It doesn’t…quite go how either of them expected it.
At least, how Mafuyu expected it.
Instead, it happens on one of those rare nights that Mafuyu can’t sleep, can’t study, can’t do anything, tossing and turning in her sheets though she knows she has classes in the morning, and one of those nights that Kanade works herself to maniacal tears, ripping apart beautifully arranged notes spread upon sheets of paper like they’re the worst things she’s ever looked at.
“...This…this isn’t good enough! It’s not enough to help anyone!”
Kanade’s desperation seeps through the walls, through the house and its empty hallways. The noise of the shredder choking on all the paper she seems to be shoving down by the second echoes into Mafuyu’s room.
Mafuyu has long since grown used to her late-night breakdowns, yet still, every time she hears her she can’t help but feel something.
Kanade does that to her, she’s found.
Mafuyu doesn’t know how or why when she’s so certain of everything else in her life, but for some reason, Kanade’s feelings trigger something in Mafuyu’s…brain, or heart, or core, or anything, and she gets hit with relentless wave after wave of what she’s been missing out on for so long.
I should…go help her.
…Well, it’s not like I can sleep, so I might as well.
Stretching out of bed, Mafuyu turns on the light in the room, briefly looking around while she gets up.
Mafuyu still has no idea what she likes. That’s one of the things that she’s trying to work on, but keeps hitting a dead end over. It’s frustrating. It’s okay, though.
She doesn’t know what she likes, if she likes anything at all. The closest she’s gotten so far is picking up interesting items at the store and placing them on the empty shelves of Kanade’s guestroom.
One time, last year, when Mizuki had dragged Ena with her to come visit them, they had insisted on bringing Mafuyu to some decoration shops that Mizuki frequented, so now the room was filled with little trinkets and pastel things.
Mafuyu finds some of these items, like the pink paperweight bow on top of the desk, somewhat childish, but she also finds that she’s in no hurry to get rid of them, either. She’s not quite sure what the feeling is, but it feels nice, and Mafuyu doesn’t feel like that, doesn’t feel, too often, so she’s content with letting it be.
She picks up the ribbon on the bed stand, tying her hair into some sort of messy, unfocused low ponytail that feels much less restricting than the higher, more organised style she used to wear.
Walking out of the room, she hears Kanade agonising louder, and she goes a bit faster.
Come to think of it, Mizuki showed us their engagement rings.
Does Kanade wear jewelry? Probably not.
She’d look good in it.
Somehow, against Mafuyu’s wishes, the image of a softly smiling Kanade with a ring on her hand pops into her mind.
It’s nothing fancy. Just a sleek, silvery band that doesn’t get in the way of her work.
…Maybe, someday.
She walks into Kanade’s room.
If she could have knocked, she would have, but the door’s wide open, and Kanade’s ripping up pieces of paper at lightspeed.
For some reason, even like this, Kanade looks so beautiful, like always.
Mafuyu knows she’s falling apart right now, on the inside.
Watching her like this, Mafuyu thinks back to the time, those years ago, when she’d tried to kick all of them out of the SEKAI, when she’d screamed at them about selfishly trying to save her.
I wonder if she’ll forgive me for being selfish, myself.
Mafuyu walks over next to Kanade, gently sitting down, not bothering to smooth out the wrinkles in her pants.
“Hey.”
At the sound of Mafuyu’s voice, she seems to snap out of her trance, which is good.
“....Mafuyu, you should go…back to bed.”
“No.”
“H-huh?”
“Come on. You need to take a break, Kanade. I won’t let you run yourself into an early grave.”
“B-but I’m not done, and I have to finish, and…there are people that I can save if I finish it, so, for their sake…”
“Mhm. Yes, that’s true.”
“S-so-!”
Mafuyu puts her hand up to cut her off.
She would let her finish, but she wouldn’t be listening to Kanade, would drown her out, and that’s not healthy, plus, she wants to hear everything she has to say.
