring down into the unknown.
Why is she so extra pretty tonight?
They settled on the couch, Maloi casually draping her arm around Colet’s shoulders. The faint scent of alcohol mixed with Maloi’s perfume—something sweet and floral with a sharp citrus undertone—drifted between them. Whatever it was, it suited Maloi—warm, soft, and strangely intoxicating. Colet tensed but didn’t pull away.
It was just Maloi being Maloi.
Friendly.
Casual.
Nothing more.
“Himala, ah,” Maloi teased, her head turning to face Colet. “Bakit sumama ka ngayon, Col? Crush mo siguro ‘yung tropa ko,”
“Boang ka ba? Pinilit mo akong pasamahin kagabi, tapos itatanong mo ngayon kung bakit ako sumama.” Colet snapped, her voice sharp but not entirely sincere.
Maloi’s grin widened, and in typical fashion, she pulled Colet even closer, enveloping her in a tight hug. “Di ka naman mabiro. Pero thank you, ah.”
Hours passed, the conversation flowing as freely as the alcohol in Maloi’s hand. Colet watched silently as Maloi finished her fourth bottle of beer, sitting cross-legged on the carpet in front of the couch as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
She couldn’t help but notice the way Maloi’s tank top clung to her frame, her skin glowing under the soft apartment lights. The faint glow from the lamp bathed her in soft light, highlighting the curve of her jaw and the faint blush on her cheeks.
Maloi caught Colet staring.
“Hoy, ayaw mo ba talaga tikman? Sarap kaya. Malamig,” Maloi teased, holding up her drink.
Colet wrinkled her nose. “Ang kulit mo, ayoko nga. Ang baho-baho niyan e.”
Maloi gasped, feigning offense as she stood abruptly. “Anong mabaho?” She stepped closer, leaning in as Colet shrank into the couch. “Mabaho ako, Colet? Sige nga, amoyin mo!”
Colet froze. Maloi wasn’t just close—she was too close. Colet could see the tiny mole on her cheek, the faint freckles scattered across her nose, and the way her lips glistened from the beer. The scent of her perfume mixed with the alcohol was overwhelming, or the fact that she knew, deep down, how undeniably attractive her best friend was. Maloi was flawless. Colet’s mind raced.
Tangina, ano bang iniisip mo, Colet? Stop thinking like this. It’s Maloi. Your best friend. It’s wrong.
“Ano, bakit nakatitig ka lang d’yan? Mabaho ba, ha?” Maloi’s voice broke through Colet’s thoughts, a playful challenge in her tone.
“H-huh? Oo. Ang baho. Amoy alak,” Colet stammered, pushing Maloi away, though not too forcefully.
“Grabe ka!” Maloi pouted, but the teasing glint in her eyes remained. She laughed, her breath warm against Colet’s cheek, “Nakaka-offend ka na ah,”
Before Colet could respond, Maloi pulled back with a laugh and plopped back onto the carpet, taking another swig of her drink. “Dami-dami nga d’yan na gusto ng kiss ko,” she said smugly.
Colet rolled her eyes, trying to steady her breathing. “Oo nga. Di kasi nila alam na mabaho ka.”
The words hit Maloi in a way Colet didn’t expect. Fueled by alcohol and her unyielding confidence. No. She’s confident even sober. Maloi raised an eyebrow. “Anong sabi mo?” she asked, stepping closer.
“Ang sabi ko, kaya gusto nila ng kiss mo dahil ‘di nila alam na maba—”
Before Colet could finish, Maloi kissed her. It was supposed to be a joke, a rebuttal to Colet’s teasing. But the moment their lips met, the world seemed to tilt. Colet didn’t pull away. Instead, she surprised them both by grabbing Maloi’s waist, pulling her closer until Maloi was straddling her lap. The kiss deepened, a mix of curiosity, desperation, and something neither of them could name.
Colet tasted the faint bitterness of beer on Maloi’s lips, but it only made her crave more. Maloi’s hands found their way to Colet’s hair, tangling in the strands as she leaned in further.
