The hearing
Anne hadn’t been fucking around about getting James’s hearing booked in as soon as possible - he only had two days to prepare for the thing, from the date being set. It was also barely more than a week since the incident which had caused his suspension in the first place. In an ideal world James would have liked a bit more time to process it all, especially given that he still hadn’t really made any headway on what he wanted his next move to be. But everyone seemed pretty unanimous on the fact that he should do everything he could to salvage his job at the ministry, which he supposed made sense. Decisions about his career could come later, keeping his options open was the smart thing to do in the short term.
It could hardly have come at a worse time though. By the end of the weekend it had been apparent that Luke was hanging by a thread. Teddy was doing a fairly decent job of keeping him afloat but James felt guilty for not being able to be around more. He knew that Teddy had just taken on a big case at work, and Harry had been pretty good about giving him time off to help Luke out with some stuff, but that wasn’t a long term solution. At some point Teddy would have to go back to work and James knew he was worried about leaving Luke alone. Not that there was much they could do about that, they couldn’t babysit him forever. But still.
James had vowed to put in more time with Luke once his work thing was all sorted, but his hearing just had to take precedence at the moment. Bill had put him through his paces all day on Monday, going over the sort of things the board would want to talk to him about, and helping him prepare a statement about what had happened and how sorry James was for disrespecting his colleagues. James wasn’t particularly happy with the statement, as very little of it was actually true, but he was well practised in swallowing his pride and saying what needed to be said to keep the right people on side. Hell, that had been a weekly occurrence back in his quidditch playing days. For all the good it had fucking done. The part he was still having trouble reconciling himself with wasn’t the actual hearing itself, it was the idea of going back to work next week like nothing had happened. But he supposed that he would cross that bridge when he came to it. Bill thought he had a pretty good chance of getting his old job back, but James was by no means out of the water yet. Demotion, or a sideways shift into a desk job were both very real possibilities.
Tuesday had been spent largely with Anne, again, going over stuff that was likely to come up at the hearing, but with more of a focus on the logistics of what was going to happen. Making sure that he knew not to speak until asked to, that sort of thing. The board would be made up of senior directors in the department, and it was likely that they would call in some of the other people involved at various points to make statements about what had happened, including Taylor and that director that James had mouthed off to. James knew that he would be expected to apologise to both of them, and he wasn’t especially thrilled about that. Especially after Anne had told him in no uncertain terms that he had better sound sincere about it, whether he actually meant it or not.
James had had a fairly restless night after all that, not helped by the fact that Teddy was over at Luke’s again so James was left in the flat by himself. He thought about going over there to join them, but didn’t want to burden them with him sat brooding over his own situation all night. He thought it better to leave them to it, whatever they were doing. Teddy had however reappeared early in the morning, to shower and change before going to work.
“How’s he doing?” James asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing his eyes trying to get them in focus. He squinted at the clock on the bedside table. It was six thirty in the morning – Teddy had always gotten an earlier start than James on the average working day, but this was early even for him. Then again, both of their sleeping patterns were a bit disrupted what with everything going on. Teddy had just gotten out of the shower and was looking for something to wear, looking less than fresh-faced himself.
“He seems better” Teddy replied, looking sceptical about it as he pulled on a clean t-shirt. “Honestly, I think he’s just pretending because he knows I have to go back to work.”
“If he has it together enough to be able to pretend, that still sounds like progress” James offered, getting up and giving Teddy a cursory kiss on the check as he passed him, making his way towards the kitchen. He put the kettle on and got the box of tea bags out of the cupboard, still not feeling particularly awake, and leaned lazily against the counter waiting for the water to boil. Teddy came back out of the bedroom, now fully dressed, and joined him in the kitchen.
“Are you ready for your thing today?” Teddy asked, opening the cupboard next to James and getting two mugs out. “It’s at ten, right?” Teddy added. “I’ll see if I can come down to catch up with you after. How long do you think it will go on for?”
James was actually surprised that he’d remembered, in the wake of looking after Luke round the clock for three straight days, and it took his sleep-addled brain a minute to catch up with what Teddy was saying.
“Um… yeah, ten” he confirmed, shaking his head in mild confusion. ”You don’t need to come down. I’ll send you a note, let you know how it goes. You’ve missed enough work already.”
“True as that may be” Teddy replied calmly. “If you think Harry isn’t going to want a full incident report immediately afterwards then you clearly don’t know the man. So you’re coming up to my office one way or another. I might as well escort you, cut through some of the security.”
“Oh I see” James smiled lazily, watching Teddy now pour boiling water into both of the mugs in front of him. “So this has nothing to do with lending me moral support, you’re acting on dad’s orders.”
“Two birds” Teddy replied with half a shrug. “Get the milk would you?” he added nodding towards the fridge, and James did so without complaint.
“It’s not so much on his orders as pre-empting what I know he’ll want done, anyway” Teddy told him as James handed him the milk bottle. Apparently Teddy had taken over the whole tea-making process now, so James returned to his position leaning up against the counter, watching him. He only just noticed that Teddy was making two cups of tea.
“Wish I had a PA as good as you” James muttered. “You having tea with me?” he asked. The question was somewhat redundant, as there wasn’t exactly anyone else here that Teddy would be making tea for, but this wasn’t a usual occurrence. Teddy was a get up and go kind of person, usually grabbing coffee on the way to work and skipping breakfast.
“I’ve got some time” Teddy replied, handing the milk back to James having poured a dash into each of the mugs. “And I feel like I’ve been neglecting you.”
“I’d say it’s more like the other way around” James told him, stopping on his way back to the fridge to study’s Teddy’s expression, which was distinctly guilty. Not unlike how James felt himself about the whole situation.
“Luke needs us” James stated plainly. “And I’ve been wrapped up in my own shit. I sure as hell don’t blame you for not dropping him to run around after me.”
“Your own shit is pretty major” Teddy assured him, his expression softening. “Luke understands that. And I don’t know about running around after you, but in any other circumstances I’d have been here for you a lot more.”
“It’s fine” James said dismissively.
“It’s bad timing” Teddy replied. “But I guess there’s never exactly a good time for any of this shit to happen.”
James merely shrugged at that, before turning around to return the milk to the fridge. Teddy was delicately fishing the teabags out of the cups when James returned to him after doing so, and there was something so heart-warmingly domestic about the sight of him doing it that James smiled fondly and moved behind him, snaking his arms up over Teddy’s chest and embracing him, giving him a delicate kiss on the back of the neck.
“What’s this for?” Teddy asked, sounding pleased. James huffed a small laugh.
“Do I need a reason?” he asked, now kissing him on the jawline, just because he could.
“Suppose not” Teddy replied, turning his head to try and catch James’s lips. James leant into him more, curving his head over Teddy’s shoulder to give him a proper kiss on the lips, slow and gentle.
“You got time to come back to bed for a bit?” James asked quietly as they parted. This time Teddy laughed.
“As tempting as that is” he smiled. “I think it’d be pretty remiss of me to let you go into your hearing today without checking in with you properly first.”
“You can check in with me alright” James growled, pushing his pelvis into Teddy’s arse, and Teddy laughed even more.
“There’s not nearly enough time for THAT” Teddy told him, picking up one of the cups in front of him. James released him, giving up on the idea. He hadn’t really expected Teddy to go for it anyway. Teddy handed him the other mug and they both leaned against the kitchen counter, sipping their tea.
“So how did it go yesterday?” Teddy prompted him. James shrugged.
“Anne said pretty much the same thing as Bill” he told him. “I have to get over myself and act like I’m sorry for what happened. And I have to take whatever blame they want to put on me.”
“And you’re going to be alright with doing that?” Teddy asked seriously.
“Going to have to be, aren’t I?” James muttered. “Not sure at the minute how the fuck I’m going to apologise to Taylor and make it sound like I mean it. But I’ll work it out.”
“Any word from Andrew?” Teddy asked. James shook his head.
“We’re not waiting on word from Andrew. He’s still on medical leave, but even if he does get dragged in to give his opinion, he won’t back me. I wouldn’t ask him to, it would be career suicide for him.”
