Potter Mansion
Wakefulness came to Sirius abruptly as his body reacted to the panicked scream of a child. He apperated without another thought into the children's bedroom, his wand out and a curse on his lips until a quick sweep revealed the room empty except for Harry; in his cot, his face blotchy from tears and fear in his eyes. Sirius near sagged in relief before swiftly scooping the scared toddler into his arms.
“What is it, Prongslet? Did you have a bad dream?” He crooned softly, as he surreptitiously checked him for any injuries.
Harry curled into his chest whimpering. “Scawy man… Owie... Mama… Where Mama? …Want Mama!”
Sirius couldn’t speak past the knife-like lump in his throat so he settled for holding Harry a little tighter in an attempt to prevent the tears that wanted to fall. He felt as though he should be more prepared for this conversation having sort of explained to Maia that Mummy wasn’t coming home, but at least she had him and had been nowhere near the incident. Harry had; at the very least seen his mother killed. Seen Voldemort. Obviously his toddler mind was trying to make sense of that. Maybe they should have put him in with them last night. He looked up from Harry to see Remus in front of him, he could tell by the matching devastated look in his eyes that he had heard everything. Sirius wordlessly asked for help.
Remus gave a small nod as he gently carded his fingers through Harry's hair. “Mama’s gone, little one.” He explained, softly. “She can’t be here anymore, but your Moony and Padfoot are here, to love you and look after you, okay?”
Harry pulled away from Sirius’ chest to look up at Remus with his big green eyes looking older than a 15 month old ever should.
“Dadda too?”
Merlin, give me strength. Sirius thought morosely.
Remus looked to be struggling too, but he managed to nod. “Dadda too.”
“Scawy man gon too?”
Sirius finally managed to swallow the spiked snitch bobbing about in his throat to answer. “Yeah, kiddo. He’s gone too, you’re safe.”
“Gud. No wike.” He said, resolute in a way only a child can be.
“How bout some breakfast Prongslet? With Maia and Ly…” Sirius trailed off as he properly clocked that the bedroom was definitely missing two small humans. “Moony, where are our other two…?”
Remus scoffed. “At the table, already eating breakfast with McGonagall.”
Sirius poked his head out of the door and sure enough there was Maia and Lyall happily sitting in their high chairs, babbling away to an attentive McGonagall in between spoonfuls of porridge. He couldn’t help it, his mouth fell open at the sight. Their little hellions were actually eating! With cutlery! Rather than their usual food finger painting.
McGonagall looked up from Maia’s chatter with an unimpressed eyebrow. “You’re going to catch flies, come and eat something, there's tea in the pot and coffee in the cafetiere and plenty of porridge in the pan.”
He tried not to feel completely inadequate as he approached the table. She had made what was usually a battle of its own look like child's play.
“Is he alright? I heard him, of course, but Remus said you had it in hand.” She asked with a nod to Harry.
Sirius sat down with a small groan at one of the free chairs surrounding the dining table. “Nightmare, I think it was of what happened last night.”
Her face softened in understanding. “It's to be expected I suppose, not that, that makes it any easier of course.”
She deftly took out her wand and wordlessly waved it at the armchair cushion, which quickly reshaped itself into another high chair and floated over to in between him and Remus who had taken the remaining empty chairs.
“Now eat up, you boys have a busy day ahead of you. I’ve talked to Amelia, she’s aware of the Pettigrew situation, I’ve also arranged for you to go in to see her today so that you can register as Animagus. You won’t be much good to your children in Azkaban and you haven’t inherited the Black fortunes yet so the fine would wipe you out. The official reason you waited until now is because you didn’t want the information getting into the wrong hands during the war.”
Sirius wasn’t sure he wanted the ministry to know even now. It felt personal.
Remus must have sensed his reticence because he just gave him a dry, unimpressed look.
“If you get arrested, I’ll give Maia to Narcissa.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Try me. I can’t raise three kids alone.”
Sirius was fairly sure Remus would never go through with it -he loved Maia like she was his own, as he did Lyall- but he and McGonagall were right. The kids came first.
