The World Has Turned and Left Me Here

It had been an eventful weekend, that was for sure, and it wasn’t nearly over yet, but James was getting his house in order one thing at a time.

He had experienced clarity the likes of which he’d been searching fruitlessly for for months when he’d woken up on Saturday morning to find Teddy gone. When James had reached out across the bed instinctively for Teddy before he’d even opened his eyes, everything else besides the Teddy shaped hole in his life seemed so fucking insignificant.

If he was honest, the decision to choose Teddy had probably been made sometime during their lovemaking, while Teddy’s body was entwined with his, their lips locked together, and everything else in the world besides the two of them was forgotten. Well, if he was really honest the decision was probably made some time before that, and Albus probably indirectly had more to do with it than James was currently giving him credit for, but it had all crystallised in his mind sometime during the night he’d spent with Teddy. But James had needed to sleep on it, because this was maybe the most important decision of his entire life, and it certainly couldn’t be made in a post-orgasm stupor. He had to be absolutely sure, before he told Teddy he was coming home. Because once he did that, he absolutely could not go back on it.

So sleep on it he had, and in the morning he’d been more sure than ever. Not just about the fact that he couldn’t lose Teddy, not for anything, but also on the fact that he wanted Teddy to be his husband. That he wanted to make this tangible commitment, to show Teddy and everyone else in the world that this was it for James. That he and Teddy were the real deal. And that he would always choose Teddy, no matter what.

He remembered how the very first time he and Teddy had slept together, Teddy had caught James trying to sneak out before Teddy was awake, and he had given him all kinds of hell for pulling such a spineless move. For Teddy to do that to him now really showed how much he must be hurting. Not that it wasn’t already clear precisely how much pain he was in, from how he’d wept in James’s arms the previous night after they’d had sex. And James knew that the reason he’d done so was because Teddy really believed that this was it for them. That it was the last night they’d ever spend together. And him leaving without saying goodbye like this, it was clear as day to James that this was Teddy breaking up with him. Putting an end to the suffering. So there was no time to lose on this. James had to act fast.

He had used the landline to call Mo straight away, before he had even showered or gotten dressed. He had laid it all out very calmly, expressing his gratitude for everything Mo had done for him during the last four months, but explaining that he was at risk of losing Teddy if he didn’t come home right now, and he just couldn’t let that happen. Mo had been very understanding, he seemed as though he had half been expecting that to be the case. James promised to return to work on Monday and have a more in-depth conversation about it in person once he was there, and so they had left it at that, James asking Mo to take this phone call as him officially handing in his notice. Despite Mo taking it as well as James possibly could have hoped, it had been a difficult phone call nonetheless, with James feeling immensely disappointed about the opportunity he knew he was giving up. But that only served to cement the decision in his mind. He knew that he wasn’t doing this purely out of fear of losing Teddy, or in some short-sighted temporary euphoria at the idea of getting Teddy back. He was choosing Teddy knowing full well what he was giving up.

Teddy had been more resistant than James had expected. He had been genuinely worried for a moment that he really had blown it, and had hurt Teddy too much to come back from, but Teddy had let him back in eventually. He hadn’t accepted the proposal, which James had perhaps done a little rashly, swept away in the moment. James couldn’t pretend he didn’t feel slightly rejected by that, but he knew he had no right to. After everything he’d put Teddy through, it was more than fair for him to say this wasn’t the right time. And it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things WHEN they got married anyway. As long as they spent the rest of their lives together, which James was determined they would.

He had allowed himself a few hours of indulgence with Teddy, which had largely been spent in bed together back at their flat. But he had to pull himself back into the real world eventually, and tear himself away from Teddy’s side to deal with the situation with Albus. He had some promises to keep. Teddy had offered to accompany him, but James had declined, not wanting to be distracted by basking in his happiness at being with Teddy, not when there were such serious things to sort out. And indeed, as James had made his way over here the seriousness of the matter settled over him, pushing his elation at resolving things with Teddy to the side for the moment.

James knocked on the door to Albus and Scorpius's house sometime in the late afternoon. He had felt some trepidation on his way here at the possibility that Albus might not have had the strength to tell Scorpius everything, and that James might have to fill in the blanks. But when Scorpius opened the door within seconds of him knocking, looking like he hadn't slept a wink, James knew that there was no need for preamble.

"Why didn’t you tell me, Scorp?" The question burst out of him before he could stop it. It was pointless to assign blame at this point, but the seriousness of the matter felt it had to be addressed.

Scorpius wearily breathed out a quiet sigh, apparently just letting the accusation wash over him, before standing back and holding the door open for James to come in. James did so and Scorpius closed the door behind him, pulling his wand out of his pocket and casting a quick muffliato up the stairs behind him, to where Al presumably was.

“He’s napping up there, I think.” Scorpius said, his voice husky, presumably from lack of sleep. He gestured for James to head into the living room, following him through close behind.

“Probably for the best” James said seriously. “It’s you I came here to see.” Even to his own ears his tone sounded scathing, but James found that he didn’t actually feel bad about that just yet. James knew his anger towards Scorpius was misplaced, but the fact of the matter was that all of this had happened on his watch. 

"I swear to God, James, I didn't know it was this bad" Scorpius said pleadingly as James turned around to face him again, the pair of them loitering in the small amount of open space just beyond the doorway.

"Yeah, well" James replied darkly. "I believe you there, because if you knew it was this bad then you damn well should have called me. And hell, even if you thought it was only half this bad, you still should have fucking called me."

"I know" Scorpius said sadly, looking for all the world like he thought he deserved every bit of that, and James couldn’t stay angry with him. 

"Look, it’s Al... he hides things, we all know that" James sighed, going over to the sofa and heaving himself down onto it. "But you know him better than anyone, Scorpius. You must have known something wasn't right."

Scorpius nodded, moving a bit further away from the door but leaning back against the wall, rather than sitting down with James. As though he were afraid to get too close.

“Of course I knew SOMETHING was going on" he said miserably. "But I never imagined it was as bad as this.”

"What did he tell you?" James asked.

"Everything, I think” Scorpius replied. “God, I hope it was everything” he looked suddenly horror struck at the idea there could be untold depths to Albus's depression that he was still hiding. Which was exactly why James wanted to compare notes. James gestured for him to elaborate. Scorpius looked as though he was in great pain as he did so.

"He said he feels like his life is pointless. That most days he wakes up and he feels like he's drowning."

"Suffocating, was the word he used with me" James chimed in darkly. Scorpius turned his head away, as though James had just slapped him.

"He said he drinks pretty much every day, and he knew it was wrong to hide it from me, but some days it's the only way he gets through the day" Scorpius closed his eyes, as though he could somehow pretend that this wasn't really happening.

“I asked him if he needed help with his drinking” James told Scorpius seriously. Indirectly, he had at least. “He said he might. Is it really that bad?”

“I didn’t want to think it was” Scorpius replied, looking at James again with a worried expression. “But he’s been hiding so much from me. I didn’t know he’d started drinking in the mornings, when I wasn’t here. I mean, how WAS I supposed to know that?”

“I didn’t know either until I caught him red handed” James admitted. “And he was doing it right in front of me, as well.”

"He said that one day he was so drunk at work that he sliced his hand open on a broken bottle and he didn’t even realise until he saw the blood" Scorpius offered, his voice low.

"JESUS" James said loudly, not ready for that piece of information.

"He didn't tell you that bit?" Scorpius asked James fearfully.

"No, he fucking didn't" James replied, shell shocked. An uncomfortable silence passed between them before James spoke again.

"Was that the worst of it?" He really hoped there wasn't anything worse than that. Scorpius put both hands over his face as a noise escaped him that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. 

"Fucking hell, I don't know!" He burst out, looking overwhelmed. "Is that worse than finding out your boyfriend doesn't feel like his life is worth living anymore? And that he couldn’t even fucking talk to you about it?"

"Did he say that?" James asked sharply. He had certainly alluded to that in his talk with James, but he hadn't outright said it, not like that.

"Oh god, I don't know" Scorpius said, dragging his hands down his face now, looking like he hadn't slept in about a year. "We were talking for hours, and I'm sure I didn't even process some of it because I was so shocked by what he was saying. He definitely said some things that were like that."

"Do you think he'd hurt himself" James asked seriously. "On purpose?" Scorpius looked horrified just by the question.

"I don’t think so" he said uncertainly. "But I didn't think he'd drink his way through the day and lie to me about it, so what the fuck do I know anymore?" He leaned his head back against wall behind him, staring miserably up at the ceiling. James's heart went out to him. However hard this was for James it had to be a million times worse for Scorpius.  Even if it wasn't blatantly obvious from what Scorpius was saying or his demeanour in general that he was in over his head, James had never heard him swear this much. 

"He needs to speak to someone, Scorpius" James said quietly. "A healer. He needs to be honest with them about what’s going on. About the drinking. About how he feels. About if he’s hurting himself."

"He said the bottle thing was an accident" Scorpius said, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than James.

"You believe him about that?" James asked darkly. He didn't want to blow things out of proportion but they had to be pragmatic. Albus was well known for downplaying his problems. Hell, he'd been hiding everything else from them for this long. Scorpius didn't answer, but he dragged a hand over his face again.

"I'm so sorry, James" Scorpius said in a very small voice, his hand covering his eyes. "I've fucked this all up, haven't I?"

"It's not all on you" James told him. "I should have been around more. I'm GOING to be around more, I promise." 

Scorpius nodded in agreement, but he didn't look particularly relieved by this. 

"I don't know what to do, James" he admitted desperately. 

"I don't either, to be honest" James admitted. "But when I told Al he had to tell you, he said to me 'what if he doesn't want me anymore?'" Scorpius looked incredibly hurt by this, and James had to admit it must be hard not to take that personally. "So you've got to make sure he knows that you do." James surveyed Scorpius carefully. "You do, right?" he added, frowning, and Scorpius's mouth dropped open in outrage at the question.

"Of course I- I LOVE him, James. Why would he think that's changed?" Scorpius burst out, looking stressed again.

"He said you've been distant" James told him. 

"Have I?!" Scorpius asked, throwing up both hands to emphasise his confusion and looking like this was entirely news to him. "He's the one who fucking..." Scorpius sighed heavily. "You know what he's like" he implored James. "He didn't want to talk about it, and there's no point in trying to make him. And then he sort of started to talk about it, but not really. It was like he was talking in metaphors, and I was never really sure what he meant. And he'd come home from work plastered all the time and I thought he was just acting strange because he was drinking too much, but then he started getting angry with me for pressing him on that so that's probably when he started hiding it from me..." Scorpius had started his rant quite energetically, but he rapidly ran out of steam, and by the time he reached the end he looked like he had aged about a decade.