When they finally broke apart, both of them were breathing heavily, the air between them charged with something electric.
Maloi’s face broke into a mischievous smile as she slid off Colet’s lap, sauntering toward the bedroom. To Colet’s bedroom.
“Well,” she said over her shoulder, her voice light but her eyes heavy with meaning, “Sinong mabaho ngayon?”
“Bye. Tutulog na ‘ko,”
She started to walk toward the bedroom, but before she could close the door, Colet followed, grabbing her wrist.
“Maloi—”
Before she could finish, Colet leaned in and kissed her again. Whatever she was going to say was lost as their lips met again, this time with more urgency, more need. It wasn’t a joke or a spur-of-the-moment reaction.
It was deliberate. Her hands found in Maloi’s waist, pulling her closer until they were pressed together. Maloi responded just as fervently, her arms wrapping around Colet’s neck.
Colet gently pushed Maloi onto the bed, her guilt and hesitation warring with the overwhelming pull of her desire. She had followed her with every intention of apologizing, to say something that might fix the fragile line they had just crossed. But now, standing so close, the words caught in her throat, replaced by the undeniable gravity of the moment.
“I-I’m sorry, Loi. Alam kong mali ‘to,” Colet whispered, her voice trembling.
Maloi’s gaze softened as she took Colet’s hand and placed it on her waist. “Bakit, Colet, ayaw mo ba?”
Colet didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Instead, she kissed Maloi again, her actions speaking louder than any words could. The kiss deepened, turning into something more heated, more intense than either of them had anticipated. They stumbled toward the bed, their movements fueled by undeniable pull between them. This time, there was no stopping, no turning back.
Colet might regret this tomorrow—she’s completely sober. While Maloi might just ignore this.
It became their secret game—a dangerous, unspoken ritual. And it’s not just like that. They’d do it again and again, always pretending it didn’t happen, never acknowledging the line they’d crossed. It was reckless, it was wrong, but it was theirs. And neither of them wanted to stop.
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It was already 12 AM, and Colet lay wide awake in her cozy bed, anxiously waiting for Maloi's message. Truth be told, one of the things Colet hated most about their friendship was knowing that Maloi could be anywhere, with anyone, doing who knows what. She never understood why Maloi was always so fearless. What if someone tried something? Maloi prefers bars with boys over girls, and Colet knows how straight Maloi is—but when they're together, you could almost think otherwise.
Not that it's always this way. Sometimes, Maloi will let Colet know when she's heading out and who she'll be with. No malice, just a habit they’ve grown into—keeping each other updated. There were even times when Maloi brought Colet along, encouraging her two years ago to drink, even though Colet had promised herself she would never touch alcohol. But then again, it’s Maloi.
What Colet despises most is the uncertainty—where Maloi is, who she’s with, what she’s doing. Then, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, Maloi will nonchalantly recount her nights: the people she kissed, the fleeting encounters, the stories of her adventures. As if those moments don’t matter—as if they don’t matter. Colet can’t help but find it funny at times— because more often than not, Maloi ends up back with her. Seeking the comfort and intimacy she didn’t find in the chaos of the night, with strangers whose names she’ll soon forget.
It’s amusing in a bitter way, and yet Colet can’t help but begin to anticipate it. To expect it. It’s a toxic cycle, one they can’t seem to break. They don’t fully understand how they’ve fallen into this messy rhythm, but it feels like they’ve become addicted to each other—an obsession they can’t shake. Or maybe, Colet thinks, it’s just her.
While Colet waits, her mind racing with thoughts about her best friend, she suddenly hears a knock on her door.
She knows who it is. Maloi.
"Ano? Sinong naghatid sa’yo?" Colet asks, a bit frustrated, as she guides Maloi toward the room.
Maloi shrugs off her hoodie with casual ease, just enough to reveal the skimpy outfit beneath.
It’s nothing new to Colet—a sight she’s grown used to by now.
"Oh my God, that was exhausting," Maloi sighs, looking at Colet after closing her eyes for a minute to regain her energy. She looks like she just ran a marathon—not drenched in sweat, but clearly tired. "Galit ka pa rin ba?"