There was a pause while Teddy digested this, looking outraged, as he often tended to in the face of injustice. James thought it was pretty adorable really, and had to supress a smile as he watched Teddy’s face go through the familiar motions of processing his anger at a situation he had no influence over. James himself had been beaten down by injustice too many times to expend a lot of energy on fighting it, but Teddy found it much harder to let these things drop. James wasn’t sure if that was the Hufflepuff or the auror in him. Or maybe that was just an original Teddy Lupin trait.
“Your department is fucked up, James” Teddy said, frowning. James shrugged again.
“Yours is one of the very few that isn’t” he replied darkly. “Turns out my dad is a way better boss than I ever gave him credit for.”
“I’ve been telling you that for years” Teddy replied automatically. It was true, he had.
“Why didn’t I just go into the auror programme” James said, mentally kicking himself. Things would have turned out much simpler if he had.
“Because you didn’t want to be an auror. And you still don’t” Teddy told him. “Look, we’ll figure this out, I promise. But let’s just get through today first, yeah?”
James nodded. He watched Teddy as he drank his tea, feeling another sudden surge in affection for him at the fact that he was here. For the fact that even with his best friend falling apart with grief, Teddy had made a point to make some time for James this morning. For the fact that he was actually a really fucking good boyfriend, as well as being James’s favourite person on the planet.
“What?” Teddy asked, looking self conscious at the way James was now looking at him.
“I just…” James shook his head, in disbelief that even after three years of doing this he still felt so lucky to have Teddy in his life. “I really fucking love you” he told him. Teddy looked pleasantly surprised by this, and leaned over to give James a peck on the lips.
“I love you too” he said warmly.
-
“James Potter, you understand the purpose of today’s hearing is to determine whether to reinstate your position as junior field agent in the curse breaker expedition department?”
“I do” James replied calmly. He was sat opposite a smaller panel than he had anticipated – only three people, one of whom he vaguely recognised as the head of his office, but he didn’t know by name. The other two were people he didn’t know, presumably from corporate. The room they were in was unnecessarily large for the amount of people in here, which made the whole thing feel even more stupid and bureaucratic to James, but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. His only job for the next hour or so was to play the part of humble and obedient employee.
“You understand that the panel’s decision will be final and binding?”
“Yes.”
“You understand that in the event your employment is terminated, this will take effect immediately and your ministry credentials will be revoked and you will be escorted out of the building?”
“Yes.”
“Very well” the woman sat in the middle of the panel said, picking up a quill from the desk and poising to take notes. “I believe you have prepared an opening statement?”
“I have” James said calmly, pulling a folded piece of parchment from his pocket.
“You may give it now” the woman said, and James nodded, before reading aloud from his script.
“I, James Potter, wish to sincerely apologise for my actions which led to my temporary suspension. I regret the loss of my temper and the resultant lack of respect which I showed for my team, my superiors and my department. It is my hope that the panel today will appreciate that this was an isolated incident, and does not reflect my usual behaviour within this role. My line manager, Anne Cresswell, is in support of my reinstatement, and will provide testimony on my behalf to the panel if they so require. Finally, I would like to state that I have been working in this department for three years, and have gained good expertise and experience in my role. I would be incredibly grateful if the panel allows me to return to my role, which I feel I perform well in, and I will never again take for granted the opportunities that this department allows me.”
James folded the parchment again, stuffing it back in his pocket. It was a pretty short statement, considering the amount of time he, Bill and Anne had all spent working on it. James wasn’t really sure any of what he had just said would make any difference whatsoever, to him it all sounded like empty words. But Bill seemed to think it was important to check certain boxes in terms of what the panel would want to hear from him.
When James looked back up to the panel in front of him, the woman in the middle was jotting a couple of things down, but he two wizards sat either side of her merely surveyed him impassively. The one on the left looked rather bored, which James tried to ignore his annoyance about. It wasn’t like he WANTED to be here either.
“Very well” the woman said again. “Before we make a start I should state that the panel has already reviewed the incident report regarding your mission of the twenty-fourth of July and subsequent debrief. So we have a fairly clear picture of the events leading to your suspension. You are here today to fill in the blanks.”
James nodded, feeling apprehensive. The incident report had likely been written by both Taylor and the senior director from the debrief, so that was unlikely to paint James in a good light.
“You have been working in this department for three years?” the woman asked him sharply, referring to the notes she had already taken.
“Yes” James replied.
“And this is your first disciplinary action?”
“Yes.”
“Well that does support your assertion that this was an isolated incident” the woman said, although her tone didn’t suggest that he in any way had her convinced. “However” she went on. “We cannot simply take your word on this. This department takes insubordination very seriously. Do you understand why?”
“Because when people don’t follow orders, people get hurt. And not just the ones disobeying orders, it puts the entire field team in jeopardy” James replied. It had been drilled into him in training, and he wondered as he was parroting it now how he had never before thought to take issue with this as a concept. Blindly following orders. Not questioning anything.
“That’s correct” she replied.
“To be fair, Miriam, the incident report does state that he didn’t disobey orders on the mission. But he did question the team leader in front of the trainee” the wizard sat on her right chimed in, looking down at a file in his hands. James was a little taken aback. he hadn’t expected anyone on the panel to be doing him any favours. The man who had spoken was the one of the three that James knew worked in his office, so maybe he had more practical experience in these matters than the other two.
“Tell us about that” Miriam said to James, eyeing him disapprovingly. He refrained from sighing, with a great amount of effort.
“The team leader made some calls that I didn’t agree with” James told her. “And I know I shouldn’t have made that known in front of the trainee, that was setting a bad example for her. But I felt the team leader’s decisions were putting the team in unnecessary danger.”
“Yes, we understand that you told the debrief team as much” the wizard with the file said, still reading from it and not looking at James.
“I did, and they didn’t agree. And I should have handled that with more professionalism” James replied.
“I’ll say” the wizard responded lazily, and James had to fight a mad urge to laugh.
“Nobody is saying that you can’t have an opinion on these things” Miriam said to James sternly. James wanted to disagree with that, he was pretty sure that was exactly what they were telling him, but he kept his mouth shut and his expression neutral. “But you must accept the decisions of your superiors, whether you agree with them or not” Miriam went on.
“I understand that” James replied calmly.
“It is important that you do” she told him. “Because another outburst the likes of the one you had in front of the debrief panel will NOT be acceptable.”
“It won’t happen again” James assured her. Miriam said nothing to that, turning to the wizard on her left, who looked as though he hadn’t been paying attention to anything up until this point.
“What do you think, shall we bring in Bruce?” she asked him. He made a gesture of assent without even saying anything, and James vaguely wondered why the hell he was even here.
“The trainee first, I think” the other wizard said to both of them. “I want to hear an impartial account.”
“The trainee?” James asked, completely caught off guard by this. “Do you mean Tara? Is she here?”
The panel ignored him entirely, and the wizard who still hadn’t spoke yet got up and walked over to the door. James watched him, dumbstruck, but his attention was turned back to the others in front of him when they started muttering to each other.
“You’re not going to take the word of a trainee over Bruce are you?” Miriam asked the man incredulously. He put the file down on the desk before responding.
“I’m going to take the word of a third party over either side involved in the argument” he told her calmly, and James was once again surprised.
“She’s a trainee, Sam, she doesn’t understand the rules of the department” Miriam argued.
“Perhaps not, but I think her account of what happened will be useful” the man named Sam countered. “Bruce is too close to this. Potter too.”
“The incident report is closed, I don’t see what good it will do” Miriam replied, but she said no more on the matter as the other wizard returned, with Tara in tow. She shot James an encouraging smile as she entered the room, which James returned, his mind still reeling. She was the last person he’d expected to see today. He didn’t think he’d ever see her again after what happened.
“Full name, please” Miriam said sharply, as Tara took a seat in front of the panel, a short distance away from James.
“Tara Robbins” she said. She looked much less nervous at being sat in front of a panel of wizards, two of whom were looking at her disapprovingly, than James would have expected. But then, he supposed, she didn’t work here anymore. These people had no authority over her.
“You’re a trainee curse breaker field agent?” Miriam asked.
