It’s when she sees her in a white dress that Alison starts to question everything. Petra in a magnificent, charming, white dress. It looked like it was meticulously created for Petra, even with age, she hadn’t put on weight or lost any. The dress clasped perfectly at her waist, her hair was done into an intricate bun, with plaits surrounding it. She was 70 now, Alison only 3 – 4 years behind. Petra’s partner was beside her, basked in a gorgeous white suit, doing her an ultimate justice. The vows were exchanged, a bouquet was thrown into the crowd. Alison ignored Toni’s quick mumbles as all she could think about was Petra’s smile. There were undeniable creases in her skin, Alison couldn’t help but see the girl with short hair who’d ask her to join her. Finn hadn’t come with her and Alison was with Toni, who was eyeing Gina. Gina was sat across the room grinning at Petra, who was now looking around the open garden area filled with flowers, white, gold and red. As she moved a strand away from her face, her eyes met with Alison’s. Alison’s initial reaction was to turn away, her face was burning in an odd way. Must be those stupid pills I’ve been taking, she thought, as the world went quiet. Toni’s agitating voice faded into the background. Petra’s dark brown eyes glazed deep into Alison, as if she knew everything she was thinking, as if she was thinking the exact same thing. And then it was done, whatever look they shared it was gone. Alison glanced towards the side of her and saw Gina staring at her. They shared a sentiment, Alison discovered. There was a moment where Alison could be alone with Petra in the room where she was getting ready to fit into a more comfortable yet ever so lovely outfit. Alison pushed the door lightly, as she heard lowered voices. Walking in, she was met with Petra clambering into a dress, groaning about her limbs hurting, Gina was beside her holding the dress, it was red and white. Alison wondered how Petra would look if it was black and crimson. Gina and Petra exchanged gazes as Alison raised her eyebrows.
“Get out, I want to talk to Pet.”
For once, it felt like Alison didn’t have to fight Gina. She was given a disgustingly empathetic look from her. A pat on her shoulder and then Gina was gone.
“Suppose you’ll help me with this dress, then?” Petra smiled at her as Alison walked closer towards her.
“So, what, I don’t look pretty?” Petra asked, as she stumbled onto the sofa in front of her. She pouted a bit, and Alison thought she looked adorable, it was hard to resist the urge to grab her face and kiss her. She turned away from Petra, grabbing a hairbrush she had found as Petra had insisted that Alison take the knots out of her hair.
“You look gorgeous.”
Alison turned quickly when she heard a thump. Petra was lying face flat on the floor.
“Pet!”
Her hair was all over her head, in all type of angles. Alison reached her, her hands holding strands of Petra’s silky hair.
“God, Petra, what is wrong with you?” Alison scolded as she took out her hand, which was instantly grabbed by one with dark red nails. Petra looked up. She stood up, stumbling against Alison for support.
“You’ve never called me pretty, Ali.” She said, it seemed more like a whisper and Alison wondered if she had imagined it.
“I have.” Alison scoffed in return.
Petra met her eyes, and to Alison’s surprise, she was crying.
She faltered a bit but held up the dress she was wearing to Petra’s eyes, nagging Petra that her make-up was going to be ruined
“I have called you pretty, Petra.”
“You never said it.”
“Well, I'm saying it now.” Alison bit back, as she sat Petra down on a stool beside her. There were a few moments of silence before Petra spoke again.
“I could have had Gina do this.”
“Or Toni.” Alison replied and laughed as she saw Petra make a face in the mirror. As Alison brushed Petra’s hair, she felt Petra lean into the touch and smiled.
“Go on.” Petra began unexpectedly.
“What?” Alison replied, as she tapped Petra’s shoulder to indicate she had finished.
“Did you come here just to brush my hair?”
“Ah, no I brought something.”
“You’ve already given me a gift.” Petra gave her a confused look, as Alison handed her a small, wrapped package. She glanced at Alison, asking if she could open it now and Alison nodded.
It was a gold hair clip with rubies attached to it.
“This is perfect, Alison.” Petra sounded like she was in awe. Alison did hope she’d like it; she had spent a bit on it.
“Er thanks, I mean you’re welcome.”
As Petra stared down at the clip, Alison could just make out tears falling.
“Oh, Pet, are you crying again? Aren’t you too old for this?” Alison asked, gently lifting Petra’s head to face hers.
“Say it.”
“Say what?”
“You know what, Ali.”
Alison sighed as she caressed Petra’s face.
“I just- I just thought, if that could have been me, standing next to you.”
There was again, a moment where neither of them spoke, with just Alison gazing at Petra’s tear-stricken face.
“Did you ever think of me, like that Ali?” Petra interrupted the silence.
Alison tilted her head, and grinned.
“Of course, I did, did you?”
“I loved you, Alison.”
It was the word love; Alison flinched.
They looked at each other and laughed. Alison’s fingers dancing across Petra’s cheek.
“I suppose if I hadn’t been scared, it would have been me.” She confidently laughed as Petra gave her a sad smile.
“I love Reinalda.”
“I know.”
For a few moments, it felt as though Alison was going to kiss Petra. Petra was praying she wouldn’t, because if she did, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop herself kissing her back. As she closed her eyes, she heard a shuffle of fabric as Alison’s hand left her cheek. She was sitting on the sofa, again and Alison was now towering over her. Petra noticed Alison had grey in her hair, the once dirty blonde was now diminishing. Suddenly, Alison slapped both of her hands across Petra’s cheeks, not enough to hurt, but enough to make Petra’s face puff in confusion. Petra made a sound of doubt as Alison chuckled at her. She leaned forward and Petra thought she was going to feel chapped lips against hers. Instead, Alison reached for her forehead, planting a soft kiss to it as she clasped Petra’s face in her hands.
“I love you, Petra.”
There was more to say, more things Alison wanted to admit to Petra, more to do. Perhaps they were never each other’s to begin with. As she reached the door, she stopped.
“Saw Georgie, looks like she has much more to say to you than I did.”
“She must be over it now, she’s married with kids.” Petra scoffed back, rolling her eyes.
“And who’s to say I’m over it.”
Petra laughed at that and bid Alison goodbye, thanking her again for the clip, and the joint gift from Finn. Alison stumbled out of the door, slightly holding her chest as she breathed in and out. Walking down the hallway, she came across an obviously irritated Georgie.
“Petra, is she in there?” She glared at Alison.
“Yes, she is.” Alison replied
“Thanks.” Georgie strode past her.
“Good luck.” Alison shouted back, receiving a mumble that she believed was a “fuck off”.
It was okay, really, Alison thought. She really did love Finn. Maybe she had loved them both once, she recalled as she kissed Finn when she got home.