Kanade, in all her tired, overworked, exhausted glory, is visibly confused, but she doesn’t say anything else.
They don’t yell at each other the way Ena and Mizuki used to, still do. It’s no use, after all. It doesn’t make anything better, and they have all the time in the world, so they might as well listen, right?
“Kanade, if you keep trying to save other people without thinking once for yourself, you’ll lose you.”
“I don’t care, it doesn’t matter if that happens! As long as other people can be saved, what does it matter if I die?!”
The phrase, ‘I want to disappear,’ has, indeed, crossed Mafuyu’s mind multiple times in the last few years. She knows it’s in Kanade’s head, too.
Mafuyu instinctively frowns a bit when Kanade says that.
There’s a burning feeling in her chest, and she thinks it might spill over.
…This. What is this? I…don’t…I don’t like that.
Why does she talk about herself like she’s worthless?
She’s perfect. Beautiful. Works hard. Passionate. Soft. Strong. Kind. Everything.
She’s not worthless at all.
She’s everything.
No, more than that.
…Wait, what?
Ah.
I guess I do like something, after all.
The words bubble out of her throat.
“It doesn't matter at all! Any other ordinary person’s life is worth ten times as much as mine!”
Mafuyu grabs Kanade's hand and looks at her.
“It matters, Kanade. It matters to me.”
“Why? I’m worthless, you know?!”
No, Kanade.
No, you’re not.
Apparently, Mafuyu must have said it out loud, because Kanade’s eyes meet hers despite the height difference and within seconds, tears start pouring out of crystal-blue and Mafuyu leans down to wipe them away.
Even then, though, as she tucks a strand of white hair behind the girl’s ear, Kanade never looks away from her, not once.
“Why…why, why do you have to say it so simply, like it’s true?”
Without missing a beat, Mafuyu cups Kanade’s small face in her hands and looks at her harder.
She’s still beautiful.
“Because I know it is.”
“How do I know you’re…you’re not lying to both of us?”
“It’s you, Kanade. I can lie about everything but you. It got under my skin a bit at first, you know.”
Through the tears that have finally, thankfully, slowed down, Kanade manages a soft laugh.
I love that sound.
“Yeah, you were pretty confused, I think, weren’t you?”
The soft, pinkish light coming from Kanade’s app screens casts upon her hair so perfectly.
I remember that. Mizuki modded the background colour from black to baby-pink and never told her how to change it back.
Huh. It’s not pleasant to stare at such a bright colour for so long, is it?
Hm. She’s much cleverer than she lets on, that girl.
Even so, with soft words and gentle distractions, Kanade’s just going to go back to what she was doing before.
As another petulant drop of water rolls down the side of Kanade’s cheek, Mafuyu..gets an idea.
I…
I want to kiss her.
…But, should I? Is it a good idea?
I’m not…sure.
“A-ah. Mafuyu, your shirt.”
“...Oh.”
The front of Mafuyu’s sleeping shirt is basically drenched in salty droplets, more still coming off of Kanade’s face and dripping down her neck onto Mafuyu.
“..Right, I should get a tissue.”
The second Mafuyu turns away, Kanade’s mind goes through five different thoughts before making up her mind, hastily.
Usually, Kanade’s more thorough, but in her haze, she decides that this is fine.
When Mafuyu turns back with the unstained napkin in hand, Kanade’s small palms grasp onto her collar and pull her down into her lips.
Mafuyu’s shocked enough by this that she drops the tissue to the ground, her knees gently sinking to the floor as she brings Kanade with her, their mouths still latched onto each other.
All of a sudden, Mafuyu gets a little self-conscious of the way she’s been biting at her bottom lip recently, though it’s all swept away in seconds.
Kanade’s smaller, so it’s easier for her to get on top of Mafuyu that way, and so she does, moving her hands from Mafuyu’s collar to her face, kissing her harder.
For once, Mafuyu’s mind shuts down, and she lets her instincts take over, leaning into the smaller girl.