So he just nodded with a heavy sigh and set about dishing out porridge and coffee for himself and Remus.
Mcgonagall, seeing that the matter was settled, turned to Remus who had already set about feeding Harry, the toddler happily munching more on the spoon than the porridge.
“You and I will pack up the flat, we’ll stop by Sirius’ too and pack it up before we meet up with Albus at Potter Manor. Sirius will meet us there.”
Remus nodded then shared a look with Sirius as they simultaneously downed their coffee. Because yes, that sounded like a very busy day; especially when you threw three kids of two and under into the mix, where at the end of it they had to deal with bloody Dumbledore again.
Thank Merlin for Minerva McGonagall.
Sirius wolfed down his breakfast before grabbing his waistcoat and outer robe from the master bedroom, shoving his feet haphazardly into his boots as he walked back to the table. He knew he looked less than his usual put togetherness, his trousers and shirt rumpled from being slept in, but it would just have to do for now. He kissed each child on the head in goodbye, deftly avoiding their gummy and porridge covered mouths.
“See you at the Manor.” He nodded to Remus.
He grabbed a handful of floo powder from the pot on the mantle and threw it into the fireplace, allowing it to flash up in green heatless flames before stepping into it and clearly announcing.
“Madam Bones' Office.”
The green flames wrapped around him, pulling him past a blur of hearths before depositing him in the entry room for Madam Bones office. He landed and stepped out with well practiced ease, brushing off remnants of ash from his robe as he walked up to her assistant's desk.
“Hey there Jacob, Amelia in?”
The young wizard -only a year out of Hogwarts- looked up at him from his various stacks of parchment, smiling welcomingly when he recognised him.
“Oh, morning Auror Black. Yeah, I think she’s just finishing up with Auror Moody. Let me check.”
Jacob had barely stood up when the door to her office swung open to reveal his old mentor, Head Auror - Alastor ‘Mad eye’ Moody.
“Black!” He barked by way of a greeting, as gruff as ever. “Tell me you’re here to come back to active duty! It’s a mess out there right now! All these blasted Death Eaters and not enough Aurors - Four bloody raids last night! Four! And we only caught six of the blighters!”
Sirius firmly tamped down on the guilt that tried to rise as Moody’s words. Yes he hadn’t been there, but first Maia and Lyall had needed him and now Harry needed him too. He wanted to come back, sure. But the kids came first. They had to. They only had him and Remus now.
So he settled for raising his hands in mock surrender. “Sorry Moody, just here to talk to Amelia. I figure now that the war’s winding down it’ll be safe to register as an Animagus. As it is we’re moving into a bigger place at the moment, not a lot of room for kids in either of our apartments. I’ll talk to Remus after the kids are settled. I’ll owl you. Promise.”
Moody grudgingly nodded, even looked a little proud. “Never thought I’d see the day, you of all people would be a responsible parent.”
Sirius chucked, running a self-conscious hand through his hair. “Yeah, well, kids’ll do that to you.”
Suddenly an irate Amelia Bones appeared behind Moody’s shoulder. “Alastor, get a sodding move on, I have more than just Black to see today. We’re all bloody overrun these days.”
“Yeah, yeah. I hear yah.” He grumbled bringing both eyes forward just so that he could roll them at Sirius conspiratorially before he limped off.
Amelia heaved her own sigh as she waved Sirius into her office offering him a seat as she resettled herself behind her desk. She waited until he was seated to start talking.
“I had a most informative owl waiting for me at breakfast this morning, from Professor McGonangall. I know that Peter Pettigrew betrayed the Potters’ to Voldemort. I’ve made it known. The entire Auror department is after him now. There’s even an award notice going out in tomorrow's Daily Prophet for his capture or any actionable intel on him.” She Paused, her stern eyes softening. “So, all that remains for me to say is; I’m sorry for your loss. I know you and James were close.”
