BEST FRIENDS OR BOYFRIEND

The day passed like I was wading through fog—thick, heavy, and suffocating. Every time Shin walked into the room, I felt my chest tighten. His eyes barely met mine, his words short and clipped, and I couldn't figure out what I'd done wrong.

Does he figure out it? What if he knows? What if I ruined everything because of my feelings?

I leaned back, running a hand through my hair, frustration bubbling just beneath the surface. Shin had always been the center of my world, but lately, it felt like the gravity between us had shifted. Every time he laughed, my heart ached; every time he smiled, it felt like the world stopped spinning just for me to admire him.

I didn't even know when it started—this…... thing I felt for Shin. Maybe it was back in middle school when he sat next to me in school on the first day I saw him, snapping at me for borrowing his notes but still sliding them across the desk when he thought I wasn't looking. Or maybe it was during that summer when he twisted his ankle and still tried to act tough, even as I carried him home, his protests muffled by the way he clung to my shoulder.

Or maybe it starts from our silly pranks or maybe  it had always been there, this quiet, aching thing that grew every time he frowned at me like I was the most annoying person alive. Every time his eyes softened when he thought I wasn't paying attention. My Everything resolves around him.

I smiled bitterly, tracing circles on my phone screen , It's Shin And Mine Photo.... I'd been harboring these feelings for years—feelings I was too much of a coward to name, let alone confess.

Because what was the point? Shin didn't see me like that. Not the way I saw him. Right... ?

Days ago when he was mad at me for who knows why? He doesn't tell me at all even I asked. That  night was colder than it should've been . The cool breeze brushed against my face as I stood outside Shin's house at night, my body aching with the weight of unspoken words. I knew I should leave, but my feet wouldn't budge.

The argument from earlier echoed in my mind, every sharp word he'd thrown at me digging deeper into my chest. I was staring at my phone like it could somehow give me the answers I didn't have. The screen glowed faintly in the dark, Shin's latest message staring back at me with unspoken finality: "Not now."

Not now? When, then? Tomorrow? Next week? Never?

I groaned, running a hand through my hair, tugging at the roots like the sharp pain might ground me. But it didn't. Nothing could, not with the way my heart had been thrashing against my ribs ever since Shin shouted at me earlier.

I wasn't angry with him. I never could be. If anything, I was angry with myself—for making him mad, for always being the one to push too far, for wanting more from him than he could ever give.

It wasn't the yelling that got to me—I'd heard Shin snap plenty of times. He was all bark, a grumpy little porcupine who puffed up at the smallest things. No, what gutted me was the way he looked at me. Like I'd done something unforgivable. Like I'd crossed some invisible line I didn't even know was there.

I'd paced back and forth for hours, rehearsing what I'd say. But when the lights in his room flickered off, my chest tightened. He didn't want to see me for real. That much was clear.

Still, I couldn't bring myself to leave. Even if I wasn't inside with him, just being near him felt like enough.

I leaned back against the streetlight, letting my head fall against the cold metal. "You don't understand what it's like to feel like you're always second best,To feel invisible." Shin had said, his voice shaking. Those words had been on a loop in my head ever since.

Second best? How could he think that? How could he not see how much space he took up in my world? Because he is my world.

"I didn't know you felt this way" I'd told him earlier. And that wasn't a lie—I didn't know he was so hurt. But deep down, I wasn't surprised. Shin had always been better at bottling things up than talking about them.

And me? I'd always been better at running away from the things I didn't know how to deal with. Like these feelings.

But I couldn't run now, could I? Not when Shin was hurting. Not when I'd been the one to hurt him.

I laughed bitterly, shaking my head remembering what shin said . "You're the furthest thing from innocent," Shin had said earlier, and he wasn't wrong. I wasn't innocent—not when it came to him. Not when every word, every look, every smile he gave me made me want things I had no right to want.