"He's not himself right now" James offered consolingly.

"Isn't he?" Scorpius asked darkly. "Hasn't he always been kind of like this? Not this bad obviously, but... fuck, we should have seen this coming, James" he shook his head. "I should have seen this coming."

"I thought that exact same thing" James admitted. "But it doesn't matter now, does it? We've just got to move forward." He and Scorpius stared at each other for a long moment, before Scorpius broke the silence with the most helpless voice that James had heard him use yet.

"I'm scared, James" he said quietly. James reacted almost instinctively, getting up off the sofa and crossing the room to sweep Scorpius up in a bear hug, the same type he'd given to Albus on Friday. Like Albus, Scorpius's slender frame felt so fragile in James's muscular arms and he suddenly felt awful for being so hard earlier on his pseudo little brother in law. He was the same age as Al, so could only be eighteen or nineteen. Christ, at the age of nineteen James had had his head up his own arse, caring about nothing other than his quidditch fame and the next shag. Scorpius had his head on so much straighter than that. And he was carrying so much weight. He'd been trying to carry Al all by himself for such a long time. Scorpius returned the hug, wrapping his arms around James's torso and holding him tightly.

"I'm here now" James told him gently. "You don't have to do this all by yourself anymore."

They hugged for a long time, and Scorpius looked very slightly less tightly wound when they broke apart.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" he asked James.

"I can go, if you want to get some sleep" James offered. The kid looked like he needed it.

"Couldn't sleep if I tried" Scorpius replied, beckoning James and heading over to the door on the far side of the room. James followed him through into the kitchen. “I’d like it if you stayed a little while, anyway. I could use…” Scorpius trailed off, apparently unsure exactly how to describe the relationship between James and himself. “Someone to talk to” he added a little uncertainly.

“A friend?” James offered, and Scorpius gave him a grateful smile. Teddy watched him fill up an old style copper kettle and put it on the hob, giving the ring a prod with his wand to get the flames going.

“I don’t know if Al told you what else we talked about yesterday” James ventured mildly. “About why I was here in the first place.”

“He mentioned it yes” Scorpius replied, while he got some mugs out of the cupboard. “Said you might be moving to New Zealand?”

“I’m not” James told him. “I turned down the job. I’m back for good.”

“You didn’t do that because of him, did you?” Scorpius asked, distracted by this and turning to James with a frown on and a box of teabags in his hands.

“Not exactly” James admitted. “But finding out about all this was certainly an eye opener. Made me re-evaluate my priorities.” He paused for a second before adding “I proposed to my boyfriend.”

“Oh, wow” Scorpius said, looking taken aback, but then giving him a wide smile. “Congratulations!”

“Don’t congratulate me yet” James said, laughing a little. “He said he needs to think about it.”

“Oh” was all Scorpius had to say to that, looking rather awkward.

“It’s alright” James told him kindly. “I probably shouldn’t have asked him just yet. I’ve not been a particularly good boyfriend these past few months. Al even called me out on that. He called me ‘boyfriend of the year’.” Scorpius was unable to stop himself from laughing at that, but he did look guilty afterwards.

“He can cut right through you with his words, can’t he?” Scorpius said apologetically.

“He can at that” James agreed. “I probably deserved it, to be fair.” The kettle began whistling, and Scorpius turned his attention back to making the tea.

“Teddy can take as long as he wants” James told him while he did so. “I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get there eventually.”

“That’s amazing, James, really” Scorpius said sincerely.

“Yeah” James smiled to himself. “But that’s not even the point of what I wanted to say” James went on. “My point is, I’m here. For both of you, alright?” James told him.

“Thanks” Scorpius said quietly.

“I’m going to talk to Mum and Dad about Al” James told him as Scorpius passed him to get the milk out of the fridge, his face falling into a troubled expression at that. “They have to know, Scorpius” James insisted.

“I know” Scorpius agreed with a sigh. “I just don’t want them to think it’s my fault. Although maybe it is, a bit.”

“It’s not” James told him firmly, putting out a gentle hand to his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks as Scorpius passed him again. He still looked rather worried, and James offered him a supportive smile. “And I’ll make sure they know that it’s not” he added firmly. “I also promised Al I wouldn’t let them come and storm the place.”

“Well, I’d appreciate that” Scorpius said, laughing a little as James released him and he went back over to the steaming mugs. “Do you think it might be a good idea for him to get out of here for a while?” Scorpius asked seriously. “He could stay with your parents for a bit?”

"I don't think it's the place that's the problem" James told him. “Although I think we do need to keep him away from that bar, especially if he’s having trouble with his drinking. It won’t be doing him any good.”

“I’ve been saying that for a while” Scorpius replied, frowning as he turned around again to hand James a mug of tea. “But he’s been so defensive about it” he added wearily. That much was fairly obvious. James recalled how Albus had flared up instantly yesterday when James had accused him of being hungover. And that whole angry speech he’d given him when James had caught him with the gin.

“In my experience, Al is like a tiger when he’s backed into a corner” James offered with a grim smile. “Even if he knows he’s in the wrong, he’ll rip your face off rather than let you pin him down.”

“That was… a very graphic visual” Scorpius said, blinking dazedly, holding his own mug up to his face as he leaned back against the counter behind him.

“Sorry” James laughed. “I’m not wrong though, right?”

“No, you’re not wrong” Scorpius agreed. “Especially if he’s hurting. He’ll lash out at anyone in range.”

“Including you?” James asked, concernedly.

“Oh, not like that” Scorpius replied, reading his expression. “He’s never physical. I’ve been on the receiving end of a few cutting remarks over the years though.”

“He loves you, you know” James told him consolingly. Scorpius gave him a wistful smile in return.

“I know” Scorpius replied. “It’s always kind of been the two of us against the world. But lately… I guess my world got a bit bigger. And his didn’t.”

"He said something to that effect to me" James admitted. “Said you were his anchor. Like he was adrift at sea or something, and holding onto you was the only way he wouldn't get swept away. To be honest, Scorpius, I think he felt lost even before you came to Godric's Hollow."

“You see, this is what I mean about talking in metaphors” Scorpius scowled. “Why can’t he just come out and SAY that? I’d have made more time for him, I really would.”

“And that would have solved everything?” James countered. “This problem is bigger than the two of you. It’s not healthy to rely on just one person as your only ‘anchor’, as he put it. He needs to learn how to be stable by himself.”

“I’m more than happy to be his anchor” Scorpius replied, before frowning. “And can we stop calling it that, because it sounds really stupid.” James laughed there, but Scorpius went on. “What I mean is, I’m here for him whenever he needs me. And I’m not even complaining about that. I just… I don’t know how to help him.”

“I’m not sure I do either” James said grimly. “That’s why he needs to see a healer. I know he doesn’t want to, but it’ll help.”

“I’ll do what I can, to get him there” Scorpius said earnestly, and James gave him a nod.

“Bit of encouragement from you would go a long way, I bet” James told him. "He's lucky to have you" he added.

"I don't know about that" Scorpius muttered sadly. "I've not done great these past few months."

"Yeah, well, me neither" James sighed taking a drink of his tea. On multiple facets, James had not done particularly good by his loved ones lately. But he was trying to make up for it now.

-

James apparated straight from Scorpius and Albus’s house back to his parents’ place. He had apparated into his old bedroom, more out of habit than anything else, and made his way from there downstairs in search of his parents, who he thankfully found together in the kitchen. His dad was doing some washing up, and his mum was sat at the table writing something, presumably a letter. They both turned around to him in surprise when he entered the room.

“James, when did you get back?” Ginny asked, at the same time Harry said “Where the hell have you been?” James gave them both a sheepish smile in return and gestured to the table.

“Can we all sit down for a minute, please” he asked them, addressing this more to his dad, since his mum was already sat down.

“What’s happened?” Harry replied, frowning in concern.

“Trust me, you’re going to want to sit down for this” James told him grimly. He continued to frown, but turned off the tap and grabbed a tea towel to dry his hands.

“Oh James, you haven’t broken up, have you?” Ginny said sadly, as James took a seat at the table with her, waiting for his dad to join them.

“No, we haven’t” James told her, but said nothing more until Harry tossed the tea towel back on the side and sat down next to his wife, both of them facing James and looking apprehensive.

“There’s been two…” James cast around for a fitting description. “Developments” he settled on. “And one of them, you absolutely do not get any input on and you are to let me deal with, OK?” he said firmly. His parents didn’t respond to this, both looking bewildered. James went on, regardless. “The other one… I am going to need your input on. But before you do anything I want you to take a breath and try and keep calm about it. Alright?”

James looked expectantly at them for a response. Harry looked confused, and Ginny looked wary, but still neither of them said anything.

“Do you agree to these terms?” James pressed them, and Harry laughed.

“I can’t promise you I’m going to stay calm, and I think you know that” he countered. James frowned. This must be how his dad usually felt when his he was trying to have a serious talk about something with him.

“I promise to keep my cool” Ginny offered, with a smirk and James sighed. She wouldn’t be smiling in a minute.

“Alright” James said, figuring that was the best he was going to get. “Good news first, I guess. I talked to Teddy-“

“Is that where you’ve been, since Friday?” Ginny cut in.

“Yes” James replied, trying not to be annoyed at the interruption. She didn’t know after all, just how serious this conversation was about to get.

“Does that mean you’re back together then?” Harry asked.

“We were never NOT together” James frowned. “We were just… figuring some stuff out.”

“And you’ve figured it out?” Ginny asked, looking pleased.

“Sort of” James said, unsure of how much detail he should go in to right now. He eventually decided to just go ahead and tell them. They were going to find out sooner or later.

“I turned down the permanent job, and I’ve quit the temporary one” he told them, and they both looked very taken aback. “In two weeks after I’ve worked out my notice, I’m coming home. I’m moving back in with Teddy, and we’re staying put” James went on. “And I’ve asked Teddy to marry me.”

He hadn’t been planning to reveal that last bit, it had just sort of come out. He stopped, waiting for their reactions, wondering whether he was about to seriously regret that slip of the tongue or not. His mother looked thrilled, and his father dumbstruck. James had to hold back the urge to laugh at the pure predictability of that.

“He hasn’t said yes yet, let me be clear on that” James told them firmly. “And I don’t want either of you talking to him about this until he’s made up his mind.”

“James” his mother said dismissively, as though he were being silly. “Of course he’s going to say yes” she was grinning broadly, and patted Harry on the hand as she spoke. “That’s wonderful news, I’m so glad the two of you have worked it out.”

“Thanks Mum” James replied quietly, with a small smile.