Her arms drape over Kanade’s waist, fingers tracing circles and stars into her back, bringing her closer, tighter, against her own body.
One kiss turns into two. Two turns to ten, twenty-seven, and so many more Mafuyu can’t even begin to wonder what they must look like.
Kanade’s tears are dry now, and that’s what Mafuyu came for.
So, she rolls onto her side, still clutching onto Kanade like a lifeline, and just like that, within fifteen minutes, the younger girl falls asleep in her arms.
If Mafuyu were anywhere near as physically fit as Kanade’s housekeeper, then she’d have no problem picking her up and bringing her to Mafuyu’s room, but she’s not, and she’s tired, too.
Before drifting off herself, she shifts a bit in her position to peck Kanade on the head one more time, closing her eyes with something of a smile spreading across her face.
…
When Mafuyu wakes up, the first thing she sees is a head of white hair, and then the clock on the wall.
It’s…morning. Should I wake her up? She might be a little out of it, though.
She doesn’t end up having to make the decision, because when her hand strokes Kanade’s head a little firmer by accident, she wakes up by herself.
“Mm…morning…”
“Good morning.”
“Wha- Mafuyu?...”
“Mhm. Remember what we did last night?”
Kanade seems to think about it seriously for a few minutes while Mafuyu waits for her to catch up.
“....”
“....Well?”
“...Oh.”
“‘Oh’ sounds about right.”
As quick as Kanade had gotten up, a flush rises up high on her cheeks against the pale tones of her skin and hair.
Mafuyu kind of wants to smile at that.
“So, then, is this going to be a recurring thing?”
“W-what, now?!”
“You heard me.”
“I did, but…you…you caught me off guard.”
For a little bit, there's silence. It’s a little awkward, but mostly comfortable.
“Come on, let’s get something to eat.”
“A-ah. I have noodles in the cabinet, I think.”
“No.”
“No…?”
“No.”
“...Okay.”
“It’s really not good for you, Kanade. Plus, I think Mochizuki-san left something in the fridge.”
“Mmph.”
Mafuyu gets up, stretching her arms, and she offers Kanade a hand, who takes it and stands up beside her.
She’s three inches taller than Kanade, which sometimes seems a little bit much, but when she remembers the way Ootori was approximately an entire thirty-centimeter ruler shorter than her troupemate, Kamishiro, the last time she saw her, it puts her mind at ease.
Padding over to the fridge, Mafuyu’s eyes scan over its insides.
There’s apple pie.
Not the healthiest, but I guess it’ll do. I wonder how it tastes.
“It looks good.”
“Yeah. I’ll put it in the microwave.”
“Okay.”
Picking up the pie, Mafuyu walks over to the microwave, deciding on a minute before closing the door shut.
She can feel Kanade tugging on the hem of her shirt.
“Hm?”
Be “Lean down.”
“...Okay.”
Mafuyu gets down to Kanade’s height, and she’s met with another kiss.
“I don’t know about you, but I think..I think this should become something regular.”
“I-”
For once, Kanade’s the one cutting Mafuyu off.
“I…Mafuyu, you always tell me how good my work is or how I’m worth so much, but I never get the chance to tell you how much you mean to me.”
“And..how much is that?”
“More than I could ever tell you, I think.”
Mafuyu’s lip curves up slightly.
“I love you too, Kanade.”
Kanade hums softly at that, face a little pink.
Seeing that steals all the breath away from Mafuyu’s lungs, leaving her gasping for air inside.
Kanade’s so beautiful.
She’s about to say something when the microwave beeps, and she sighs, a bit exasperated, instead.
“Well, let’s eat.”
“Ah, okay, then. Here, come on.”
This time, Kanade stands on the tips of her feet to give her a quick kiss on the side of her cheek before taking the pie tin, striding off to the table.
Mafuyu raises a hand to her face, mouth in a little ‘o’.
(The pie was…sweet. It tasted like something.)