The cold started to seep into my bones, but I didn't move. I couldn't bring myself to leave, not when the thought of Shin alone inside, hurting, was gnawing at me.

By the time the first light of dawn crept over the horizon, my body was numb from the cold, and my head throbbed. I finally forced myself to walk away, my legs trembling with exhaustion

"I care about you." I whispered to the empty street, my voice cracking. "More than you'll ever know."

But caring wasn't enough, was it? Not when I'd been too scared to show it. Not when I'd let Shin believe he was second best when he'd always been my first.

As I walked away from his house, the streetlights flickering above me, one thought echoed louder than the rest: "You've been second best to everyone else, Shin, but not to me. Never to me."

.

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That day I avoided him all morning. My head throbbed so badly I could barely stand, let alone walk straight. Maybe I thought I was made of steel, but it turns out even steel bends. I must've caught a cold. Still, I couldn't bring myself to let him notice—I didn't want to burden him. Not anymore.

When he finally glanced at me, my heart betrayed me, skipping a beat as if nothing had changed. But the frown that settled on his face was a bitter reminder of how far I'd fallen in his eyes. He used to be my everything. No, he is my everything.

I tried to focus in class, but it was as if I were underwater—everything around me felt muffled, distant. My chest burned with every passing moment, though I wasn't sure if it was from the sickness or the weight of his silence.

By lunchtime, I couldn't bring myself to sit with our group. I knew I'd crumble if I was near him, torn between staying quiet and risking saying something that would only push him further away.

Instead, I sat at the edge of the cafeteria, picking at my food, my appetite long gone.

I felt it before I saw it—his gaze. It burned into me, making my pulse quicken despite the fog in my head. I told myself not to look, but my willpower was no match for him.  When I raised my head, there he was.

When my eyes met his, it was only for a moment . And then Peeta stepped into my view, approaching him with her usual sweetness. She was kind, radiant, and good. Everything. But Shin is Perfect.... No one would ever beat the shine he brought to my world.

.

Actually Standing up for the younger kid was instinctive. It didn't matter that my legs felt like they could barely hold me up or that my breath was coming in short, ragged gasps. My body screamed for rest, but the thought of letting those bullies win made my blood boil.

They were bigger, louder, and meaner, but I didn't care. If I couldn't stand, I'd crawl before I let them hurt someone smaller than them—again.

But then I saw him.

Shin.

He strode toward us like a storm, his eyes blazing with a fury I hadn't seen in years. His steps were quick and sure, and as he pushed his way between me and the bullies, his presence felt like a shield I didn't know I needed.

"Touch him again, and you'll regret it," he said, his voice low, sharp, and dangerous.

Something about the way he said it sent shivers down my spine. My heart did that stupid, flippy thing it always did when Shin was around, even when I knew this was far from the right time to feel that way.

The bullies hesitated, but one of them sneered. "What are you gonna do about it, huh?"

Shin didn't hesitate.

He threw himself into the fight like a force of nature, his fists flying with reckless abandon. I wanted to stop him,  to fight more but I felt my energy running out quickly.... but the way he moved—the way he defended me without a second thought—left me frozen.

It was over in minutes. The bullies, beaten and bruised, scrambled away with curses under their breath, leaving Shin standing there, breathing hard.

And all I could think was how much it hurt to watch him take punches for me.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he snapped, his voice sharp, but I caught the tremble beneath it.

"I had it under control," I muttered weakly, knowing full well that was a lie. Shin could see right through me, always had.

His eyes narrowed, and before I could say anything else, he stepped forward, his hand gripping my arm like he thought I might collapse at any second.

"Like hell you did?" he repeated, his voice rising. "You can barely stand!"

The way his fingers tightened, steadying me, sent warmth flooding through my chest. My heart fluttered, unbidden, at the care hidden beneath his anger.

"Let's Go Saint," he said gruffly, practically dragging me forward.

I wanted to argue, to say I was fine, but the truth was, I didn't want to let go of him. Not now. Not ever.

