Chapter 2
France 1821
He had been working up to this since he realized how hard he had fallen when he realized he was just hurting the both of them.
It was a warm afternoon, despite the constant rainfall, and Remus had been at work all day. As soon as he got home Sirius knew it had been a bad day, but it almost always was for Remus, manual labor was hard on his body, and he was just getting over an illness… It was enough to make Sirius sick about choosing this day.
He knew how Remus was when he was in pain, the normally calm he had was much easier to rid of, and he was far more stubborn than he would usually be.
But of course, Sirius had the worst luck, and had chosen to start this day…
Or perhaps it was something of a blessing, maybe it would help with his decision.. make it easier.
Sirius was in their den, sipping on some foreign tea James had gifted him before he went off to explore, he listened to Remus’ footsteps as he approached him. He bent down to kiss Sirius’ forehead and Sirius could feel his heart break, the guilt was growing.
Remus made his way towards their bedroom, putting down his case and stepping out of view of Sirius. Sirius could hear the scrape of the chair against the wooden floor, and the shuffle of papers getting more urgent as time went on until it just stopped, the only sound being the crack of the fireplace.
“Sirius?” Remus called out, “Have you seen my papers?”.
Sirius let out a breath, now or never, he thought as Remus came into the room. “You have many papers.”
‘Do I really have to do this?’ he thought.
“The ones I had atop the rest, the ones I’ve been working on for months?”
‘Couldn't I just stay?’
“They aren't with the rest of your papers?” he stalled.
“No… You haven't seen them?”
‘No, I cant. It's not fair to him.’
Sirius was quiet now, he had seen them, he had also contemplated throwing them in the fire but he didn't have the heart to, so, in the meantime, they were hidden. He let his eyes go to Remus’ face now, it was contorted with anxiety, Sirius knew how much these papers meant to Remus.
“Sirius? Do..” Remus was closer to him now, “Do you know where they are?”.
Remus’ tone had betrayed him, and Sirius knew he had figured it out.
It's not fair to me.
“I think you know the answer to that,” Sirius whispered, preparing himself to adopt his mother's attitude, at least the part of her that betrayed nothing, all icy worlds, and straight faces.
“Where are my papers?”
“Gone.”
Remus had left now, going to the little table in the corner of the room, rummaging through everything. Sirius forced his feelings down, the guilt had begun to eat him alive, and he sipped his tea as he watched Remus tear apart his bookshelf.
“Where the hell is it Sirius?” Remus asked, his voice getting louder as he rushed into their bedroom. Sirius could hear the opening of drawers and the soft thud of clothing hitting the floor. “You knew how important this was!’.
Sirius didn't respond.
Remus had ran outside, to the back of their home, looking everywhere until it was clear he wouldn't find whatever was left of his work. When he reentered the home his posture was tense, his face red and contorted angrily. His hair was soaked along with his clothing.
“Sirius. I'm not asking again, where are my papers?”
Sirius didn't answer. He didn't say a word as Remus went into the second bedroom that was meant to be Sirius’, he didn't say a word as he heard Remus rummage through it, he didn't say a word until Remus came back with a photo in his hand.
Regulus’ photo…
He could see Remus arguing with himself but in the end, the anger won, “How about I throw this out? Since clearly, we don't care about things like this anymore.”
“Don't be childish.”
“Me?! I shouldn't be childish? You-” In the end Remus let the photo fall from his hand, going to their bedroom and slamming the door.
Sirius didn't sleep that night.
England 2021
“Remus? As in.. THAT Remus?!” James exclaimed, eyes searching both of their faces, looking for a trace of insincerity. “That's not fucking possible, how.. What the fuck!”.
“Is he going to pass out?” Remus asked.
It was a reasonable question, James’ tan skin had taken a pink hue as if he was suffocating. Sirius tilted his head to look at his brother.
“Well he can’t die, so I'm not too bothered.”
Remus didn't have an answer to that.
“Sirius? Are you alright in there?” A soft voice called from what Remus assumed was the kitchen.
“Quite, your husband is just being a bit stupid,” Sirius called back.
Lily laughed as she walked into the room, her eyes downcast, wiping her hands of flour onto her dress. “Don't break him.”.
If Sirius had bothered to look to his side where his not-so-new-new found love stood, he would have noticed the starstruck look on his face.
“What did you do to him-” Lily asked as she looked up, her emerald eyes latching onto Remus’ and she took a sharp breath. “John?” she asked.
“John?” Sirius whispered, barely holding back a snort.
“Lilith?”
“Lilith-” this time it was James, the poor man was becoming more confused by the second.
“Your alive?!” Lily exclaimed, a large smile on her face, as she closed the gap between them, hugging Remus tight.
“I hope so, but this day seems so unreal.” He said as he hugged her back.
Sirius was staring at the pair, sharing looks with James as if saying ‘the fuck is this?’.
“So.. Are we going to be filled in?” James asked.
Scotland 1946
“Do tell me you're not still obsessing over that actress?” a voice asked from behind her, she quickly looked and met the eyes of her best friend, the annoying fucker.
“You can hardly blame me, she reminds me so much of my sister!” Well, that was a lie, she didn't remind Lily of her sister, she was her sister. “Shame she didn't make it big.”
John hummed, “I heard she had a dreadful personality.”
The two were in their usual space, a hidden nook in a small library, though it wasn't much needed, the place seldom had visitors. Lily had met him months prior, he had started working there and had a broad knowledge of the books, Lily quite admired him. They quickly bonded over their love of books, and well.. lies.
