4
So Tina had gotten particularly close in those two weeks, Bette felt taken aback by every move the blonde made, Tom had told her to follow Tina as he had asked every office staff member, yet she always found herself thinking about the blonde, continuously. Bette thought she had the situation under control, that she could overcome her entire inner storm until she heard the door of her office open to see the blonde appear with a cup of coffee and close the door behind her. Those situations were quite uncomfortable, Bette now tried to stay in contact with Tina as little as possible, especially to be alone in the same room after they had almost ended up kissing a few days before. Bette remained composed looking at the computer screen, while she placed the cup on the dark mahogany desk silently.
"thank you..."
Bette whispered in awe, purposely not looking at the blonde.
Tina looked at her with a frown, what she always did when she didn't quite understand a situation, she was there with her hands in the pockets of her baggy black jeans, just waiting to be looked at, but Bette limited herself to
"do you need help with something?"
Tina was struck by that coldness, but by now she had decided that it was right to try.
"I think there is something between us..."
Bette had looked up, she had been wearing glasses for a few days, it was a good excuse to gently massage the bridge of her nose and her sore eyes.
She felt old.
"a friendship..."
"not for me...I want to kiss you...I mean...I wanted to do it two days ago and you know it..."
At that point Bette found herself fighting with sweaty hands and red cheeks as she took off her black glasses and placed them on the desk among the various files.
Now she was forced to face the blonde and the path she had chosen was only one.
"You are so young Tina... I am a grown woman... how old are you? 22?"
Bette sighed, moving some papers vaguely.
"You think I am a stupid little girl, don't you?"
"No Tina. I think you are too young and on top of that, my boss's daughter."
Tina chuckled bitterly, maintaining her previous posture, hands in her pockets, shoulders hunched forward, she felt uncomfortable, but she also had to confess to Bette everything she had felt in the last few days.
"So is there something or not?"
Tina insisted, their gazes burning.
"it's useless to tell you that you're beautiful...you have had eyes on you since you came in in the morning..."
"well I see you too...how many have you been here with?"
"we won't talk about this Tina, you're not one of the many."
"no indeed...that's why you should trust me."
Bette threw herself back throwing the Bust against the chair making it turn a little to the right and a little to the left, never losing contact with the blonde who seemed determined.
"we can have anyone both of us..no matter our age.."
It was true, Tina was right.
Despite her beautiful thirty years Bette could have all the women in the world, those of sixty or twenty, she had had casual sex with some even younger than her, but it was fun, seduction. Tina was, carnal, pure soul.
Bette leaned forward a little, perhaps.
"Then you can have someone your own age..."
Tina swallowed, her cheeks red, for a moment she felt herself in a vortex "why are you in my head Bette...I just wish we could understand together..."
Bette sighed heavily, those words were not just Tina's, they also reflected Bette's state of mind. She had thought about Tina, a lot, about her perfume, Bette liked women, but in reality she wanted to take Tina's face in her hands, hold it, kiss it delicately on all its parts.
That hair, God, Bette would have brushed it for hours.
"Well, we won't talk about it anymore..."
Bette heard the blonde's faint words and before she turned to leave
"Tina wait..."
Bette's voice came out almost desperate, breathless, she didn't even understand why he had called her, it had all come out by itself.
Tina stood there, neither forward nor backward, motionless, part of her was angry, part of her was full of pain, she had understood that she was interested in Bette right away, for her Bette had been unexpected, older than her, more mature, but still a young woman, they would grow up together or at least that's what Tina hoped.
But maybe she was wrong, maybe.
"Look at me please..."
The second plea came out of Bette's mouth, standing a few steps away from her, her hands along her thighs, surrendered, tired and Tina looked at her, in a second Bette recognized those eyes, they were the same sensations, the same emotions, everything the same as what she felt for Tina, peace, serenity and maybe even more.
"Why are we doing this? Why is this happening to us?"
Bette bit her lip in panic, those questions were aimed at Tina but also at herself, she was torn and angry about everything she felt, she wasn't used to this.