“I was” Tara replied coolly. “I resigned after what happened.”
“Why?” the wizard named Sam asked with interest. Miriam frowned at him, as though she thought this was a waste of time, but she didn’t verbally object.
“Because I thought Potter was right” she said, without any hint of hesitancy. “And I saw him get suspended for doing exactly what I would have done in that situation. it seemed pretty clear to me that I’m not a good fit for this organisation.”
James was surprised again. None of this was panning out the way he’d thought it would. That wasn’t why he thought Tara had quit at all. He thought it was because she didn’t want to ever go on a disaster of a mission like that again.
“Why do you think Potter was right?” Sam pressed her.
“Taylor went against solo team protocol” she told them, and James had to admire her boldness. But he again reminded himself that there were no real stakes for her in this. “He pressed on with the mission after Potter almost suffocated from sand inhalation. Then he pressed on further after Davies was injured to the point of incapacitation, telling us to leave him behind. Potter was reluctant to do so, and I agreed with him. I regret not speaking up at the time, but I thought it wasn’t my place to. In my opinion Davies could easily have died in the subsequent cave collapse, and if he had we’d all be having a very different conversation right now.”
She sat back calmly in her seat after saying all of this, and James had to hold himself back from standing up and cheering. It felt amazingly vindicating to be able to hear someone else say all the things that he wanted to.
“It is allowed by departmental regulations for the team leader to override team protocols, if the situation warrants it” Miriam said to her, while Sam looked like he was mulling this over.
“I’m aware” Tara replied unconcernedly. “I don’t think the situation warranted it.”
“Forgive my bluntness, but it isn’t really your place to say whether it’s warranted or not” Miriam replied, narrowing her eyes.
“You asked what I thought” Tara scowled back. “That’s what I think. Whether it’s right or not, well that’s up to you, I suppose.”
Miriam looked like she wanted to argue the point some more, but Sam put a hand up to silence her, addressing Tara again when he spoke.
“The incident report says that Potter made his disagreement with Taylor’s decisions known, during the mission” he said calmly. “Tell us about that.”
“I don’t really understand why Taylor made as big of a deal about that as he did” Tara said, frowning. “Potter didn’t directly disobey any orders, not as far as I could tell. He didn’t even directly disagree with him, as far as I recall. He asked for clarification a couple of times, when he seemed to be surprised at what Taylor was proposing.”
“But it was clear from his tone and his phrasing that he disagreed with Taylor’s decisions?” Sam asked.
“Yes” Tara replied, scowling when Miriam scribbled something down. “But I don’t remember there being anything in the handbook about what tones you are and aren’t allowed to use” she added pointedly, and Miriam looked affronted.
“This is about due respect to your superiors” Miriam barked at her. “A concept which unfortunately seems to be lost on you.”
“Like I said, clearly not a good fit” Tara replied coldly.
“If I may?” James chimed in, and the panel turned their attention to him. No-one said anything, and James took this as permission to go on. “Taylor and I have worked together multiple times in the past. We have different approaches. I like to have input, to work with the team leader, rather than just FOR them. Taylor doesn’t want input from his junior agents. We’ve had minor disagreements on this front before. But it’s never been a serious problem before now.”
Miriam did not look entirely placated by this, but Sam spoke up before she had chance to speak again.
“Alright, I think I’ve heard enough. You may go, Miss Robbins, unless there’s anything else?” he said to Tara.
“No, I don’t think there is” Tara replied calmly.
“Thank you for your time” he said to her, before turning his attention back to the file, flicking through it for something.
Tara said nothing to the panel as she stood up to leave, but she gave James a pat on the shoulder as she passed him on her way to the door. He gave her a thankful smile as she did so. There was so much that he wanted to say to her, but this wasn’t the time or place. He hoped he’d be able to make contact again with her at some point. The panel waited for her to leave before anyone spoke again.
“Your manager, Anne, has requested that in the event of your reinstatement you not be put on any field missions with Bruce Taylor in the future” Sam said, reading something in the file.
“She did?” James asked, thrown by this.
“This wasn’t at your request?” Sam asked, looking surprised himself.
“No, it was” James frowned. “But she told me I couldn’t ask for that.”
“Well, YOU can’t, but she can” Sam told him casually, placing the file back down. “It’s highly unusual though. The only times we’ve ever granted such requests in the past were due to some conflict of interest. Clashing personalities isn’t grounds enough to instigate this.”
“Personality isn’t the issue” James told them. “We’ve always been able to put our differences aside before.”
“So what’s the issue then?” Miriam asked. “If you’re asking the panel to place this constraint on mission control then you’d better have a good reason.”
James hesitated. He rather thought that the reason should be pretty obvious, and he wasn’t sure he how to phrase it without being accused of disrespect again.
“After he displayed what I personally consider to be poor judgement on this mission” James said carefully, placing emphasis on the ‘I personally’ part. “I’d feel uneasy about him leading one of my missions again. I was legitimately concerned for the safety of myself and my team on this mission.”
“The debrief panel deemed his judgement to be sound” Miriam countered.
“I understand” James replied. He knew he wasn’t going to change anyone’s mind on that front, so there was no point in arguing about it.
“Here’s what I think, Potter” Sam said seriously, putting one hand on the file and leaning over it, meeting James’s eye. “My main concern today was that this report seemed to suggest a fundamental lack of ability on your part to follow orders, but having heard what you and Miss Robbins had to say, I’m coming around to believing that isn’t the case. However, what happened on this mission seems to be a bit of a sticking point for you. Whatever your feelings are about what happened, the fact is that Bruce’s actions were cleared by the debrief team, and the mission was deemed a success. It’s your prerogative to disagree with that, but you can’t go around badmouthing him, or anyone else in the department for what happened. You need to move past it. And you need to convince the three of us right now that you can do that.”
“I appreciate that” James said, taking all of this in. “I am genuinely sorry for behaving the way I did in that debrief. It was beyond unprofessional.”
Sam didn’t reply to James on this, looking at the other two members of the panel for their opinion.
“Shall we hear from Bruce?” the wizard who hadn’t spoken until now asked. James had practically forgotten that he was there, for all the use he’d been.
“I’m not sure I need to” Sam replied casually. “What do you think, Miriam?” She didn’t immediately respond to him, eyeing James beadily.
“I’m not convinced” she said to Sam. “But I agree, I don’t think there’s much Bruce can add to this. Let’s bring David in.”
The wizard on her left again got up to go over to the door, and James was momentarily confused as to who David was, before remembering a fragment of conversation with his dad, who had referred to one of James’s directors as ‘Dave’. His fears were confirmed when the man who entered the room next was the director James had shouted out in the disastrous debrief. He shot James a scowl before taking the same seat that Tara had sat in a few minutes ago.
“Thank you for coming, David” Miriam said to him, with a much warmer tone than any she’d used for James throughout this entire meeting. Which, combined with the fact that the panel was referring to him by his first name and James by his surname, spoke volumes about where they both stood in the panel’s regard. James thought it had gone reasonably well for him up to now, but he was acutely aware of how quickly this could turn on him, and if David wanted James fired, he was likely to get his way.
“No problem, Miriam” he said kindly. “How are the kids?”
“Oh doing just fine” Miriam replied with a smile. “Judith starts Hogwarts in September” she added proudly, as though she’d completely forgotten where they were. James couldn’t help but feel indignant about this. They had time to chit-chat, while his career was on the line, did they?
“Where does the time go?” David replied jovially. “I was just talking to Jack from accounts, his son starts this year too.”
Miriam replied to him, smiling, but James wasn’t really listening anymore. It was taking every ounce of his self control not to let his disdain for the man sat next to him show on his face. He HATED these kinds of people. The corporate ladder climbers, who spent all of their time ‘networking’ and zero time doing any actual work. What infuriated him even more about it all was that it clearly worked. This David, whoever the fuck he even was, was clearly very well connected, judging by the way Miriam was hanging on his every word. James heard him name drop another person who James had never even heard of, before Sam seemed to think enough was enough and interjected.
“Well, we’d best get on” he said loudly, but his expression neutral. “You’re a busy man, I’m sure, David. Let’s not keep you too long.”