Maloi plants a kiss on Colet’s cheek while slinging an arm around her shoulder. As Colet watches her, she notices the marks on Maloi’s neck.
It's probably not from her—Maloi had told her last night that she would be attending an event, no hickeys were allowed.
So why does Maloi have marks now?
Colet pulls Maloi away from her. “Loi, ano ‘yan? Ba’t mo hinayaan? Akala ko ba may event ka?”
Colet’s fingers trace the small hickey on Maloi’s neck. It’s not particularly large, but it’s impossible to miss.
“Seryoso ba? Gago talaga ‘yon. Sabi ko ‘wag e,” Maloi chuckles lightly, before pulling Colet into another hug.
"Hayaan mo na lang. Let’s cuddle, please? I miss you,"
This kinda moment wasn’t new to Colet. Maloi always acted this way when she was drunk—clinging to her, seeking comfort. But this time, Colet kept her movements restrained, her body stiff with unease. Her eyes lingered on the marks on Maloi’s skin, marks she hadn’t put there. Who the fuck would leave those marks on Maloi’s skin, other than her?
The thought twisted in her gut. She tried to shove it away, but her insecurities clawed their way in. She hated how easily they consumed her, even though she knew exactly what this was between them. And yet, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking. What if Maloi got tired of her? What if this, whatever it was, ended without warning? The uncertainty scared her. But then again, with Maloi, wasn’t that always the risk?
“Col, still mad? Di mo ba ‘ko miss?” Maloi asks, breaking the hug.
“Loi,” Colet kisses Maloi on the lips—lingering for a moment but not too long.
“I missed you too. But you know, galit pa rin ako. Plus you look so tired. Magpahinga ka na muna.”
Colet can't help but glance at the marks on Maloi’s neck again.
“Ano ba?” Maloi complains, as though irritated by Colet's gaze.
"Sino bang may gawa niyan?" Colet asks, genuinely curious.
"Are you jealous? Come on. Mas magaling ka pa rin du’n," Maloi replies confidently, teasing.
What a tease. Really.
"Alam ko. Pero sino nga? Paano mo ngayon aalisin ‘yan kung bukas na event mo?" Colet asks, fixing Maloi’s hair.
"Eh di concealer?" Maloi says, pulling Colet’s arm and hugging her tightly. "I'm sleepy,"
“Di mo pa sinasagot tanong ko,” Colet presses.
“Yung ex ko, si Brian.” Maloi shuts her down.
What the hell?
Colet felt a cold wave crash over her, anger bubbling in her chest. Brian. That asshole. The one who had shattered Maloi, leaving her broken and sobbing. He had never cared for her—not the way she deserved. He had abandoned Maloi without a word, leaving nothing but unanswered questions and pain in his wake. And yet, somehow, he still had a hold on her.
Colet could never forget that day. Maloi had fallen apart in front of her, her eyes red and swollen from crying, her voice trembling as she asked over and over why Brian had left without even an explanation. It was a moment burned into Colet’s memory, one that never stopped stinging.
Tanga ka ba? Colet thinks, feeling the anger rise within her. She can’t hold back anymore.
“Maloi, seryoso ka ba? After everything that guy did to you?” Colet shakes her head, disbelief coloring her tone.
Maloi raises her palm to Colet’s mouth, silencing her as her eyes close. “Shh, bukas ko na i-kwento,” she murmurs, pulling Colet towards her room. “Tutal ayaw mo rin naman, let’s sleep na lang.”
“Good night, Col,” Maloi whispers as she lays down, her voice soft.
Colet sits beside her, releasing a heavy sigh. She can’t believe this is happening again. Uncertainty clouds her thoughts, the past few weeks raising more questions than answers. It all began the first time she saw Maloi cry like that—so vulnerable, so shattered over a man unworthy of her tears. Colet never imagined anyone could hurt Maloi like that.
She doesn’t know how to process the whirlwind of emotions Maloi stirs in her, but one truth stands firm: she hates seeing Maloi in pain. It wrecks her just as much. Colet isn’t always sure what she wants, but when it comes to Maloi, there’s no doubt—she loves her.
