New friends, and new places
Hermione
She was running behind schedule. She’d planned on being up early to say goodbye to the elves in the kitchen and returning the Library books she’d gotten. She’d thrown all of it into her bag, taking care to carry the flowers in her hands, so they didn’t get wrecked in the bag. Rushing down the many staircases, she looked at her watch again. It was twelve thirty. Dumbledore wanted her to be ready out the front gate at one.
Groaning she’d have to skip both if she’d want to make it. She'd mail them back to the school, or bring them back when she came back. Stopping dead, and almost falling on her butt, Hermione wondered if she’d ever come back here. Tears welled in her eyes. Yes she’d make sure of it. She was living her lie out, she’d figure it out. Maybe she could teach when she comes back, just until her younger self comes, and maybe again after she graduates.
Picking her pace back up, she made it to the gates just in time. “Well that was a very good time, we have about thirty seconds before the portkey disappears.” He held up an old cowboy hat with the top missing. She grabbed onto it, and felt a familiar pull behind her navel, and they were gone.
Sucking in a breath, and holding her flowers closer to her chest, they both landed on their feet, and she knew they were in Diagon Alley. Just the way it smelled, she knew. They were in one of the side alleys. “Follow me if you would.” Nodding she followed a small distance behind Dumbledore looking over her shoulder, and watching the splintering alleyways. Constant vigilance. Rang through her head.
“They should be waiting just up.. ahead..” Dumbledore's speech slowly faded. “Ah yes. Fabian.” he said Fabian was standing just outside the mouth of the alley, in front of Olivander's. She smiled back up at Fabian. “Wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” he winked at Hermione. Uh-oh.
“Now, can we make our way to the apartment?” Dumbledore said. Fabian nodded and ushered them to follow him. They walked through different alleys for almost ten minutes before he came to stop in front of a very weathers door. “Gillyweed.” he said, knocking. The door opened and showed Gideon tucking his wand away. “Were you followed?” He asked them. They all shook their heads. He ushered them inside. Giving Hermione a thumbs up as she passed.
The apartment was clearly configured bigger than what the outside was. It was a very small parlor room, and the staircase was to the left. Ahead was a hallway with four doors, and at the end of the hallway she could see a dining table. She assumed the kitchen was that way. “Your room is at the top of the stairs Hermione. We put it in special for you.” Fabian smiled at her. She nodded her thanks. “Well shall we get to it?” She said, pulling her arms behind her back.
“You two will be trusted to help Hermione with whatever she needs. Do you understand? She has the most important job. Lives depend on her succeeding. Your lives depend on what she’s doing.” They both stared at her like she’d grown a second head. She cast a nonverbal muffliato spell before continuing. “I need your help with finding and destroying five items. I can’t tell you everything yet, but I need you to trust me.” She looked at Dumbledore.
“These items you know of some of them, others are important only to Riddle. Hermione is hopeful that she will be able to destroy the dark magic and leave the item. I’m uncertain as to the viability of that, but you will destroy them one way or another. The future depends on these items being destroyed. Now, Hermione I leave you in well capable hands, and Lads I bid you good luck. I have a school to run.” with a loud popping sound he was gone.
Hermione was once again hit by the fact that Dumbledore was never the man she thought he was. She’d always seen him as one of the greatest men she knew. Now she knew he was a very good wizard, and that doesn’t just make you a good person. Willingly sacrificing people he had no problem with. He’d have run away with Grindelwald had his mother and sister not died. She wondered for a half a second about going back, before she realised that they were looking at her.
“Right. I suppose I’m the one with all the information. Is there somewhere I could set all this up?” She asked, smiling at them. Gideon motioned for her to come back down the hall towards the dining room/ kitchen. Making her way behind them, looking at everything around her. Everything was new. She’d never been here before, and she didn’t know what to expect from two people who’d she’d never known in her own time.
“You can take over whatever room you can find, or make.” Fabian laughed. Trying to break the tension. She smiled at him. “I’m sure we’ll all be pals in no time. Meanwhile. I don’t really know how much Dumbledore wanted me to tell you , but I might as well give you the rundown of it then.”
Sirius
She was gone for real this time. She hadn’t been on the map in almost a week. Remus said he should stop searching the map for her, but he’d of thought they’d have gotten a goodbye, or a note at least. Surely she’d felt it too. The pull between them. She had to have felt it. He continued to think to himself.