“You’ve probably more important things to do as well” David replied, still smiling and sitting back in his chair casually, like Tara had. This somehow made James hate him even more.
“I’d say this is quite important” Sam replied. His tone was light, but it took an extraordinary amount of effort on James’s part not to shout ‘OH SNAP!’ at that. Sam was fast becoming his best friend in this room.
“We’ve heard from Potter and the trainee regarding his disagreement with Bruce in the field” Sam said, addressing David. “The panel will discuss this, obviously, but I’m of the opinion that despite his disagreement with the orders given, Potter did follow protocol for the most part. Does that tally with what you heard in the debrief?”
“Hard to say” David replied, looking thoughtful, without so much as a glance in James’s direction. “He was certainly vocal about his disagreement in the debrief itself.”
“We’ll get to that” Sam said, the slightest hint of irritability creeping into his voice, which James had to remind himself not to appear pleased about. “But you spoke to Bruce, as well as the trainee. And you read the incident report. In your opinion was Potter’s performance in the field satisfactory.”
David paused before answering this, looking like he was considering it carefully.
“It certainly wasn’t grounds for suspension” David conceded. “Although I would suggest there was clear display of disrespect to his superiors.”
“In the field or in the debrief?” Sam asked firmly. “Because I’m asking specifically about the field.” David scowled at him at that, but Miriam interjected before he could say anything.
“Perhaps we should be asking Bruce that” she said to Sam. “David wasn’t there, in the field, after all.” Of fucking course she was sticking up for David, even though he wasn’t answering the panel’s questions directly. If James tried to pull that shit she certainly wouldn’t have let it slide.
“I’ll rephrase then” Sam said, now looking annoyed. “Taking the entire events of the debrief off the table and based on the incident report. If any other agent had acted as Potter did on this mission, would you expect there to be disciplinary action?”
David paused again before replying, looking like he didn’t want to say what they all knew was the only reasonable answer.
“No” he said eventually, rather sulkily, and James internally cheered again.
“Right, well, that closes that out in my opinion” Sam said calmly. “So let’s move onto the events of the debrief.”
“Potter would NOT stop speaking out of turn” David started angrily, before anyone had even asked him anything. “He was disrespectful to myself, to the panel AND to his team leader. He seemed to think he knew better than the panel, and tried to overrule their decision. When he was told he had no authority to do so, he became hostile, and began insulting everyone in the room.”
There was a pause in which no-one quite seemed sure how to respond to that. James though it was rather galling that apparently David was allowed an outburst like this, but James had to be on his best behaviour at all times.
“What do you have to say about that, Potter?” Miriam asked him, and James was a little surprised about being asked for input on that point. He wasn’t entirely sure what to say.
“I…” he hesitated, realising that what he was about to say probably wouldn’t do him any favours, but it was the truth. “I can’t really deny any of that” he admitted. “The only thing I can say in my defence is that I let my emotions get the better of me – my friend had just been hospitalised. But that’s no excuse for my behaviour.”
“No, it isn’t” Miriam said sternly.
“You have said that you regret these actions” Sam chimed in. “Would you like to repeat that to David, here?”
James took a breath. He knew he was going to be asked to do this, but it didn’t make it any less painful. He swallowed down what small semblance of pride he still had left.
“I’m very sorry” he said calmly to David, who looked back at him with an unimpressed face. “I shouldn’t have been so disrespectful. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. I regret it, and I’ll never let it happen again.”
“We can all say sorry, Potter” David sneered back at him. “But it seems clear to me that you have no respect for the chain of command.”
James didn’t say anything to that. He couldn’t really deny that either, he had no respect for the chain of command whatsoever anymore. The more he thought about it, the less he was sure what he was even doing here, jumping through hoops for these people who clearly had no respect for him. So that he could go back to a job where he was expected to be nothing more than a puppet on a string. So he could carry on working for people like David, who considered James insulting him to be an infinitely worse transgression than Taylor letting one of the agents he was responsible for be sent to the hospital with a head injury.
“YOU instigated the suspension” Sam said, breaking the silence, and both David and James turned back to him in surprise. He was looking at David curiously. “What do you recommend the panel do with him?” Sam asked, and James’s eyes shot back to David, who answered without hesitation.
“I think he should be fired” David said plainly. James wasn’t altogether surprised by that, he had said after all that it was only out of respect for James’s father that he hadn’t fired James himself. But Sam looked confused by this. Apparently that wasn’t in the incident report.
“Why not fire him yourself then?” Sam asked. “You have the authority to do so.”
“Unfortunately, the name Potter does carry some weight around here” David drawled, and James didn’t think it was possible to hate him any more, but that statement managed to increase it somehow. It was so on-brand for this spineless arsehole to want to avoid ruffling Harry’s feathers, lest it hurt his chances of climbing the ladder any further.
“Not in our department it doesn’t” the silent wizard sat on Miriam’s other side spoke up, and James was taken by surprise, as he had once again stopped noticing that the man was even there. All eyes turned to him. “I have as much respect for Harry Potter as the next man, but this has nothing to do with him. Politics should not cloud this decision” the wizard added sagely.
There was a heavy pause, in which James felt the atmosphere in the room subtly shift. He had no idea who this man was or what his level of authority was compared to other two, but he must be important judging by the way David looked distinctly abashed, and Miriam looked nervously between him and the two wizards either side of her. Sam was once again the one to break the silence.
“I agree” he said calmly. “I think we’re done here, unless you have anything else you want to say, David?”
David was still eying the other man warily, but he had sank back down in his seat and was looking impassive again.
“No, I think I’ve said my piece” David replied, looking very much to James like he wanted to say a lot more, but was afraid of being told off.
“Alright then” Sam said, gesturing to the door. They all sat in silence as David left, but the unnamed wizard spoke up again lazily after the door closed behind him.
“I don’t like that man” was all he said, and James had to work his hardest yet to hold in a laugh, not entirely managing to stop himself from spluttering. He coughed afterwards, hoping that it looked like he was just clearing his throat.
“Do you want some time to deliberate?” Sam asked the other two, ignoring James entirely. The other wizard shook his head, but Miriam looked unsure.
“What are you thinking?” she asked Sam.
“Seems pretty open and shut to me” Sam shrugged. “Following orders doesn’t seem to be an issue. In any case his manager would be keeping an eye on that. The question remains as to whether he can respect the hierarchy, but I don’t think we can answer that without giving him a chance to prove he can.”
“So you’re in favour of reinstatement?” Miriam asked. She didn’t seem surprised by this, but she didn’t look entirely convinced either.
“Yes, I think so” Sam replied, with a quick glance at James. “I don’t see grounds here for termination. Not if it’s an isolated incident.”
“David didn’t think it was an isolated incident” Miriam countered.
“Well, he wouldn’t, would he? Since he was the one on the receiving end of it” Sam replied nonchalantly.
Miriam took a moment to think about that before replying, in which James’s eyes flicked between all three members of the panel. Sam had picked up the file from the desk again and was shuffling all the papers back into place, as though already getting ready to leave. The other man was watching Miriam, waiting for her response. James felt oddly devoid of emotion while he too waited for her decision. He wasn’t even sure anymore which way he wanted this to go.
“I’m inclined to impose some sort of disciplinary action” Miriam replied eventually, frowning.
“Formal warning, I think” the man on her other side chimed in, sounding pretty indifferent about the whole thing. “And reinstatement after a period of absence.”
“We’re agreed then” Sam said, giving Miriam a nod. She nodded back, apparently satisfied with this. She then turned to James, her expression stern again.
“You’ll take a four week period of unpaid absence, during which I suggest you consider your future within this department and reflect upon your behaviour” she told him firmly. “After this time you will be reinstated to your role as junior field agent, but there will a formal warning on your record. And I’m denying your request regarding Bruce.”
That one was a bit of a blow, but James had never imagined he would be granted that anyway. It was almost cruel of them really, to dangle it in front of him like that.
“Thank you” James replied, a little uncertainly.
“It’s Anne you should be thanking” Sam told him, as he and the others stood up to leave. “She made a strong case for you. She tracked down Miss Robbins as well.”
