Year 4
There's this muggle saying, that life could be like a rollercoaster.
It could go up and down, and loop around a bit before coming down again. Sometimes it made you sick, sometimes it made you wanna go again.
Seamus' life was sort of like that. It went up when he came to school, still wearing the roaring rosette chanting the Irish Quidditchplayers names. He strode into the school with a proud smile. Feeling that tingle in his stomach that you also felt as you went up that first hill of a rollercoaster. All suspense and anticipation. The rosette however sounded exhausted by now. Every now and then he had to nudge it a bit to get it to keep going.
Dean questioned him quite often about it, especially since it deprived them both of sleep.
Seamus was also oblivious to how Dean sometimes tuned out his voice, but only when Seamus got into his second hour of speaking about the game. It was a good setup since neither seemed to mind the other’s lack of involvement at this point.
Seamus was happy that Dean had listened at least once or twice, so after a while he gladly transferred his enthusiasm onto other gryffindors instead. Mostly the younger ones who were just happy to get the attention, who laughed and encouraged Seamus still wearing the tired supporter ribbon.
But then one day...
"Dean, have you seen my ribbon?" a befuddled Seamus had torn out every article of clothing he owned, and had dived headfirst down his trunk.
Dean looked particularly guilty but kept staring down his comic book.
"I don't know, maybe it finally had enough and sprinted off" he pretended to stare at something on the pages that apparently was so small he had to bury his face in it to see it properly.
"You really think so?" Seamus looked confounded but shrugged and closed the lid of the trunk. A sleeve still sticking out, and clothes still spread all over the place.
He lay down on his bed only to sit up immediately again as something poked him in the back. He pulled a book out from underneath him, made a face and tossed it aside.
Part of him suspected his roommates involvement in the missing ribbon, the other part honestly didn’t care that much anymore.
"How'd you reckon the first day was?" Seamus asked instead, staring up into the ceiling while pulling absentmindedly at a shirt that was stuck under his weight.
"The usual, why?” Dean paused, then added, “You don't normally talk about school during free time Seamus? Are you sick? Are you even Seamus ?"
Seamus laughed and made a face, a mock mysterious and cheeky face.
"Maybe I'm his doppelganger" he said and wiggled his eyebrows before going serious.
"No but really… Did you notice all the extra work I got, on my first day! It's like the teachers have it out for me already!"
Dean raised an eyebrow, he didn’t seem to buy that any teacher felt any animosity towards Seamus Finnigan.
"No really Dean! The Bubotuber pus, nasty stuff by the way , and then the darn beasts Hagrid wanted me to nurture"
"The Blast-ended Skrewts?"
"Aye, nasty buggers, still have burns mate" Dean just laughed at him and claimed it was just bad luck.
"It'll get better, you just had an off start"
Seamus wasn't prepared to agree but he stayed positive. They ended up staying up too late and talked about the upcoming tri-wizard tournament… Well, Seamus explained and Dean had an input every now and then, considering he’d never heard of the tri-wizard tournament before. Frankly he seemed to think it sounded a bit too dangerous even for seventeen year olds. He completely understood why they weren’t allowed to join. Seamus disagreed.
“Think of the money Mr Cadbury!”
“Not worth your life Shakemus”
they discussed it until late in the night, or perhaps it was early morning?
The point being that they overslept and came late for potions class.
Four hours after classes had ended they made their way up the halls from the dungeons, after serving their detention.
Seamus was singing at the top of his lungs while Dean halfheartedly tried to shush him in-between laughter.
They were found by a prefect who shushed them both a lot more sincerely than Dean had, and pushed them in the direction of their dorm.
"Hey, Dean… let's investigate the castle!" Seamus whispered the moment the prefect was out of earshot.
Dean shook his head and tried to pull Seamus with him up the stairs, but Seamus's feet were locked onto the floor.
"If Harry, Ron and Hermione get away with it, why can't we have a look?"
Dean didn't really have a comeback for that. It wasn’t as if he was against the idea, if they could avoid getting caught.
