Last Christmas
It was Christmas Eve, and Regulus found himself settled at the Hog’s Head, surrounded by people he didn’t particularly like. But then again, he didn’t have much of choice these days did he? Next to him Severus was droning on about how Dumbledore was trying to recruit him to be the new chemistry teacher at Hogwarts, but he hated that school too much. They all knew he would take the job anyway. Barty was to his left, downing beer after beer, mumbling about his father, as if he was the worst one on the planet, as if he didn’t know Regulus’s own situation.
Just as he was contemplating finding an excuse to disappear, he’d prefer to drink alone in his flat at this point, the group came tumbling in full of laughter. Nothing soured him more than seeing other’s joy when all he wanted was misery. Regulus attempted to ignore the laughs until one sounded too familiar, his heart speeding up at the memory. Glancing up, he caught eyes with none other than James Potter, a gorgeous Lily Evans wrapped under his arm.
Fuck.
Sirius would be with them, but that didn’t bother Regulus nearly as much as Potter’s presence. He was accustomed to Sirius ignoring him at this point, that was the welcomed consistency in his life. But seeing James, having to face him again a year after? That took him from a point of misery to pure agony. He wanted to look away, to pull himself away from the bar and exit into the night, but he couldn’t, not until he knew that James had seen him.
And he did, his eyes sparking recognition, his arm tightening around Lily as he attempted to divert his attention. That fucking bastard, acting as if Regulus presence was nothing more than a mere nuisance. As if it hadn’t meant something to him.
It had been Christmas Eve, in that very bar. Regulus was alone, nursing a beer trying to make do with the new normal. No Walburga, no Orion, no Sirius, Regulus was destined to spend the holiday in complete isolation. That was until an unexpected presence settled into the seat next to him, flooring the man entirely.
“Pretty shitty to be spending Christmas alone innit?” James Potter flashed that charming smile, nodding at the bartender. When the hell would James Potter of all people, spend Christmas alone?
“You’ve got to be shitting me.” Regulus managed, unable to comprehend the scene in front of him. James just chuckled, taking a sip of his own drink.
“Sirius and Remus are out doing their own thing. Peter is visiting his family. My parents passed, and well, I just needed a drink.” As if that was the easiest explanation to give. Regulus couldn’t stop his heart from speeding up, and instead turned his attention back to his drink, finishing it off with ease. There was no way, no fucking way, that the guy he fancied all throughout school, his brother’s best friend, was keen on drinking with him. On Christmas Eve of all days.
“You didn’t join any of them?”
“No. I found the idea of solitude quite nice. Until I realized how lonely it was.” He mused, eyeing Regulus carefully. He tried not to notice, but could feel his skin flaming under the gaze. He had already had one too many to control himself as easily.
“Hm, it can be.”
James didn’t respond, instead letting an oddly relaxed silence fall between them. People bustled around them, meeting up with old friends, or drinking away their loneliness like them. No one noticed them though, that night they were just two people having a quiet drink. Perhaps to escape a hectic household, or mourn, or celebrate. The excuses were endless.
“You should try to reach out to Sirius sometime. He won’t admit it, but he still cares about you.” James offered out of nowhere, his voice soft and genuine. Regulus snorted, as if.
“Are you really here to play peacemaker tonight?”
“Why not? It’s Christmas Eve, never too late for a Christmas miracle.” He smiled and cheered Regulus’s fresh glass. Those beautiful eyes, always showcasing exactly what James Potter was feeling. He never had anything to hide from the world, not like him. It was so easy to fall into them, to be drawn by the inviting cadence of his voice, the easy-going mannerism of his body. If Regulus wasn’t careful, he would make a fool of himself that night.
And soon the hours drifted away as the two caught up, laughing about their days at Hogwarts, discussing the boring demands of adult life, and the new found loneliness that appeared with no long being surrounded by friends. Since ending school, Regulus had realized just how much he disliked his friends, hence to his current circumstance. But James didn’t judge, in fact for the first time Regulus felt listened to, accepted, as if things would be okay. No wonder he was Sirius’s best friend, it’s easy to see now why Sirius had left.
The more they talked, the closer James leaned in, laughing at the quirks of Regulus’s life. They challenged each other to finish their beers, the foam lining their lips as they laughed too loudly. Not that anyone cared, it was a good time to be jolly. And God, Regulus hadn’t felt this alive in years, hadn’t laughed this hard. The alcohol warmed him, loosened up the usual rigid boy. And James was there, right next to him, coaxing it out of him, allowing himself to open up, and accepting it all.
“Last call!” The bartender called out, collecting the glasses that had accumulated in front of Regulus and James, giving them a sharp eye. The two could only laugh, trying to get the last drops of their drinks before the end of the night. Regulus usually prided himself on never being drunk, of always being in control, but something about this felt so right.
The two leaned on each other as they headed out the door, their arms draped over their shoulders for support. James was as warm as the alcohol, and his cologne hung to his skin in a way equally as intoxicating. Regulus wanted to be wrapped up in him. And as they cross the threshold into the cool night reality started to sink in, that this night was ending, it would be forgotten to James in the morning and Regulus would be left with a sense of emptiness he could never really shake. Just as he turned, to peel himself away from James and head back to his flat, he was surprised to find James staring up at him seriously, eyes wide with wonder.
“Mistletoe.” He pointed at the light pole by them, where a bundle of mistletoe did in fact hang. Regulus smirked, glancing back down to James. If only he was brave, if only he wasn’t so drunk then maybe he wouldn’t even be enticed.
Then James was kissing him. Not a simple friendly kiss, but hard, desperate. Regulus was stunned, but took no time to think. His hands gripped around James’ collar and pulled him closer, wanting all of him in that moment.
“Let’s go back to yours.” James muttered against Regulus’s lips. He agreed without a thought, leading the messy haired boy away from the safety of the bar and into the parts of himself he never shared with anyone.
He awoke to an empty bed, with an apology note and a glass of water.
And now, across the bar, he watched James Potter kiss Lily happily, ignoring the pains in his own chest. So Regulus turned away, closing up those parts of himself, hiding in the loneliness that was almost too consuming. Some things were only for a moment.