“Ok, I will” James said, feeling slightly dazed. Sam gave him a curt nod before leaving the room, filing out after the other two. James sat there for a minute or two after they had gone, trying to work out exactly what had just happened.
He still had a job, that was the main headline. That was good news, probably… A formal warning on his record though, that was bad. That meant he could kiss a promotion goodbye any time soon. It also meant he was on the department’s watch list and he couldn’t put a toe out of line again or he’d be out on his arse. Although to be fair that was probably going to be the case anyway, he could only imagine that David would be up his arse from now on, just waiting for an excuse to fire him once and for all.
Four weeks unpaid absence, that was fine. That was probably a good thing actually, it would give him some time to get his head around it all. And to decide whether he actually wanted to come back. That was considerably more in question now than it had been when he entered the room. His complete lack of elation at the news that he could keep his job was surely an indication of how he felt about it now. He started to replay the events of the hearing in his head, trying to figure out what exactly had made him so apathetic about it.
The way that the woman on the panel had spoken to Tara pretty much summed up everything that James thought was a problem with this whole department. Respect your superiors, don’t question what’s going on, know your place. That was pretty much what they had said to him, as well, and it wasn’t sitting well with him at all. But then, the wizard named Sam had seemed pretty reasonable about it all. It was good to know that there were at least some rational people on the board, and it wasn’t all corporate automatons. David was the absolute fucking WORST though, and Jesus if the board of directors was full of people like him and Miriam then James should jump ship now because he sure as hell didn’t want to ever work in THAT environment. But then, his chances of ever making director now were much slimmer than they had been before, with this black mark on his record. Perhaps that was a silver lining, of sorts.
Anne had been an absolute star, he had to admit that. James really did owe her his gratitude for everything she’d done, between tracking Tara down and putting in the request for James not to work with Taylor anymore. But ultimately that had all been fruitless, he supposed. Taylor had still gotten off scot free, hadn’t he? Tara had still quit her job over what had happened. Nobody who had any influence over anything seemed to even care about how badly the mission had gone, or even seemed to agree that it had gone badly. And that still wasn’t sitting well with James.
He was still brooding on this point when he heard the door open behind him, and a familiar voice say “Oi, are you coming out or what?”
“Teddy?” James said, twisting around in his chair. It was indeed Teddy, holding the door open a crack to stick his head through, his vibrant blue hair standing out oddly against the bland background of the beige-walled room.
“They said you’re not fired” Teddy replied, giving him a thumbs up, and James laughed. He got up from the chair to go over to him.
“Four weeks unpaid leave. Formal warning” James rattled off to him. “But yes, I still have a job.”
“That’s great news” Teddy said, smiling widely, reaching out to James for a hug. Jury was still out on that one, in James’s opinion, but he didn’t say that, giving Teddy a brief hug in the doorway before exiting the room with him. He was pleasantly surprised to find Tara waiting outside it.
“You were great in there” James said warmly to her, and she went in for a hug as well.
“I meant everything I said” she told him brightly as she pulled back.
“It was brave of you to say it to them, like that” James told her.
“What are they going to do, fire me?” she replied, raising an eyebrow, and Teddy laughed.
“You two have met, then?” James asked, looking between her and Teddy.
“Not exactly” Teddy said. “She was just telling me about her testimony when they all started coming out. You’re the trainee, I assume?” he added to Tara, who nodded.
“And you’re the Hufflepuff boyfriend?” she asked him. Teddy laughed again at this description.
“That’s me, yeah.”
“Tara, Teddy” James introduced them, gesturing to each of them in turn. Teddy gave her a nod and she returned it with a small wave.
“What do you reckon, have we got time to go for a coffee?” James asked, glancing at his watch. The hearing had taken less time than he had though it might, but he didn’t want to keep Teddy for too long since he had already taken two days off work this week.
“Well I sure don’t have anywhere to be” Tara replied with a smirk.
“If we’re quick about it” Teddy said, looking at his own watch. “I can’t skive off for too long.”
“I just have an idea I want to float to the two of you” James told them both, leading the way down the corridor towards the lifts. The idea had popped into his head when he’d seen how few fucks Tara had given about telling the panel what she thought. It was quite fortuitous her and Teddy both being here right now, that saved James the bother of having to try and set up a meeting between them.
“Oh yeah?” Teddy asked, looking mildly confused.
“Yeah” James replied, with a smile. “Tara, have you ever thought about becoming an auror?”
“An auror?” she asked. Now Tara was the one looking confused, but Teddy’s face changed to one of comprehension.
“Yeah, I reckon it’d be right up your street” he told her. “Teddy can tell you more about it, he works in the auror office.”
“An auror…” Tara said thoughtfully, more to herself than to James or Teddy.
“Curse breaking background” Teddy mused. “The skillset isn’t all that different.”
“The department is COMPLETELY different though” James assured her.
“Would they take me?” Tara asked, frowning. “After I just quit the curse breaker programme?”
“Well, that doesn’t look great” Teddy conceded. “But lucky for you, you’ve got friends on the inside.”
“An auror…” Tara said again, now smiling at the prospect.
-
James was working his way around the ministry today. After his hearing he, Teddy and Tara had gone for a coffee at the kiosk in the atrium, and James had largely just sat and listened to their conversation while Teddy had told an eager Tara about the auror office and training academy. Afterwards, Tara had bid them farewell, with a promise to send her application to Teddy and a heartfelt thanks and good luck to James. James had then accompanied Teddy back down to the auror office, to tell his dad what had happened. Harry had been pleased that James had managed to keep his job, and James hadn’t been able to bring himself yet to tell his dad that he was thinking of quitting it. He should probably make up his mind as to whether he was actually going to or not before having that conversation anyway.
While James was in his dad’s office, Harry had received a note from Bill asking him to send James back down to the curse breaker office to see him. So James had made his way back over there, vaguely wondering if he was ever going to get out of here. He hadn’t had a particularly great night’s sleep and would have quite liked to go home and take a nap, but apparently everyone wanted to hear a first hand account from him on what had happened at his hearing. So he was actually feeling quite irritable by the time he reached Bill’s desk, especially since now he was in the curse breaker office he figured it would be rude not to stop by and see Anne as well, which would further delay him getting home. To his surprise, however, Bill hadn’t asked him anything at all, merely saying he wanted to take him out for lunch. He had been no more forthcoming as the two of them apparated to the same pub that Bill had taken him to on the day he’d been suspended, which James was quite sure did not serve food. Not that James was necessarily opposed to a liquid lunch, but he wished Bill would tell him what they were DOING here.
“Firewhisky for you, is it?” Bill asked, leaning casually up against the bar the same way he had last time. James was feeling similarly impatient to how he had back then too, but he sensed that there was no hurrying this process along, and Bill would say whatever it was he couldn’t say to James back at the ministry in due course.
“Sure" he replied indifferently, waiting while Bill placed the order with the barman.
“I still have my job" James told him calmly, while they waited for the barman to pour their drinks. “I assume you already heard.”
“I did" Bill replied evenly. “I also heard that you got a formal warning.”
“Yeah” James shrugged. Truthfully he still wasn’t sure if he actually cared about that at all. “Reckon that was probably just because the guy I mouthed off to was out for blood. He said they should fire me.”
“He’s been saying it to anyone who’ll listen for the past week" Bill told him.
“Checks out" James muttered.
“You did well, to keep your temper in there” Bill said to him. “It couldn’t have been easy.”
“It wasn’t that bad, really" James replied. It could certainly have gone worse, it was a small miracle that they hadn’t brought Taylor in. And the whole thing was probably made easier by the fact that James wasn’t as invested in the outcome as everyone else seemed to be. He thought that maybe a small part of him was actually hoping he would get fired. Then the decision would be made for him.
“Well you must have done something right" Bill said vaguely, as he paid for the drinks. They took a seat at one of the empty tables and James got another wave of deja-vu as he watched Bill settle in on his chair, waiting for him to start. James took a sip of his firewhisky, letting the warming sensation it brought wash over him.
