Chapter 23
Lilith opened the doors of Dudley’s living room, and cleared her throat, as Hope Van Dyne slid off Dudley’s lap to sit next to him on the couch, the reddening of her face matching his.
“Lils. We were having a moment.” Dudley said, annoyed.
“Yes, I'm thankful I didn't walk in ten minutes later because I have no need to see that.”
Dudley huffed, and Hope said, “you don't look a day older than the last time I saw you.”
“And that would be?”
“Five years ago, I was at your wedding.”
“Ah. Pardon if I don't quite remember you being there, we had nine hundred and ninety nine guests, I wouldn't let Tony take the guest list past 3 digits.”
“Lils, why'd you far to interrupt out moment?” Dudley asked.
“Well, dearest Diddy-kins,” he groaned, and she sat down on an armchair facing Dudley, “I thought to tell you if your promotion. I flew all the way across the Atlantic for you, thank me, will you?”
“Lilith Rose Evans, what the bloody hell did you pull me into this time? It's bad enough the shenanigans you dive into, but then you have to ruin my nerves as well! What promotion did you get me, am I now supposed to be Queen Elizabeth III?”
“I don't actually talk to the Queen, there's no point in asking her to retire anyways. No, I'm talking more about the once in forever opportunity here.”
“Just spit it out, will you?”
“Do you kiss your voters' babies with that mouth?”
“Yes.”
“Well, Miss Van Dyne,”
“It's just Hope, please,”
“Hope. You can keep a secret for two months, right?”
“Of course. I'm a CEO.”
“Good. Because Julia Brant had an idea and I thought you were just the man for the job.”
“Brant? American President you're funding and the Avengers are supporting, that Juloa Brant?”
“Yes. She's more of a Bagnold than a Fudge, for which I'm glad. The idea was a treaty and an ambassador exchange. And when she was at a loss for who to send, I suggested you.”
“Lilith, I'm English, not entirely Americanized like you, and none of America's ambassadors have died or retired very recently, not to mention America has treaties with everyone.”
“Not… Quite.” Lilith said, a mix between a Mona Lisa style mysterious smile and a victorious smirk playing across her lips.
“What did you do, create your own country?”
“No, too much work. I have enough as it is. What I do mean, is, how would you like to see the legendary realm supposedly eternal?”
“Asgard? You? Setting up something with Asgard?”
“Why is that such a surprise? Aren't you basically an Avenger, and one of them is supposed to be a prince of the place.”
“That's private and it will stay that way.” Lilith said, colder. “Anyways, I'm not going, Darcy won't go for the same reason, and there's nobody else who could and who I'd trust.”
“Thanks for the compliment, but I have a life here. I can't just run off willy nilly to some random planet light years away.”
“There's two ways to get there, both of which are instantaneous, both of which are reusable. I'll also hand you a modified tablet, laptop, and phone, so you can have access to everything you could do here.”
“But what about hope?”
“What about me?”
“What about her?”
“We're bloody well engaged, I can't abandon her and that.”
“Then take her with you.”
“Also a reminder, neither of us have your longevity. Aesir love for millennia. I'll be lucky to try for a century's worth of a lifespan.”
“Don't be melodramatic. We've solved that years ago. For Tony.”
“How?”
“Increased healing factor, increased metabolism, increased lifespan. A minimum of 3 or 4 centuries until you leave your middle age, more if my experiments underestimated it.”
“So that's why Tony Stark doesn't look a day over 27, and a good 27, considering he's in his mid-40s.”
“Of course.”
“Side effects?”
“To work it uses modified Amortentia with a hint of Felix plus some other complicated stuff. It took me 2 years in a lab to recreate a sample of. I brought two.”
“Who is it keyed to?”
“It's not activated. Put a sample of each other's DNA, well, you might need to get married sooner than you thought.”
“I do not need to hear from my cousin that the miracle drug might also make me a dad.”
“Good news is, it's passed down genetically. No worries about outliving kids due to them dying of old age before you even age.”
“Good news.”
“I take it you're in?”
“Of course I'm in. For all your father was an arsehole, Asgard always sounded like a nice commute.”
At Hope’s curios look, as she left the room, placing two small coals of clear swirling liquid on the coffee table, Lilith said, “if you're going to tell her about the war criminal of a father I haven't spoken with since I was 10, you might want to do that first.”
“You’re not one of my bodyguards.” Betty told the new woman. Her guards rotated, sure, but she knew them all personally and that disguise was good but not good enough. She knew the one she had fondly nicknamed Stoic #2 was not due to get reassigned.
“I wasn’t previously, as I said, I just got reassigned.” She said,.
Her only not-stoic guard, a guy named Lance Hunter walked up for duty. He wasn’t secret service, he was the guy that gave them a break, hired by Lilith Stark as a favor to her aunt.
“Yeah, there’s no way she’s secret service. SHIELD gal through and through.”
“You know her?” Betty asked him.
“Kid, we were married for a while. Hell, course I know her.”
“Well then you can tell your ex-wife to piss office for be, can’t you?”
“Kid, for the money I’m getting paid I’d polish your shoes if you want.” Lance said, then said to the not-bodyguard. “Bob, you heard the kid. Pissoff.”
“I got assigned to guard her by the Director, Hunter, so you can put aside all petty squabbles of yours. For the money you’re getting paid, remember? Are you a mercenary or are you not?”
