Wolfstar one shots

James was sure the day was already perfect. There was not a thing that could make it better. He and Regulus were having one of those lazy days when you don’t actually have to do anything. It was mid-june, the sun was shining and everything was just simply great.

They are laying in the Potter’s garden. Regulus reading a book while James.. Well he is just enjoying the moment and from time to time glancing at Regulus. He couldn’t help it when the other boy looked so incredibly good.

A little frown had formed on Regulus' face. It tempted to happen whenever he was really concentrating, like he was at the moment, to whatever was going on in his book. His hair was curling just under his ears. He had tucked it behind his ears, to keep it away from his face.

He was wearing a pair of blue jean shorts, the ones that were a little loose that he loved. With that he had paired an oversized shirt, that James is pretty sure is his. He was also sure Regulus’ felt hot with the long-sleeve on, but didn’t say anything about it. The neckline of the shirt was loose from all the use that it tended to slip from Regulus’ shoulder. Now showing his right collarbone.

James had a weird urge to lick it.

Regulus glanced at him and after a minute put his book down. He rolled to his side to look at James too, but then turned to lay on his back and look up to the blue sky. It was very bright outside as there were no clouds in the sky. Regulus snatched James’ sunglasses from where they were next to him on the blanket they had brought out with them.

James sat up and rested his weight on his elbows. Regulus looked so peaceful and he was glad he could be so relaxed here. In James’ home. He had an urge to kiss Regulus right at the moment. So he did.

He furrowed down to press a light kiss on the collarbone that was still peaking out of the neckline. Regulus hummed and stroked James’ hair so he did it again, he moved a bit up to the spot where Regulus’ shoulders met his neck and did it again but then pulled off and settled on his back again. But this time closer to Regulus.

The words ‘I love you’ were on the tip of his tongue. Ready to be freed, but James didn’t. Was it too early? Would it scare Regulus away? They’ve been dating for six months now, but Regulus liked to take things slow. So they did and James was so so patient. He really was, but he also really wanted to let the other boy know how he felt. He loved him and didn’t want to keep it to himself anymore.

Then Regulus turned too at him.

“I think I’m ready”, James turned to look at him too. He wasn’t really sure what he was ready to do.

“Hm?”

“I think I’m ready to have sex… With you I mean”

Oh

That was one of the things they have taken slowly too. And it was fine, James could go without sex, no big deal. They have kissed, alot. And other things, but never under the clothes. Regulus didn’t want James to see him with no clothes, so James respected that and didn’t try to do anything.

Regulus was always the one to push a little bit further. Little bit at the time, so it had first been just James’ hands touching his face, his neck and shoulders. Little by little it was okay for him to touch Regulus’ sides, waist and hips. But over the shirt, until one day it was okay to touch under the shirt.

But don’t look.

And it upsets James. Not because Regulus didn’t let him see him, but how could the most perfect boy ever not like himself? How could he hate himself? And how unfair was it that there was nothing James could do about it. Yes he could tell Regulus how much he adored him no matter what he looked, how perfect he is in James’ eyes.

But when the mind is damaged you don’t fix it with comforting words.

It was a process and all James could do was support Regulus on every step he took and just hope one day Regulus could look at himself and realise there’s nothing wrong with the way he is.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to because of me”

Regulus took the sunglasses off and really looked at James.

“No, I think I’m doing this for myself”, then he paused. “I didn’t mean it like that. Of course I want to do it for you too, but not in a way you meant. Like I.. well.. I really want you”

Those words maybe shouldn’t have made James blush but they did. Of course he knew Regulus is a normal human being with a body that works the same way his does. So the same way James got turned on, got some awkward boners in situations he shouldn’t, Regulus did too.

It just felt good to hear Regulus wanted him. The same way he wanted Regulus.

“Okay, okay”, he nodded his head. Not really knowing how he was supposed to move in with the situation. When Regulus said he’s ready, did he mean he’s ready right now or in the near future?

“You mean like.. right now?”

Regulus struggled, “I mean no one’s home”

Okay so now, okay.

“But we don’t have to if you don’t want to”, Regulus quickly said and it made James laugh.

“Of course I want to. I don’t think there’s a time or a place where I didn’t want you”

All Regulus did was smile and blush

-

It would have been underestimating to say Regulus was nervous. He was absolutely terrified. Not because he didn’t want to, he really did. He had wanted for the last couple of months, but he’s been too scared. He has been overthinking everything and anything that could happen if he let James take his virginity.

James would be disgusted when he saw him. Afterwards he would tell how he didn’t care about Regulus. How everything was just a joke to him. How he would make Regulus feel bad about himself.

