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Infatuation, that's what I think it all was, it happened so fast but that doesn't excuse that it should've never happened. But do I regret it? not one bit if I had the option, I would relive it all again.
We were from two totally different standards, I don't even know what I was thinking. She was almost a perfect girl on the outside,
Like the ones in those movies you know?
the type of girl that was unexplainably beautiful. The type of girl who would get an outstanding on every assignment that she did.
A girl that would that would do unexplainable things just to please her parents.
But as I said before, that's who she was on the outside but on the inside was a totally different story. All my life that I've known her, I kinda had a feeling in my gut that she wasn't who she presented herself as, that it was all an act. But no matter how different she was, I love her inside and out.
We were never ever going to be a good match.
I don't know what I was thinking. She had so much ahead of her, and I mean so much.
And her being with me meant that she could've lost all of her chances to be something in a blink of an eye. Which is why we can't be together.
She needed to go find someone that'll fit into her lifestyle, someone like Nott or maybe even Zabini. Someone that her parentsβWell, from what I heard on this lousy radio her father died so I guess it parents wasn't plural for
her anymore. So someone that her mother approves of.
Apart of me thinks that's the only reason why she took interest in me, to rebel against her family. To show them that she wasn't going to be their perfect girl forever. That same part of me thinks that maybe she did it as a joke to fuck me up in the head. God I hoped that part was wrong.
When she turned her back on me those months ago I could've sworn that I felt in pain. The worst pain that I've ever felt before, and I've had a part of my upper arm ripped away from me so that's a lot of pain. But it was more of a pain in my heart, like it shattered into a million pieces and then those parts shattered.
But my mind was telling me that I let her go for the best, my mind told me that this is what I needed to do to cause less pain to her. I'd been avoiding her the days before the wedding because I thought maybe if I stayed away from her it wouldn't be so hard. But it didn't matter how much I stayed away or how drunk I was I still felt all of the pain hit me.
I knew this was wrong, I always knew, and I knew that I shouldn't have let it get this far.
But I was just so happy, and the feeling that I got with her was a feeling that I could never feel with anymore else. And although all of this was a mistake, She was the best mistake that I ever could've made.
You know that saying that you never really know how much you love someone till there gone? Well, I've taken a little to much understanding to that saying because I'd do anything to go back to when I was with her.
I wonder if she feels the same way... probably not. She was already under the impression that I didn't care about her and I made it much worse, so much more worse. But I do care about her, so much, so much more that I've ever cared for someone.
And I know no matter how much I write about her in this stupid notebook theirs no going back. I know that I'll never get her back, probably never see her again. If don't even know what I'll do if I ever see her again, I'll probably get on knees and pathetically beg for her to take me back.
I've probably said this a million times already but I miss her. I miss the way her eyes would grow wide when you said something she didn't expect. I miss her slick remarks, her wit, her unexplainable mood swings. I just miss her.
I love her and I'd do anything to be entwined with her again.
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97/10/8
Ron Weasley.
THE END