For the second time that morning Sirius found himself unable to speak past the lump in his throat. He wasn’t used to softness from Amelia. She was a lot like Mcgonagall in that way. Stern but fair. It disarmed him. Though to be fair, all he was expecting to talk about was his Animagus. He cleared his throat and choked out a quiet “Thank you.”
She nodded once, right back to business as she shuffled through the assorted parchment littered across her desk, eventually bringing one to the top and placing it in front of him.
“This is for your Animagus registration. I’ve back-dated it to the year you became an Auror, just to save on the headache of having to explain why you waited, over and over again, to some bureaucrat who’s never ridden anything but a damned desk.”
A surprised laugh slipped past his lips.
She pinned him with a very familiar raised eyebrow. “I was an Auror myself before I earned this desk. I know all about the inherent paranoia of Aurors - especially ones like yourself that were trained by Alastor. So just write a brief description of your Animagus and sign your name at the bottom.”
Sirius did as he was bade, plucking a quill from its stand and quickly filling in the blank spaces before the childish part of him could refuse it. It was too late to back out now. As soon as he was done the parchment flew over to Amelia’s out tray.
“It will be added to your Auror file by the end of the day. Is there anything else?”
“No, that’s all I needed to sort out here today.” He said, standing to leave.
Amelia gave him a succinct nod and a small smile. “See you around Black.” He was just about to pull open the door when she spoke again. “And don’t let Alastor bully you into returning before you’re ready. Those kids need some consistency right now.”
Sirius looked back at her appraisingly. He wasn’t sure if she knew that Harry was included in that now, it wouldn’t surprise him. She was the Deputy Head of the MLE after all, but he decided to wait until they were all safe behind a Fidelius to mention him. It would probably come out after the will reading anyway. So he just nodded his goodbye and made his way to the lift.
To his dismay he noticed that the pink toad herself - Delores Umbridge - Vice Head of the Improper Use of Magic Office was already in the lift along with one long suffering looking Arthur Weasly of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. Sirius was sorely tempted to wait for the next lift. But Remus and McGonangall were likely already waiting for him at Potter Manor, so he squared his shoulders and stepped into the lift, gave them both a polite nod then resolutely ignored them. He withheld a tired sigh. It had barely been an hour since he left his new little family but it felt so much longer. All he wanted to do was play with his kids and have a cuppa with Remus, maybe McGonagall too. Not that he’d get that until after they were free of Dumbledore’s presence. He was pulled from his internal grumblings by the lift announcing.
“Level eight - Atrium.”
Not sparing the other occupants a glance, he briskly made his way to the apparition point. Not even breaking his stride, he smoothly apperated to his usual spot in the Potter Manor’s expansive garden, finding McGonagall and Dumbledore already there.
“Ah, Sirius, my boy, We were wondering where you’d gotten to.” Remarked Dumbledore, far too affably.
Sirius wasn’t sure what it was, but after the way he had spoken to him and Remus the night before, it rankled to be referred to as anything of his.
Mcgonagall seemed to agree somewhat, if the impressive side eye she was giving the headmaster was anything to go by. “Speak for yourself Albus. Sirius, Why don’t you go inside, Remus is getting the children settled with the help of Mipsy and Mopsy.”
More than happy to heed the dismissal, he gave a nod and headed inside. They weren’t difficult to find, he just followed the sound of the children's laughter all the way to the main sitting room. The sight that greeted him was a welcome one, if not a little bittersweet.
Harry, who looked so much like his father save for his mother’s shining emerald eyes, was clapping and babbling excitedly as Mopsy levitated stuffed animals over their heads. Maia was equally entranced by it too. She had her mother’s deep red hair but his soft waves. Her eyes were his too, though more like Marlene’s in shape. He could easily admit that seeing more of himself in her made the loss of Marlene a little easier to bear. That said, she had her mother’s kind smile, that he wouldn’t give up for the world. Then there was Lyall ‘reading’ on his father’s lap, chattering happily at the pages. He had Remus’ eyes and hair colour but his mother’s curls, with her cheekbones and her bronze skin. The whole scene smacked of family, laid back in a way his childhood hadn’t been and he relished in it.