“You’re getting married?” Harry asked, sounding dazed.

“Hopefully” James replied with a bit of a shrug.

“Aren’t you a bit young?” Harry said, raising an eyebrow, and this time James did nothing to hold back his laugh.

“I’m sorry, how old were you when you got married?” he asked his father incredulously.

“Well, that was just after the war” Harry replied defensively. “Things were different.”

“I don’t see how” James argued. “And it’s not like me and Teddy have just met, is it?”

“The first one of my sons getting married…” Ginny said dreamily. “Would you take each other’s names?”

“I’d take his, I think” James told her, smiling.

“Wait, what?” Harry chimed in indignantly.

“You’ve got two other kids to carry on your name” James put to him. “But Teddy’s the last Lupin. Our kids have got to be Lupins.”

“You’re talking about kids?” Ginny asked excitedly.

“Conceptually” James replied, and Harry looked like he might be about to have a stroke. “Don’t worry, it won’t be any time soon” James assured him. “Maybe in five years, or so.”

“I didn’t know you were thinking that far ahead” Harry said, looking distinctly overwhelmed.

“I guess I wasn’t until about four months ago” James conceded. “What can I say? It’s been a big year.”

“You’re telling me” Harry muttered under his breath.

“Kids!” Ginny piped up again excitedly, slapping Harry on the arm. He shot her a disgruntled look, pulling his arm out of her reach, and James huffed a small laugh.

“Nothing’s decided yet, alright?” he told his mother, willing her to calm down. “Like I said, he’s taking some time to think about it. We haven’t exactly been on the same page these past few months. But I told him I want to get serious about building a future together.”

“So you’re NOT moving to New Zealand, then?” Harry asked.

“I am not” James replied simply.

“But you wanted to, didn’t you?” Harry asked, still looking confused.

“I wanted the job” James admitted. “But I never really cared about where it was. But it doesn’t matter now anyway, Teddy’s more important to me than the job. I wasn’t going to lose him over this.”

“Hang on” Harry said, looking like he was trying to remember something. “Did you say you’ve quit your job?” he asked. “As in, you’re not doing the six months anymore?”

“I did, and I’d really appreciate you cutting me a bit of slack on that one” James replied seriously. “I don’t exactly know what my next move is going to be yet, but I’ll sort it out, I promise I will.”

“You quit your job for him?” Ginny asked wistfully, and James could tell she thought that was romantic. Maybe it was, he supposed, but the gritty details of it had been distinctly not so. He opted not to tell her about how Teddy hadn’t immediately accepted it when James had told him, or how he had looked at James like he was losing his mind when James had proposed to him. Or indeed how he had insinuated that James might change his mind at some point and run out on him again.

“I’m leaving on good terms” James assured his dad, who was still looking little worried about the whole thing. “I told my boss I really appreciated the offer, but that I just couldn’t move away from my family. He understood that.”

Harry’s expression softened at these words, and he gave James a small smile for the first time since James had dropped the news on him. James had actually been talking about Teddy specifically when he said ‘family’, but he was also glad to be close to his biological family again.  

“Well then” Harry said, blinking dazedly. “Congratulations, son” he said sincerely. James smiled warmly at him, and Harry muttered “married…” under his breath, shaking his head as though in disbelief, but he didn’t look displeased.

“Thanks Dad” James replied. “Just got to get him to say yes now.”

“He will” Harry replied automatically, as though there was no doubt about it. James smiled wider, at that.

“Well this is a celebration!” Ginny grinned, starting to get up from her seat. “We should toast with something. I don’t think I have any sparkling wine, but-“

“Mum, please hold that thought” James implored her, gently taking hold of her wrist to stop her from wandering off. They hadn’t gotten to topic number two yet, and James certainly didn’t want to be doing that over a glass of champagne.

“Oh, James, I don’t know what you’re worried about, he’s going to say yes” she said warmly, ruffling the hair on his head.

“I’m sure he will eventually, so let’s save the festivities until then” James replied calmly. “Anyway, there’s something else I need to talk to you two about.”

“Was that not the two things?” Ginny asked, confusedly, but she sat back down obligingly. “The wedding and the job?” Her expression changed to one of excitement again as she apparently disregarded her own question. “Oh, there’s going to be a wedding!” she said excitedly, apparently to herself, as James and Harry exchanged an incredulous look. “I’ll have to get a hat. One of those massive ones with a big bow on. A mother-of-the-groom type of hat.”

“Mum” James implored her again, trying desperately to bring her back down to earth. Much as he would have liked to celebrate his and Teddy’s prospective nuptials, he did feel like they ought to hold off on getting too excited about it until Teddy was actually on board. And that wasn’t even really why he was here in the first place. He had to get serious again, and felt his entire mood sink down as he wondered how on earth to break the news about Albus to them.

“What’s up, son?” Harry asked, reading his expression and looking concerned again.

“You know I went to see Al on Friday, right?” James put to both of his parents.

“Was that before or after you spoke to Teddy?” Harry asked, while Ginny merely nodded.

“Before” James told him. “Me and Teddy didn’t actually speak until yesterday.” He kicked himself for that as soon as the words left his mouth, because now his whereabouts on Friday night were unaccounted for, and he certainly didn’t want to explain to his parents of all people that he and Teddy had spent the night together without even talking about it. But fortunately neither of them called him out on that, so he just ploughed on.

“I said I’d let him talk to Scorpius first before I told you two” James explained, heading off the inevitable question as to why he hadn’t come to them straight away. James actually thought he was being rather diligent in delivering the news today, what with everything else he had going on. “I went to see Scorpius just now too, to make sure that he had” James added.

“Talk to Scorpius about what?” Harry asked, looking apprehensive.

“Albus has depression” James told them baldly. “And it looks pretty serious. He had a bit of a breakdown on me, after I worked out that he was day-drinking and trying to hide it.” James felt like a complete snitch for passing on that bit of information, but he was worried his parents might not grasp the seriousness of the matter if he didn’t. Harry’s expression was inscrutable, as it often was when it came to Al, but he looked dead serious. Ginny merely looked shocked.

“He’s might have a drinking problem, he admitted that to me” James went on, his voice low. “Scorpius confirmed it as well. Apparently Al told him that sometimes it’s the only way he gets through the day.”

Ginny let out an audible gasp at that, her eyes wide, and Harry looked like he was in physical pain. James wasn’t sure whether he should go on or not, but neither of his parents said anything, so he did.

“He said… he feels like his life is pointless. I think he said that to both of us, me and Scorpius. He described it as feeling like he’s suffocating” James said helplessly. His mother looked on the verge of tears now, but James couldn’t stop now that he’d started. He needed to get it all out. “He’s skin and bone, he looks like he’s sick. He’s not taking care of himself, and he says it’s been going on for a long time. Scorpius said…” James faltered, unsure if he could bring himself to relay the worst thing of all to his parents, who by now were both looking distraught. But James knew that he had to. “He said he couldn’t remember word for word what Albus said, but it was something like, he doesn’t feel like his life is worth living anymore.”

“STOP” Harry interjected loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose in a gesture so familiar to James that even in the midst of all this he felt oddly comforted by it. But his stomach still felt hollow, and he couldn’t even bring himself to look at his mother, who was breathing rather rapidly, and James knew without having to look that she was fighting back tears.

“Please stop” Harry said, much quieter, but sounding completely broken.

“I’m sorry, Dad” James said pleadingly, and his mother let out a sob, covering her own eyes. James got up from his chair and went around the table to hug her, patting his father on the shoulder while he wrapped his other arm around his mum’s shoulders. She held onto his forearm with both of her hands tightly.

“Is that why he didn’t come home for his birthday?” Ginny choked out, and James put his other arm around her, resting his head on top of hers.

“He didn’t say” James replied quietly. “But I’d guess so.”

“Why didn’t he say anything?” she asked hopelessly.

“Come on, Mum, it’s Al” James said gently. “I think he only told me because I was there, and he just couldn’t hold it in anymore.”

His mother let out another sob, and squeezed his arm even tighter. James looked to his dad, who was no longer pinching his nose, but looked defeated.

“Is this why you’re not moving anymore?” Harry asked James seriously.

“It’s part of it” James told him, and Harry gave him a nod.

“I told him he needs to see a healer” James told them both. “I don’t think he wants to, but Scorpius said he’ll try and talk him round.”

“What’s Scorpius been doing while all this has been going on?” Harry asked sternly. James had suspected this was coming.

“He didn’t know, Dad” James told him firmly. “He knew Al was being weird, and distant. But he had no idea things were this bad. Al was hiding it from him, too.”

“If they were living together, he should have known” Harry argued.

“He lived here with all of us – did YOU know?” James countered. He wasn’t going to let anyone blame Scorpius for this. Not after seeing how wounded he was this afternoon.

“He wasn’t like that, then” Harry replied, but he sounded slightly doubtful.

“That’s the thing, Dad, I think he was” James told him seriously. “He said it’s gotten worse this past year, but that it’s been going on for a really long time.”

“Why didn’t he SAY anything? He could have talked to me…” Ginny piped up, clearly hurt by this. James gave her a squeeze.

“You can’t take it personally, Mum” James told her gently. “He’s not well.”

“Oh, Albus” she said, in a very small voice. Harry had fallen silent again, looking devastated. James let them both digest what he had told them for a couple of minutes, holding onto his mother and watching his father try and process his own thoughts, making a variety of pained faces as he did so. James eventually released his mum and sat back down at the table.

“My friend Luke, the one who was here the other night, he’s a social worker” James told them. “Might be worth having a conversation with him about what we can do. What help is out there for things like this.” Ginny nodded liberally, but Harry didn’t say anything, looking like he was still lost in his own thoughts.

“And I did promise Al that I wouldn’t let the pair of you go storming round to his place” James went on. He’s pretty overwhelmed with it all – Scorpius too, for that matter. So it would be great if you could not make me a liar, and do your best to be calm about it when you do go and see him.”

“Alright, love” Ginny agreed, her voice hoarse and her eyes still watery, but she gave James a grateful smile and patted him on the hand.

“Dad?” James prompted him, wanting to make sure he was listening.

“Calm” Harry replied vaguely. “Got it.”

“He was worried about how YOU’D take it specifically” James told him seriously. “Not that you’d take it badly” he clarified, as Harry looked taken aback. “But that he’d be letting you down, somehow.”

“He said that?” Harry asked sadly.

“Not exactly, but I could tell that’s what he meant” James replied. Harry sighed, looking troubled.

“I think it would be a good idea if you two sleep on this” James told them. “And then maybe go round and see him tomorrow. I can come with you, if it’s in the morning, but I have to go back to New Zealand tomorrow night.”