“You’re really not still looking for that poofy haired girl, are you Padfoot?” Looking over his shoulder he saw Peter, and James standing a few desks away from him in the library. “Nah, of course not. I was looking to see if Dumbledore was back.” He’d been gone twice this week. He doesn’t usually leave the Castle if he can help it. “Well just the same I think you could do with a break from that map.” James said, coming over and slipping it out of his hands. “Mischief Managed.” James folded the now blank paper into his bag, and rested a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. Squeezing it hard once, he walked back to Peter. “If it’s all the same, I’m just gonna sit here for a while. You guys go to supper without me.”
The two boys exchanged a glance behind him, “Yeah sure. We’ll see you back at the common room after, yeah?” Sirius nodded at Peter, reaching for his own bag that was flung onto the table next to him. “I’m just gonna finish up my D.A. parchment, and I’ll be heading back.” He heard the boys leave, and rested back into his chair. “You know you aren’t fooling them.” Sirius whipped around and saw Snape, standing between the bookshelves. “What do you want? Never mind, I don’t care. Just leave me alone.” Sirius said, shoving the homework back in his bag, getting up, and making his way away from the tables.
Leaving the library, not stopping to hear anything else out of that snotty kid's mouth. He wasn’t sure where to go. He didn’t want to go to the common room alone. He’d been avoiding Remus for the last two days. Knowing that the full moon was in about a week, he knew he couldn’t avoid him for long. They’d always been together since he’d become an Anamagi. He’d never stayed away, nothing had been able to stop him from going to be with him, but right now there were brown eyes haunting him.
He and Remus hadn’t talked much after learning that she was leaving. Sirius didn’t understand why she’d played it off like they meant nothing to her. He’d watched her for weeks, watching them. All of them. Peter, James, Remus, and Sirius. Only he and Remus seemed to notice, but James was too busy with Evans to even really know what was going on in class, let alone that there was a stranger that had been watching them all. James had completely forgotten that she’d known about the Map and his family’s cloak, completely enthralled by Lily.
Sirius never wanted to be so blinded by a woman, but he remembered feeling her. So tightly pressed against him, he could feel so much of her. He’d buried his face in her curls to get a real deep breath of her scent, and it had haunted him since. He’d stayed up for three days straight after that, because all he could do was think about her. Remus had seemed keen to talk to him as often as he could, and with not understanding his feelings towards the girl who was a mystery, he didn’t want to try and figure his feelings out about Moony. He loved him. He knew that, but in what way? He didn’t know anymore. He only knew he couldn’t think straight. He just kept going back in his head, doing circles, over and over again.
“Wait up.” he heard from behind him. Remus was down the hall. “I was just heading back to the common room. You mind if we walk together?” Remus didn’t look like he was in a talking mood, so Sirius nodded. They walked in silence to the common room. When they got there Remus went up the stairs, and Sirius plopped down in one of the chairs in front of the fireplace.
“You look miserable.” looking over at the stairs stood Lily. “Thought you’d be down at dinner with James.” he said looking back at the fire. “I’m on my way. I forgot something. What has you so down Sirius? You can always talk to me. I know how close you all are, but you can trust me too. You and James are as good as brothers, talk to him, if you can’t talk to me. I just know you need to talk to someone.” Lilly walked over and ruffled his hair. Shooing her hand away, he fixed his hair. “You wouldn’t know what to say if I told you. I don’t even understand it, how could you?” He gave her a small sad smile. “Go enjoy your dinner Lily. I’ll be here when you all get back.” she left him after a light squeeze on the arm.
Watching the fire, he lost himself in thought. Not bothering to pay attention to what was around him. How was he supposed to know what these feelings meant? He was still in school for a few more months. Dumbledore refused to let him join until he was done with school. He was tired of school. He was tired of wasting time here. He wanted to be out there. On the front lines, proving his family wrong. He’d kill them if he had too. Regulus’ face appeared in his head. Could he really kill his brother? He wasn’t sure, but Reg still had time. He was sure of it. Maybe he could save him? Was he worth it? He didn’t know, he was exhausted.
Grabbing his bag off the floor next to him, he was startled to see Moony sitting on the loveseat looking at him queerly. You scared me half to death, Moony.” he said, holding his chest. “I wasn’t trying to. I’m sorry.” The other boy was sitting there, looking down at his hands. “What’s up?” Sirius asked him, dropping the bag back to the ground. He hated seeing him like this. Clammed up, and anxious. Sitting next to him, he took one of his hands into his own. “You’ve been avoiding me. She’s gone. James is so busy with Lily and Peter always trailing after them, I feel so alone lately.” Moony took his hand back to hide his face in both of them. “I just don’t know what to do right now. I don’t understand.”