So I let him lead me, his grip firm but careful, his touch grounding me in a way nothing else could.

I followed him in silence, my steps matching his, feeling the weight of the day slowly lift. Because even though my body ached and my pride stung, none of it mattered as long as Shin was by my side.

.

"Shin, I'm fine. Don't you know I'm made of steel?" I mumbled weakly as he practically shoved me onto the bed. My voice barely sounded convincing, even to myself.

"Shut up, idiot, and sit down," he snapped, his voice sharp, but his hands steady as he tucked the blanket around me.

Laying on his bed, I watched him rush around the room, his worry written all over his face. Every sharp word he threw my way was laced with something softer—something that made my chest ache.

I tried to sit up straighter, but my body felt like a lead. He disappeared into the bathroom, and for a moment, the room spun in a haze of fever and exhaustion. My chest felt heavy, and every breath was a struggle, but the warmth of his hands lingered on my skin.

When he came back, a damp cloth in hand, I tried to straighten up, to say something that would ease his worry, but the exhaustion was winning.

"Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" he demanded, kneeling in front of me and pressing the cool cloth to my forehead.

"Didn't think it was a big deal," I muttered, wincing when the cloth pressed against a tender spot.

"You're an idiot!" His hands shook slightly, betraying the frustration behind his words.

"You've said that already," I managed, the corner of my lips twitching into a faint smile despite how terrible I felt.

"And I'll keep saying it until you stop proving me right," he snapped, his focus entirely on me.

.

The room blurred again, my body slipping deeper into the fever's hold. My head lolled forward, and somewhere in the fog, I heard myself mumble his name.

"Shin..." The word slipped out like a prayer.

He was there instantly, his hand pressing against my forehead, brushing back my damp hair. "You're burning up, idiot," he muttered, his voice soft. "Just sleep, okay?"

But I couldn't. My hand reached out, clutching his with whatever strength I had left. His touch anchored me, even as my mind drifted in and out of coherence.

I wanted to tell him That I love him. That I always do. But the words caught in my throat, choked by the fear of losing him.

In my feverish haze, I reached for him, my fingers clinging to his hand like a lifeline.

"Shin…" I whispered, barely aware of what I was saying. "I didn't want to leave…"

I couldn't process much... I'm barely aware of what I'm saying....But then his voice came, soft and steady. "No, I'm not mad, Saint." Relief washed over me, and the faintest smile tugged at my lips. He wasn't mad. He wasn't leaving me.

"Please... don't go," I murmured, the weight of the fever dragging me down. "I don't want to sleep alone."

He sighed, and I could hear the exhaustion in his voice, but it was warm, comforting. "I'm not going anywhere," he said.

I felt the bed shift as he climbed in beside me, his presence chasing away the lingering cold. Without thinking, I moved closer, curling into his side, my head finding its place against his chest. His heartbeat thudded beneath my ear, steady and strong, grounding me in a way nothing else could.

I let my eyes close, his warmth lulling me into sleep. For the first time in days, I felt at peace. Because Shin was here. He stayed. And that was all I needed.

.

Today, I woke up to the warmth of someone against me, the kind of warmth that made it impossible to stay in the half-conscious haze of sleep. It took me a second to remember where I was—or rather, who I was with.

Shin.

His scent was the first thing I noticed, fresh but uniquely him, like sunlight and a hint of the cologne he always swore wasn't worth the price. My arm was draped across his chest, and I didn't want to move. The rise and fall of his breathing against me was hypnotic, grounding me in a way nothing else could.

For a moment, I let myself imagine that this was normal—that waking up like this, beside him, was something I could get used to. But reality always found a way to ruin those thoughts.

I shifted slightly, pretending to stir, just to catch a glimpse of him. His hair was messy, and his lips were parted slightly, the faintest hint of a snore slipping past. He looked peaceful, beautiful even. My heart clenched painfully at the sight.

