Starry memories
Raiden Ori Mage remembers the first time. They all were shaken up, and had no idea what to do, but they adapted. They grieved and learned and explored.
They remember the first time they went to a new world. He remembers the churning in his gut, and how his vision swam, not knowing where to go in the darkness, feeling lost in the ocean of the void, in the pocket of the universe, relying only in the small hands in his.
He remembers being spat out somewhere new with rapidly healing burns and cuts and more trauma than before (that was just the first time, before they all became accustomed to it, before he lost any hope of going home).
He also remembers the stars of the night sky where they landed. They had all been very quiet, not knowing how to deal with…everything. Everything they knew, everything they thought they knew, had been pulled out from under them like a rug.
They were hurt, heartbroken, but also in awe. Even now, nearly 200 years later, he still closes his eyes and remembers that singular moment in time of them all lying on the ground stargazing as they whispered quietly, scared to speak too loudly in case of breaking the fragile atmosphere that had been created.
He remembers how the stars were such a calming sight because of their familiarity, and yet completely strange and unfamiliar as they called out to him, beckoned him as they shined with hope.
When they were trapped and hurt, he held onto that image with a vice grip, in fear of forgetting what the outside world looked like, what the stars looked like, what hope could like that.
Even now, whenever he got too overwhelmed with trying to be strong, to be there for everyone, with the guilt, he would sit and simply stargaze. Sometimes alone, sometimes with company. Sometimes in silence, sometimes talking in softly hushed tones.
The stars watched over them, provided comfort and promise for him, for them.
It wasn’t like it helped. The stars watched over them, and once he believed they could protect them, that the stars would provide more than mere comfort. Now he knew he was wrong.
The stars watched over them, and that was that. They watched, and the universe waited.
He remembers the stars the first time they entered a new world. He remembers the stars the first time they confronted Karlis, they remember them when Karlis apologised. They remember the stars when they were trapped, and he remembers the stars when they escaped the facility for the first time.
The stars were one constant in his seemingly never-ending existence.
He remembers the stars the first time he died.
He remembers them shining brightly above them, taunting him, as they reflected in the quickly dulling eyes of his siblings as they lay around him bleeding out. It had been stupid really. They had gotten too complacent, and weren’t aware enough of their surroundings.
There was a group of people who had seen some of their magic, and their wings, even though they had been careful to hide them when they walked into the towns.
They remember being chased down with fire and pitchforks, as the three younger ones clung to him tightly in their fear as they were circled around.
There had been no mercy that night. He remembers as Karlis tried vaer best to shield them, and vae had been the first.
It wasn't just the fact that they were hunted down like animals, it was an execution.
He remembers the scream vae let out as vae was kicked to the ground, beaten as the others grabbed ahold of him and the young ones.
He remembers the soul crushing fear as he had to watch them cry and beg to be let go, as they struggled and thrashed but no mercy was given. He remembers the defeated looks that befell their young faces. (Young. They had been so young. He had been so young. It wasn’t fair. Why)
He screeched as Karl’s skull was crushed with a rock, arms and legs limply laying at odd angles. Tears slowly came down Karl’s face as they lay not dead but dying, eyes staring at the others, at Raiden, pleading for forgiveness. Raiden had wanted to shout at Karlis at that moment, to throttle vaem himself for ever thinking that this was vaer fault. This was none of their faults.
Life was just unfair, and there was nothing they could do about it.
He remembers the events that happened next, how arms that were ruthless and unforgiving tore Izarri away, then Luke, then Raya. Raiden was forced to his knees with his arms behind his back to keep him still.
Izarri was crying, reaching desperately towards the others. It was horrible. Even though they were near each other they still were separated and died away from the others. He hated it. He couldn’t even hold them all as they died, couldn’t provide the smallest amount of comfort.
He remembers as someone slapped Izarri across the face, telling her to ‘shut up demon child.’ Even with everything they had been through, that moment, that first death would forever hurt the most. He had been out of his mind terrified.
The stars watched as they used their pitchforks to pierce Izarri’s small body. Raiden remembers the look on her face. Her eyes widened, mouth open as blood dribbled out and she gasped, heaving, desperately trying to breathe. He remembers as her wings were stamped on, and forced open as feathers were torn out. When she was dropped she clawed at her throat as she choked on her own cursed blood, wings trying to flap to take her away to safety, but merely twitched weakly in pain.
Luke and Raya were near silent, trembling as they stared unbelieving at the sight in front of them, at their siblings being brutally drained of their life. They knew they were next. Raiden knew he would be killed. And they knew they couldn’t do anything to stop it.
It was their first death, and with their lack of knowledge, they really thought it was the end. They thought they would die without ever getting home, without ever seeing their parents again, without ever going home.
Luke and Raya were killed at the same time, and they were stabbed and beaten, kicked down until they were no longer moving. Their wings faced the same fate as Izarri, a knife was even impaled into Raya’s wing, and the distressed chirps and cries that left their mouths tugged painfully at his heartstrings. They were faced away from Raiden, he couldn’t even look them in the eyes as they died slowly, their arms an inch within each other, but never close enough to touch.
He was breathing rapidly but not enough, witnessing all their deaths, knowing he was next. He gave up. He slumped forward, no longer flinching or struggling against them.
There was no point. He was dead. At least this way he could be with the others. He was approached by death, and he smiled. He smiled as tears flowed down his face pitifully.
He laid on the floor as he was stabbed, and let out a gasp at the pain. Even he mentally gave up, his body still fought his inevitable fate as he shook and coughed out blood, gasping and fighting for air. Eventually his body gave up as well, his wings curled up over himself and he wished he could use them to cover the others for comfort and protection.
He laid there as dark spots appeared in his vision, the smile never leaving his face even as the dull light in his eyes disappeared fully.
He remembers the stars through a veil of red, and how shooting stars appeared, as if the sky itself was crying. The stars twinkled, as if they wanted to reach out and lift them into the sky to be cradled and bathed in the gentle light. He remembers the stars, remembers how death was strangely quiet and lonely after the mob of people left them to die.
He remembers surveying the bodies of the others, seeing them all covered in blood. How S5’s eyes stared blankly at him as blood dripped down vaer head, how Izarri was curled in on herself on her front, her wings lacking in feathers and singed from the torches. How Luke and Raya desperately were reaching for each other, for a sliver of comfort in their dying moments.
He remembers how blank his mind was as he died, as he laid on his back staring at the sky and the stars, remember thinking how unfair fate was to him and the others, and how pretty the stars were.
And the stars remember as they watched and mourned as the universe smiled.