But in the middle of those thoughts he had to stop himself. Because it’s James he’s talking about. And if there was something Regulus should be sure about is the fact that James would never.

Never.

So he just has to get over his fears. He loves James. He does, he really really does. He just can’t say it. He’s scared to do that too.

Regulus is scared of a lot of things. But just this one’s he decided to be brave and do something for himself. Let himself have this one thing. Maybe let James have him too, it was after all about James too.

Regulus really hoped James couldn’t tell how much his hands were shaking as they walked up the stairs of the Potter’s house, hand in hand. Or if he did, Regulus was glad James didn’t mention it. James led him to his room. The sheets in the bed were messy, they hadn't made the bed because Effie wasn’t there in the morning to comment about it.

James' parents were visiting some relatives while Sirius was over at Remus’ house for the week. He has been overly dramatic about meeting Remus’ parents, even though it wasn’t the first time.

Regulus still hoped everything went well. He hadn’t heard from his brother yet.

So they had the house for themselves. They have told the Potter’s sweet house elf to have a day off, which they have been really grateful for. Thanking them over and over again.

Regulus sat down on the bed, not knowing what to do. He didn’t dare to meet James’ eyes so he kept his own eyes on the floor.

Should he kiss James or do something else? How did people have sex? What are the events that lead to people having sex? It was embarrassing how little he knew. Because he knows James knows. He knows James has slept with people, girls and guys. And that’s fine, it doesn’t bother Regulus. But he hasn’t, so at the end of the day would it bother James? If Regulus wasn’t good. If he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. What was he supposed to do?

James sat next to him and took his hand again. He drew patterns to the back of Regulus’ hand. The gesture was calming.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to”, James said quietly.

I do want to, right?

Regulus shook his head, “No I want to, I want it to be with you. Please James”, he pleaded. Not even sure why.

“Okay”, James said and turned to face him. The whole situation felt intimate to him, more intimate than it probably was. James took a hold of his face and kissed him, very gently.

“We are gonna take it slow and you’re going to tell me if you need me to slow down or stop, okay?”

Regulus nodded and tried to kiss James again, but he pulled away.

“Okay?” he asked again.

“Okay”, James smiled and took a hold of his hips to guide him lay on the bed. Before James joins him on the bed he takes his glasses off, but then settles himself on top of him. Legs on both sides of his body, but he didn’t rest his whole weight on Regulus. He started kissing his jaw, down to his neck. His lips were warm and soft on Regulus’ skin who closed his eyes and hummed. James took a hold of the shirt's loose neckline and pulled it to the side to kiss his shoulder and collarbones.

“Is this okay?”

It was more than okay. Regulus felt how his body was starting to relax more under James’ touch. He was trying very hard to relax, but couldn’t help the thought that was distracting him.

You’ll have to take your clothes off soon

He tried to push that thought as far away as he could. It would be okay.

“Yes”, he said without hesitating, it was okay.

James' hands were running up and down on his sides, clearly doing his own work with relaxing him.

“You can loosen up, love”, James whispered and gently bit the skin on his neck. “It’s all okay”

Regulus let out a gasp, one that was way too big of a reaction for such a small gesture. James looked up at him now smirking.

“You liked that, huh?”

Regulus felt how his cheeks grew hot and then James did it again. But this time he didn’t just bite the skin, but ran his warm tongue over the spot afterwards. James’ hands moved lower to the hem of his shirt, gently under it.

“This okay?”

He had done it many times before, but it still felt nerve racking. But it also felt good, James’ rough fingers on his bare skin.

“Yes”, he said and James moved his hands up on his sides. Then he did something he hasn’t done before. He moved his hands to Regulus’ chest and his fingers ghosted over his nipples, but didn’t touch. James raised his head up to look at his face, to see his reaction. Regulus stared back and waited for him to do something, so he did. James’ fingers pressed gently to the skin around his nipples, in circulating motions. Until James ran his thumb over his left nipple and

Oh

It was weird, because it didn’t really feel like anything. But at the same time he felt something in his lower stomach. He decided he liked the feeling. James' hands moved, stroking his bare sides as his lips were sucking on Regulus’ neck. There would be some marks later, Regulus knows it. Then James did something that made him stiffen. He took a hold of the hem of Regulus’ shirt, but didn’t lift it. Instead he waited to see his reaction.

“Okay?” he asked and Regulus hummed. It wouldn’t be that bad, right? James would just see his way too skinny arms, the way his ribs poked through his skin, his narrow hips. So basically everything he didn’t want James to see.