“I don’t know if I can wait until tomorrow” Ginny said, sounding pained.

“I’m not telling you what to do” James said calmly. “But trust me, it’s going to be a lot easier to talk about it rationally after you’ve had some time to process it.” James’s head had been spinning so much after he’d found out that he’d done the emotional equivalent of drunk-dialling Teddy for a booty call. Probably not his finest hour.

“I just can’t believe this” Ginny said mournfully.

“Can’t you?” James replied darkly, before he could help himself, and his mother’s eyes welled up again.

“Oh no, Mum, I’m sorry” James said sadly. She shook her head, wiping at her eyes.

“No, you’re right” she said. “We should have known.”

“I said that to Teddy” James told her gently. “And Scorpius said it to me. Maybe we all should have known, but it doesn’t matter now, does it?”

“Am I a bad mother?” she asked fearfully.

“No” James said insistently. “Don’t be daft, this isn’t your fault. But asking questions like that is exactly why I’m telling you to wait a bit before you talk to him, do you see? You can’t be asking him things like that, he feels bad enough about it as it is. That’s partially why he didn’t tell anyone for so long.”

Ginny nodded, pressing her lips together, and James could tell she was trying not to cry again. He looked back to his dad, who had been sat silently watching this.

“Are you alright, Dad?” James asked him calmly.

“I… don’t know” Harry replied, his expression overwhelmed. James gave him a grim smile. It was an honest answer, at least.

“After seeing Al the other day, I’m definitely not an advocate for drinking your feelings away, but…” James made an indifferent gesture. “Maybe that glass of wine we were talking about would be nice? Calm our nerves” James put to both of his parents.

Ginny nodded and got up from the table, going over to one of the top cupboards and digging around in it for something.

“You said he was ‘day drinking’?” Harry enquired, frowning. James nodded. He was planning on sparing them the details. He also had no intention of mentioning Al’s apparent new taste for tobacco. Al could keep that little secret for himself.

“What does that mean?” Harry asked. “Just, drinking during the day?”

“Well, yes” James answered, unsure on what exactly about that was confusing. Then he realised as his mother brought a bottle of firewhisky and three glasses back to the table that exactly what they were about to do fell broadly under that category.

“For any normal nineteen year old that’s not necessarily an indication of a problem” James elaborated to his father, while his mother poured them all a small measure of the whisky. “But it was more the fact that he was hiding it that was a red flag. If he’d waited until lunch time and said, ‘Hey James, let’s go for a pint’ I wouldn’t have even batted an eyelid, but…” James trailed off frowning. He didn’t especially want to tell his parents about the thing with the water bottle. That felt far too much like snitching, and it was a detail that they didn’t need to know. “He was drunk when he showed up to meet me” James sighed, and his dad looked shocked. “And he hid it so well, I didn’t even notice it for ages” James told them. It would probably be a good idea for them to know that. So they could be on the lookout for it when they did see him.

“I didn’t even know he drank” Harry replied helplessly, as Ginny slid one of the glasses in front of him, and James reached over and took another for himself.

“He’s a teenager, Dad, of course he drinks” James told him incredulously. “AND he works in a bar.” He took a sip of his firewhisky, making eye contact with his mother as she was sipping hers at the same time.

“Nice wine, by the way” he added to her.

“Sorry, too strong?” she asked, and James huffed a small laugh.

“No, it’s probably more appropriate for the situation” he granted her. Just that tiny sip HAD made him feel better. Or calmer, at the very least.

“Have you seen him drunk before?” Harry asked. James hesitated before answering.

“The brother code requires that I answer no” James said with a wry smile. “Not like this, though, if that’s what you’re asking” he added, much more seriously.

“I thought he was the good one” Harry frowned pensively, and James actually did laugh at that.

“You’re talking about Albus created-an-alternate-timeline-and-nearly-ended-the-world Potter, right?” James asked him incredulously.

“I just… I didn’t think he’d do something like this” Harry said, sounding disappointed.

“Don’t be too hard on him, yeah?” James said softly. “He seems like he’s in a lot of pain.”

Harry said nothing to that, knocking back his entire shot of whisky in one mouthful. James looked back to his mother, who was slowly sipping hers, wearing a hardened expression.

“One of us is going to have to talk to Lily” she said, addressing Harry. “I don’t think it should be put in a letter. One of us should go up there.”

“Can it not wait until she’s home for the holidays?” Harry asked, looking pained at the very idea of having to drop this awful news on his daughter. “It’s only a couple of weeks away.”

“She should know” Ginny countered. “She’d be furious at being the only one who doesn’t. I’ll go. I’ll go up there after we’ve been to see Al.” Harry gave her a nod before turning to James again.

“How soon can we talk to Luke?” Harry asked.

“I can call him right now if you want” James offered. He had his mobile phone in his pocket.

“That would be good” Ginny nodded, and James pulled the phone out, but faltered with it in his hand. He and Luke had left things on pretty strange terms, and a lot had happened since they last spoke.

“Um, I might need to have a bit of a chat with him first” James told his parents carefully. “Give him an update on the me and Teddy situation.”

Ginny nodded again, and Harry gestured for him to go ahead, so James got up from the table, giving them both an appreciative smile before jogging up the stairs back to his bedroom, finding Luke’s number in his contacts as he went. He pressed call as the closed the bedroom door behind him, and waited apprehensively for Luke to answer. There was an awful lot to catch up on, not least the fact that James had gone directly against what Luke had asked him to and had told Teddy that Luke had feelings for him. Despite Teddy’s assertion that their friendship would survive it, it was unnecessary drama that James had created between the two of them. He had no idea what sort of reception to expect.

Luke answered after four or five rings, with a rather camp “Well hello there” that James had to bite back a laugh at.

“Hello there yourself” James replied with a smile. “You got a minute to talk?”

“Sure thing” Luke replied, before calling out to someone in the background “it’s James.”

“Someone there with you?” James asked, frowning.

“Your prospective fiancé” Luke said, sounding amused. James should have predicted that Teddy would go over to see Luke today while James was out and about, but somehow he hadn’t and it took him by surprise.

“You’re up to speed then, are you?” James asked, actually quite relieved. That would simplify this conversation.

“More or less” Luke replied. “I’d sure as hell be interested in hearing your side of it.”

“Fair enough” James conceded. He owed him that much, he supposed. He paused for a minute, unsure of whether he should address their last conversation or not. Luke didn’t seem to be mad, but that didn’t mean that James didn’t owe him an apology.

“I’m sorry” James offered. “For telling Teddy what we talked about.”

“You should be” Luke replied sardonically. “That was a bit of a dick move, mate.”

“I don’t really have any defence for that” James replied honestly. “It was.” Luke huffed a small laugh.

“Well” he said, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “I kissed your boyfriend. You betrayed my confidence. Guess we’re even now.”

“Is that how it works?” James laughed.

“For the sake of argument let’s say yes” Luke replied, and James could hear the smirk in his tone. “I sure as hell can’t be bothered holding a grudge about it. Anyway, I’m inclined to forgive you seeing as how you did the right thing in the end.”

“Thanks” James smiled. “You were right in what you said. It wouldn’t have been worth it.”

“Funny how often that turns out to be the case, isn’t it? Me being right I mean” Luke said flatly. “You should listen to me more. Both of you.”

“I’ll try” James laughed.

“Please do” Luke replied.

“Can I ask you something?” James asked tentatively, after a pause.

“You can” Luke said calmly.

“Is he happy?” James asked hopefully. Luke huffed another laugh.

“Beaming” he told him, and James grinned. “As far as romantic gestures go, I think you knocked it out of the park, kid.”

“That wasn’t my read of it” James said, a little surprised. “He did tell you that he didn’t accept my proposal right? Said he needs to think about it.”

“I’m not going to tell you what I know about that, this is for you two to sort out between yourselves” Luke replied. “I’m already way more involved than I should be. All I’ll say is this – sounds like you asked him for all the right reasons.”

“I did” James agreed, and he was really glad that Luke knew this, because that could only mean that Teddy knew it too.

“Well, I look forward to being best man, for both of you” Luke said, and James grinned again. “Even if I do look like a potato next to you in your Armani suit.” James laughed again, and Luke waited for him to stop before speaking again.

“Anyway, that’s not what you called me for, is it?” he asked.

“No, it’s not” James admitted. “I was after some professional advice, actually.”

“From me?” Luke asked, sounding greatly surprised by this.

“Yeah” James replied softly. “Did Teddy mention Albus to you?”

“What, your brother?” Luke asked, sounding confused. Clearly Teddy HADN’T mentioned it to him, and James was momentarily confused himself as to how that was even possible – where the hell did Luke think James had gone to, if Teddy hadn’t explained the situation?

“Yeah, my little brother” James replied, frowning. “I’m at my parents’ place now filling them in, did he not tell you that?”

“He said you had some family stuff to deal with” Luke replied. “He didn’t say anything about your brother. Why, what’s wrong?” he sounded a little concerned now, clearly understanding that James seeking professional advice from him could only mean something bad had happened.

“He has depression” James told him grimly. “We think it’s bad. He might have a problem with alcohol as well.”

“Oh, James, I’m sorry” Luke said softly.

“He’s only nineteen, Luke” James added, his voice coming out pained. Luke didn’t respond to this directly, and he must have lowered the phone from his face, because his voice came through on James’s end quieter even though he could tell he was shouting.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Albus, you dick?”

James stifled a surprised laugh at Luke’s indignant tone as he heard Teddy call something back that was indistinguishable on James’s end. He would have quite liked to ask Teddy that himself actually, but as he thought about it, it occurred to him that Teddy wasn’t fully in the loop on the whole thing himself yet. All he currently had to go on was a few ugly details that James had blubbed to him in a frenzy last night. He was probably waiting for James to return and give both him and Luke the full run down later this evening.

“Useless, you are” James heard Luke shoot irritably at Teddy, before his voice became normal speaking volume again as he addressed James.

“So you want to know what support is available, I assume?” sounding very business-like, which was not a side of him James was used to seeing, and he felt rather taken aback by it.

“My parents were hoping to talk to you about that actually” James told him. “Can I put you on speaker with them?”

“Before you do” Luke said carefully. “What’s his relationship like with them.”

“Um” James hesitated. This probably wasn’t going to be good. “Him and mum have always been pretty close. But him and dad…” James frowned, wondering how best to put it. “They struggle. They’re really different in a lot of ways, but also really similar in all the worst possible ways. But they’ve been doing a lot better these past couple of years.”

Luke took a moment to digest that before responding.