They came to a compromise and ended up lurking around the top floors, close to the Gryffindor tower so that they would have an excuse in case they were in fact caught. They didn’t really find any secret passageways which they had hoped, so instead they goofed around imitating people in portraits. Laughed when said portraits shook their tiny fists at them and called them scoundrels. It was good fun.
Seamus had his own agenda though, because honestly he didn’t care if they didn’t come upon some Hogwarts secret. He just wanted to spend his time with Dean alone.
Dean was his best mate and he knew that he would never abandon him per se. But Dean had grown even more during the summer and was, if possible, even more broad-shouldered and handsome. And Dean might’ve been oblivious, but Seamus noticed how people looked at him.
It bothered him, he had no right to feel that way but it did. And if he could just steal a bit of time alone with his best friend he would take every opportunity.
Just a few more minutes where no girls glanced their way and tried to flirt their way into Dean's life. Dean was oblivious, but Seamus noticed and he couldn’t help but feel possessive.
So Seamus was very thankful for this moment just between the two of them. They sat against a wall and talked. They didn't climb trees or play around much anymore, feeling a misguided sense of great growth and maturity. They weren’t allowed to climb trees even if they had wanted to. Mostly they just talked about sports, and on occasion, life.
Mostly they just kept it lighthearted.
"Do you think someone will die?" Dean suddenly asked and looked concerned.
Seamus whiplashed up from where he had stared at his feet and looked at his friend quizzically.
"What?"
"In the tournament, you said people sometimes die…"
Seamus smiled assuredly and flung an arm over Dean's broad shoulders. Had Seamus mentioned his broad shoulders?
"Don't ya worry. No one has died in ages, they supervise these things you know. Do you think they'd allow them again if they didn't have it under absolute control?"
Dean seemed slightly at ease but was still deep in thoughts. Seamus rested his head against Dean’s shoulder and Dean rested his head against Seamus'.
The air smelled rich of Dean’s soap, in that way that Dean probably wasn't even aware that he smelled like. It was a scent that only those who had been near Dean had the privilege to know about, and Seamus felt very special that he was the only one at school who did.
They sat like that for a while, both deep in thought this time. Seamus had completely failed in dragging Dean out of it and had instead sunk with him. They sat staring blankly at the stone floor leading to the railing of the stairs, tracing every glitch and scratch before stopping at Mrs Norris' soft little paws.
Seamus wondered if Filch ever cut her claws or if it would hurt if she scratched you. And if so did Filch do leave them like that on purpose, in hopes she would scratch some students' eyes out.
Dean wondered if she'd be mad if you pet her. She wasn't the prettiest kitty but all animals had their charm and sometimes you just wanted to pick her up and nuzzle her little face.
It took them a moment and a soft mewling from Mrs Norris to realize the trouble she brought with her. Because if Mrs Norris was here, Filch was around the corner.
They sat up hastily, almost at the same time, but Seamus was a little faster which made him bump his head against Dean’s chin. They both gritted their teeth but had no time to stop and complain. They rushed past the cat and up the final stairs, and didn’t stop until they stood in front of the portrait of the fat lady. Dean cleared his throat and breathilly gave her the password.
Finally able to stop and register the pain, Seamus rubbed his head as he climbed after his friend.
Dean affectionately brushed Seamus’ hair away and smiled broadly.
"and I thought you were supposed to be the hard-headed one"
Seamus reluctantly slapped his hand away in a playful manner and stuck out his tongue.
He grinned at the mock hurt on Dean's face and they both continued up the stairs to their sleeping chamber.
They both agreed that they wouldn't try this again anytime soon, but the idea wasn't all that appalling if it meant more time for just the two of them.
The school’s honoured guests were a lovely bunch, if they just hadn't been so rude and entitled...
One might argue that they were just responding to how Seamus treated them. Perhaps it was a reaction to Seamus persistent nagging about the Quidditch cup, or how Hogwarts was far superior to any other school. It also wasn’t helpful how he kept implying that the Hogwarts champion would, and Dean quotes: "Slap all you sorry losers so hard, that you'll have to crawl back home. Your defeat will be so heavy and shameful your puny vessels won't be able to carry the weight"
And then Dean had to slap his friend's mouth shut before he added something about Madame Maxime’s weight for continuation.