“So, have you given any more thought to what we talked about?” Bill asked without preamble.
“I’ve not thought about much else for the past week" James told him honestly, with a small huff of a laugh. “I still don’t really know what my next move should be though. or if I should even make a move.”
“Well your options are wide open” Bill told him. “That simplifies things.”
“Does it?” James asked surprised. “I thought it complicated things. Got no reason to leave now, have I?”
“Aside from you telling me last week that you were done with Gringotts, you mean?” Bill replied sceptically.
“Yeah, that IS what I mean” James replied seriously, putting aside his amusement at Bill’s ‘don’t bullshit me’ expression. “If I’d been pushed into a desk job, well that’d be a no brainer, wouldn’t it? I’d be out of there. But they’re saying I can go back to exactly where I was. So it comes down now to whether I can do that that or not. Just go back to it, like nothing’s happened.”
“You seemed pretty certain last week that you couldn’t” Bill pointed out.
“I was” James admitted. “And there’s still part of me that doesn’t think I can. But to throw away three years over just one bad day…” James shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong. It was a bad day. I don’t think things will ever be the same now, after that day. But… maybe I can live with it?” James hadn’t meant for that last phrase to be a question, but it had come out as one. He felt himself frown, lost in his own confusion over it all.
“I don’t know if you’re expecting me to weigh in on that” Bill said calmly, cutting through James’s swirling thoughts and reminding him where he was. “Because only you can answer that. I will say this – if you’re anything like your dad then it’s going to be hard for you, making yourself live with it, if you really do hate the way the department is run that much.”
“Dad’s never said anything about hating his department” James replied confusedly, momentarily distracted by this.
“I wasn’t talking about work. Back in the war Harry had to live with some pretty brutal treatment. But anyway, it doesn’t matter” Bill said, waving a hand dismissively. “My point is, you keep talking about whether you CAN live with it or not. Have you stopped to ask yourself that even if you can, do you WANT to?”
There was a moment of silence while James digested this. He had of course, asked himself that. But he wasn’t sure that he could make this decision based purely on what he wanted. It was naive to think that you could always just have everything you wanted. There were practicalities to consider.
“Aren’t you the one who told me not to take packing in my job with the ministry lightly?” James asked him, with a raised eyebrow.
“I stand by that” Bill replied sagely. “But I think we’re past the point now where I’d consider this you doing it lightly. You did well at the hearing, which if nothing else means you’ll get a halfway decent reference from them now. And believe me, that goes a long way.”
“So you don’t think I should stay?” James asked him, surprised by this realisation.
“If I was your age?” Bill put out there. “No kids? I wouldn’t.”
James paused again, letting that sink in. He couldn’t deny that he felt distinctly happy at the idea of leaving the ministry, of going somewhere else. But it wasn’t exactly like there was nothing stopping him from up and leaving.
“Teddy said he doesn’t want to leave” James told Bill quietly. “That’s part of the problem.” That was the main part of the problem, if he was being honest about it.
“Well, that could be a bit of a road block” Bill conceded. “But you’ve barely got your head around this yourself yet. I imagine he’s not had much time to think it over.”
“I did sort of spring it on him” James admitted. He’d been afraid to bring it up again since. Teddy had been so sure in his response that he didn’t want to move away, he hadn’t even stopped to consider it. But then, James hadn’t really pushed him to, had he? James hadn’t even really known how serious he was about it himself, when he had asked him. They hadn’t really talked about it at all, not properly.
“So what do you think then?” Bill asked him. “Do you need to take some more time?”
“I think…” James said slowly, making up his mind as he said the words. “If I had something specific in mind, then it would be a different conversation between me and Teddy. I think… I want to apply for some jobs. I can apply right? Doesn’t mean I have to take it?”
Bill gave him a nod for that, and James felt a grin break out across his face. Yeah, he could apply for some jobs. And then he would have something tangible to talk to Teddy about, which would surely make him more receptive to the idea. And then he could really think about where he wanted to go. Asia, South America, Australia, Eastern Europe… the possibilities were virtually endless.
“Where do I start?” James asked Bill, feeling somewhat overwhelmed all of a sudden.
“I’ve got some contacts” Bill replied vaguely. “I’ll put some feelers out for you. In the meantime you’ll want to take a look in International Treasures, the journal. They have job postings in the back.”
“Yeah, I’ve been reading the last issue” James told him. That was one of the ones he’d picked up in Diagon Alley.
“Being mono-lingual might limit your options a little bit” Bill shrugged. “But there’s plenty of English-speaking operations out there.”
“I can learn another language” James said thoughtfully, but Bill laughed.
“Not on the job you can’t” Bill told him. “What are you going to do, try and mime things to your colleagues while fighting off inferi because you’ve forgotten the word for fire?” James said nothing to that, sipping his drink in a dignified manner. It was a fair point.
“And you’d be taking a step down in terms of responsibility, you understand that right?” Bill said, much more serious about this point. “Going in as a newbie, they’re not going to let you loose until you get the hang of things. It’ll be a bit like being a trainee again.”
“Yeah but being a trainee literally anywhere else still sounds like more responsibility than being a junior agent at Gringotts” James countered. Bill merely shrugged at this.
“Where are your contacts?” James asked him with interest.
“Oh, all over the place” Bill said airily. “A lot in Egypt, obviously, but you’ll be hard pressed to work for the local teams there if you don’t know Arabic. Got a few ex-colleagues dotted about in Africa. Some in Europe, on the continent. Some in the Pacific.” James must have looked taken aback by this, as Bill looked at him and laughed. “People who aren’t really tied down tend to scatter” he explained.
“Do you know all of them from Egypt?” James asked, bewildered.
“Some” Bill replied casually. “Some from Gringotts.”
“Do a lot of people leave?” James asked, surprised. He didn’t think the staff turnover was that high.
“I wouldn’t call it a lot, but it’s certainly not uncommon” Bill told him. “If you do decide to stay you’ll probably see it in a year or two – some of the people who came in at the same time as you will start moving around.”
“I had no idea” James said, dazed.
“It’s not just in our department that happens” Bill said, looking surprised at James’s reaction. “It’s pretty normal for people in general to shop around after five years or so. Hell, this isn’t your first job right?”
“It’s my first proper job” James countered. “And before all this I wasn’t planning to leave after five years.”
“It’s not a rule or anything” Bill laughed. “It’s just what happens. And not to everyone, clearly. Me and your dad, I think we’re prime examples of staying put.”
“Do you ever regret that?” James asked. Bill shook his head easily.
“I got plenty of good opportunities where I was” he replied. “If I hadn’t gone to Egypt that might be a different story, but I’m happy enough with where I landed.”
“I think Dad’s happy with where he landed too” James offered. “I don’t think he ever wanted to be anywhere else.” He felt a pang of something like disappointment as he realised that those words were also true of Teddy. He really was like James’s dad in a lot of ways. God, James wished that Nick had never said that, because: a) gross; and b) he knew instinctually that Teddy was a ‘staying put’ kind of person.
“But you’re clearly not happy where you are” Bill told him, perhaps mis-interpreting the look on his face. “So don’t be comparing yourself to me. Things were different for me, for a lot of reasons.”
“I know” James replied quietly, allowing himself a moment or two of silent brooding, before pulling himself together and looking back up from his glass he’d been staring into and back at his uncle.
“Thanks” he said earnestly. “For… everything.”
“No worries” Bill replied, with a wry smile. “If I’m being totally honest, I think I like the idea of living vicariously through you. See you go off and travel the world, like I never did. Not that I’m pressuring you to do that” he added that last bit hastily and James laughed.
“No, I get it” James grinned. “The whole, kid in the family following in your footsteps thing. Mum sort of had that with me as well, for a while.”
“Yeah, I guess she did” Bill mused, as though this had never occurred to him before. “Weasley to the core, you are” he added to James, who grinned in response.
“Yeah, reckon Dad would back you up on that” he told him. “He says I’m like Uncle George.”