Tina understood the panic as always, she knew how to read Bette perfectly, she approached slowly, now their bodies were centimeters apart, very few. Their eyes spoke a language all their own.
"So do you feel it?"
Bette closed her eyes for a second then opened them trying to look away but it was impossible.
"It's undeniable, but it doesn't mean it's right Tina, you're eight years younger than me, your father is...."
Bette didn't have time to finish before Tina took her hand in hers, with delicacy and unbridled passion, so much so that the brunette shivered at the touch as if it were burning and giving relief at the same time.
"I don't care...I feel it's right that it is this way...I'm not a child let me show you..."
Tina said seriously her eyes full of love.
Bette swallowed, it was hard not to feel that tight grip of fingers, that soft hand between hers, the smooth skin, scented of lavender.
Bette closed her eyes, maybe Tom would never know. Meanwhile Tina's scent had enveloped her, a fleeting exchange, her eyes were close and then her lips touched hers.
“Come in!”
She cried when she was interrupted from her thoughts, jumping up in her leather office chair just after lunch. Bette adjusted her straps over her shirt in one fluid motion, straightening the papers that had slipped from her hands at the knock on the door.
The woman entered determined, Bette closed her eyes, Helena was certainly not her favorite work companion, in fact Bette even doubted her abilities as a lawyer. Usually she and Bette worked on their own on very important common cases, Tom trusted Helena but Bette less, especially because he had always thought that the brunette felt different things about friendship for Tina, even when she and Bette were together.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but it's important."
Bette nodded, motioning to sit on the leather chair in front of her desk.
"just tell me..."
Helena placed her hands gently on the desk, watching Bette carefully.
"I have to spend a few weeks in Ireland Bette... maybe a few months..."
Bette laughed "I'm not the boss here, you'll have to ask Tom, although... well ... the year is starting again and he won't accept anything about extra vacations."
Bette got up to get a glass of water, sipping it while standing in front of the window.
"He's already agreed."
Helena said in a firm voice.
"Oh" Bette turned in surprise "so what do you want from me? I won't take on your share of it Helena, I... we already have enough disastrous cases that Tom cares too much about."
"Well, I've chosen my replacement... and she already knows it"
Bette watched her, her eyes narrowing, her head spinning
"speak clearly...."
"Tina, you and she will fight for the best cases, she's the best you know."
"what the fuck are you saying?"
Bette came out of her elegant and polite figure, that was a side of her that Helena knew very well, Helena and a few others.
Helena remained silent, watching Bette who in turn watched her attentively and amazed.
"Do you want to explain to me what the hell you have to do in Ireland?"
"My mother, she's sick Bette, I have to stay close to her, I don't know how it's going to go."
Bette sighed, closing her eyes and massaging her forehead
"God... so... she... she..."
"she already knows.. she told me to leave, I know how much it costs her Bette.. but you know she loves me, and she's cared about my mother for years."
Bette knew that Peggy's health was fundamental to Helena, she would never have thought otherwise. She closed her eyes, hands on her hips and walked behind the desk again.
"Tom wasn't convinced and you know why... he wants to see you in the office later."
"He's more interested in the cases."
"All of us are interested in the cases Bette... otherwise no one here would see a cent.. but you and I don't work too closely together, you can divide the work... she's good, you know."
Bette certainly knew that.
"I don't think we could do that..."
"She agrees Bette.. and then... it's over right? You... I mean.."
"Me what?"
"She was married to Eric for years, she moved on between you... I see you've moved on.."
Bette certainly would never tell Helena what was inside her, maybe Shane or Alice could have known, but not Helena, so she looked away.
"We'll do what we have to do... leave at Tina all the paperwork you have..."
"Yes, already done.. well" Helena stood up "then you'll see Tom..."
"Yes..."
Bette answered without giving it too much importance, but when Helena was almost to the door she said
"take care of your mother, parents are precious."