And now, regret weighs heavily on her. She’s sorry for the way she’s acted, for letting things spiral into this unspoken mess. She reflects on all the times she let her feelings cloud her judgment, all the times she let her fear of confronting the truth hold her back. Watching Maloi now, Colet silently wishes she’d been braver. Wishing, somehow, that they could rewrite everything.
---
Weeks later,
Colet had spent days trapped in her own thoughts, replaying every conversation, every moment with Maloi, in an endless loop. The weight of the tension between them was suffocating, every glance and word charged with an unspoken intensity that she couldn’t unravel. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t find a way to fix what was breaking. All she knew was that she couldn’t keep going on like this.
In a desperate attempt to clear her head, Colet had pulled away, creating space she hoped would bring clarity. But instead of answers, the silence left her feeling even more lost. The absence of Maloi only amplified her confusion and longing.
She knew she couldn’t avoid it anymore. It was time to face the truth. More than that, it was time to face Maloi.
"Colet!" Maloi’s voice broke the silence as she stepped onto the veranda. "Sabi ko na nga ba, dito lang kita mahahanap. Ano? Bakit ka umalis sa condo mo? Iniiwasan mo ba ako?"
Colet could feel her chest tighten, her nerves getting the better of her. She had been expecting this, yet now that it was here, she wasn’t sure if she was ready.
“Hindi. Mali. Kasi iniiwasan mo talaga ako. So bakit mo ‘ko iniiwasan, Colet? Dahil lang ba ‘to dun sa’min ng ex ko? Tangina, ang babaw mo naman!" Maloi pressed, her voice a mixture of frustration and confusion.
Colet exhaled sharply, her mind racing. She had rehearsed this a million times in her head, but now, in front of Maloi, everything felt raw.
"Maloi, makinig ka. It’s not that I’m avoiding you, at mas lalong hindi ‘to tungkol sa inyo ng ex mo. It’s about what we’re doing. What we are doing, Maloi. Hindi na pwede ‘to," she said, her voice trembling.
"Teka, ano bang pinagsasasabi mo?" Maloi frowned, clearly confused, her eyes searching Colet’s face for answers.
Colet took a deep breath, fighting the lump in her throat. She had to say this. For herself.
"Loi, alam kong alam mo kung anong ibig kong sabihin. Gulong-gulo na ako, okay? Hindi ko na alam kung ano ‘to. We’ve never talked about this... whatever this is. Sinubukan ko naman, maraming beses kong sinubukan, but you’ve always shut me down. Alam mo ‘yan. At ngayon... hindi ko na alam kung ano bang dapat kong gawin. I care about you, Loi. About our friendship. Magkasama na tayo mula nung magkaisip ako. And I’m afraid of losing you. Natatakot akong hayaan na mangyari ‘to nang paulit-ulit without understanding what we truly are."
There was a long silence. Maloi’s eyes locked with Colet’s, her expression unreadable. For a moment, Colet feared Maloi might walk away again, dismissing her feelings as insignificant.
"We’re friends. Best friends, hindi ba, Colet?" Maloi replied, but her words felt hollow, like she was grasping for something she couldn’t quite hold onto. She took a step forward, her eyes scanning Colet’s face, but they lacked the warmth they once had.
Colet blinked, the hurt creeping into her voice. “Tangina naman, Loi. Best friends don’t make out. Best friends don’t cuddle. Best friends don’t f-fuck!” she tried to stopped herself, her chest tightening. “That’s not what friends do!”
Maloi’s face tensed, her expression faltering. "Pero ginusto naman natin ‘to, ‘di ba?" she said softly, almost pleading, as if trying to make sense of what had happened between them.
Colet felt the anger rise within her, but it wasn’t just anger—it was confusion, betrayal, and fear.
"Oo nga, Maloi! Ginusto natin. Pero mali na hinayaan natin na umabot sa ganito!" Her voice cracked, her emotions spilling out.