“I also know who to and not to be loyal to.”
“Really? Because to me it always seemed like the only person on the loyalty list is your wallet and yourself.”
“Well excuse me for having a sense of self preservation.”
“I cannot excuse you for following the wrong people.”
“Like knows like, eh Bob?”
“Where’s the kid?” Bobbi Morse asked.
“Somewhere around… here.” He started. Then he realized his charge was not, in fact, there. A note floated to the ground.
Relax in your lover’s quarrel. Hunter, good luck getting that promotion, you’ll need it. Betty’s with me, and I’m far more competent than either of you could possibly be.
-Teddy Stark
“Kids right. If I don’t get a promotion, at least I could get tea time off.”
“You're Australian, not some English lord.”
“Doesn’t mean I can’t have tea.”
When Teddy pulled Betty away, scribbling the note and throwing it in the air to sink slowly to the ground a few minutes after they were gone, so the adults would know, but not too soon.
“So we’re doing it now?” Betty asked, as he pulled her into an alcove in the school.
“Yeah. Come on, my dad was having a lab binge, he just absently handed me a credit card and signed official authorization for me to use it, unlimited.”
“Nice. Let’s get going them, before they find out.”
“Don’t worry about that. Your aunt tells you some classified stuff, right?”
“Yeah, though for the official record that answer is a flat-out no.”
“Well, ever heard of a portal key device?”
“Hell yes, those are nearly impossible to get though.”
“Well, I got one., the fancier version.”
“Awesome.”
“Yeah. So we can both go, and if you like any of our classmates there’s space.”
“Where are we going?” Betty asked with a conspiratorial tone.
“What do you want, Bond Street, London, Avenue Montaigne, Paris, Bahnhofstrasse, Zurich, Via Montenapoleaone, Milan, Rodeo Drive, LA, Ginza, Tokyo, or if we don’t find anything, we can go to Fifth Avenue as a last resort.”
“I don’t have my passport, so how about LA?”
“LA it is.”
“Where are we landing?”
“A penthouse of Dad’s nobody’s in, smack in the center of LA.”
“Awesome. Teen Vogue cover, here we come.”
“Mister Stark, please, if you need to sleep, don’t do it in my class.” The no-nonsense chemistry teacher said.
Teddy yawned. This teacher wasn’t going to like him anyways, might as well make the most of it. “Sorry, I was in LA last night, jet lag and the like.” He said, but nevertheless shifted to widen his eyes while simultaneously sending a muttered wandless wide-eye charm at himself. Coffee wouldn’t hurt though either.
“Clint, I would absolutely love to go to this ball, truly, but who's going to watch the kids?”
“I spoke to Stark, he’s setting up a whole body guarded temporary daycare for his kid, right there in DC, since he wants his kid to stay out of the spotlight but close by. Guarded by Iron Man suits run by his AI, JARVIS, and babysat by a bunch of heavily overpaid professionals.”
“And you’ve double checked that Cooper and Lila can come?”
“Yeah. I’ve checked.”
“Great. Now one last thing, Clint?”
“Yes, Laura?”
“We have to match.”
“Shopping.” The couple chorused, Laura excitedly, Clint apprehensive and bemoaning his fate. He would go anyways though, it would be so worth it for her blinding smile.
“Steve? Are you even listening?” She demanded.
“Yeah, Natasha. I’m listening.” Steve said as he continued to pound the stuffing, literally, out of the super-soldier proof punching bag.
“Well can you tell me what I’ve been saying?”
“I have to make an appearance at the President’s inauguration ball, I know. I did the whole PR thing back in the 40’s as well.”
“I know. Everyone’s seen those tapes. Why are you so resistant to this?”
“It’s not that I don’t enjoy a night of relaxing, but a dame really shouldn’t be president, with the legacy of the office, especially a German dame.”
“Steve, it’s been 70 years since World War two.”
“So they keep telling me.”
“And she’s American either way, it’s in the constitution, one has to be born American to be president.”
“Yes, but still. At least back then I was selling war bonds. Now?”
Crack! The sound off a vicious slap rang out, and three gashes from her nail started bleeding on Steve’s cheek.
“Natasha! What was that for?!” Steve exclaimed.
“You’ve been out of the ice for 3 years, Steven Grant Rogers. Stop using your time in the ice or your war trauma to hide your stubbornness. You really are the prime example of the white American male.”
“I was told that those things aren’t supposed to be glossed over nowadays, that things changed.”
“Yeah, they’ve changed. But you haven’t. Keep up with the times, Rogers. You might not have read the files Tony’s opened to you, but if you had, you’d know I’m only six years younger than you. I remember World War Two and it’s after effects. I remember the Manhattan Project and Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I remember the moment even Howard Stark made it public he refused to have anything to do with creating more nuclear bombs and was destroying all copies of the plans, and was then on the run for several months because of it. My official documents may have me as in my 30’s, but though I’m no super soldier, I did get the infinity formula. We’re all Avengers here, that slap won’t be the end of it if you don’t cut out that sexist, elitist, racist, classist, misogynist, superiority bullshit right now. Be glad I’m not doing worse, all the other women, and the men too, on this team would do far worse to you if I told.” Natalia spit, gathering up her things and leaving the gym, still as full of her catlike grace as ever before.
Steve looked like he had been slapped in the face more by her words than by her actual slap.