Remus eventually looked up to see him leaning against the door jamb.
He smiled in welcome. “McGonagall shoo you off too?”
Sirius chuckled. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s purposely running interference but you won’t catch me complaining. In fact, when we’re at Gringotts, remind me to update my will to make her sole custodian of the sproglets if anything happens to us.”
Remus’ smile quickly reformed into a concerned frown. “Are you expecting something to happen to you?”
Sirius joined Remus on the three seater sofa with a groan. “Not really. The war’s over. But at the same time, I want airtight protection for the kids should anything happen. Fewer loopholes for Dumbledore to exploit. He’s got a lot of sway as the Supreme Mugwump and Headmaster. And Mcgonagall’s the only one I would trust not to let him throw his weight around just to get his way.”
Remus stared down pensively at his son, then to Harry and Maia, then back to him with a sigh.
“You’re right.” He gave him a knowing look. “Not to mention that you’re probably chomping at the bit to go back to work.”
Sirius chortled. “Not as much as you might think. I mean yes, Moody did corner me outside Amelia’s office to complain about the state of the Auror department and to ask when I was coming back. But I was gone for maybe an hour and all I wanted to do was get back to our little family.”
Remus gave him a fond smile. “I know what you mean. But we’ll need a stable income soon. I know we’ll probably get something to help with Harry, but for Lyall and Maia? Dorcas and I had decided that she’d work and I’d stay with Lyall, seeing as my work history is sporadic at best.”
Sirius nodded. He’d had a similar discussion with Marlene, she’d decided that she would take three years off from her job as a reporter for the Daily Prophet - barring the odd opinion piece that she could do from home - and then they would re-assess when the time was up. Of course all of that went up in smoke just a couple months after Maia’s second birthday, leading him to take the leave he was on now.
“You’re right. But let's get through the funeral first. And get the kids used to the Manor. Lyall and Maia will probably be fine but I wouldn’t be surprised if Harry has nightmares for a while.”
They glanced at the toddler in question, who was currently having a whale of a time, waddling with surprising speed around the tox chest, Maia hot on his heels both had a stuffed toy in each hand.
“Maybe we should see about finding him a Mind Healer?” Remus mused.
Sirius nodded. “So I’ll owl Moody about going back around mid November and ask McGonagall if she knows any good Mind Healers that specialise in kids.”
“I do, as it happens.”
The room's occupants were all drawn to the Transfiguration Professor as she entered the sitting room and took a seat on the matching sofa opposite Sirius and Remus. Sirius opened his mouth to ask for more details, only to be interrupted by the excited exclamations of “Nanna Mimi!” from Maia and Harry. Sirius and Remus shared a look as if to say; “ I didn’t teach them that. Did you?”
Mcgonagall, though equally surprised and thoroughly charmed, took it in stride as the two toddlers clambered into her lap and shoved their stuffed animals under her nose.
“Wook Nanna Mimi! Is Moony an’ Pwongs!” Explained Harry.
“An’ Paddy! Oh an’ Godwic!” Finished Maia.
McGonagall smiled indulgently. “Yes I see. They’re very fine animals.”
Sirius looked to Remus with a raised eyebrow at the surreptitious replacement of the stuffed Wormtail, He just shrugged unrempatantly.
It soon became apparent that they had tuckered themselves out as Harry and Maia were content to just sit in McGonagall’s arms until after a few minutes of silence they began to drop off. A quick glance at Lyall confirmed that nap time had arrived. As the only one not weighed down by a child or two, Sirius stood and scooped Maia into his arms, freeing McGonagall enough to stand, while Remus maneuvered Lyall into a position that was easier to carry.
Mopsy, now free from entertaining the rabble, stepped forward. “Would Master Sirius be wanting to see the Nursery now Sir?” she asked quietly.
“Yes, please Mopsy.”