Not that Dean blamed him for the cold shoulders he too received because of it. They didn’t like Seamus so by association they didn’t like Dean.
There was one exception though.
Victor Krum turned out to be a really nice fellow. He sat through Seamus's rants of tactics and old scores. He even laughed along while Seamus told him everything in detail about Bulgaria's loss against Ireland that year. Even though he, if anyone, probably knew it all already. Perhaps he didn’t want to be reminded of their great defeat over and over again. ‘ Honestly Seamus, show some tact’ , Dean thought, but Krum just laughed again and agreed to whatever Seamus was telling him.
He was spectacularly nice to Seamus, and Dean could only give the man a thankful smile every now and then.
After yet another day of Seamus talking Krum’s ear off, Dean suddenly found himself alone with the bulgarian for the first time, as Seamus sprinted off to get a copy of some book he wanted to show the man.
It was quiet for a while, awkwardly so, until Dean cleared his throat.
"I just wanted to thank you for putting up with him... I realize it must be very tiresome for you"
Krum smiled but kept his gaze on the horizon.
"No problem, he's energetic"
Dean sighed and smiled, silently agreeing with that.
"That doesn't mean you have to tolerate him, even I sometimes just want to slap him"
Krum laughed heartily and for the first time looked Dean in the eyes. Dean briefly wondered if he was shy, even though he had all that fame behind him.
"I think that's normal for you to feel... You look after him good, he's lucky"
Dean felt both a familiar and strange warmth at that, smiled and shook his head.
"I've never had a friend like him before, it's the least I can do..."
There was a silence after that in which Dean realized for the first time how important Seamus had become in his life. He smiled to himself sinking into deep thought. Then he suddenly felt watched.
He looked to the side and saw Krum staring at him, intently.
"You English people are very open with love, in my school boys like you hide"
It took a moment, perhaps because of the language barrier but Dean suddenly realized what Krum probably implied. Embarrassingly enough his response was to start choking on air.
"No, no! Just friends, me and Seamus are just friends" he blurted. He must have gotten very pale because Krum suddenly looked terrified before going intensely red in the face.
"I am sorry, I thought you were boyfriends. You seemed very... what is that word, I have it right here it’s- intimate with each other"
Dean blushed as well and shook his head again.
"No, no, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just...me and Seamus are both definitely straight!" Dean said, trying his best to chuckle and make light of the situation. Krum wasn’t looking at him anymore though, he was looking at something else behind him. When Dean turned his head he was met with a surprisingly serious Seamus. Unnaturally serious.
He seemed deep in thought and didn't move until Dean called his name.
"What? No... I just... I have to go" Seamus said and briefly looked between the other boys, before turning on the spot.
Dean was confused, had Seamus heard their conversation? It would've made him laugh, wouldn't it? He would’ve made an innuendo and acted out some scene calling Dean his husband or brother.
Maybe something happened while he was gone? Maybe he wasn’t feeling well?
Maybe he tried talking to that veela girl and got that same syndrome as Ron did?
' Maybe he wasn't straight ' a little nagging voice whispered in his head and he swatted it away. Of course Seamus was straight, he once dated Lavender Brown didn't he?
There was nothing that pointed to Seamus being gay, nothing at all apart from how overhearing someone assuming he and his best friend were boyfriends seemed to freak him out?
Either way it wasn't Dean’s place to pry. If Seamus wanted him to know what was wrong he'd tell Dean. Right?
Yeah... nothing to worry about.
It was the night after the champions had been chosen and everyone was sure Harry had cheated. Ron and Harry were currently not speaking to each other which made Seamus and Dean the winning pair of Gryffindor house. Not that anyone but Seamus knew it was a competition.
"It's not like anyone else's mad at him, personally, I just want to know how he did it!" Seamus was at the moment throwing a small ball in the air and catching it absentmindedly. Dean just shrugged, he had already voiced that he didn't care how Harry did it and figured it wasn't their business to know.
It just meant that Harry was hella talented to overcome even Dumbledore's magic. Perhaps he’d gotten Hermione to help him? Although breaking such a rule seemed highly out of character for her. Again, Dean didn’t care, it seemed terrifying to be in those games.