Lily had introduced herself as Lilith, and he as John, though neither were true. Both told the other they were orphans, which was true, but it still somehow felt wrong. Both had lied about their knowledge on things they had outlived, and Lily was a great listener who heard all about lost love, one which died many years ago. ‘John’ admitted that was his reason for fleeing to Scotland.
“Have you finished your book?” Lilith asked.
“Not quite, I always lose inspiration towards the end.”
Lily hummed, having no answer.
And that was that.
Two friends, many lies, and one leaving.
Because truly no one can happily stay.
England 2021
“So.. You were friends?” James asked.
The group had relocated to the living room, it felt much easier to breathe after the shock had settled.
“Yep! I never quite could put a finger on why he was so secretive, but I guess I know now.
“This is so fucking weird, we were all connected in a way.” Sirius was still trying to wrap his mind around this, had it only been six hours since he saw him? It felt like they had spent a lifetime together like this was always how it was meant to be.
“What I don't get,” Lily started, addressing the whole world, “Is how we didn't figure this out before, because thinking back on this we were all quite sloppy.”
“Well, it's hard to be secretive when you asked for books about events I saw happen.”
“Is this about the Effiel tower?” Lily asked.
“Yes, it's about the fucking tower.”
“I asked about it one time, and he wouldn't shut up about it. And then he would never talk about it again when I asked how he knew so much!”
“I thought I blew it!” Remus sighed.
“At least you didn't do what James did.” Sirius laughed
“What did James-” Remus asked.
“He doesn't need to know!” James interrupted, as his hands flew to his hair. “He really doesn't.”
The room was quiet for a moment, Sirius and James stared at each other.
It lasted quite a while before James finally broke, “Fine! Just tell him.” he grumbled, leaning his face on his hand.
“So James, in his everlasting knowledge-”
“Stop with the fucking dramatics and get to it!” James pouted.
“Decided it would be nice to show Lily our old school-”
“How was I meant to know he-”
“I’M telling this story Prongs!” Sirius interrupted a smirk on his face. “So he's showing her around, mind you the school shut down for renovations. And James comes to a plaque with a name of an old mate of ours.”
‘’Lovely Peter,” James mumbled
“And without thinking yells,”
“‘Bloody hell! Wormy went off a died, should have stuck with us and avoided that.” Both Lily and Sirius said together.
“Mind you the years 1978, Peter died march of 1791.” Sirius’ grin widened.
“Oh did I also mention he told me he went to said school as a lad? Which confused the hell out of me because it had been closed since 1941, James apparently didn't bother to look when it closed for renovation.”
“I didn't think about it! I saw Peter and was shocked! Kinda forgot people I knew could die.” James' smile had a somewhat sad twist to it, “He was a good lad.”
“He tried to murder us?” Sirius cut in.
“Well before that.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“So what happened after?” Remus asked.
“Well we went to a pub, and after a few drinks I asked a few random questions until I asked ‘When were you born?’ and he answered ‘March 27th, 1701.’. He couldn't quite talk himself out of that one.”
“And look what I got out of it?” He smiled, standing from his seat to stand next to Lily, looking down fondly at her as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear.
France 1821
“Why even think of it?”
“It's fun, is it not?”
“I’ve never been fond of marriage, Sirius.”
The stars were bright that night, and the pair had made the journey to the countryside for the summer, staying in Sirius’ cottage for the time being.
They were laying in a clearing on top of a hill, Sirius claimed there was no better a spot to see the night sky, but in the end, he never really gazed at the sky, his eyes occupied something much more beautiful.
“I always wanted to get married, I doubt I will.” Sirius sighed, “I use to hate the idea then I met Euphemia and Fleamont.. They were so in love, I want something like that.”
Sirius opened his eyes to find brown ones peering back at him.
“Do you not have that?”
“I’d like to think I do.” Sirius responded, “Do you have that?”
Remus didn't answer, and Sirius did admit it stung.
They sat in silence a long while, the only sounds were the animals and the wind.
When it began to get cold, Sirius began to get up, but before he was standing, a hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him closer, a warm hand caressed his face and his lips were captured in a soft kiss.
“I do.”
Sirius smiled, and that was enough for him.
They walked hand in hand back to the cottage
He has fallen hard.
He can't stay.
England 2021
The day had gone quickly, filled with words and revelations but in the end, Remus found himself where he had longed to be for years, In Sirius’ bedroom, holding him.
“I’m so sorry.” He heard Sirius mumble into his chest.
“I’m so sorry, too. God, I’m sorry.”
“I’m scared to fall asleep, that you’ll disappear,” Sirius admitted, tightening his grip on Remus.
Remus laughed, “Good to know I’m not alone…”
And then Remus asked a question that brought Sirius back far too many years.
“Promise you’ll be here in the morning?”
France 1821
“Promise you’ll be here in the morning?”
Sirius could hear the plea in his voice, he was desperate, and Sirius knew he was breaking his heart. He was breaking his own heart. He didn't turn to look at Remus, he just stood in the middle of their bedroom, too scared to move.
It’s the beginning of the end.
He walked out of the room, tears blurring his vision.
He packed his bags that night.
England 2021
“I promise.”
It's no longer the end.
“Good. I promise too.”
He doesn't have to run anymore.
“I love you.”
He can have the love he's longed for.
“I’ve waited a hundred years to hear those words.”
It's time to stay.
And that alone is enough to make his heart stop.