What the hell was wrong with me? This was Shin—my best friend. The one person I couldn't afford to feel this way about. I can't lose him because of these feelings....

But then his eyes fluttered open, and I quickly closed my eyes. I couldn't stop the smirk that spread across my lips feeling his gaze on me.

"Am I that good-looking, Shin?" I teased, my voice low and still rough from sleep.

The way his face turned red, the way he immediately pushed me away—God, he was adorable when he was flustered.As always he snapped but his voice cracked just slightly at the end.

I chuckled, the sound deep and genuine. I loved getting under his skin like this, loved the way he reacted so viscerally to me. Maybe it was cruel to poke at him when my own heart was in chaos, but it was the only way I knew how to keep my feelings in check.

I didn't miss the way his ears turned red. His hand brushed against my forehead, gentle and purposeful, and my heart did a little flip. Still, I couldn't resist reaching out to hold him,  He frowned, muttering about how I was "still a little warm."

Warm? He didn't realize that it wasn't a fever—it was because of him. It was always for him.

When he asked am I okay? I couldn't help but smile, softer this time. My voice dropped, sincerity slipping through. "Thanks for taking care of me last night, Shin."

For a second, he froze, like he didn't know how to respond. It was adorable. Instead of saying anything, he reached for the damp cloth on the table, clearly trying to busy himself.

But I wasn't about to let him run away that easily.

Before he could stand, I grabbed his wrist, my grip firm but playful. "Where do you think you’re going, Shin?"
I asked, my grin widening as I tugged him closer.

His eyes widened in that way that made my chest ache, and his lips parted like he was about to argue, but I didn't give him the chance.

"You know," I said, my voice dropping just enough to make him squirm, "you're kind of cute when you're embarrassed."

"Let me go, you idiot!" he growled, pushing against me, but I held on tighter, loving how flustered he was.

"Why would I?" I teased, nuzzling closer to him like some oversized puppy seeking warmth. "You're so warm."

His face turned crimson, and I felt a flicker of triumph. The closeness made my heart race, but I wasn't about to admit that.

"Saint, I swear—"

Before he could finish, I darted my fingers to his sides, tickling him mercilessly.

"Saint! Stop!" he gasped, laughter spilling out despite himself. "You're not getting away that easily," I said, grinning as I pulled him back down onto the bed. That's when I made my move, flipping him onto the bed beneath me .

"Saint, stop! You're acting like a kid!" he protested, wriggling under my hold, but his laughter gave him away.

"What? You don't want to have a little fun?" I teased, doubling down on the tickles until his laughter filled the room.

"Cut it out!" he gasped between fits of laughter, swatting at my hands.

"Not until you admit you were staring!" I declared, triumphant.

"I wasn't staring! You're delusional!" he managed to choke out, his laughter making it impossible to take him seriously.

Finally, I stopped, letting him catch his breath. But I didn't move away. Instead, I stayed hovering over him, my gaze softening as I took in the sight of him flushed and breathless beneath me.

The air shifted, heavy with something I couldn't name but felt deep in my chest. His laughter faded, and his wide eyes locked onto mine.

My fingers moved on their own, brushing against his cheek. His skin was warm, and my touch lingered, my heart thudding painfully in my chest.

"Shin," I murmured, his name slipping from my lips like a secret.

I hadn't realized how close we were until now—his breath was warm against my cheek, his eyes wide and locked on mine. My heart pounded in my chest, loud enough that I was sure he could hear it.

My gaze dropped to his lips before I could stop myself. They looked soft, inviting. The thought of leaning in, of closing the gap between us, sent a jolt of fear and excitement through me.

"Shin" I murmured, the word slipping past my lips before I could think better of it.
He froze, his breath hitching. His eyes searched for mine, and for a moment....For a second, I thought—hoped—he might lean closer, close the tiny gap between us... I thought… maybe. Maybe he felt it too.