“Things like this tend to make strained relationships a lot worse” Luke told him. “Emotions run high, everyone is hurt by what’s going on, so they don’t necessarily interact in the most helpful way. You should keep an eye on that. You should also bear in mind that Albus might be resistant to anything that comes from your dad, even if he’s trying to be helpful.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen that before” James muttered darkly.

“He has a partner, right? A boyfriend?” Luke asked.

“Yeah, Scorpius” James replied, and Luke let out a surprised laugh.

“Sorry” Luke said, clearing his throat and clearly trying to sound serious again. “Just… those pureblood names, they get me every time…” he muttered, before going on, his tone professional again.

“What’s your parents’ take on him? Do they like him?” Luke asked, and James got a bit of a sinking feeling.

“There’s some pretty bad history” he admitted. “Things are way better now than they used to be, but…” he sighed, not really wanting to get into the petty details of his family history, but Luke must be asking for a reason and James wanted him to have all the information he needed. “My dad and Scorpius’s dad have this whole thing where they were like, rivals or something, I don’t know, during the war. Anyway, when Al and Scorpius met at school, Dad freaked out and tried to ban Al from seeing him at all, even as a friend. We’ve come a long way since then and everyone is on pretty good terms these days, but it’s all a bit…”

“Montague and Capulet?” Luke suggested.

“I don’t know what that is” James replied frowning.

“Never mind” Luke replied, sounding ever so slightly amused, and James gathered it was some sort of muggle reference that he didn’t get. “I get the picture” Luke went on. “That’s a bit unfortunate, because Albus is likely going to listen to and side with Scorpius over your parents if it ever comes to that. The best thing you can do is present a united front, make sure you’re working together as a team to support him. You want to try your very best not to bicker amongst yourselves about what the best way forward is. And if you can’t help it, at the very least make sure you don’t do it in front of Albus.”

“That makes sense” James agreed, nodding even though Luke couldn’t see him. “Me and Scorp get on well enough, so I can play mediator if needs be.”

“That’s good” Luke replied calmly. “Because Scorpius is going to be important here. Albus will likely open up to him more than he will anyone else. That also means that Scorpius himself is going to need some support, because it isn’t easy being the primary care-giver.”

“I know” James replied quietly, thinking of how thinly stretched Scorpius had looked earlier. How badly he had clearly needed that hug that James had given him.

“Alright then” Luke said, his tone a rather comforting blend of calm and confident. “Put me on with your folks.”

“Thanks Luke” James told him sincerely, opening his bedroom door and heading back down the stairs. “I’ll come and see you myself, talk to you properly at some point before I leave. I don’t know when, exactly…” he ran a hand backwards through his hair, feeling stressed for about the thousandth time today about how little time he had left before having to return to New Zealand. In an ideal world he’d want to be spending ALL of it with Teddy, but it seemed like they were hardly going to have any time at all, between all the other things James was committing himself to over the next twenty-four hours.

“Don’t worry about it, James” Luke replied kindly. “It’s what I do.”

Truer words had never been spoken. James put his phone on speaker and placed it down on the table so both of his parents could fire all the questions they had at Luke, while James merely sat and listened. Even the ones that would have truly stumped James (such as ‘how can we let him know we’re worried and want regular updates without being overbearing?’) didn’t seem to faze Luke one bit, who calmly and clearly talked though every one of their concerns with them, expanding in various places about all the different support options available to them. And it was a bit of a relief, if rather overwhelming, to know that there were no shortage of those, both in the magical and muggle world. Support for the drinking problem, varying from leaflets of self-help tips that Luke could get them from his office, to an established support programme for those who identified as fully fledged alcoholics that Luke could direct him to if he wanted. Support for the depression might come from therapists, counsellors, support groups, books, online resources, phone help-lines… the list seemed virtually endless, and James marvelled at how Luke even kept track of it all.

James was pleased that his first instinct of getting Al to a healer had been the correct one, as Luke also strongly encouraged that as a starting point. Medication was an option, but Luke was keen to stress that it wasn’t the only one, and they shouldn’t think of it as a fix-all cure. He said that mental health problems were considerably more complex than that, and a big part of it was figuring out what exactly the problem was, to identify a proportionate response. Given his potential drinking problem, Luke said it was likely that Albus was stuck in a pattern of unhealthy coping mechanisms, and it might take some work on his part to learn how to live a healthier lifestyle.

They were talking for well over an hour, but at no point did Luke even hint in any way that he didn’t have the time for this, asking Harry and Ginny in turn a ton of follow up questions and expanding on various different concepts at length. At one point, Ginny had asked him if he’d be willing to talk to Albus himself, to which Luke had agreed without hesitation. It was at that point that James had made a mental note to buy him something extremely thoughtful and expensive to thank him for all of this. James had never appreciated Luke more than he did in this moment, and he took a moment to be grateful for Teddy too, having been the one who had brought Luke into their lives.

When they had finally exhausted all the subjects they wanted to talk about, both Harry and Ginny had thanked Luke profusely for all of his help, which Luke had largely brushed off, saying something to the effect of that it was all in a day’s work for him. James smiled at his parents as he picked up his phone again, turning off the speaker phone and putting it to his ear, feeling considerably more optimistic than he had done before this call. A feeling they clearly shared, judging by their hopeful expressions.

“You’re amazing, you are” James told Luke, wandering over to the window and looking out of it at the rather barren garden. Having been in the peak of summer in New Zealand for the past few months, all the trees here looked so bare and lifeless in comparison.

“I know” Luke replied simply, and James huffed a small laugh.

“Seriously, I’m in awe. You’ve saved the day here, mate” James told him sincerely, glancing back at his parents who were still sat at this kitchen table. Ginny gave him a thumbs-up of agreement.

“Happy to help” Luke said, and James could tell he was smiling. “You can call me any time with stuff like this” he added seriously. “You know that.”

“I still can’t thank you enough” James replied gratefully. “I…” he hesitated, glancing back at his parents again. He wanted to tell Luke how much all of this meant to him. How much Luke meant to him, because it really was a lot. There was an awful for the two of them to discuss, not least the fact that James owed Luke one hell of an apology for his behaviour these past four months in general but this past week specifically. Now hardly seemed like the right time, though, with both of his parents listening in.

“I know” Luke replied understandingly. He had always been good at reading people and situations, and James figured he probably knew most of what James was thinking right now anyway. Not that that meant he still didn’t need to actually say it to him.

“Is it alright if I come over?” James asked him, figuring they may as well do it all face to face.

“Yeah, course” Luke replied easily. “Teddy’s still here somewhere, but I don’t know what he’s been doing for the past hour.”

“I’ve been listening to YOU, what do you think I’ve been doing?” James faintly heard Teddy call out rather indignantly in the background, and he chuckled.

“I’ll be over soon then” James told him, glancing back at his parents again, who had stopped paying attention to him and were sharing a quite moment, holding hands on top of the table and looking at each other. James smiled rather fondly at them, before turning around to look out of the window again.

“I’ll put the kettle on” Luke offered. “Or shall I open a bottle of wine?” James took a second to mull that one over, wondering if in light of everything he ought to be drinking tonight. But he quickly deemed that to be over-cautious. HE wasn’t the one with a drinking problem, and it had been one hell of a day. Still, he wasn’t sure of he ought to say as much in front of his parents, whether they were actively listening or not. He felt vaguely like a teenager again, hiding his real life from his watchful parents as he hesitated for a moment over his answer.

“The second one” James told Luke rather shrewdly.

“Good show” Luke replied sounding pleased, and James laughed again. “Alright, see you soon, kid” Luke added warmly.

“See you, Luke” James replied, smiling as he hung up the phone.

-

After a brief chat with his parents in which they had agreed to all go and visit Albus together the following morning, James flooed directly from there over to Luke’s place. He was started to get quite tired by this point, but opted to push through, having a lot he wanted to say to Luke and being unsure if he’d get another chance this weekend. He had no idea what the fuck was going on with his sleep cycle anymore, and didn’t have the wherewithal right now to try and work out what time he needed to leave tomorrow, or when in all of this he was actually going to sleep. He’d figure that out along the way.

He was greeted upon exiting the fireplace into Luke’s living room by the sight of Teddy rather guiltily dropping the cigarette he was smoking into the ashtray in front of him, looking distinctly caught in the act. Perhaps it was the fatigue making him slightly punch-drunk, but James thought it was the funniest thing he’d seen all day, and started laughing loudly as Teddy stared wide-eyed at him, frozen where he was sat on the sofa.

“Oh, Teddy” James laughed. “You might as well finish it, far too much has happened today for me to even care about that right now” he told him. Luke joined them in the living room a moment later, a bottle of red wine in one hand and three glasses in the other, the stems clasped between his fingers.

“I told you he wouldn’t be long” Luke said to Teddy knowingly, who was still looking at James rather uncertainly, which only made James laugh even more. “I also told him there was no point in lying to you about it” Luke added to James rather unconcernedly. “I think we’re all past the point of keeping secrets from each other now, aren’t we?” he addressed the room at large as he carefully put the wine and the glasses down on the coffee table.

“Come here, you” James told him firmly, extending his arms to Luke as he straightened up again, pulling him into a warm hug as soon as he got within arms reach, wrapping his arms all the way around Luke’s rather skinny frame. “You played an absolute blinder today, Luke. I really can’t thank you enough” James told him, squeezing him tightly.

“You really don’t need to keep thanking me” Luke replied incredulously, patting James on the back. “It’s my job.”

“But you’re not on the clock now, are you?” James put to him as he released him. Luke was looking a mixture of bewildered and amused.

“Helping people who need it isn’t something that limits itself to a nine-to-five” Luke replied, as though that should be obvious. “Besides, what was I going to do? Hang up on you and tell you to figure it out yourself? It’s your brother.”

“Which is exactly why you know how much it means to me. You helping us like this” James said seriously, and Luke gave him a supportive smile.

“It’ll be alright, James” Luke told him softly. “I don’t remember if I actually said that to you before, but I should have. We’ll sort it out.”

“I know we will” James said quietly. Luke gave him another small smile and James pulled him in for a hug again, which seemed to take him by surprise as he lost his balance slightly, stumbling into James.

“You’ve been so fucking great, Luke” James told him earnestly, and Luke laughed rather confusedly. “Not just with everything with Al, but with Teddy, too. Being here for him while I was away. I want to thank you for that too, and I’m so fucking sorry for all the shit I caused the pair of you.” James locked eyes with Teddy over Luke’s shoulder as he said that and Teddy shot him a rather sad smile before taking a long drag of his cigarette. James had been telling the truth earlier about Teddy’s cigarette paling into insignificance compared to everything else they currently had going on, but he wondered vaguely if it was a one-off sort of thing, or if Teddy had fully started smoking again while he’d been away. He suspected it was the latter. That was a conversation to be picked up at a later date.

