Chapter 8
Hermione’s excitement only increased over the following days. Draco had sent back an owl within half an hour of hers, and Theo had gone with her to see him. As predicted, Draco had indeed been wanting to bring her on board officially, and having it happen so quickly was more than he could have hoped for. To have Theo coming on board as well was the icing on the cake for him.
They decided they would figure out the details as they went, but Draco jumped at the opportunity to offer them both a position with Malfoy Enterprises, as well as a ridiculous amount of money. He’d made it clear that the pay was non-negotiable, telling them if they tried to talk him down, he’d only increase the amount. It was a good play on his part, and they ceased arguing immediately. Hermione was to be head of the department, with Theo’s role yet to be determined. Of course, they had to figure out where Lucius fit in as well, now that he’d accepted the position as Hermione’s right hand man in the endeavour.
Following this, they went back to the Ministry and informed Kingsley, then Harry and Ron, of their decision. The boys had been disappointed, but they knew it was the right move for them both. Harry and Ron knew only too well how Hermione must have been losing her mind with the small workload she’d had recently and, like Kingsley, were amazed that she’d lasted as long as she had.
That evening, not long after she’d arrived home, exhausted but still buzzing from the whirlwind day, an owl had tapped on her window. It was an exceptionally beautiful Eagle Owl which for a moment she’d thought was Draco’s. She quickly realised though that it was not and, as she looked down at her name in writing equally elegant but distinctly different from Draco’s, she felt a thrill of anticipation.
Hermione,
Draco informs me that your day has been quite full of developments. I find I’m unsurprised by your tenacity and moving forward as fast as you have.
I believe we will now have even more to discuss in terms of plans for the charity. As I imagine your day tomorrow will be taken up with reorganisation, perhaps it would be convenient for you to meet on Wednesday?
Draco was, as you suspected, most pleased with my attendance at the committee meeting and for that I thank you. It is not something I would have been able to bring myself to do without your encouragement.
Of course, I will understand if you are otherwise engaged, but I wonder if you would like to accompany me to The Bodleian this coming Saturday?
Lucius.
Hermione let out the breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding while she read, a huge smile overtaking her face. She’d found herself hoping for an invitation to visit The Bodleian with him when he’d mentioned his desire to see it. The turn in the conversation had briefly distracted her from her longing to visit such a wonderful place with one of the few people she thought could truly appreciate it with her, but now the thought filled her with a dizzy excitement.
The owl hadn’t moved from her windowsill, and she became aware that she hadn’t yet given him a treat. She gave it a treat, wondering about its gender and name, and asked it to wait while she wrote a reply. It hooted softly in acquiescence.
Lucius,
Yes, it has indeed been a very exciting day.
As you suspected, I will be busy tomorrow. Theo and I have to clear out our office at the Ministry, among other things. Theo’s role is actually one of the things you and I need to discuss. As the development of an official department has been accelerated so much, we must work out which full time positions we need. I’m very aware that you agreed to work with me before this became as extensive as it now is and so I’m unsure as to the capacity you wish to continue in. As you say, we have many things to discuss.
Wednesday works well for me, is the morning ok for you? Where would you like to meet?
Am I to take it that the shock of the morning had worn off by the time you spoke to Draco? I’m a little disappointed that you missed the hilarity of said shock after the meeting. It was quite a sight to behold. Also, I did tell you I have a tendency to be right, did I not?
I would absolutely love to come to The Bodleian with you. Thank you so much for the invitation.
Hermione.
P.S. I apologise if my over excitement at everything that has transpired today has caused me to ramble a little.
As Hermione sent off the owl with her response, her floo roared to life and Theo stepped through. He’d been to see Neville to talk about the day’s events with him. He wouldn’t usually go to see him while at his seminar, but this was an important life change and he felt it only right to discuss it with his husband straight away.
“Hey, what did he say?” Hermione asked slightly anxiously the moment he was fully in the room. Neville was endlessly supportive of Theo, and she didn’t really doubt that this would be no exception, still, as was her nature, she wouldn’t completely relax until that was confirmed.
“He was really pleased, for both of us. He wanted me to send you his congratulations.” Theo beamed at her.
“Oh, that’s really sweet. I miss him, I haven’t seen him for weeks. You keep hogging him every bloody weekend!”
“It’s not my fault that I barely get to see him myself and I don’t want to share.” Theo told her petulantly. “I’ll think about sharing him soon though, just for a few hours.”
“Good, even Draco’s seen him more than I have recently! Plus, if you continue to keep him from me, I’ll stop letting you have pizza!” Hermione fixed him with a glare.
“No! Princess, you wouldn’t!” Theo was scandalised.
Hermione shrugged, desperately trying to keep a straight face. “Try me.” She turned her back on him and headed for the kitchen. “Now stop sulking and come talk to me while I cook.”
“I’ll assume you were joking and forgive you. Now tell me what you’re cooking to make it up to me.”
