Dorcas tried to remain calm. It’d been a year since Marlene’s death, but she was still not over it.
Hello, sweet grief, I know you’ll be the death of me.
It was beginning to feel hard to breathe.
Feel like the morning after ecstasy. Like I’m drowning in an endless sea.
Her mind swirled. Nothing felt right.
Hello, old friend, here’s the misery that knows no end.
Somehow she’d fallen into a loop. Hook-up after hook-up, as though she was her late girlfriend before the two met.
So I’m doing everything I can, to make sure I can never love again.
She hadn’t spoken to anyone for a long time. Not in the way she’d spoken to Marlene.
I wish that I did not know where all broken lovers go.
Dorcas felt like her heart hadn’t ached more through the entire year.
I wish that my heart was made of stone, yeah, if I was bulletproof.
If only she hadn’t fallen so fast, so hard, so mind-numbingly deep for the girl with the blonde hair and sharp eyes and wide smirk.
I’d love you black and blue, if I was solid like a jewel.
She wished it were the other way round. Her Marls would’ve pulled through and remained strong. Dorcas? Not so much.
If I had a diamond heart, oh-oh, I’d give you all my love if I was unbreakable.
Her heart was empty inside. The fractured remains of the love Dorcas had in her heart was inaccessible.
If I had a diamond heart, oh-oh, you’d shoot me with a gun of gold, if I was unbreakable.
But she was breakable. And she’d been broken, so badly. Not even her friends could pull her out of the hole she was in.
I’d walk straight through the bullet, bendin’ like a tulip, blue-eyed and foolish.
Dorcas had been foolish. She should’ve never fallen in love with a dying beauty. It was a death wish.
Never mind the bruises, into the fire, breakin’ through the wires, give you all I’ve got.
Yet despite this, she couldn’t bring herself to regret choosing Marlene, forget choosing Marlene, loose the thoughts of Marlene.
(If I had a diamond heart) I’d walk straight through the dagger, never break the pattern, diamonds don’t shatter, beautiful and battered.
If she could relive the moments, Dorcas would. Even to go through the same pain.
Into the poison, cry you an ocean, give you all I’ve got.
Time was supposed to heal everything. But it’d been a year now. How long would she have to wait for the pain to get easier?
Goodbye, so long, I don't know if this is right or wrong
But that’s the thing. It’d never get easier, not for as long as she lived.
Am I giving up where I belong? 'Cause every station's playing our song
But as she listened to the songs Marlene had compiled into a goodbye playlist for her, Dorcas felt lighter, almost.
Goodbye, my love, you are everything my dreams made up
And she wondered if maybe, she’d be okay.
You'll be Prince and I'm the crying dove
If she could let go of Marlene, at least until she herself died.
If I only were unbreakable
Maybe then, she’d not need the diamond heart.
~fin