“You don’t have to thank me for that either” Luke said, looking amused again as he pulled back. “Where the fuck else was I going to be? And your apology is duly noted, but I already told you I’m not holding a grudge about it, so stop looking so bloody worried.”

“I’ve been a right fucking prick” James offered, and Luke laughed out loud.

“Maybe a little bit, but it’s done, isn’t it?” Luke shrugged. “We’re all good now. No lasting harm done.”

“I want us to be OK, Luke” James implored him. And not just because Teddy had said it earlier. Luke was one of James’s best friends too, and he really DID need things to be OK between them.

“We ARE, aren’t we?” Luke replied soothingly, with the air of someone trying to calm down an upset child. James knew he was probably being a smidgeon more dramatic than the situation necessarily called for, but it had been an all around pretty dramatic couple of days and he didn’t really know how to reign himself in at this point. Luke looked to Teddy, presumably to get his take on this, but Teddy merely shrugged rather helplessly.

“Look, you’re sorry that you ever considered leaving us. I’M sorry that I might have overstepped my bounds slightly” Luke ventured calmly. “He’s sorry that he was a fucking idiot and didn’t tell you how he felt until way too late” he added, gesturing to Teddy, who threw his hand up indignantly, which made James huff a breathy laugh.

“We’re ALL sorry” Luke pressed on. “And we all forgive each other. See, wasn’t that easy? Now come and have a fucking glass of wine.” And with that he turned and went back over to the sofa, sitting himself down and picking up the wine bottle to pour into the glasses. James ran both of his hands over his face while he laughed some more, pressing his hands into his tired eyes.

“I fucking love the both of you” James said as he dropped his hands, shaking his head in disbelief.

“We love you too, honey” Luke replied vaguely as James went over to join them, sitting next to Teddy on the sofa by the window. Teddy gave him a kiss on the cheek as he sat down and James shot him a warm smile, resting his hand on Teddy’s knee.

“How’d it go?” Teddy asked him seriously as he stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray. “I heard Luke’s end of the conversation, but I don’t know what Harry and Ginny were saying.”

“They took it pretty much exactly how you’d expect” James told him rather wearily. Luke handed him the first filled glass, and James accepted it with a nod of thanks. “Mum cried quite a bit. Dad… well, you’ve seen him get bad news before.” Teddy bowed his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, in an imitation of the exact thing James’s father did when he was overwhelmed with something, and James laughed, even though it wasn’t especially funny. “Yeah, basically that for about two hours” he confirmed.

“What about Scorpius?” Teddy asked, now accepting a glass of wine from Luke himself, not bothering to thank him for it. “He tell you anything new?”

“Yes and no” James sighed. “He pretty much confirmed everything that Al said to me. The only bit that was really new was that apparently Al sliced his hand open on a broken bottle when he was at work, because he was so drunk he couldn’t feel anything.” Both Teddy and Luke reacted to that, but to differing degrees. Teddy looked aghast, staring wide-eyed at James in shock, whereas Luke merely sat up a little straighter, his expression hardening ever so slightly.

“I asked Scorp if he though Al might hurt himself on purpose, and he said he didn’t think so” James explained sadly. “I dunno, though, I feel like nothing would surprise me at this point.” James hadn’t told his parents that part, not wanting to frighten them any more than they already were, especially when it was purely speculation at this point.

“Oh, shit” Teddy replied, sounding stunned. James glanced to Luke, who was frowning slightly, but didn’t look quite as caught off guard by it as Teddy did.

“Well, we’ll keep an eye on that” Luke said carefully, and James nodded seriously.

“I mean, even if it was just an accident, it’s still not GOOD, is it?” James frowned. “If he was in that sort of state while he was at work. I know he said he’s been drinking too much, but fuck…” James himself had only been so drunk that he might not even feel an open wound a handful of times in his life, and he considered himself a pretty seasoned recreational binge-drinker. He had certainly never been that drunk outside the context of a night out that had gotten way out of hand, and couldn’t even imagine getting himself into such a state and then going into work.

“You said he was drunk when you saw him, yesterday?” Luke asked. James didn’t really remember going into the specifics of it on the phone, but they had talked about so much he was starting to lose track by now of what he had and hadn’t told everyone.

“Yeah, I thought he was hungover when he met up with me” James replied grimly. “But he was drinking gin right there and then, he had it in a water bottle. I wouldn’t have even known if I didn’t take a sip from it myself. He wasn’t exactly acting normal, he was a bit snippy with me. But then again, that IS pretty normal for Al. I just…” James shook his head, feeling exhausted again. “I have no idea how much he’d drank by that point, whether he was still carrying some of it over from the night before, but… It scares me so fucking much to think what might have happened if I didn’t see it. If I didn’t catch him out on it.” Neither Luke nor Teddy seemed to have anything to say to that, the pair of them exchanging a rather worried look.

“And the way he was talking about Scorpius, as well…” James went on, finding it hard to stop now that he’d started letting it all out. He hadn’t told his parents about this bit either, feeling like it was something too personal and too complicated for them to get involved in. “He was talking like Scorpius was the only thing in the world stopping him from falling off the edge, and how since they moved to Godric’s Hollow it feels like Al isn’t the only thing in Scorpius’s life anymore, but Scorp is still the only thing in his. That’s not healthy. I mean, no wonder he feels so hopeless if that’s really what he thinks. And Scorpius said pretty much the same thing to me as well, like it’s been his sole responsibility to keep Al afloat this whole time. I don’t know what to do with that, I really don’t.”

“It’s not unusual, in cases like this” Luke offered seriously. “Co-dependency.”

“What do we do about it, then?” James asked him worriedly.

“Same as everything else” Luke replied calmly. “Wean him off it. Make sure he’s able to stand on his feet without it.”

“I don’t think that’s going to be easy” James frowned pensively. “I don’t…” he trailed off, wondering whether he dared say out loud the awful thing that he was thinking. Teddy put an arm around his waist and gave him a comforting squeeze, which gave James just enough strength to get it out.

“I don’t think he’s ever been alright, you know” James told both Teddy and Luke earnestly. “I think there was the tiniest window when he and Scorpius first got together that he was happy. But even then, I don’t think that was real. I think it was him latching onto to something, to someone who’d take care of him.” Again, Teddy and Luke didn’t seem to have anything to say to that. James searched Teddy’s expression, which mirrored pretty much exactly how hopeless James felt at that sentiment. He knew that Teddy could see the truth in it too. Teddy had watched Albus grow up just like James had, that prickly, abrasive and moody kid, who had then turned into a surly and introverted teenager. Through this new lens, it all had so much more meaning now.

James looked over to Luke instead, hoping for some glimmer of hope there, but Luke didn’t really offer one. He was looking uncharacteristically serious as he sipped his wine.

“Is that possible?” James asked him directly. “For someone to have been depressed since… well, since birth?”

“It’s possible” Luke shrugged. “Depression in kids is more common than you might think. And a lot of the time they don’t even realise, because they have no frame of reference. It’s hard for the adults around them to see as well, because like you just said ‘for Al that’s pretty normal.’ That’s the way he always behaves, so why would you think anything is wrong?”

James put a hand to his forehead, feeling stressed as he let that sink in. There was no real point in arguing about it, but James felt right now like they had all seriously let Albus down by not recognising that something was wrong. Even though he’d been so adamant to his parents that they shouldn’t blame themselves for this, James was having a hard time following that advice for himself.

“It’s alright, Jamie” Teddy said softly, squeezing him around the waist again and resting his head on James’s shoulder in a half-hug. “We know NOW, right? Like Luke said, we’ll sort it out.” James nodded but couldn’t formulate any sort of positive response, so opted not to say anything at all, taking a sip of his wine. It was only making him even more tired, but he kept drinking it anyway.

“Mum and Dad are going to go round tomorrow morning. I said I’d go with them” James told Teddy. “You can come too, if you want. I thought we’d probably divide and conquer, let them talk to Al and you and me can talk to Scorpius. Make sure he’s alright, because he didn’t fucking look it today.” He turned to Luke again. “I imagine we’ll draft you in at some point as well, but one thing at a time I guess. Don’t want to overwhelm him, if we can help it.” Not that the entire family minus Lily showing up on his doorstep tomorrow would be anything short of overwhelming, even if the situation was any less serious. But there wasn’t much to be done about that. James didn’t dare let his parents go alone. They meant well, but emotions were sure to be running high, and he didn’t want to risk anything escalating into a heated argument.

“When are you going back to New Zealand?” Luke asked, and James pressed a hand to his left eye, feeling drained just thinking about that.

“Fuck, I don’t know” James admitted. “Sometime tomorrow, that’s as specific as I can be at the minute. I have to be back at work in about-“ he glanced at his watch “- twenty-six hours” he finished, laughing rather dully at the prospect. He sure as hell hoped Mo didn’t have him pencilled in for any excursions over the next couple of days.

“That sounds fucking awful” Luke replied rather disapprovingly.

“I know” he agreed grimly. “But what I’m worried about more than anything else is Mum and Dad trying to deal with this while I’m not here” he added rather seriously. “You two will keep an eye on things, right? Make sure no-one does anything stupid?”

“You sure you want to leave US in charge of that?” Teddy asked with a wry smile.

“I’ll take that to mean I have to keep an eye on HIM as well” Luke smirked, gesturing to Teddy.

“There’s no-one I trust more” James replied with a fond smile at the pair of them. “Which, on reflection, should probably be pretty worrying” he added with a bit of a frown. All three of them snickered lightly at that.

“Well I’ll be seeing Harry every day anyway” Teddy offered. “I’ll make a point to go and see Gin as well. Harry’s been badgering me to go round for dinner for ages now anyway, so it shouldn’t be that difficult.”

“Are you alright, you and my dad?” James asked him, realising that what with everything else going on, he hadn’t even thought to ask that until now. He and Teddy had an awful lot of catching up to do.

“Getting there” Teddy replied with a grim smile. “It’ll help a lot now that you’re coming back. I’m not sure he had a lot of faith in me to pull myself together until you did.”

“This doesn’t help your case” James mused, ruffling the grey-streaked brown hair on Teddy’s head. Teddy scowled at him and slapped his hand away, while Luke laughed.

“Fuck off, both of you” Teddy muttered moodily, as his hair changed to a vibrant blue, which made James smile. Now he looked more like himself again. “My metamorphoses have been all over the place lately, so I stopped bothering even trying” Teddy told James, who was a little saddened by that. It was probably entirely his fault.