Tina was in front of her father, he was finishing filling out some forms when the door clicked and Bette entered the room. Tina had prepared herself in every way possible, her father was not happy with this meeting even just for work, in fact Tom was not even happy that Tina and Bette were walking around the same building, but by now the choice to take Tina back and keep Bette had been made for the prestige of the firm.
Tom Kennard cared about his job as much as he cared about his life.
Furthermore, the two women would have worked in separate offices for two different fronts, they were mostly corporate cases of great importance, or divorces of rich and powerful people to be kept discreet or splashed all over the gossip magazines, in short. They would have taken one of the parties and tried to mediate in a big way, the files and documents were many and two lawyers were always needed in these cases.
Bette came in greeting with a generic "good evening" to which Tina responded in return and Tom was too busy, only when the brunette was seated did he look up at Bette and smile. Tom loved Bette, Tina knew it, it had always been obvious. The blonde was tapping her fingers on the chair while Bette was lost in thought, the memory of the first kiss she had given Tina in his study, of the recognition of their changed feelings was still fresh and she was almost sweating.
Bette was inches away from her, in the chair, her wrist dangling downwards from the armrest.
"so..." Tom interrupted the thoughts of both of them "as you know you will work together, the cases for this season are these" he shook some folders in duplicate on the table looking at them "there will be only some commotion as always, you know our job perfectly when too many cases communicate, also Helena is out of action that's why you are here...she is your right hand Bette, but Peggy is not living in good health, so she will be missing for a while...Tina is the best resource, neutral, just arrived you could say, she could be useful."
Bette listened to Tom with extreme attention, when it came to work, she was infallible in concentration.
There was a moment of silence before the man looked at his daughter and then Bette
"can you do that?"
The two looked up then Tina broke the silence
"win it all? sure..."
The final determined answer. Obviously both Bette and Tina knew that Tom hadn't asked that question to get that answer, it was a trick, he was talking about the personal relationship between the two not about work, but Bette appreciated that Tina had been so good to her father.
Bette stiffened, then sighed to keep quiet.
"We'll continue as Helena and I have been optimising, Tom...no need to worry."
Bette said and Tina watched her from the corner of her eye, they were doing their best to keep their turmoil quiet.
"Well, these are cases that will cost us billions of pounds, I'm sure our firm will have the best balance sheet this year too."
The two women nodded, Bette wanted to leave and escape so she stood up, jumping up in her chair.
"Well if there's nothing else I'd have to do..."
She was already almost to the door, Tina didn't even turn to see her, she knew she was running away. Tom nodded in a positive way and Bette disappeared into the hallway, her breath short, she felt faint as she continued straight into the study without looking at anyone. She closed the door, resting her hands on the table with the cold water in the jug, Tina's smell, her presence, her closeness, had been so different from that evening at the park.
Much more real.
"I loved her..." Bette said to herself, "and I screwed up." She could have had Tina, you know, forever, and yet here she was, longing for a woman who had been a man's for years, and now she hated her.
Bette's door knocked again "come in" she replied nonchalantly, leaning back against the piece of furniture, her hands in front of her, her head between her shoulders.
Only when the door closed after a few steps did Bette look up at the door, focusing and trying to compose herself quickly.
"Tina....what...um...what do you need?"
Bette put her hands on her hips and straightened her back, she was sweating she could see it, the last time they had been in that office....
Bette quickly and painlessly chased the thought away.
The blonde was standing with her arms crossed over her chest, in her burgundy sweater and her tight jeans, her legs slightly apart, completed by her black knee-high boots. Tina was staring at her, not batting an eye.
"I wanted to ask you if it's okay for you..."
The voice came out too soft, Tina could hear it, but she didn't change her expression. Bette widened her eyes and then shook her head, forcing a smile.
"sure, sure...it's...it's obvious that it's okay for me..." she said sitting down on the chair.
Tina bit her lower lip, she used to be able to read everything about Bette, every expression, every hidden feeling, but now, it seemed unreadable to her and on the one hand it was normal, years had passed in which the two of them had not spoken, not even seen each other. Tina could no longer know Bette that well, even if she knew she was in the grip of panic.