"Hindi mo ba naiintindihan? I just need to know where we stand. I can’t keep pretending that this is just... friendship. Kasi ako, alam kong hindi. And I can’t keep lying to myself. Natatakot pa rin akong harapin ‘yung katotohanan. Pero I’m willing to take a step forward... Gusto ko lang malaman at marinig mula sa’yo if you feel the same way. Hindi natin pwedeng kalimutan lahat ng ginawa natin and keep our friendship like nothing happened.”
Maloi stood frozen for a long time, her eyes searching Colet’s face like she was looking for something she had lost. Her lips trembled as if she was about to speak, but then she hesitated.
“Colet,” she began, her voice barely audible, “I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted us to cross that line. Pero andito na tayo, eh. Bakit hindi na lang tayo magsimula ulit, iwasan na gawin ’yung mga bagay na hindi dapat?”
Colet stared at her, disbelief washing over her. She had waited so long for something—anything—but this wasn’t the answer she needed.
“Naririnig mo ba sarili mo?” Colet let out a bitter laugh. “Alam kong magaling ka, Loi, pero huwag mo naman akong gawing tanga.”
Maloi looked away, guilt etched into her features.
“Natatakot ako, Colet,” she admitted, her voice breaking. "Natatakot din ako na mawala ka, but I’m even more scared of what’s happening between us. Hindi na lang naman ‘to about sa friendship natin, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I can’t handle it. I can’t handle this... mess we’ve created."
The words hit Colet like a wave, and she took a step back, feeling the air between them grow colder.
"So ano? Ito na ‘yon? Gusto mong magpanggap tayo na parang walang nangyari? Or are you saying na you don’t want to figure this out with me?"
Maloi looked away, her hands clenched at her sides.
"I don’t know what I really want, Colet," She paused, taking a deep breath.
"I don’t know if I can risk losing you for something that might just break us even more. Ayokong mawala ka, but I’m afraid of what will happen if we keep going like this. Hindi ko kaya,”
Colet’s heart shattered. It wasn’t the answer she wanted, but it was the truth. Maloi wasn’t ready, and that reality was more painful than she could have imagined.
“Bakit sa ‘kin, hirap na hirap kang maging sigurado? Akala ko ba wala kang kinakatakutan? Ano ba talagang hindi mo kaya, Maloi? Ang mawala ako o ang tingnan ako nang higit pa sa kaibigan? Maloi, sabihin mo!” Colet’s voice cracked, desperation taking over. "Kasi ako, hindi ko kayang gawin ‘yung gusto mong mangyari,”
“We can’t be friends, Maloi,"
"I’m sorry, Colet," Maloi said quietly, her voice soft with regret. "You already know the answer. I can’t give you what you need,"
“I’m really sorry,”
With those words, Maloi turned and walked away, leaving Colet standing there, paralyzed. Her chest tightened with an aching emptiness. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. She had hoped, prayed, that maybe there was still a chance, that they could fix this together. But now, with Maloi walking away, that hope seemed so distant.
Colet wanted to chase after her, to beg her to come back, to make her understand that they could work through this. But deep down, she knew she couldn’t force Maloi to change her mind. She couldn’t keep pushing herself into Maloi’s life like this. Maybe it was time to let go, to step back and give both of them the space they needed.
Sitting on the veranda, Colet felt the weight of the moment pressing down on her. The world around her seemed to blur, her thoughts drowning in sorrow and confusion. She had lost her best friend. The one person she had trusted with her heart, the person who had been with her through it all.
As the night stretched on, Colet's heart hardened. Maybe this was it. Maybe they were just too broken, too far gone to fix each other. Maybe Maloi needed time to figure out who she really was. But Colet couldn’t keep waiting. She couldn’t keep hoping for something that might never come.
Her eyes burned with tears that she couldn’t hold back anymore. She whispered to the empty space, “I’m sorry, too.”
But even as the words left her lips, Colet knew that saying sorry wasn’t going to fix the hole in her heart. Maybe she would never find the answer. But for now, she had to let go—of Maloi, of the past, of what could have been.