Sirius let out a breath. “You think I have any idea? Cause I don’t.” he half said more to himself than Moony. He leaned back into the loveseat, rubbing his face. He just wanted to lay down. “I’m beat. I’m going to lay down upstairs. You’re welcome to come join me, but this room is about to get very crowded, and I’m not up for dealing with the noise tonight.” he grabbed the bag again, stretching his arms over his head. Heading towards the stairs Moony didn’t make any move to get up. Sirius shrugged his shoulders to himself, and walked upstairs. Changing into his sleep clothes, a present from Euphemia Potter for his last birthday. Slipping into bed Sirius laid there staring at the top of his bed.
Sirius heard the people start to trickle in downstairs, and not long after he heard someone come into the room. His curtains were drawn so he couldn’t see who it was. Listening to whomever was in the room, he didn’t make a noise when the curtains were opened, and Remus stood there, in his own pajamas. Sirius lifted his one arm, to usher him into the bed with him. Crawling into bed with Sirius, the curtains closed, and they were surrounded by silence. Only truly hearing the other breathing, and they’re hearts racing.
“Is this okay?” Remus asked, curled against his side. “You’re fine Moony.” he said, pulling him closer, so he could feel more of Moony pressed against his side. “I’m sorry.” he whispered into his hair. Breathing him in. “I’m sorry I’ve been so distant. I just don’t understand..” he didn’t know how to continue. Searching his brain for words that weren’t coming to him. “Just don’t push me away. I can handle you not knowing. I can handle you being confused even, but I can’t handle the walls you slam up to keep me at a distance. I don’t understand this much more than you do, but I know you’re one of the most important people in my life, and it hurts when you push me further and further away.”
Sirius was absent mindedly stroking Remus’ hair. “I’m trying not to hurt you. That’s why the distance. I don’t know what to do with myself. How am I supposed to know what to do with you? The Potters were sad enough when I moved out on my own. They’ve been like parents to me. You’re so much closer to me than they were. How much would it hurt you for me to leave? When we join the Order at the end of the year I’ll literally be putting my life on the line. I don’t know if you wanna be tied down to someone who may not make it through the next few years.” Sirius could feel the tension in Remus’ body curl tight.
“I’m not saying this to you, because I want to push you away. You want to know why I’m keeping a distance and I’m telling you. I don’t know if I wanna come out of this war alive.” he whispered, into his hair. Remus was suddenly over him, having pulled himself up to be above Sirius. His eyes glowed in the dark of the bed. “No.” he growled out. Grabbing Sirius by the hair, and pulling their heads together, Moony kissed Sirius with a fierce passion. Shocking Sirius. Breaking the kiss after a few minutes, Moony stared at him. “No. You’ll live. You have to. I can’t.. I can’t even.. Think about you not being here. I can’t stand it. I’d rather you push me away then tell me you’re going to let yourself die. For what? For your mother’s sake? Make it real easy on her. I refuse to believe that you’ve made it this far just to throw it all away. James needs you more than you think. He looks to you for so much, you’re the brother he never got to have.”
Sirius rested his head against Moony’s chest, and took a deep breath. “I never said I’d get myself killed on purpose. I just said I don’t know if I’ll make it out of this war alive. Those aren’t the same thing, Moony. If I wanted to kill myself, I’d just just jump from the Astronomy Tower, or one of the other thousand things I’ve thought of.” he said brushing off his concerns. Moony didn’t seem to appreciate this, shoving Sirius on to his back, and laying on top of him, Moony growled down into his face. “Not funny.” he hissed between his teeth at Sirius. Pulling his hair tight into his hand. “You don’t understand.” Remus whispered, his breathing heavy. “I can’t even think about losing you. It- it hurts too much.” he released Sirius and was out the curtain before Sirius could respond.
Well that clears some stuff up in his mind. Touching his scalp, he smiled lightly to himself. Knowing Moony that was really hard for him to say. He always keeps his cards close to his chest. Doesn’t want anyone to be able to get through his walls, but always making sure everyone else is okay. He knows if he lets people get close they’ll hurt him. His own parents threw him in a basement once a month. Just because of what he’d been made into. They didn’t try to do anything to help him after they heard it was permanent. They’d left him in a basement with nothing but a locked door to stare at.
Shaking himself, he dramatically flopped back onto his bed. Moony had left the room. He scrubbed his face with his hands. “I have no idea what I’m doing.” he said out loud to the world. Knowing he wouldn’t get an answer, he rolled over and tried to fall asleep.