Seamus honestly just thought it was cool. Someone from his house was competing, and someone his age too! He'd even written to his cousin Fergus and bragged about it.
He had just started to warm up and talked excitedly about the future events when Dean interrupted him.
"Did you know Krum though we were dating?" he said flatly, and then fell quiet again.
Seamus' mood faltered, he hadn't thought about that since he'd overheard Dean so assuredly state his sexuality to Krum. He'd thought about it that whole night and when he'd woken up the next day it had felt like any other day and he'd decided to ignore it. Pretend it never happened.
But Dean had to bring it up.
"...Yeah" was all he said and he stopped tossing the little ball "I suppose guys don't have friendships like ours in Romania"
"He's Bulgarian."
"Yah, whatever!" Seamus snapped irritably and turned away from Dean.
There was a pause and Dean got up and sat at Seamus' bedside.
"Maybe you're right... I mean, I corrected him so it's fine I was just wondering if you think anyone else thinks that?" he nudged Seamus who eventually gave up and faced him "In school I mean"
"The way the female population ogles your every move, I doubt they're looking for a gay best friend" Seamus looked at him sourly and grumbled something under his breath.
Dean looked surprised, he probably had no idea he was under anyone’s watchful eye.
"They could just be looking at you..." Dean said.
Seamus laughed and sat up, staring intently at Dean.
"Believe me, they aint" he kept a serious face for a while longer but it started to feel weird and intense, so he cracked a grin "You really are oblivious, it's adorable"
He then grabbed Dean's face and pursed his lips in an over dramatic fashion.
Dean laughed and tried to pull away. Seamus proceeded to smack loud, theatrical kisses to Dean's cheeks and rubbed his hands all over his face.
"Don't escape me Dean! We all know we're secretly lovers!" Seamus shouted, keeping up the theatrics.
Dean kept laughing while trying to escape Seamus' hold of him. He finally freed himself and rubbed his face with his sleeves.
"You're sick Finnigan!" he claimed and sprinted away from the bed. Seamus kept laughing and was about to respond when someone beat him to it.
"We've all suspected you were dating for quite some time" a joking voice came from one of the other beds.
Neville sat in a pile of parchment and schoolbooks, scribbling something that resembled homework and by the state of it, it was last minute.
Seamus had completely forgotten he was there but grinned his way.
"See! Even Neville can joke about it so I'm pretty sure you’re okay!"
Dean seemed to believe that and settled on his own bed again. The conversation continued smoothly.
Seamus decided that if he couldn't talk about his feelings with Dean, then at least he could joke about them. The safest camouflage was always not being serious about things, because who in their right mind would then believe it was real?
Seamus had figured that out long ago.
The excitement for the Yule ball had stretched over months. Ever since they'd announced it girls and boys alike had started planning.
Seamus didn't want to be a dateless wonder so he'd asked Lavender who apparently still had a bit of a crush on him. He wouldn't say that he was using her exactly, he did enjoy her company after all. He had outgrown that resentment he had for her when they were younger and she had become a good friend. She was honestly kinda fun to hang out with too. She matched Seamus’ energy when talking, she wasn’t afraid to smack him when he was rude. She was pretty cool.
He even let her plan their outfits.
She did an impressive job considering that she had to work with whatever Seamus mum had packed for him. It did help that she'd brought several dresses because she couldn't decide, and luckily one of them matched Seamus's eyes perfectly! Whatever that meant.
He didn't understand how it mattered if her dress matched his eyes, he understood how matching your own clothes to your own eyes could be a thing but this just seemed mental. However he was a little impressed that she'd even brought him an ascot that matched her dress. Prepared for anything apparently.
The ball wasn't even that big of a deal to him so he didn't mind following her every whim. She could boss him around as much as she liked. He was her perfect prop for the evening.
Seamus would damn well make this the best night of her life even if he wasn't the least bit interested in getting anywhere with her. Perhaps that was what made him so great, no hidden motives. He was just there to make sure he and Lavender had a great time. He'd be the perfect gentleman and the perfect date.
Seamus could always make sure she'd meet some cute Durmstrang boy after a few hours.