It will be okay, you will be okay. It’s James, it’s James.

“..yes”, Regulus said, but he wasn’t sure if he let out any noise. But James clearly heard him as he sat up on top of him. “Regulus, it’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but also know that no matter what you look like to yourself you will always look beautiful to me”

“You don’t know that”, Regulus claimed. He knew it was a childish thing to say, but how would James know. James smiled, “I know because your mind”, he touched Regulus’ temple, “And your heart”, he touched his chest. “Are beautiful. And that’s what means the most to me”

He was quiet until he nodded. “Okay, you can”, James smiled and kissed him on the lips. And so slowly his fingers moved down again. He took a hold of the hem of his shirt and lifted it up, Regulus held his breath. But James didn’t take his shirt off all the way, he only lifted it enough for his stomach to show. James smiled.

“You have a cute belly button”, he pointed out and Regulus couldn’t help the laugh that he let out. That is such a James thing to say. To prove his point James presses kisses all over his stomach. Regulus knows James is trying to take his mind off from worrying, and it’s working. He pushed the shirt up more until his whole upper body is bare. Regulus closes his eyes, not wanting to see James' reaction. But James doesn’t do anything, he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t touch him. So Regulus has to open his eyes. And when he does he finds James just looking at him. Not any part of him more than others. Simply just observing until he shook his head and pulled the shirt off of Regulus so he could burrow his head to his neck.

“Of course you’re perfect, Reggie, of course”, he mutters between kisses.

Regulus wants to cry. He wants to cry, because he loves James so much. His eyes are burning and there’s a lump in his throat. He swallows, trying to get the lump to go away but it doesn’t. Instead James gets up and looks at him and his brows furrow down.

“Hey hey don’t cry love”, he says and rests his hands on Regulus’ cheeks. “It’s okay, you’re okay. You’re perfect Regulus, absolutely beautiful”, a tear slips down Regulus’ cheek and James wipes it off. Regulus shakes his head and groans.

“I’m sorry, I don’t even know why I’m crying”, he says and closes his eyes.

“Do you want to stop?” Regulus immediately shakes his head, “No, no I’m fine I just got emotional it’s okay, please don’t stop”

So James doesn’t. He runs his fingers up and down Regulus’ sides, over his stomach to his hips squeezing his waist gently. Then Regulus gets inpatient, because well.. He really wants James to take off his shirt too, it’s a nice shirt he’s wearing. A loose light blue button down. But he can’t help but want it off. And he knows it’s probably unfair of him, seeing it was something he really feared. But he also knows James is fit under that shirt. He knows because he knows James is the captain of Gryffindor’s quidditch team. He knows because he had felt it, he also knows because he had seen James’ arms. His biceps that are literally three times bigger than Regulus’ own arms. So that’s why he asks.

“Can you..”, it’s awkward. It wouldn't be but Regulus makes it awkward. James looks at him, his head tilted to the side. “Your shirt”, he says and tucks at the hem of James’ shirt. James smirks and pressed a kiss on his lips again before quickly undoing the buttons of his shirt and letting the fabric fall off his shoulders.

And oh 

It’s better than Regulus had thought, it’s better than what he had imagined while he’s been.. Well you know. James is all tanned skin and hard muscles. Abs, literal abs and a sharp v line. Not to talk about the trail of dark hair that goes from under his belly button and disappears to his shorts. Regulus’ knows his staring, but he can’t help it. He also can’t help it, but to feel like a five year old compared to James. But that thought quickly fades away as his pants grow tighter. Okay, okay that is, normal. Something pretty positive seeing as they’re about to have sex, but. Well he's still embarrassed. James hasn’t even touched him that way yet and he still got a hard on.

He quickly looks away as his cheeks grew hot. He shouldn’t feel embarrassed, James is his boyfriend. It’s normal for him to feel attraction towards him, it’s not the first time he got a boner with him. He had just always got a way with it. But now James glanced down, from where he is on top of him, straight to his crotch.

Regulus kind of wants to die.

“Sorry”, he hears himself say and then feels stupid. “Um you look.. nice” , he says. James smiles and takes a hold of his wrist and before Regulus could do anything he moves it on top of his own crotch. And he’s, well he’s hard too.

James moves closer to his face and whispers, “You look nice too”. Then they are kissing with more urgency than earlier. Regulus moves his hands to James' chest, feeling the firm muscles as James presses their hips together. Regulus gasps to his mouth at the tension. It’s good, it's really good and he wants to get their trousers off.

