Catra’s day had gone off to a bad start before she even woke up. In her dream, she had fallen into a pool made of something muddy and shinny that for a second was fun, but quickly turned into a nightmare. She woke up startled when someone kicked her in the stomach, but quickly realised that it was just the wall of her uterus falling down and that, even though there was still twenty minutes before her alarm rang, she would have to get up to shower and clean her favourite pyjama pants before they got stained from the blood. “Nice way to start the day”, she said to herself while trying to detangle her curls. Outside, a light rain started to fall, which normally would have pleased her, but today the only thing she could think of was that it would leave her hair all frizzed. In a hurry, she put on some lose jeans and a comfy red sweater, her favourite. Well, if were being precise, it wasn’t technically her sweater, but it had been in her house since a few weeks back when Adora left it there. Considering she never asked it back, Catra had considered it a gift. She whined to the sound of her stomach at the same time she oped the door, but if she wanted to make it to the bus in time, she wouldn’t have time for breakfast. The five minute walk took longer that usual, since every step felt like a being stabbed, but she ended up making it just as the doors were closing. She was already resigned to sitting next to one of those weird kids from elementary school when she saw a hand waving at her from the back of the bus. Adora’s blonde hair quickly became visible, followed by a a smile while calling her to sit next to her.
“I’m dying” said Catra, dramatically falling over the dusty seat and trowing her bag to her friend’s lap.
“I know” Adora answered carefully putting the bad on the floor next to hers and opening one of the compartments.
“What do you mean you know?”
“Our menstrual cycles are synchronised” she said with a smile while handing a cereal bar to Catra.
“Ew” she answered after a huge bite on the bar “Why do you even know that?”
“Cause we’re friends?”
“Weirdo.”
“Does that mean you don’t want the Buscopan I brought for you?”
Catra rolled her eyes and took the water bottle and the pill with a whispered thank you and spent the rest of the way listening to Adora practicing her English presentation about some poem. At some point her head fell into Adora’s shoulder and she let it stay there. None of them said anything and Catra even felt a little bit better. She didn’t know exactly what it was and she would never say it out loud, not even if her life depended on it, but every time Adora hugged her, held her hand or even just smiled at her, she felt an immense calm, like if everything in her life became a bit better. The best way she had come up with to describe it was like when she was dying to sleep and finally lay on the mattress that felt even more comfortable the usual and the pillow fluffier, the sheets warmer and just staid awake for two minutes thinking about something nice until she fell asleep. But it’s not like she had given that much thought. Why would she?
“Red suits you” Adora said taking her away from her thoughts and Catra hated herself with all of her strength for blushing with just that sentence. Thankfully Adora was already getting up from the seat to exit the bus and didn’t she the brunette’s face, or at least Catra thought so.
They parted ways when entering the English classroom, since Adora sat at the front row like the teacher’s pet she was and Catra sank into the farthest chair and watched the rain until it was Adora’s turn to present her work. Catra had already listened to that presentation a thousand times, she even new the poem by heart, but she never got tired of hearing Adora speak, specially to notice the way she drummed her fingers rhythmically on the book because of the nerves and how once in a while she had to suppress a smile when she caught Catra looking at her very concentrated. When Adora sat again, after hearing the teacher’s compliments, the brunette saw her look discreetly to her phone screen and the smile that came when she read the text.
Catra: you look good when you’re nervous
She spent the rest of the class taking deep breath’s and trying to warm up her hands while distracting herself from the pain in her lower belly and gave thanks to god when the bell finally rang and Adora sat next to her in the cafeteria.
“Are you any better?”
In response, a grunt was heard from the tuft of hair lying on the round table where Adora promptly put her hand and started to gently caress. A shiver ran down Catra’s spine as Adora’s fingers ran through her hair and she thought of how good it would be to feel her touch all over her body. Catra was glad that her face was hidden because as soon as she realised what she had just thought about, her face became more red that the sweater itself. It’s probably just the hormones, she thought, menstruation and stuff. But, no matter how hard she tried to think about anything else, the feeling remained and before she realised, she was seating on the bleachers thinking about Adora’s thighs while she ran around the gym. Obviously, she was in no condition of doing PE, so she thought of utilising that time to finish reading a book for English, which revealed itself to be especially hard considering that she could not concentrate. During all warm up, Catra tried to suppress the desire to look to her friend’s body, but when the volleyball mach began it was just impossible. Adora was possessed when it came to competitions, from the decided way she tighten her ponytail to how she threw herself on the floor without thinking twice just to save a ball. And Catra watched to it all with her cheeks burning.