“You need to stop working so hard” Luke offered nonchalantly, directing that to Teddy. “You’ll be fully grey by the time you’re thirty-five at this rate.”

“I think it suits him, actually” James told him truthfully. James thought Teddy looked good pretty much no matter what he did with his appearance, but then, he would, wouldn’t he?

“Of course YOU do” Luke replied with a smirk. “Always had a thing for older men, haven’t you?”

“Not this again” James muttered exasperatedly, as Luke and Teddy both cackled. He didn’t have a thing for older men at all, it just so happened that most of his past flings had been with someone about six years older than him. Mainly because in all the time that he’d been sexually active he’d been hanging around with a bunch of people who were exactly six years older than him, including the two sat in front of him right now.

“It’s a good job I’m not going grey yet, isn’t it?” Luke added. “Otherwise you’d have some competition.” He directed that at Teddy again, and the pair of them laughed even more. James smiled at the pair of them. Little though he felt he deserved this respite, it was nice to think about something less serious, even if just for a minute. While Teddy and Luke started bickering about who of them was aging better, James felt another rush of gratitude for these two men right here. He couldn’t ask for a better pair of best friends.

-

They passed an hour or so there at Luke’s place, finishing the bottle of wine and bantering about nothing much at all, some sort of unspoken agreement between the three of them to leave the serious topics for another time. There was nothing more they could do tonight, so they may as well try and cheer themselves up at the very least. And truly, no-one in the world was better at that than Luke and Teddy. James’s lack of sleep was starting to catch up with him, however, as the evening went on, and by the time it reached eight o’clock, he was half starting to fall asleep, slumped back on Luke’s sofa, that had never felt more comfortable than it currently did.

He could hear Luke and Teddy still talking, his brain partially conscious but his body little more than dead weight, his eyes closed and his limbs limp. He wasn’t really actively listening so much as he was just letting the noise wash over him, barely registering what they were saying at all, until something caught his attention, and he opened his eyes a fraction, feeling vaguely confused.

“Are you going to tell him, then?” Luke asked, his voice low and something distinctly conspiratorial about his tone, as though he was talking about something secret.

“I think it’s going to be pretty hard to keep it from him, with the three of us hanging out like this, don’t you?” Teddy replied, his tone matching Luke’s. James’s brain was moving rather slowly, but he understood enough to gather that the ‘he’ they were talking about was almost certainly him, and that neither of them seemed to be aware that he could hear this conversation, both of them facing away from him. Teddy had gone over to join Luke on the other sofa and the pair of them were smoking again. James considered letting them know that he was awake, as he wasn’t intentionally listening in on whatever this was. It took more effort than he’d thought it would for him to actually move, though, his disrupted sleep schedule combining with the two glasses on wine he’d had effectively wiping him out. He genuinely did try to speak up, but all that came out of his mouth was a low grunt, that apparently neither of them even heard. James let his eyes fall closed again, giving up. Letting himself succumb to sleep.

“I thought about telling him earlier, actually” Teddy said. James tried to stop listening, he really did, but it’s not an easy thing to do when the subject of the conversation is you. “But I thought I’d better run it by you, first. It’s your secret, not mine” Teddy went on, and James was pulled back from the edge of sleep a little further, his interest piqued. What secret?

“When I told you, I figured that I was basically telling James as well” Luke replied calmly. “You two come as a package, don’t you?”

“Well at that exact moment I’m not sure that we did” Teddy replied, rather darkly. “But that’s not really the point. I had to browbeat you into even telling me in the first place, so I’m not going to go spreading it around without even giving you a heads up first.”

“Well I appreciate that” Luke replied, sounding amused. “But I don’t think this counts as spreading it around. He’s not going to tell anyone, is he?”

“Of course not” Teddy said dismissively. “But I also thought it might be the least I could do to let you tell him yourself.” There was a pause there, and James opened his eyes a fraction again to see what was going on. Luke was looking thoughtful.

“I’d rather not, to be honest” Luke replied, sounding pained, as James closed his eyes again. He couldn’t pretend he wasn’t listening in anymore, but he was incredibly curious as to what they were talking about. And they were currently discussing the fact that they intended to share the secret (whatever it was) with James, so it’s not like he was listening in on anything they really didn’t want him to know. “It was hard enough with you, all the questions, and seeing it dawn on you in real time that you’ve never actually had a secret of your own from me your entire life. Can you not just tell him for me?”

“If you want” Teddy replied softly. There was a pause before he added “I’m sorry, if I made it hard for you.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong” Luke told him kindly. “It was just always going to be hard.” James truly had no idea what they were talking about now. It sounded an awful lot like coming out, and although his body was too tired to laugh, James felt a wave of amusement wash over him at the thought. Luke had never been in the closet in his entire life. Certainly not for as long as James had known him, anyway.

“I think it needs to be part of a bigger conversation between me and him anyway” Teddy offered. “About you.”

“I thought we’d sorted all that” Luke replied warily, and James was now listening intently, all thoughts of letting the pair of them know he was listening now gone.

“I mean, you and me have” Teddy replied, and although his eyes were closed James pictured Teddy gesturing vaguely between himself and Luke, cigarette in hand. “But me and him have barely talked about it at all. A few days ago he was suggesting it would be better all round if he DID leave so that would make space for you and me to…” he trailed off there, and James could only imagine what sort of look he and Luke were sharing right now.

“You know he didn’t really mean that though” Luke replied gently, and James felt immensely grateful that at least one of them knew that.

“He wouldn’t have said it if some small part of him didn’t” Teddy countered, and James felt a rather hollow feeling in his stomach as he wondered if that were true. “The situation is weird, Luke” Teddy said baldly. “You and me are closer than ever, especially now, because of this secret.” James felt himself frown slightly there, wondering more than ever what this secret was. Did it have something to do with Luke and Teddy and the nature of their relationship? Did it have something to do with that kiss that had happened while James was away?

“That was why I nearly told him” Teddy went on. “I don’t know how to explain to him our dynamic now without telling him that. You can read my mind, Luke, that’s a level of intimacy I’ve never had with anyone before.” James felt that sink in extremely slowly, his brain not quite comprehending it at first and wondering if he’d misheard somehow. But as he wrapped his mind around it, he wasn’t quite as surprised as maybe he ought to be. Teddy had been saying it for years, that he suspected. Was that the secret? Had Luke finally confirmed it?

“I did say it was intrusive” Luke said rather regretfully.

“I said intimate, not intrusive” Teddy said gently, and James felt himself frown again. He didn’t really like Teddy using that word about Luke. Not at all. “I don’t regret you telling me, I’m glad you did. But things are different now, aren’t they? And not just because of that.”

“What do you mean?” Luke asked, and James could tell without looking that he would be frowning too.

“Come on” Teddy said flatly, and James could picture his face so clearly. He had seen Teddy’s ‘we both know what’s going on here so let’s not bullshit about it’ expression more times than he could count.

“Come on, what?” Luke replied rather indignantly, and Teddy sighed.

“We kissed, Luke” he said firmly, and James felt his unease increase even further as there was another pause while both he and Teddy waited with baited breath for Luke to say something in response.

“I know, Teddy. I was there” Luke said, sounding rather unimpressed.

“Well, don’t you think that’s something me and my boyfriend need to talk about?” Teddy put to him, sounding just as indignant, and it might have been funny if the subject matter didn’t make James want to stuff his fingers in his ears and shout loudly so that he couldn’t hear it. But at the same time he was listening harder than ever, desperate to know what they both thought about it all.

“Did you not, already?” Luke asked, sounding surprised. “What the fuck did you go to New Zealand the very next day for if not to have THAT out?”

“We barely even talked about that, to be honest” Teddy told him, which was true, and James felt a sting of regret about it. “After I told him I wasn’t leaving London and he told me he might not come back, that didn’t seem that important anymore, somehow.”

“So what, is he still pissed about it then?” Luke asked seriously. “Because he told me he wasn’t. Although, full disclosure, he did punch me.”

“He WHAT?” Teddy asked, that apparently taking him by surprise. James himself was surprised that Luke hadn’t told him until now.

“In the arm” Luke replied unconcernedly. “But he said he believed me that it didn’t mean anything.”

“He said that to me too” Teddy said, his voice serious. James heard a slight increase in the volume of Teddy’s voice, suggesting he had turned his head and was now looking at James as he carried on speaking. James did his best to keep his face expressionless and his eyes closed, even though he could feel Teddy’s eyes on him. “And I know it didn’t mean anything to either of us, but it had to have meant something to him, right?”

“Why don’t you just ask him, Teddy?” Luke said gently, and Teddy sighed, his voice turning away from James again.

“I will. But I’m not sure how to” Teddy told Luke. “I think he’ll try and brush it off, but then in a few months time I don’t want him to get all weird and jealous and think maybe there’s something going on because I never explained the situation to him properly. And I’m not sure I know how to do that, either.” There was a slight pause, in which James would guess Teddy was taking a long drag of his cigarette before going on.

“We’re close aren’t we?” he ventured. “Probably too close, for just friends. We sort of always have been, but especially now. And you and me both know there’s nothing going on, but anyone looking in from the outside might wonder. And I don’t know how he’s supposed to feel about that, because I’m not one hundred percent sure whether these past few months have been crossing a line or not. I mean, that night in the holding cell definitely was. But me, living here, sleeping on your sofa, the two of us up all night drinking and pouring our hearts out to each other… I don’t want to stop doing that. But is it OK for a married man to be doing that with someone who isn’t his husband?”

“You’re allowed to have friends, Teddy” Luke replied gently. “But you’re right about the lines being blurred these past few months. I suppose maybe you could call it something like an emotional affair. But there were extenuating circumstances, and I don’t see them being repeated any time soon, do you? I mean, I’m fresh out of relatives who can die on me. And James isn’t going to go running out on you again, is he?” There was a frighteningly long pause there, in which James opened his eyes again to see what was happening. He couldn’t see Teddy’s expression from where he was, but Luke was looking at Teddy’s face and he looked rather worried.

“That’s part of the reason I said no” Teddy told Luke quietly. “I think I need to work my way back up to trusting him again.”

“That’s understandable” Luke offered softly, while James felt a horrible sinking feeling. He deserved that, he knew full well that he did, but it was still horrible to hear.

“When I thought he was leaving me, I…” Teddy began, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“I know” Luke said quietly, and the pair of them hugged where they were on the sofa. James hastily closed his eyes again as Luke’s head turned in his direction over Teddy’s shoulder.

“He came back for you, Teddy” Luke said softly, and James felt somehow even worse, having Luke stick up for him in this scenario.