“Carbonara. Can you make some tea while I cook?” Hermione moved about the room gathering what she needed, smiling as always when she pulled out one of her prized copper saucepans.
“So, you never told me properly earlier,” Theo began, “you said you had coffee with Lucius again yesterday? Do spill.”
“Yes…it was…well, a little unexpected. Not the seeing him there, I thought he’d be there. But the conversation...” Hermione bit her lip. She didn’t keep secrets from Theo and felt comfortable talking to him more openly than she had to Draco about what transpired over coffee. Still though, she was a little tentative.
“You’re going to have to explain that a little better, Princess.” Theo turned and leaned back against the counter, watching her with a slight furrow on his brow. Hermione took a breath and began to relay their conversation from the day before. Theo listed with rapt attention and an immense array of facial expressions. “You fancy him!” Theo burst out with unrestrained glee, pointing an accusatory finger at Hermione when she finished speaking.
“Theo! Everything I just said and that’s what you took from it?” She knew Theo would read her like a book as always, but she’d been hoping to get a little more time before they addressed that particular aspect.
“Oh no, princess! I got a lot more from it than that, and we’ll address it all, after we’ve talked about you fancying him.”
Hermione huffed. “Fine.” Theo just stood and waited for her to continue. Gradually, while she cooked, she tried to explain how she felt, though she was still figuring it out herself. It helped her to sort through things in her own mind. Theo listened patiently, prompting her here and there. “The thing is, it’s not like I’m planning to do anything about it. This isn’t exactly a normal situation here, is it?” She shared out their now cooked pasta and moved towards the dining table.
“Well, no, obviously fucking not,” Theo easily conceded, “but…well from everything else you told me, about the way he spoke to you and everything…well, it’s obvious there’s something there,” he shrugged.
“What do you mean?” Hermione paused with her fork halfway to her mouth.
“Come on, Princess, it’s Lucius Malfoy. You may not have much first-hand experience with him but I’m pretty sure you don’t believe he’s the way he was with you very often. I’ve known him my whole life, sweetheart, that man is a closed book.” Theo paused in his monologue to take a bite of his food before continuing. “Just…trust me, I can’t say what exactly, but I guarantee it means something. Don’t do it a disservice by not appreciating the gravity of something like that, from a man like him.”
“I suppose you’re right. I mean, I kind of knew it, but at the same time, I kind of didn’t really get the extent of it until you said it. Does that make sense?” Hermione frowned thoughtfully.
Theo nodded slowly. “You always make sense to me, Princess, you know that. Don’t get me wrong; as I said, I don’t know exactly what it means and even if he’s feeling the same as you, don’t expect him to act on it too quickly. He’s been through so much, I can’t see him putting himself out there easily.”
“No, me neither,” Hermione agreed. “Though, he did send me an owl just before you got here.” She couldn’t help the slight smile and knew he could see her eyes light up. “Partly about meeting to discuss the charity stuff, but he also invited me to go to The Bodleian with him on Saturday.”
“Oh wow! Well, he obviously wants to spend more time with you, outside of the work stuff. Just be patient, be his friend and give him time to find his feet.” Theo paused and looked down at his plate before looking up again. “I think a lot of Lucius, Princess, he was certainly more of a father to me than my own ever was, but I love you so much and I don’t want you to get your hopes up too much. I want nothing more than you to find someone who makes you happy and, fuck all the obvious issues, if that could be Lucius then great because I’d love him to get a happy ending after all the shit he’s been through. But because of all that, there’s no guarantees he’s got it in him to open himself up like that fully. And you deserve someone who will give themselves to you completely.”
“I know, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens. It may well be nothing.” Hermione stood to clear their plates away and then cast a spell to set the kitchen to tidying and cleaning itself. As much as she enjoyed cleaning at times, on occasion she had no desire to do it. That night, she was far more inclined to curl up on the sofa with Theo and watch a film.
The next day, they’d been clearing out their office all morning. There was a huge number of books to be sorted and they’d already stacked boxes upon boxes as they made their way through the magically expanded shelves.
Just after midday the door opened and Harry walked in. “Whoa! Even with magic I don’t know how you managed to keep that lot in here.”
Hermione bit her lip looking at the boxes. “I know. I hadn’t realised quite how many we’d collected over the years. To be honest, I’m not totally sure what to do with them all.” She looked worriedly between Harry and Theo. After some discussion it was decided that her and Theo would take some home each, their favourites, and the rest would temporarily be stored at the now empty Nott Manor until they decided what to do with them more permanently. Hermione desperately wanted her own library, but wasn’t sure she’d be able to magically create a room with such capacity.
“Maybe I should move?” Hermione thought out loud.
“Hermione, I’m not sure having your own library is a good enough reason to move.” Harry laughed. “Plus, you love your flat.”
“See that’s where you’re wrong, I’m afraid, Harry. I can’t think of a better reason to move. But don’t worry, I won’t do anything rash. What did you come in for, anyway?” Hermione realised they hadn’t yet even asked if he was visiting for any particular reason.