“Yeah, you are” Bill said in the same thoughtful tone, now tilting his head and looking at James curiously. “There’s a lot of Fred in you, too.” He had that wistful glint in his eye that was somehow both happy and sad, that everyone always got when they talked about Uncle Fred, who had died before James was born. James never knew what to say when he was brought up, having never met the man. But from what he knew, Fred had been a lot like George, who himself was indeed a lot like James.
“McGonagall used to say I’m like my grandad as well” James shrugged, hoping to brush past the slightly awkward moment they were having. “The original James Potter.”
“So I believe” Bill agreed. “Not much like your middle name-sake though. Not the Sirius I knew anyway. Albus might be him incarnate, though.”
“Moody, was he?” James asked, with a smirk.
“He had good reason to be” Bill replied vaguely, which tracked pretty well with the way everyone else James had ever heard talk about the mysterious Sirius Black. From the bits and pieces of information that James had managed to gather over the years, Sirius’s life sounded as though it had been pretty tragic, and he supposed that was why no-one really liked to talk about him much. He also knew that Sirius had meant a great deal to his dad, and it was a subject that Harry seemed to find particularly painful. Although that was nothing compared to the enigma that was the man who Albus had gotten his middle name from. None of the adults in their family ever seemed to want to say a word about Severus Snape.
“But anyway” Bill said, shaking his head. “We’re getting off track. Do you know what your notice period is?”
“Oh, erm” it took James a second to drag his mind back to the matter at hand, his lack of sleep last night mixing with the firewhisky he’d drunk making him feel a bit sluggish. “I have no idea” he said plainly.
“You probably want to find out” Bill advised him. “It’ll be in your contract.”
“Right” James replied vaguely, wondering where on earth his copy of it might be. Probably at his parents place somewhere.
“I’ve got four weeks unpaid leave before I’m due to restart at the ministry” James told Bill, unsure if he’d mentioned that before. “Would that count as part of my notice, if I resigned now?”
“Let’s actually get you a job first before we start getting into details like that” Bill advised him. James nodded in agreement.
“I haven’t said anything to your dad about all this” Bill offered, taking James by surprise. “I assumed you wouldn’t want me to, until you’d had chance to think it over. But if I’m going to be asking around for you I can’t exactly lie to him about that. Not that it’s likely to come up, but..” Bill shrugged. “You should probably mention it to him, is what I’m saying” he added.
James sighed at that. He didn’t really want to have that conversation with his dad before he had chance to talk it over properly with Teddy.
“Can we see what my options are first?” James asked. “I don’t want to get everyone all panicked for no reason.”
“Fair enough” Bill replied calmly. “Can’t say I can imagine my sister taking too kindly to me sending you to another country. We’d best be ready for that one.”
“Glad you agree” James grinned.
-
James had eventually made it home, after a longer than expected heart to heart with Bill and a final quick stop by the curse breaker office to thank Anne for everything she had done in helping him through his hearing. She had said quite sincerely that she was looking forward to having him back in the office, which James had found it hard to respond to, since he knew in his heart that he already had one foot out of the door.
When he did make it back home from the ministry he was quite exhausted, and decided to forgo lunch entirely and go straight for a nap. He had set an alarm for an hour’s time, not wanting to completely fuck up his sleep cycle, and had no memory of turning it off and going back to sleep, but that must have been what happened, because he woke up many hours later to the sound of Teddy apparating back into the flat.
“I know, I know, you’re going to say I’m skiving again” Teddy’s voice carried through from the living space into the bedroom. “But I’ve done my hours, I was there by half seven this morning, and it’s quite frankly ridiculous that I do so much overtime that it’s started to become expected of me now, and I for one think it’s about time one of us says enough is enough.”
James could hear the smirk on his face. Truthfully, it was James who was always on at Teddy about how much unpaid overtime he always ended up working, and they both knew it was because of how dedicated Teddy was to his work, rather than any expectation from his bosses that kept him there. James would give Teddy shit for skiving off, in the playful way that they both gave each other shit at any available opportunity, but James would also be genuinely pleased any time Teddy did come home from the office at a reasonable hour, and wouldn’t complain one bit about having the extra time with him.
“So I don’t want to hear it, alright?” Teddy said, appearing at the bedroom door, as James was sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing his eyes. Teddy was indeed smirking when James looked up at him, like he found himself hilarious. “I finished what I was doing and I was like, you know what, no, I’m not starting a new task at four o’clock” Teddy went on. “Not on the day my boyfriend took on the man and won. I’m going to go home and kiss his face.” And Teddy did exactly that, crossing the room and assaulting James with a series of peck-like kisses all over his face. James fought him off laughing.
“You been sleeping all afternoon?” Teddy asked calmly as he pulled back, allowing James to get up.
“Mmm” James hummed by way of response, wrapping a loose arm around Teddy’s waist and pulling him in for an embrace. “Didn’t mean to” he said, his voice coming out husky.
“I’m not surprised, you looked knackered before” Teddy said warmly. “It’s been a big day, right?”
“That it has” James agreed, releasing Teddy and shuffling towards the bathroom. When he returned from emptying his bladder, it was to find Teddy making tea for the both of them again, which gave him a wild flashback to this morning. Christ, that felt like ages ago now.
“Making me tea twice in one day?” James said, raising an eyebrow. “What did I do to deserve this?”
“For that, you can make your own” Teddy shot back, throwing a teabag at him. Fortunately, even in his sleep addled state James’s reflexes were lightning fast and he caught in it one hand in front of his face.
“Fucking quidditch players” Teddy muttered irritably, and James laughed, moving forward to place the bag in one of the cups in front of Teddy, standing close to him and pressing against him as he did so, having another flashback to this morning.
“What do you reckon” he growled in Teddy’s ear. “Have you got time, now?”
“Is there something about me making you tea that gets you hot?” Teddy asked, with a surprised laugh. James noted that that wasn’t a no.
“You know, I think there is” James replied thoughtfully. “Couldn’t explain it if I tried.”
Teddy turned his head to shoot an amused look at James, who was still pressed up against his side, now grinning mischievously.
“You’re very strange” Teddy told him quietly, before leaning in for a kiss.
“And you love me for it” James muttered back, as Teddy pulled back just far enough to turn his body towards James and press him back against the counter. Teddy seemed to see no need to respond to this, going back in for a deeper kiss, both of their breath now quickening. As they kissed passionately, James was vaguely aware that the kettle finished boiling, but he was no longer remotely interested in tea, and apparently neither was Teddy, who started tugging on the bottom of James’s t-shirt, pulling it up so he could run one hand over James’s stomach while pulling it further still with the other. James took the hint and broke the kiss just long enough to pull it off over his head.
“Fucking hell” Teddy muttered in awe, before shaking his head and laughing a little to himself before going back in for another kiss.
“What?” James grinned in between kisses. Teddy was now running one hand all over James’s chest, the other one up his back.
“Just… you think I’d be used to it by now” Teddy replied distractedly, now planting open mouthed kisses on James’s neck, which he had to admit, was making it quite hard to concentrate on conversation.
“Used to what?” James asked breathily, running his hands up the back of Teddy’s t-shirt, wanting to feel his skin too.
“Fucking He-man over here” Teddy muttered, and James came back down to earth, laughing. He would admit that he was considerably more built than Teddy was, but Teddy wasn’t exactly a string bean himself. James did work out somewhat, he had to stay in shape for his job, but he’d always been broad. If it wasn’t apparent from his uncle Charlie’s build that James had mostly inherited genes from his mother’s side of the family, he might begin to wonder if he was adopted.
“You know I love it when you fan girl over me” James grinned, pulling Teddy’s shirt off over his head, pulling him closer afterwards to feel their bare chests pressed together while Teddy kissed his neck some more. Teddy had a few small, simple tattoos scattered across his chest and arms, but there was one on his upper left bicep that was more filled in than the others – a cluster of poppies with rough sketch-like outlines, and vivid red bursting out of the lines mixing with the splashes of black and grey which looked like bleeding watercolour on a canvas. Luke had teased him mercilessly about getting a floral tattoo when he first had, but James actually thought it looked pretty masculine. And there was something about it that was inexplicably purely Teddy Lupin, he wore it like it belonged there. James loved it. He ran his hand over it, marvelling as he often did about how the skin there felt no different to anywhere else on his body, despite the veritable artwork underneath his fingertips.