The two looked at each other "is there anything else?" Bette felt the need to say.
"we said we wouldn't be in contact much and here...I didn't know this thing with Helena would happen...her mother is important, I couldn't deny her...even if it costs me to do it."
Bette lowered her gaze, staring at her suit pants.
"sure, I guess being with me is heavy..." she said in an unhappy tone, then looked back at Tina "right?"
"well we won't be together, we'll divide the steps to take..."
Bette nodded there was no way to break down that wall, Tina had moved on.
"Well, now I'll leave you to work..."
The blonde said feeling imprisoned by those brown eyes in those four walls, they wouldn't argue anymore, at least that's what Tina hoped.
"yes thanks Tina...good work to you too..."
Later that evening Tina left the office at eight past, her bag over her shoulder and Helena at her side as they entered the private garage.
The brunette was trying to give her directions on how to best work with her ex, at least a modicum of reassurance. In the distance Tina saw the silhouette of Bette, immersed in her long black coat, her Louis Vuitton in her left arm while she held the car keys in the other and a woman in front of her, tall, maybe taller than Bette, skin like coffee, long braids.
Tina froze in place, fortunately they had reached Helena's car which was far from the two women.
"It's Pippa Pascal..a lawyer for Continental..."
Helena said, noticing Tina's gaze fixed on the two women.
"Oh...and why is she coming down here to our office...?"
"Well, I think you can imagine...Bette is like honey to bees!"
Tina felt her blood boil for a second
"Bette's prey, huh?"
"For a few weeks, nothing special...but you know, at least I saw Bette happy..."
"As long as it doesn't cause a conflict of interest, it's competition."
"Well, I think Porter is great and knows her stuff. Let's go..."
Tina quickly looked away and got into her father's car to speed away. When she got home the living room was still half empty, the sofa would be arriving in two days, the kitchen was fortunately all ok, she would only have to go and buy some essentials, but she was happy to finally live alone.
She opened the pantry, taking out a herbal tea.
She sat down in the rocking chair she had bought, positioned in the corner next to the window, the steaming cup on her thighs, it was almost snowing, outside the small lights of the buildings gave a comforting impression to Tina. She remembered last winter at home with Eric, when the arguments were already almost unbearable, the divorce papers almost ready, disagreements about everything, that house had become unbearable for her and for him.
Despite that life as a couple destroyed and ugly in the end, Tina felt good being there alone now, she would not have wanted anyone around her at that moment, except Bette. The thought struck her like thunder, how could she think those things? How could she still think them, after the wedding and after everything?
She closed her eyes, savoring the exotic fruit tea she had prepared to warm herself. Her mind went to the blackberry and her office, she remembered the last time she had been in that office, it had been a dramatic day that Tina had almost pushed from her mind.
Then she, lingering on the smoke from the cup, curled up under the blue checked blanket, turned the spoon distractedly while thinking about the woman next to Bette in the garage, about what Bette was doing with that woman at that very moment perhaps. Maybe they were having dinner, maybe they were at home, under the covers cuddling? Could Bette do it? With Tina, yes, but the blonde no longer knew if Bette could be serious with someone. She and Tina had lived an intense story, but most of the time it had been Tina who had sought sweet contact, Bette was not to be prayed for when it came to being intimate, but with small gestures, hugs, caresses, cuddles in front of a movie, Bette had never really been capable. It had been Tina who had directed her and helped her.
But Tina had never cared about that, she liked to push Bette beyond her limits, her barriers. Until it happened that Tina thought that Bette would take the next step, that she would go forward with her, to fight, to battle together against everyone. Tina had hoped for it, but instead Bette had remained still, she had not followed Tina, she had not trusted and had not even opened up. And besides, Tina had understood that perhaps, Bette had never even loved her, that she had been one of many, she had thought about it, perhaps it had been like that, a story without importance. But despite this, Tina felt she could not forget Bette's hands, her touch, her mouth everywhere.
It was an addiction.