“Mine!” Adora screamed as Bow, near the net, put the ball on the air. In slow motion, she gave to two steps forward until she was right under the ball and then jumped impossibly high to hit the ball with a thud that went directly to Kyle that, prudently, just moved out of the way and let the opposite time score a point. The blond one celebrated enthusiastically with Bow and then sent a flying kiss to Catra, who felt herself melt through the bleachers. It’s not like Catra had never noticed how beautiful Adora was and of course she felt good in her company, they were friends ever since Catra could remember, but lately, specially in moments in which she felt uncomfortable or sad, she had this absurd desire to be close to Adora, as if just a hug from her could solve all problems. And somethings not just a hug…
“MINE!” Adora screamed once again, this time not so graciously considering that she threw her self on the floor for nothing as the ball hit the net.
By the end of the class, Adora had her knees all red and bruised and half of her hair was out of the ponytail, but her team had won so she kept a smile on her face.
“I hate you, did you know that?” Catra asked as they exited gym.
“Just because I’m better than you at volleyball?” Adora teased.
“You wish. How the hell can you go around running and throwing yourself on the floor and I can barely move? It’s not fair.”
“Don’t worry” Adora put an arm around her shoulders “Next week we’ll play again and I’ll prove, fairly, that I am better than you.”
Catra pushed her away and immediately regretted because she was enjoying the contact.
“What’s wrong?” The girl asked, noticing the change in her expression “Is the pain worse?”
Catra lied saying that yes, that was what was wrong, and went to the cafeteria. Fortunately for her headache, the hall wasn’t as full at that time, just a few younger kids running late and high schoolers whose classes had ender earlier. Therefore, they managed to sit on the best spot: the rounded table near the windows. Adora’s expression, now calm and light-hearted, was perfectly framed by the blond strands of hair that fell just below her shoulders and that she tucked behind her ear as a mannerism. Catra recalled one time when they were little trying to braid that same blonde hair and giving up shortly after. She wanted to have that careless physical proximity from when they were children, simply move closer and hug her tightly. Of course she could still do that, but that would be ruining her dark and mysterious disguise. Still, what she most wanted on that moment, was to just fall asleep on Adora’s lap while she stroked her hair. Catra shook her head to clear her thoughts and started to eat the bland shepherd’s pie; at least she was no longer thinking of her friend’s thighs, though that as probably due to the fact that Adora was sitting and had replaced the sport shorts with jeans.
“Are sure there’s nothing wrong?” Adora asked, her mouth full with mashed potatoes. accepting she wasn’t going to get any better response than a grimace, she tried a different tactic. “What do you say about dinner and movie at my house?”
“I thought your mom was on the night shift.”
“She is.”
“That means we would be alone.”
“I know.” The blonde one answered with a wink and got up with her tray, leaving a speechless and blushing Catra behind. Had Adora just… flirted with her?!! That was Catra’s thing, not her’s. After putting herself together, she hurried up to reach the girl already headed to the school gates and they both seated on the sidewalk waiting for the bus. The effect of the painkiller she had taken that morning must have been wearing off because she started to feel her head throbbing and the abdominal pain was back. Absolutely defeated, Catra let her head fall into Adora’s shoulder, whom she saw smile from the corner of her eye while putting an arm around her shoulders. She could hear the other one’s heart beating slightly faster than usual and her floral perfume was all around her. She felt warm and comfortable, exactly what she needed at the moment. Adora’s fingers caressed Catra’s shoulder and she had the feeling that they were getting closer and closer to her neck. For no apparent reason, Catra looked up catching sight of those shining eyes fixated on hers in an indecipherable expression. She couldn’t resist the sudden urge of her eyes to drop to those delicate and shining lips of Adora, coated in her signature cherry lip gloss. Catra knew she shouldn’t, but she had spent all day trying not to think about it while at the same time it being the only thing distracting her from her shitty day, so she had a moment of weakness and moved closer just a couple of inches. Her heart was bating incredibly fast and she could feel the blood throb everywhere in her body. Now all she could see was the blonde’s mouth, but not for long since her eyes were starting to close, at the same time feeling the warmth emanating from the pale skin so close to her. Until a shove made her world cave in and she came back to her senses.
The fifth grader who has clashed against her apologised and continued running for the bus that had just parked. Catra’s heart stopped at the moment and she started to run, pushing through the queue to be the first to get in the vehicle, ignoring Adora’s cries. She sat on the back, squeezed between the window and her bag, hidden by Entrapta’s enormous hair, who gladly kept everyone away with her unstoppable rambling about the robotic club. Throughout the entire way Catra wished the daggers she felt stabbing her body were real so she could die right then and there. It would be more noble that having to face Adora after almost kissing her. A sharp pain raged in her head every time she thought about the consequences of just e few seconds of weakness and she begged the universe that, just that one time, it would let her go back in time and fix things. Unfortunately none of those things happened and twenty minutes later she was running out of the bus, hoping Adora wouldn’t see her and she made it home without having to face her.