Or more like, Seamus actually planned to introduce her to some charming young man so he could escape his obligations. But until that moment, until he’d made sure the new guy was worthy of his friend, he'd be perfect!
It was all planned out, until Dean confessed to not having a date to the ball at all.
"Are you joking!"
Seamus was baffled and slightly appalled by the idea. How could the most stunning thing at this school not have a date!?
"It's fine… I haven't asked anyone" Dean refused to look at Seamus and had Seamus just been a little bit more observant he would’ve detected the slight pain and hurt in Dean's demeanor.
"Why? Plenty of girls would've wanted to go with you. Hell, boys too! You could've gotten a centaur to go with you Dean!"
"I said I'm fine with going stag Seamus" Dean tried to avert, but Seamus continued.
"You could've charmed an ogre! The monster in the lake would've said yes." he stopped when he saw the look Dean gave him and furrowed his brows instead.
"Even Neville has a date…" he raised his eyebrows and made a wild gesture with his hands. Just to make a point.
"I'm aware…" Dean's voice was especially cold at that. Seamus understood, he'd be a bit pissed too if Neville had gotten a date and he hadn't. But Dean had apparently not even asked anyone, so he had no reason to be pissed. Especially not at poor Neville.
"But you want to go alone?" Seamus gave up on prosecuting why and just went with it, shrugging. Now that he came to think about it he would've liked to go stag with Dean as well. They probably would’ve had more fun.
This just meant he'd need to find that Durmstrang boy for Lavender a bit faster.
"Fine… you'll probably have a lot more fun than the rest of us anyways" he laughed and patted Dean on the back as he sat down next to him on the sofa.
"But if you change your mind I'll share my date" he earned a shove at that and the discussion was dropped. They were going to hang out in a group anyway, probably. So what did it matter if Dean didn’t have a date?
The night came and Seamus looked absolutely marvelous no thanks to himself. As suspected, and as agreed upon by both parties, he wasn't allowed to decide on anything. Not even how his shoes were tied.
He looked good though, he had to admit. He even contemplated letting Lavender dress him for the rest of his life.
As promised he was the perfect date and Lavender was very pleased with him. By the way she looked at him she might’ve suspected they’d revisit that kiss they had shared last year, that tonight would end in yet another snog. Therefore it came as quite a surprise to her when Seamus introduced a fellow with dark wavy hair and hypnotic accent to her. At least Seamus thought he was divine.
Lavender looked a bit confused but didn't refuse Aleksandar, as was his name, when he led her to the floor.
She turned and gave him one last confused look, he gave her a thumbs up.
Seamus raised his glass to them as their backs were turned, mostly toasting his own good effort when he saw them laughing and twirling their way into the crowd.
It didn't take Seamus long to find Dean sitting at a table with Ron, Harry and some kid he'd never seen before.
He pried himself between Ron and Dean and grabbed a handful of the snacks Ron had picked for himself. Ron made a feeble attempt at stopping him but did not succeed.
He seemed to arrive in the middle of a conversation.
"I know Hermione looks great tonight but I doubt that was the reason she was asked to the ball" Dean said.
It was a fair point since she sure as hell hadn't looked like that this morning, and it didn't seem likely that she got asked out a few hours ago.
"You can't be mad that someone beat you to the punch Ron" Dean seemed amused at the sulking redhead, who he now had to look past Seamus to talk to. Seamus thought it was funny too. Both he and Dean knew exactly what was going on between Hermione and Ron and were anxiously awaiting the big reveal of this ‘will they or won’t they?’. Not that they were interested in their classmates' love affairs. Ew, gross… But maybe they were… just a little. Not that either of them would admit they liked to gossip.
"It's not about that; I don't want to go with her, I just don't think she should be going out with Harry's rivals!"
They looked at Harry simultaneously who just shook his head, indicating he wanted no part in it.
"I don't mind her going with Krum, he's nice" Harry grinned at the betrayed look on Ron's face, then he slowly sipped his drink.
Seamus turned to Dean.
"Hey! Dance with me!" Seamus said. Dean didn't budge, just made a face at him.
"No but really, we're both stags at the moment" Seamus smiled brightly "Come on! Just for fun!"
