It was past midnight in the Gryffindor Common Room. Most students had gone to sleep, all but one Sirius Black. He sat on the chair opposite the piano and made himself comfortable, his hands running along the tiles. Slowly, he began to play, engulfing the room with the gentle sound of one of Mozart’s Preludes. Sirius let his mind drift away as his fingers moved, going back to 12 Grimmauld Place, the house that had brought him so much sadness and hurt. Memories rushed to his mind, but they weren’t bad. Sirius thought back to when he was only a small child, learning how to play piano from his mother. She had loved him, then. She had thought that he had potential, as he slowly moved his fingers from tile to tile playing Für Elise. Sirius remembered a fond smile growing on her face, a hand reaching down to pat the 6 year old boy’s back. He had disappointed his mother, he thought. She never told him, but he knew, he knew that she had been forced into her marriage, into her life with his father, and he knew that she resented almost everything for it. She had grown to resent him too. As he got older, she started hurting him, making him feel guilty for being who he was, for being the son of a man she didn’t love and not being enough to make her happy. In that house, Sirius had been abused, he had been beaten, he had been pushed away, but, at some point, he had been loved too. So, to remember the times when he had still felt whole, he played the piano. He played the piano every night in the Common Room, when no one else was there, to remember that there had been a time when his mother had loved him, and been good to him, when he had been the light of her life in a way that he hadn’t been ever since. Music brought him joy, it made him feel worthy and good. And so, he never stopped playing. As his mind drifted along the music, he heard footsteps coming from behind him. He turned around and saw Remus coming down from their dorm, a book, that he immediately recognized as something by Oscar Wilde, (Moony had blabbed on about him for long enough, “Padfoot, this book, it’s so gay!”, he remembered him saying) and a tablet of chocolate in his hands.
“Oh”, Remus smiled shyly. “Hi, Padfoot. I didn’t realize anyone would still be awake.”
“Hi”, he answered, not knowing how to act.
“You... can play?”
He turned back to his piano, his hands gliding along the instrument. He had never shared this part of himself with anyone before. Honestly, he was both scared of being judged for still, in some way, loving someone who had hurt him this much, and scared of having this happiness be taken away from him, he wanted to protect those memories at all costs. But this was Remus, Moony, who had never judged him for anything. Remus, who had so bravely shared his secrets with Sirius, telling him about his lycanthropy and coming out to him as gay. Remus, who, who was he kidding, he was hopelessly, desperately in love with. He had fallen for the werewolf several years ago, he even remembered the moment he realized how he felt. “Sirius”, Remus has said as he looked at the scars on his wrists that he had tried to hide for so long, “this isn’t okay. This isn’t a home. Home is where people love you, and treat like you deserve. You deserve the world, and that’s not what they’re giving you. Please, Sirius, you need to leave, you need to find a new home.” I’ve already found it, he had thought, as he stared into Remus’ eyes.
It had taken him a long time, coming to terms with his sexuality. His parents had made him believe that queerness was a sin, a disgusting, impure sin, everything that he couldn’t be as his mother’s son. He hated himself, for years, because of what he noticed about himself: the glaces towards Remus that always lasted just a bit too long, the constant need for affection from certain male classmates that he had been particularly fond of over the years, and his deep love for all femininity except for, well, women. It had been through Remus’ coming out that he realized that being queer wasn’t a bad thing. He looked at Remus, who was the best man he’d ever know, the kindest, the most honest, the most beautiful, and he thought, how could Remus ever be disgusting for simply being himself? And through accepting Remus, he learned to accept himself, slowly, piece by piece. He had yet to tell him how he felt, though. There it was again, that fear, of rejection, of disgust, of abandonment. He was scared that Remus wouldn’t feel the same, and that it would ruin them. But despite that, he felt more comfortable with him than he did with anyone else. So, when Moony asked him if he played the piano, he answered:
“Yeah.” He hesitated, “Come sit with me. I’ll play you something.”
“Oh,” Remus blushed, “sure.”
He slowly set his book and chocolate down on one of the tables and walked towards the piano. He sat down next to him. There was only one chair, their sides snug against each other, Sirius so close to Remus he could smell the sent of citrus and chocolate that always radiated from him. He began to play, Chopin’s Nocturne in E-flat Major, the most personal piece he could ever play. The music filled the Common Room as candlelight illuminated their faces. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Remus looking at him with surprise and a... hint of something else that he couldn’t quite recognize. And so, time passed, Sirius playing, mesmerized by the music, and Remus listening with a fond smile on his face. Surrounded by his favorite person and the only beautiful memories of his childhood, Sirius wanted to talk.
“This was my mother’s favorite”, he said with a smile, fingers still hitting the tiles.
Remus was surprised, he obviously didn’t expect Sirius to mention her, he hadn’t in years. “Your... mother?”
Sirius wasn’t distraught by the question. He answered fondly, still reminiscing on these beautiful memories.
“Yeah. She taught me piano, when I was very young. I still remember how proud she looked when she heard me play this skillfully for the first time.”