After once again getting in front of everyone and taking the unnecessary long route, she finally managed to get home untroubled. Decided to never leave the house again, Catra tried to make her day a bit more tolerable and so turned on the music while she took a ridiculously hot and long bath. While the water ran through her skin, washing away the uncomfortable sensation that seamed to cover all her body, Catra re lived the the scene in her mind in slow motion. But the worst of all was that among all the embarrassment, frustration and regret, her heart still missed a beat every time she saw Adora’s lips so close they almost touched her own. Since she had already ruined a life long friendship, Catra though while trying to untangle her curls, she could’ve at least get to kiss her and ruin it properly.
Being the drama queen she was, the girl spent the whole afternoon buried in the covers looking at old photos of the two of them and crying every time she remembered the promises made, like watching Interview with the Vampire every Halloween or sharing a house when they got into college next year. Just thinking about the volleyball match next week she could feel a sob rising in her throat. She finally dropped the phone when texts from her ex-best friend started arriving asking if everything was okay and decided to get some sleep, anything to make her forget from the tragedy that was her life, even if just for a couple of hours.
***
Catra woke up disoriented. She had been dreaming about some enormous creature trying to break the gates of her castle with a giant tree when something woke her up. Her eyes were swollen for falling asleep crying and she was sure they were as red was the sweater lying lifeless in her bed. She rolled over to the other side to go back to sleep when once again she heard knocking, but this time she realised it was coming from downstairs. She got up in a hurry to check the time. It was still half past six, so it couldn’t be her parents, who would only arrive an hour later. While looking at the screen, she glanced over all the notifications of Adora’s texts, but one stood out
Adora: im going to ur house.
Catra had lost count of the times her heart had raced that day, but once again it happened. She could’ve ignored it went back to sleep, sure. She could just ignore everything and torture herself all weekend, but when she was about to do just that, a red something in the corner of her eye ignited something inside her. In the blink of an eye there it was that feeling again, that pure and almost savage desire to throw herself in the other girl’s arms and just stay there. It was a tad contradictory since the reason for neediness and sadness in the fruit place was Adora, but it made sense in her head. Flying down the stairs so fast it was truly was a miracle she didn’t fall, Catra finally reached the door, but than hesitated for a moment. Would it be worth it?
Everything is worth it if the soul is not small.
Adora’s voice appeared in her mind. That stupid line from that stupid poem read by that stupid mouth Catra had spent the whole day wanting to kiss.
She opened the door.
“You’re insufferable, you know that?”
And finally, ignoring all the voices in her head screaming at her not to, Catra threw herself into Adora’s arms, squeezing her against her body and hiding her face in the other’s neck, felling the sweet scent of her hair and the soft skin.
“Adora” she started gathering all her courage when she felt Adora’s arms embracing her waist. “I’m sorry about all that, can we… Ah… Adora? You’re crushing me a bit. I’m serious I can’t breath… ADORA! ”
“Please don’t stop talking to me” she said in a whisper.
When the embrace loosened enough so they could look to each other, Catra saw she wasn’t the only one with tears in her eyes.
“I was just… scared you wouldn’t want to be friends anymore.”
For an agonizing second, Catra saw Adora take a deep breath and lock eyes with her before talking. Then she felt her heart break into a million pieces.
“And I don’t” still feeling her heart being crushed piece by piece, Catra saw Adora closing the space between them again and placing both her hand on her face, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. “I want to be your girlfriend.” And then she felt their lips touch. She pushed the blond girl away.
“You’re so insufferable!” She yelled, face burning “You almost gave me heart attack, you know?! I hate you.”
“Do you?” Asked Adora, a smile dancing in her lips “So why is it you can’t stop staring at my mouth?”
Catra was utterly exhausted and done with that hell of a day that felt more like an emotional roller coaster, so she decided the only way to make it better was to get a hold of the situation and do things her way. Meaning, she puller Adora close and kissed her as if her life depended on it. When they finally broke apart, both girl’s cheeks were flushed and most of Adora’s cherry lip gloss was on Catra’s lips. Slowly retrieving the hand that somehow got inside Adora’s shirt, Catra let a satisfied slime take over her expression.
“I’m gonna assume that was a yes” said Adora referring to the implied request to be her girlfriend.
“That depends on what you have in that bag.”
Adora smiled and opened the schoolbag she was still carrying, revealing a number of different coloured Tupperwares and a CD box.
“Since you didn’t reply to my texts about having dinner at my place, I decided to bring dinner to you. I mad your favourite pasta and I have Imagine Me & You to watch while we eat.”
Catra kissed her again but this time not for long as she couldn’t hold back the huge smile trying to escape her lips.
“I’ll even marry you if you want to.”
The two girls smiled and got inside the house happier than ever, spending the rest of the evening in Catra’s room eating, talking and watching the movie among kisses and cuddles. Adora only left when Catra’s parents, who didn’t even know the girl was there, kicked her out long after mid-night. This time, when Catra lay down to sleep she didn’t dream about muddy pools or monsters breaking walls; instead, it was the cherry flavour and blonde hair that filled her mind all night.