“I know” Teddy replied, sounding pained. “And he wants to marry me. I know he’s serious about it too.”

“And you want to marry him, too” Luke said matter-of-factly. “That much is obvious, even without you vaguely referring to yourself as a married man.” Teddy laughed rather thickly there, and James wondered if he was on the verge of tears. His voice was a little hoarse as he responded.

“Yeah, I do” Teddy said simply, and James felt a rush of relief and happiness at that, even though he knew there was a ‘but’ coming.

“And there’s no rush” Luke told him gently. “He said to take as long as you need.”

“I’m gonna need some time” Teddy agreed, his voice still quite thick with emotion, making James want to get up and hug him.

“You’re still hurting” Luke said calmly, and James wondered if he was reading Teddy’s mind to determine that or if he just assumed as much. “Him being back doesn’t erase what’s happened.”

“No, it doesn’t” Teddy agreed. “But it’s a start.”

 -

Teddy took James by side-along apparition back to their flat a short time later, and although James knew he was going to have to own up at some point to the conversation he’d overheard, he didn’t have it in him just now, falling straight into bed instead and barely keeping conscious long enough to register Teddy crawling in after him and scooping him up into a cuddle before falling fast asleep.

His dreams were a vivid and confusing mix of various scenarios, some involving Teddy and some involving Albus. But even in spite of the rather unpleasant and at times quite fitful sleep, he woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed the next morning. He had gone to bed sometime between eight and nine pm the previous evening, so it wasn’t altogether surprising that he’d woken up early, the sky still pitch black outside. He turned his head to glance at the clock on the bedside table which read a little past six am. No surprise, then, that Teddy was fast asleep next to him. James had tossed and turned quite a bit through the night, so at some point Teddy had retreated over to the other side of the bed, presumably for a bit of peace and quiet. He still had one hand outstretched towards James though, currently resting limply on his abdomen. James smiled at this small gesture of intimacy, threading his fingers into Teddy’s own, only frowning for a second as he remembered Teddy describing his and Luke’s dynamic last night as ‘intimate’. He hoped very much that Teddy meant a different kind of intimacy to this one.

The movement had roused Teddy slightly from his sleep, and he rolled towards James, burrowing his face into James’s shoulder and making a contented noise. James turned just enough so that he could comfortably reach Teddy with his free hand, softly stroking the skin on his cheek, just above the line of his beard stubble.

“Mmm, morning” Teddy muttered without opening his eyes, his voice slurred and sleepy.

“Go back to sleep if you want” James replied quietly. “My body clock is fucked, but it doesn’t mean yours has to be.”

“No” Teddy said, but he did nothing to suggest he was going to wake up properly, besides snaking his arm around James’s waist, leading with the hand that James was still holding, making him perform a bit of a contortion act, twisting his own arm around his body. James wriggled his hand free and rolled onto his side to properly face Teddy, who was now peeking at him through heavily lidded eyes.

“I’m not wasting any time with you” Teddy told him lazily. “There’s not enough.”

“I agree” James smiled, leaning over to kiss him. He was going for the cheek, but Teddy turned his head to capture James’s lips instead, and they stayed there for a moment, this kiss gentle and tender.

“I love you” James said softly as he pulled back. Teddy smiled warmly at him.

“I love you too” he replied, looking happy. James went in for another kiss, applying slightly more pressure this time, and Teddy pulled his waist closer under the covers as they embraced, the kiss long and unhurried, the both of them basking in it. This, right here, must be what heaven felt like, James thought.

“Is that morning wood, or are you happy to see me?” Teddy asked as they broke apart, his voice low and husky. James huffed a laugh.

“It’s morning wood, but that doesn’t mean I’m not pleased to see you” he replied honestly, and Teddy grinned.

“Well if you’re feeling frisky you might have to let me get a coffee in me first” Teddy said, rubbing his eyes. “The spirit is willing, but I don’t do my best work at six in the morning.”

“That’s quite alright” James replied amusedly. “Coffee sounds good.” Teddy hummed in agreement, but made no move to get up, pushing himself up to hover over James instead and kissing him some more. James slid his hands up the back of Teddy’s t-shirt, noting that it was a bit of closer fit than Teddy generally went for. As they broke apart again, James took a good look at the t-shirt, which he didn’t think he’d ever seen before and he was quite sure he’d have remembered, as it had a picture of Katy Perry on it. Certainly not the sort of thing Teddy usually wore, not even to bed. James realised with a bit of an unpleasant surprise that it was probably one of Luke’s.

“What?” Teddy asked, looking down at James rather confusedly.

“Are you wearing Luke’s t-shirt?” James asked, unable to keep a slight note of accusation out of his tone. Teddy looked down at his own shirt, frowning.

“Guess so” he shrugged. “I’ve not been keeping on top of my laundry all that well so I’ve been borrowing some old stuff of his. You know how many clothes he has, and I’ll bet he hasn’t worn this in at least ten years.” That much was probably true, Luke used to wear big baggy t-shirts back when James had first met him (which was only reason they would even fit Teddy, who was considerably bulkier than he was), but Luke went for more form-fitting attire these days. He also didn’t generally walk around sporting pop divas on his clothes these days either, outside of pride.

“Well, that’s as good a segway as any” James muttered, frowning.

“I’m sorry, is this a problem?” Teddy asked, looking rather confused. He hauled himself into a seated position, crossing his legs underneath him on the bed so he could keep facing James, who was still lying on his back.

“Not really” James sighed. “But we need to talk, don’t we?”

“About Luke?” Teddy asked, his confused frown turning into an understanding one.

“About Luke, about us. About everything” James replied, sitting up himself in the middle of the bed, inadvertently bringing his and Teddy’s faces much closer together than he’d meant to. He resisted a strong urge to kiss him again, which wasn’t helped by Teddy wrapping a loose arm around James’s waist.

“We do” Teddy agreed softly. “You sure you want to do it now?”

“I’m not sure we’ll get another chance before I have to go” James replied grimly. There may be some time this afternoon after the visit to Albus, but James wasn’t counting on it.

“I heard the two of you talking last night” James told him baldly. There was no point in beating around the bush. “I was dozing on the sofa, sort of drifting in and out and I didn’t mean to listen in, not at first, anyway. But yeah, I heard you two.”

“How much?” Teddy asked, frowning.

“Too much, probably” James replied with a grim smile. “I started to register what you were actually saying sometime around when you started talking about Luke’s secret. Which, by the way, what is that? Just the mind reading thing?” James asked, getting side-tracked for a second. “Because we always sort of knew that anyway, didn’t we?”

“I always sort of knew that” Teddy corrected, with a rather incredulous laugh. “YOU were the doubter. But yeah, that’s what we were talking about. He confirmed it a few days ago. He’s a natural legilimens. Always has been. I fucking told you, didn’t I?”

“You did” James conceded wearily.

“And we’ve been sort of experimenting with it” Teddy told him, looking pleased about it. “If I think of a specific phrase hard enough, he can actually hear it. I can talk to him without actually talking.”

“Teddy, I’d love to have a conversation with you about how cool this potentially is at a later date” James told him flatly. “But that’s really not what I wanted to talk about right now. Can we skip to the part where you said the two of you have been having an emotional affair, please?”

“Luke said that, not me” Teddy replied hastily, but he did look quite guilty.

“Whoever said it” James replied without anger. “I don’t…” he shrugged rather helplessly. “I suppose it’s understandable, given the circumstances, but I don’t really know what that means now. It’s never even occurred to me to be jealous of you going and getting drunk at Luke’s place without me, but now… You’re saying you don’t know if that’s OK, which has got to mean that maybe you think it isn’t. And why wouldn’t it be? Unless…”

“Unless there was something there” Teddy finished dully, looking at James with a very serious expression. “I know why it looks that way, I really do. But there isn’t anything there, I promise you, there isn’t. I just don’t really know how to prove that to you.”

“I know” James said quietly. “I heard you say that. That you and Luke are maybe too close. And you’re right, you always have been, since long before you and me even got together. It hasn’t been an issue before and I don’t want it to be one now.”

“Do you trust me?” Teddy asked gently. James didn’t even need to think about that one, his answer coming out immediately.

“Yes” he replied honestly. Teddy looked a little taken aback. He didn’t seem to have been expecting such a strong response.

“Do you believe what I’m saying? That there’s nothing romantic between me and Luke?” Teddy asked, and again, James didn’t even really need to think about that one.

“Yes, I believe you” James told him. If nothing else, he believed that Teddy would be honest with him about it if there was. “I always believed you about that.”

“Good” Teddy said with a small smile.

“And I’m not mad about the kiss” James told him, and the smile dropped from Teddy’s face immediately. “I don’t love that it happened, but I’m not worried about it. And Luke wasn’t lying, I did punch him. I gave him a dead arm, which all things considered I’d say amounts to him getting off pretty fucking lightly, personally.” Teddy huffed a laugh there, and James gave him a begrudging smile.

“The thing that still hurts a little bit” James told him seriously. “Is that Luke has been more of a boyfriend to you than I have these past few months. And I know that’s my fault, not either of yours. And I want to make it up to you, I really do. I’m trying. But I don’t really know how.” Teddy was looking rather pained again, and he took one of James’s hands in his own as he replied.

“Proposing was a better start than you probably know” Teddy told him quietly. “I know I didn’t react all that well to it in the moment, but… it was big. It was you coming through for me, in a big way.”

“That’s what I meant for it to be” James said with a weak smile. “You really can take as long as you want, I’m not putting any pressure on you. But I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything, Ted. I want you to be my husband.”

“I know” Teddy replied, his voice barely more than a whisper as he leant in to kiss James again. James let himself melt into it, relishing in Teddy’s warmth. In the solid, tangible realness of it. In the fact that they were both here, in this flat, in this bed. That Teddy was his future husband, whether he was quite ready to adopt the label himself yet or not.

“I know you don’t quite trust ME at the moment” James offered quietly after they broke apart a minute later. “I know I need to earn that back. I will, I promise.” Teddy looked a little taken aback, but he didn’t say anything in response, pulling James back to him for another kiss. James took this as instruction to shut up, so he didn’t say anything else, pulling Teddy closer as he sunk back down on the bed taking Teddy with him, showing him how much he loved him without words. Through kisses, and touches, and hitched breath. And then whispering soft words of love into Teddy’s ear as they moved together, the air in the room getting hotter as their breath got deeper. Yesterday had been fast and frantic, a desperate scramble as things could only possibly be after such a long estrangement. But today was slow and deliberate, every movement with meaning, every touch with purpose. James surrendered himself to it completely, letting all the uncertainty and worry and all the noise leave his head, surrounding himself with nothing but Teddy.