“Oh”, Remus said as his eyes widened. He stilled, for a moment, only music filling the room. After what felt like forever, he spoke up. “That’s beautiful, Sirius. I’m glad you still have this to hold onto.”
He understood. Remus had understood. Sirius felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He hadn’t mocked him, or judged him for being himself, he understood. In that moment, he had never loved Remus more.
“Yeah”, he whispered, as his eyes grew wet and the music was coming to an end. After playing the last chord, he turned to Remus, who also seemed dazed.
“I play, here, every night... to remember. Music helps me remember the good times, when she still loved me, when I was happy there”, Sirius confessed as he never felt himself be more vulnerable.
“I think that’s lovely, Padfoot. You should never feel ashamed of what makes you happy. I understand, that you still want to feel close to a side of your mother that accepted you, that loved you. It makes you feel safe.” He smile and looked into Sirius’ eyes. “I still do that too, you know? Whenever I read the newspaper, it always makes me think of my father, when he was at home on the weekends and read while my mum made breakfast, before he... left me because he couldn’t take my lycanthropy anymore.”
Sirius looked at him in awe. There, in Remus, he saw his other half, his missing piece. He never knew how alike they were, how easily he could understand, and how willing he was to try when he couldn’t relate. He had never met anyone like Remus, and he knew that regardless of whether he’d reciprocate his feelings, he’d never love anyone like he loved him. Sirius placed a hand on his arm, in understanding and compassion. Moony noticed, but he didn’t pull away. Their gazes were set on each other’s for what felt like forever. Suddenly Remus spoke up:
“You are so good, though. Is there anything you aren’t incredible at, Black?”
Sirius was startled into laughter. He hadn’t expected that.
“Well-“
“I bet next time I walk in on you during the night I’ll hear you beautifully singing Schubert, or something”, Remus interrupted him, laughing alongside him.
“Well, I did do in-depth vocal training for a few years-“
“Oh my god”, Remus groaned as he pressed his face into his hands, still laughing.
“Hey, the Noble House of Black is very demanding like that!” Sirius defended himself, still deeply amused by the conversation.
“I know”, Remus smiled, “I get it. Trust me, this, at least, is a good thing. You play incredibly well.”
Sirius was very happy to hear that, he hadn’t shared this part of himself with anyone in many years. “Thank you. Moony”, he said wholeheartedly as he looked up at him.
After a moment, “hey, let me teach you something.”
Remus didn’t seem to have expected that, though neither did Sirius, to be honest.
“Oh. Yeah, sure, why not. Though I don’t promise much. I unfortunately don’t have the beautiful piano-worthy aristocratic hands that you do.”
Sirius blushed at that. He took Remus’ hand and guided it towards the piano, he placed his finger on one of the tiles.
“Here”, he explained, “this is do, when you go up 8 notes, that makes a scale. Move your finger up a tile.”
Remus did just that.
“Re. Keep going.” He did.
“Mi, fa, sol, la, ti, and finally do.”
“Okay. So far so good”, Remus said bobbing his head in acknowledgment.
“Piano consists of a series of these notes, on different octaves. You can play these in a certain order to get a melody. Try it. Just stay on the scale I showed you and play whatever you want. Don’t worry about the sound.”
Remus hummed, he seemed nervous, but curious. His hand started pushing on different tiles, very awkwardly at first, but he seemed to get the hang of it as he kept playing. Do, mi, la, re, he switched from note to note to create a melody. Suddenly, Sirius joined him. He played chords as Moony kept creating a melody, accompanying him. It lasted a while, the music, the peace. Suddenly, their hands bumped into each other, their fingers touching. Sirius looked down to his hands and noticed Remus do the same, neither pulled away.
“I like your hands”, Sirius muttered out of nowhere.
“Oh?” Remus sounded surprised, but also hopeful.
“You’re beautiful”, Sirius whispered, still looking down at the instrument, scared of what would happen next.
“What?” Remus asked with such a hushed tone, he was sure he thought it was a dream.
Sirius turned to him, determined and deeply in love. “You’re beautiful, Moony.”
This was the moment. He knew it, in his gut. He came closer to Remus, staring at his lips. Closing his eyes, he took a leap of faith and kissed him, because there was nothing that he wanted more. He heard Moony gasp in shock, but moments later, he felt him kiss back. The kiss was gentle, sweet, it was everything that Sirius had ever dreamed of. Fireworks, he felt fireworks. Everything had fallen into place. Finally, he was home. In that moment, he knew. He didn’t need anyone else, he didn’t want anyone else, as long as he had Remus. What else could he possibly need when the best man in the world wants him too? After seconds, or an eternity, they gently pulled away, gasping for air but also never wanting to let go.
“Wow”, he heard himself whisper.
Remus stared into his eyes, his gaze filled with love and utter awe.
“You’re amazing”, he told him, and Sirius had never felt more worthy than he did in that moment. He kissed him again, quickly, as a tear streamed down his face. He smiled, this is his forever.
From that day, Sirius never played the piano alone. Each night, he was joined by a familiar werewolf that he loved more than anything in the world. He still thought fondly of his childhood memories, but slowly, he found himself thinking more and more about the man sitting next to him when playing. There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind, he was home.