Dean shrugged and got up.
As they made their way to the dance floor Seamus could've sworn he heard Ron mumble ' and it's not like she wasn't pretty before…'
The dancing wasn't so formal anymore so they started off dancing by themselves, side by side. After a while they started syncing each other's moves and eventually they were holding onto each other. Seamus took the role of being led so Dean could decide what they were going to do. He was braver than Seamus had thought because he pulled him in close until they were pressed together, back to chest. Then he twirled Seamus away from him again. Seamus tried not to think about how it was a joke to Dean.
They had fun, they laughed.
Seamus felt ecstatic. He felt the warmth of Dean so close, he'd never been close to someone like this before.
No, of course he had. They had been close since they were eleven, but it hadn't felt this way back then. Dean smelled like typical Dean, but a bit spicier. Maybe he had new cologne.
It was the perfect evening, just like Seamus had planned it.
Until it wasn’t.
It came to an abrupt halt when Neville danced up to them, with a bright smile and arms around Ginny Weasley. Who of course looked stunning as always. She had definitely grown up during the summer and always had that mischievous glimmer in her eyes boy’s seemed to like.
Dean suddenly let go of Seamus and instead of the friendly full body embrace, he got hand holding. And they continued in this innocent little jitterbug. Barely touching.
"Looking good boys" Ginny said, all smiles and fiery curls falling in her face.
"You're really good" Neville said, sounding sincere.
Dean laughed and smiled at Seamus. Apparently waiting for Seamus to crack a witty comeback. Seamus just looked a little taken back and said:
"Yeah… thanks"
Dean had to take it in his own hands to try and joke about the situation.
"Yeah, we're obviously naturals…" they all laughed a little, not like they would've if Seamus had been in the right mindset to make a joke about the whole thing. It was apparent that most of their funny jargons were double acts, and with only Dean’s part it fell flat. Seamus didn’t want it to be a joke though, not this time.
They all went to the side of the ballroom and started talking instead. They joked about those silly Beauxbaton girls fawning over some seventh years, who apparently bragged about their non-existing muscles.
Ginny fit right into their boyish conversations. She was cool. Fun, charismatic, beautiful and Seamus didn't like the way Dean smiled at her. So brightly, all pearly whites and a quick peak of a soft pink tongue.
Fuck it, she was so very nice and polite, yet teasing and rough around the edges. She laughed at all the right places.
And she wasn't a boy.
She knew the things that Seamus knew; he had to admit he could talk to Ginny easily because she liked the things he liked.
There was nothing not to like about Ginny Weasley.
She fit better than Neville in their little group of boys; she might even have fitted better than Seamus himself at Dean's side.
He ended up discussing plants with Neville, tried his best to listen and ask the right questions. Say the right things when his focus accidentally switched to his side for a moment and he forgot to listen.
A gentle tap on his shoulder and Dean was standing up, Ginny at his side and Dean had his arm around her back. Seamus could see the tips of his fingers at her waist even if he couldn't see his arm. They excused themselves, said they were going to get air.
Yeah, right. Seamus' eyes narrowed slightly.
"Don't let Snape catch ya!" he said teasingly, feeling anything but chipper.
Dean winked and grinned in response. Seamus reluctantly grinned back. He had to, he was a good friend. If Dean couldn't rely on him for some cheeky banter then what was he good for?
He tried to think about that, how much Dean relied on him to lighten up the mood and be a good mate, but all he could think of was how Ginny would be close to Dean now. Rest her head against his shoulder.
And get to know his scent…
Seamus' rollercoaster ride had just ended with a downhill, but not the fun nerve prickling kind. The kind that knocked the air out of your lungs and made you forget to breathe. Then the championship ended and Seamus couldn't even wallow in self pity anymore. Not without feeling like some entitled brat. He didn't have the right to be sad about some petty jealousy because his best friend had a girlfriend, because in comparison his problems were so meek. What did he really have to be sad about? At least he lived.
So the ride sort of just… planed out. Exit right, thanks for enjoying the ride.
He sat alone in a corner of the common room, pretending to read. Dean and Ginny cuddling on the sofa close by.
Yeah…. at least he lived.