But then, as quickly as it started, the moment shattered. His hands shot up, shoving me off with surprising strength. He scrambled to the edge of the bed, his face bright red.

"Breakfast!" he blurted, his voice high and frantic. "I-I need to make breakfast!"

I blinked, startled, before a sly smirk spread across my face. We both knew he couldn't cook to save his life .

"Running away, huh?" I drawled, propping myself up on my elbows.

"Shut up!" he snapped, his face burning as he bolted out of the room. I sat there, stunned, as he bolted out of the room like the devil himself was chasing him.

I couldn't help it—I laughed, the sound following him down the hall. My chest felt lighter, the lingering warmth of his presence wrapping around me like a blanket.

Even if he wouldn't admit it, I knew he cared. And that was enough to make my heart race all over again....

I let out a long sigh, flopping back onto the bed. My heart was still racing, and my mind was a tangled mess of what-ifs and almosts.

*What if I'd leaned in? What if I'd kissed him? Would he have pushed me away, disgusted? Or would he have…*

I groaned, running a hand through my hair. This was dangerous—he was dangerous. Being around him like this, with my heart hanging by a thread, was going to destroy me.

But even now, with the ghost of his warmth lingering on my skin, I knew I wouldn't stop. I couldn't.

Because no matter how much it hurts, Shin is everything to me. And I was too far gone to ever let him go.

.

By evening, I was at our usual spot early, hoping to figure out what to say to him, how to make things right. The words I needed were just out of reach, my frustration mounting with every passing second.

Then Peeta appeared, her steps light but purposeful as she approached me.

"Saint," she started, her voice steady but carrying a weight that made my stomach drop. "I've been meaning to tell you this for a while."

I tilted my head, confused. She hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath. "I like you, Saint. I think we'd be good together. What do you think?"

The words hit me like a bucket of cold water, and for a moment, all I could do was stare at her. Peeta, who had always been kind and sweet, was looking at me with such hope, such vulnerability, that it physically hurt.

But the answer was already clear in my mind. It had always been clear.

"Peeta," I said gently, my voice soft but firm. "You're an amazing person, and any guy would be lucky to have you." I took a deep breath, steadying myself. "I'm sorry...But I can't be that guy."

Her face fell, and guilt twisted in my chest, but I pushed on. "You're someone I care about, and I don't want to hurt you. But my heart… it's not available. It hasn't been for a long time."

She blinked, her expression shifting from disappointment to realization. "It's Shin, isn't  it?"

I froze, my breath catching in my throat. Her words hung in the air, heavy and undeniable. I didn't need to answer. The look on my face must have been enough.

Peeta nodded slowly, a sad smile tugging at her lips. "I thought so," she said quietly. "I just... I had to try."

"Peeta," I started, but she shook her head, cutting me off.

"It's okay, Saint. I get it. I hope…" She paused, her voice cracking slightly. "I hope things work out for you, whoever you choose to be with. Shin is lucky."

With that, she turned and walked away, leaving me alone in the dimming light.

For a moment, I just stood there, the weight of her words settling on my shoulders. But then a new thought pushed its way to the surface—a thought that sent panic racing through my veins.

Shin.

Where was he? He was supposed to meet me here, but he hadn't shown up. My eyes scanned the area, my heart pounding as I imagined him overhearing the conversation with Peeta.

Had he misunderstood?

The thought made my chest tighten painfully. Panic surged through me, and before I knew it, my feet were moving—walking at first, then breaking into a desperate run. The world around me blurred, colors and shapes smearing together as my mind spiraled in frantic circles. A single raindrop kissed my cheek, followed by another, until the sky opened, cold rain soaking through my clothes.

When I finally spotted him, his back was to me, his shoulders hunched as he walked away, each step pulling him further from me.

"Shin!" I called out, my voice desperate.
He didn't stop...

"Shin, wait," I said, my voice shaking....

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To Be Continued.....