“Actually, I was hoping I could steal you away from Theo to take you to lunch.” Harry looked to Theo, “Can you live without her for an hour or so?” Theo agreed that he’d survive, so long as Hermione didn’t expect too much packing progress in her absence, and she promised to bring him back some food.
She and Harry made their way out of the Ministry and into Muggle London. It was nice to have some time to themselves; it was rare nowadays and Hermione linked her arm through Harry’s and leaned into him as they walked. They chatted about anything and everything, not even pausing as they took their seats in their favourite restaurant.
“What’s the plan for Ginny’s birthday this year?” Hermione knew it was only a few weeks away and realised that by now there would usually be a plan in place but, so far, she’d heard nothing of it.
“I think I’m going to take her away for the weekend this year. We erm…” Harry rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously and Hermione noticed colour rising in his cheeks. “We’re trying for a baby.”
Hermione had known what was coming and pasted on her best fake surprise smile. “Harry! Oh my god! That’s amazing!” Harry beamed at her, and she inwardly breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn’t realised she’d already known. Ginny would kill her if she inadvertently threw her under the bus.
They talked for a while about Harry’s excitement and fears about parenthood. Hermione understood that not having a father himself to learn from first-hand as he grew up caused concern that he wouldn’t know how to be a good parent. She reassured him, though. The the fact alone that he cared so much was already half the battle.
“No bad parent ever worries about being a bad parent, Harry. You’ve got this, and I know you’ll be an amazing father.” Harry reached across and squeezed her hand.
“Thanks, I think I needed to hear to hear that. You always have a way of getting through to me.” He gave her a watery smile. Hermione smiled in return before Harry continued, “What about you? Are you still sure you don’t want kids one day? You’d be such an amazing mum.”
“I love children, you know I do. But it’s just never felt the right path for me. It still doesn’t.” It was true, Hermione did love children, she couldn’t wait for Harry and Ginny to have a baby. She was desperately excited because she knew the child would be a big part of her life. She was excited to forge a relationship with their child, and watch it grow, playing a role in its life. She was also excited for her other friends to have children.
It didn’t change the fact though that she’d never wanted children of her own. She wanted children in her life, but she’d never felt the need to be a mother. No matter how incredible and fulfilling children were, she was essentially too independent to have children. It wasn’t that she was selfish, she’d spent her whole life sacrificing herself in various ways for those she loved. She would continue to do so until her dying day. That was her choice and a choice she remade every time the need arose.
But to have a child, took away that element of choice. She believed one of the reasons she was so dedicated to her friends was because it was her choice. She didn’t have to be there. Nothing forced her to make the decisions she made. The day Harry walked into The Forbidden Forest to face Voldemort, she’d wanted to go with him. She’d gladly have laid down her life just so he didn’t have to face it alone. However, she was aware that if in any way she’d felt duty bound to do such a thing, she’d have been far more reluctant to actually do it, possibly even resented it. She’d still have done it, but she’d have done it with a sense of duty, which somehow would have taken away from the altruistic love that had made her so willing.
She feared the sense of duty that would come with having a child. She didn’t want to be tied by duty. She wanted to be bound by love, love that was a choice, and that alone. Yes, it was a choice to have a child in the first place, but every day after that, it was no longer a choice.
It was something she’d tried to explain to Harry before, though it was very difficult to explain because essentially it was a gut feeling, an instinct, that she couldn’t even fully explain to herself.
“Yeah, I know. I get it, I just think you’d be an amazing mum, that’s all.” Harry shrugged a little sadly.
“Well, you’ll just have to settle for me being an amazing godmother instead.” Hermione gave Harry a mischievous smile.
“Nothing would make me happier, you know that.” Harry told her seriously.
“Me neither.”
They continued to chat and before long the subject turned to her new job. This in turn led to Hermione’s admittance that she’d asked Lucius to work with her directly. She filled Harry in on the recent events, though omitted the part where she’d agreed to Draco sharing classified information with his father. To Harry’s credit, he took it in his stride fairly well. Of course, he was surprised, it would be strange if he wasn’t, but he didn’t freak out. Harry had been with her at the Malfoys’ trials and was a huge advocate for second chances, not to mention that he’d actually come to like Draco and work well with him when the need arose. Hermione suspected it was his trust in Draco that allowed him not to have too many reservations about her choice of working partner.
Hermione didn’t mention the feelings she had for Lucius; she wasn’t keeping it from him as such, she just wanted a little time to figure things out a bit more. She also knew there was every chance that nothing would come of them and didn’t want to turn it into a thing. Regardless of the fact that she said nothing, the knowing look Harry gave her when she spoke of Lucius and her decision, didn’t escape Hermione’s attention. He knew her all too well. She was grateful that he seemed to understand it wasn’t something she wanted to talk about right now, but she knew he wouldn’t let her avoid it forever.