“Off, please James”, he says and tugs at James’ shorts who hums and leaves a trail of kisses from Regulus’ jaw to the centre of his chest. Regulus moves his hands to James' hair, stroking his fingers through the dark strands. James opens the zipper of his own trousers, but then moves to Regulus’ shorts. James looks up to him and Regulus nods so he pulls his shorts down. It already eases the pressure inside his pants and Regulus leans his head to the pillow, letting out a sigh. “You too”, he says and looks at James.

What he doesn’t expect James to do is take off his shorts and underwear and Regulus thinks he would have fallen off the bed if he was any more closer to the edge. And then he finds himself staring again, because fuck, James is big. Well, he thinks he is. Regulus doesn’t have anything to compare except himself. James is definitely thicker if not longer too. And Regulus has no idea how that is supposed to fit inside him. That raises more questions and he quickly lifts his eyes up to James face who is looking back at him.

“James”, he says and glances down and quickly looks back up again.

“Yes, love?”

“How’s that- is that- you I mean, are you going to fit inside… me?” he says and immediately realised that that is something they haven’t discussed at all. What if James wants to do it the other way? Regulus would be fine with that too, he thinks. He had just always thought it would be the other way. He could be the worst at it and then James wouldn’t want to have sex with him ever again.

“I mean only if you want to- um.. me? Sorry I shouldn’t just assume when he haven’t talked about-”

“Regulus”, James interrupts him. “I would love to fuck you”, and James says it so easily. And once again he's glad the other one of them knows what he's doing.

“Okay”, he glances down, he didn’t mean to but, he still isn’t sure how he is supposed to be able to fit all of James inside him. “I know that this is awkward, but how does it really happen?” Of course Regulus knows how sex in general works, but the thing is no one really talks about how sex between two men happens. Sirius tried once to explain it to him, but he pretty much ran away from him. He didn’t want to have that conversation with his brother out of all the people.

“Well”, James says and gets closer to him. He rests his hands on Regulus’ hips and dips his thumps under the waistband of his underwear. “First I’m going to get you all relaxed”, James hands massage his hip bones. Regulus is trying very hard to listen to what James is explaining to him, but he has a big urge to somehow ease the tension he can feel on his cock. “..and after that I’m going to prep you with my fingers”, Regulus' eyes widened and James smooths his hands up and down his sides before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “So that when I go in it won’t be as uncomfortable. And I’m sorry, love, but I’m afraid it will still be. But! We are going to take it slow and take as much breaks as you need”

Regulus doesn’t say anything, but tries to go over the information he just got from James. He knew it would be uncomfortable, if not painful, but he still hoped there could have been a way to avoid it.

“Does that sound okay?” James asks

“Yes, I mean does it hurt?”

“Oh love, well if I can avoid it I will so I hope not. But it will definitely feel strange and probably uncomfortable at first, because it’s new to you”, James slips his hands under Regulus’ waistband again. “Can I take these off?”

Regulus looks down, he’s not really hard anymore. He got pretty nervous again after James told him what was about to happen. But despite that he nodded.

This is it

James pulls his underwear off slowly and moves down again to start kissing Regulus' chest, taking his time as he sucks on the skin. He slowly moves lower to his stomach while his hands are massaging Regulus’ thighs every now and then moving to his inner thighs closer to his crotch where his dick is once again getting harder. Regulus closes his eyes and moves his own hands to James' back, but then he stills his hands and carefully moves his hand to James chest and slowly lower.

“You can touch me if you want, Regulus. It’s okay”, James says as Regulus’ fingers trailed on the soft hairs under his belly button. So then he wraps his hand around James, who lets out a breath but keeps kissing the skin around Regulus' right hip bone.

It’s weird. Not necessarily touching James, but he’s not used to touching anyone other than himself so he doesn’t know what James likes. He strokes James and he lets out a breath again. “Is this okay?” he asks, he wants to make sure James enjoys this too. He doesn’t want it to only be about himself, he wants James to feel good. He wouldn’t even mind coming out of his first time without being much satisfied. It doesn’t need to be perfect, he just wants to experience it.

“Yeah, it’s good baby”, James reassures and without warning touches the tip of Regulus' cock with his fingers. Regulus gasps and accidentally tightens his grip around James.

“Sorry”, he says and his voice cracks as James strokes him up and down. Then he moves lower and Regulus lets go of him. And before Regulus can do anything James takes him inside his mouth.

“James”, he gasps and moves his hands to James’ hair. James' other hand is moving up and down on his thigh and James pulls off, but still keeps stroking him.