“I see you there, fangirling yourself” Teddy growled, eyeing James who realised he’d been caught in the act. “What is it with you and this tat?”
“It’s beautiful” James told him truthfully. “And it’s just… you.” With that they dissolved into kisses again, not breaking apart until Teddy pulled back, panting heavily, tugging urgently on James’s wrist and leading the way to the bedroom.
-
“So, Harry said you went to see Bill after you left our office?” Teddy enquired casually. He was stirring a pan of pasta sauce on top of the cooker, while James hovered in the kitchen watching him cook. Teddy took on most of the cooking responsibilities in their home, since James’s approach in the kitchen was generally one of ‘fuck it, that’ll do’ – an attitude which often did not please Teddy, who considered James’s slapdash concoctions an insult to the raw ingredients that he used to make them. James picked up his share of the household chores in other ways, taking the bulk of the cleaning duties. Indeed, he had been washing up bits and pieces as Teddy had finished with the food prep, but now all the dishes were clean and James was at a loose end while he waited for dinner. He was half thinking about opening a bottle of wine, but he really had been drinking a lot this past week. Maybe he ought to give it a break.
“Um, yeah. He summoned me” James said, wondering how vague he should be about it, given that he wasn’t planning to tell Teddy yet what he and Bill had talked about. But he didn’t really want to lie to him about it either. “Wanted to know how the hearing went” James added, hoping that was enough to deter any further questions.
“What’d he say?” Teddy asked, and James frowned slightly. Apparently he wasn’t getting off that easy.
“Just checking in” James replied. That wasn’t a lie, really. “Wanted to know if I’d calmed down since it all happened.”
Teddy turned around to him at that, leaving the wooden spoon in the pan and looking James over thoughtfully.
“Have you?” Teddy asked him seriously. James hesitated before he answered.
“Do I not seem like I have?” he said evasively. He had calmed down, he supposed, but he was by no means over it.
“I can’t really tell” Teddy replied plainly. “You haven’t really talked to me about it.”
“I…” James hesitated. He knew he couldn’t lie to Teddy if he was really going to press him on it, but now didn’t seem like the best time to have this conversation. It was all so fresh. “I was still processing it myself” James told him. “Didn’t want to get into it properly until I was sure.”
“Sure about what?” Teddy asked him, looking confused. James sighed. There really was no getting out of this.
“About whether I want to start applying for other jobs” James finally told him, and Teddy looked very taken aback. “Which I am” James added. If they were doing this then they might as well do it properly. “That’s what Bill wanted to talk to me about.”
“You’re applying for other jobs?” Teddy asked incredulously.
“In other countries” James told him seriously. Teddy’s expression darkened.
“And you didn’t think that warranted a conversation with me, first?” he asked, anger starting to creep into his voice. James had known this was coming.
“I wanted to see what my options were before I talked to you about it” James told him. “Rather than just speculating.”
“If you’re applying for jobs, James, I think that goes beyond the realm of speculating" Teddy argued.
“I haven’t even done anything yet!” James replied defensively. “Bill said he was going to ‘put some feelers out’, whatever that means.”
“So this is why you’ve been doing all this research" Teddy said, sounding unimpressed and gesturing to the curse breaker journals on the coffee table. “I thought you were planning for failure, but it didn’t even matter how today went, did it?”
James had nothing to say to counter that, which seemed to make Teddy even angrier.
“And of course, THAT’S why you didn’t seem relieved or pleased afterwards, when they told you that you could keep your job. I thought you were just tired and overwhelmed” Teddy let out a humourless laugh, apparently at himself. “I’m clearly not a good fucking detective, am I?”
“Teddy” James frowned, trying his best to keep his tone reasonable, even though he was feeling pretty damn defensive by this point. “This is a bit of an overreaction, don’t you think? Nothing has happened yet, I might still keep my job at the ministry.”
“I’m overreacting?!” Teddy demanded. “If I just dropped on you one day out of the blue that I was planning to run off to another country, you don’t think you’d REACT to that?”
“Fucking hell, Teddy" James replied through gritted teeth, frustrated. “I’m not planning on running off. I’m not planning ANYTHING yet. I said we’d talk about it when I know more.”
“But you don’t want to talk about it now?” Teddy said angrily, and James knew that was a rhetorical question even before Teddy went on. “You don’t want to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours, what’s behind this sudden desire to jump ship. Which can only mean you know I won’t like it.”
That was reaching, in James’s opinion, and he could no longer hold his own anger at Teddy back. What the hell gave him the right to tell James what he could and couldn’t do?
“I TRIED to talk to you about it, but you shot me down so fast I didn’t think there was even any point in bringing it up again" James shot back at him. “You wouldn’t even consider it, when I was talking about it as a hypothetical, so I thought the only way to get you to actually TALK to me about it was to have something concrete.”
“I might consider it if you give me a fucking REASON why you want to leave! Which you still haven’t, by the way" Teddy replied angrily.
“Did you NOT hear what happened on that mission?!” James asked him incredulously. “You really want me to go back to that?!”
“It was a BAD DAY" Teddy replied loudly, punctuating each word for emphasis. “We all have them, James. You don’t get to just blow up your whole life, we’re not teenagers any more. You have to pick yourself up.”
A loud silence followed, in which James tried his level best not to lose his head. He didn’t have an awful lot of pressure points, but Teddy accusing him of being immature was one of them. He may be younger than Teddy, but he was a hell of a lot more mature in some ways.
“Fuck you Teddy" James growled at him, failing in keeping his temper but managing to succeed in not yelling. “You have no fucking idea what I’ve been through this past week. For your information part of the reason I couldn’t talk to you about it is because I was so confused myself. Because yeah, it was just a bad day, and that’s the thing I kept coming back to. That I’ve been doing this job and loving it for three years, and it all fell apart so fucking quickly. And now I feel like an idiot for not seeing all this stuff before, how fucked up the whole department is. And I’ve been asking myself, really asking myself if maybe I can just live with it. But you know what? I’m fucking DONE with that. When I played quidditch that’s all it was, just going along with it and letting everyone else shit on me just so I could stay where I was, in a job that I ended up fucking hating because the bad outweighed the good by about a thousand times. And when I quit, I told myself I was never fucking going back to it. I’m not going to live like that again.”
James was breathing heavily by the end of his rant, and Teddy just stared at him for a few beats looking like he didn’t know what to say. Truthfully, James had taken himself by surprise with all that, it felt like it had come out of nowhere. But as the words had come out of his mouth, he knew that they were true. And he knew that he meant every single one of them.
“James" Teddy said imploringly. “I know you’ve been through it, I do. But this isn’t quidditch, this is so much more important than that. I need you to get it together.”
“Fuck you!” James burst out again. That was another sore spot for him, apparently Teddy was hitting all of them tonight. Maybe when he was in the minor leagues James had just been pissing around, doing nothing much with his life, but when he was in the majors his career had really been going somewhere. For a while at least. Something Teddy was always quick to dismiss.
“We’re talking about the Ministry of Magic" Teddy said firmly, apparently disregarding James’s insult. “If you stick a middle finger up at them now, do you KNOW how many doors that closes for you?”
“Funnily enough, I wasn’t planning to walk out giving the finger to everyone" James snapped back, irritably. “Despite what you apparently think of me, I’m not five years old.”
Teddy let out a snarl of anger at that. Or maybe it was frustration, if he was feeling half as vexed as James was right now.
“I can’t talk to you when you’re like this" Teddy muttered, which James found extremely galling, given that he felt Teddy was being the unreasonable one right now.
“Well you don’t have to" James shot back at him. “I’m going to Luke’s.”
And with that he turned around and headed back into the bedroom to pick up his wand, silently fuming and ignoring Teddy completely as he walked back past him towards the door to slip some shoes on.
“What about dinner?” Teddy asked indignantly as he did so. James had to hold back a laugh, at the idea that he and Teddy would still be sitting down to a nice dinner together after all that.
“I’m not hungry" James replied without even looking at him, before turning on the spot and disapparating.