He and Remus had been in Potter Manor countless times, but they’d never had much cause to go looking for a room that they had long outgrown. The diminutive house elf led them to a room similar in design to the Nursery in potter cottage, only much more spacious, with three cots already set up and ready. The three adults carefully deposited their charges into their beds with minimal fuss before moving to leave. Mopsy softly snapped her fingers making all of the black out curtains draw themselves closed.
“Mipsy has unpacked everything you be bringing with you. Mipsy be making lunch and tea now. Mopsy be keeping watch over the young Masters and Mistress. Mopsy not be letting anyone hurts them. Mopsy promise.”
Sirius thanked the loyal house elf once more as they left and made for the dining room.
“So I assume the Mind Healer is for Harry?” McGonagall asked.
He and Remus nodded.
“Well, Healer Mei-Lin Song is the best in her field. Takes on adult patients at St. Mungo’s, but is particularly gifted at helping children. She finished Hogwarts in 1960, was gifted in charms if I remember correctly. A credit to Ravenclaw.”
Having arrived at the dining room the trio took their seats around the table, tea and an assortment of sandwiches appearing as they did so.
“Well, we need to take Harry into St. Mungo’s for a check up anyway, so we can ask about it then.” Remus replied agreeably as they served themselves. “Did everything go alright with Dumbledore and the Fidelius?”
McGonagall rolled her eyes heavily. “Oh yes. Once he stopped trying to convince me of the mistake I was making and that I should be helping him convince you of it too. He seemed to have quite forgotten just who he was dealing with. I really can’t understand what’s going through that man's head these days.”
Remus said something in reply but Sirius had begun to tune out from the conversation as he thought on Dumbledore. It was true, that during his school years he thought the man brilliant. Always lenient when it came to the Marauder’s pranks, dealing out punishments that were more minor inconveniences as he used his influence for their benefit. As far as he had been concerned the man was the greatest wizard around. But now that he was in opposition to that influence and not longer protected by it, he couldn’t help but wonder about the opposers to his influence back then. All the times they’d harassed others and gotten away with it. It just taught them they could do it more without fear of any consequences. Hell’ he’d almost gotten Snape killed and he didn’t even get a slap on the wrist. Just an ‘All's well that ends well.’ Dumbledore facilitated it all. His lackluster punishments for them and most bar the Slytherins, it set the tone for the whole damn school. But why? He talked of inter-house cooperation then kept them segregated. Merlin, if anyone treated Maia or Harry or Lyall the way he treated Snape, he’d curse them into next week. Was that part of it? Snape didn’t have anyone but Lily on his side and he lost her in fifth year. Another thing that could also be laid at his and James' feet. Why did he and James begrudge him that? Why did the sight of him make them react so negatively? Why did he know objectively that it was horrific yet couldn’t make himself regret it? What in Merlin’s name was wrong with him?
“Sirius? Are you alright?”
He looked up from his untouched plate to Remus and McGonagall’s concerned faces. He ignored the question completely because no, he didn’t think he was.
Instead he turned to McGonagall. “What did you mean last night when you said about ‘seeing too many mistreated children pass through Hogwarts’?”
She seemed surprised by the direction his thoughts had taken.
Join the club He thought bitterly.
“Well, there are many forms of mistreatment. And as only professors there’s nothing we can legally do to help, other than repair any physical wounds and give them a place of safety for nine months out of the year. For example your mistreatment from your family was more of the emotional kind and the time you spent in Hogwarts helped you find a new family with the Marauders. Whereas Severus endured physical mistreatment and he found friends at Hogwarts, Lily being the closest.”
Sirius blanched. “H-he was abused? By someone at home?”
She nodded sadly. “He and his mother by his father. It was something of an open secret, we did what we could for him but there wasn’t anything we could legally do. There still isn’t.”
Sirius felt sick.
He had terrorised an already traumatised kid.
Why?!
Sirius stood abruptly and excused himself, he couldn’t bear to be there a second longer. He needed to think, to breathe, to understand.
But he couldn’t, he couldn’t remember a single reason to justify his past actions.
What the hell was wrong with him?