“Regulus love, I need you to relax for me, please”, he says and refers to the way Regulus is tensing his legs. Regulus breaths out and tries to get rid of all the tension in his body. “Good boy”, James mutters and licks the tip. Regulus feels how a small amount of precum bursts out of him.

“Sorry”, leaves his mouth before he can even think about it. “Shh”, James says and takes him in as deep as he can. Regulus lays there eyes almost closed, breathing hardly, while his fingers are running through James' hair. He feels how a tension starts pooling in his lower abdomen.

“James, I think I’m close”, he warns him and that’s when James pulls off. Regulus lets out a disappointed sound, which James responds with a couple of strokes.

“You feel relaxed?” James asks him and gets up from the bed. He walks to the dresser and comes back to the bed with a condom and a weird looking little bottle. “What’s that?”

“It’s lube”, James explains. “There is a spell for lube, but I think the muggle one works better than it. I’m going to spread it on my fingers and on myself, so that it will be more slippery. So it will be as comfortable to you as possible. Is that okay?”

“Yeah”, Regulus nods. James smiles at him and kisses the corner of his mouth before opening the cap of the little bottle. He squeezes some of the clear lube to his fingers and rubs his fingers together. “It may be a bit cold at first”, James warns and settles down on his knees to the bed.

“You ready?” James asks and Regulus nods. “Reggie, could you open your legs for me?” Regulus spreads his legs open and settles his head to one of the pillows. He waits until he feels one of James fingers at his entrance and then he pushes it in. Regulus’ brows furrow at the feeling and as a reflex he tries to close his legs, but James’ other hand takes a hold of his other leg.

“I know, love. Say if you want me to stop and I will”, James tells him and pushes his finger slowly further in. It doesn’t hurt, but it feels weird. When James is knuckle deep in as he stops and slowly starts moving his finger again. Regulus doesn’t know what to think about it. It doesn’t really feel like anything. Not bad, but not good either. He can feel James' finger moving in and out, tight around him. Other than that, really nothing. He feel’s disappointed, maybe there’s something wrong with him?

“Everything okay?” James checks and kisses him. Regulus kisses him back and hums. “Can I add another finger?”

It can’t be too bad Regulus thinks. And he kinda wants to get over this, get to the part where it feels good. Because there has to be a reason why people do this, right?

“Yeah”, he says and feels how the other finger pushes inside. He feels like squirming, he wants to move his legs. Regulus can’t really describe the pain, like burning, but still not at the same time. He feels uncomfortable and takes a hold of James' arm.

“Wait”, he says and James, who had stopped moving his fingers as Regulus started moving around, is already looking at him. “Just give me a minute”

James nods and starts kissing him again. Regulus tries to kiss him back but can’t help the thought running in his head. James only uses two fingers and he can’t take it. How pathetic is that? He feels how frustration builds inside his chest.

“You want me to stop?” James asks, he probably noticed how Regulus’ mind was somewhere else.

“No it’s just- you can keep going”

“You sure?”

Regulus nods, so James pushes in more and he really tries not to react in any way. He can take it.

And after a while it gets easier and he asks James to put another one in, which makes it all awful again. Regulus is close to telling James to take a break again when James curls his fingers and a wave of pleasure runs through his body. It overtakes the uncomfortable feeling he had just felt. A yelp leave’s his mouth and he stares at James with wide eyes.

What the fuck was that?

“You oka-“

“I think I’m ready”, Regulus doesn’t actually know if he’s ready, but he feels the need to feel that again. “I’m ready James please”

“Okay, okay”, James says and pulls his fingers out. Regulus closes his legs and wiggles his hips from side to side. He can’t tell if he feels different than five minutes ago. His thoughts get interrupted when James moves on the bed. He reaches for the condom and a bottle of lube that were next to Regulus on the bed, he presses a kiss to his shoulder and sits up. Regulus watches as James’ long fingers tear the condom open and feels as his cheeks grow hot as James roll’s it on to himself. He thinks it’s okay for him to watch, but it still feels like such an intimate thing to do.

James moves closer on to him and Regulus feels the tip of James’ dick at his entrance. He takes a breath in and closes his eyes and waits. But nothing happens so he opens his eyes to find James looking at him with a smile on his lips.

“You’re so beautiful Reg” and if Regulus wasn’t so nervous he would have cried. He really would have if he wasn’t so nervous. “Okay, ready?” James asks and Regulus takes another one of his hands. He feels like he will want to hold on to something.

“Yes”, and then slowly James pushes in and Regulus doesn't mean to but his face wrinkles as the burning feeling comes back. He squeezes James fingers and James stops. “Breath, Reggie, breath”, he tells him and massages Regulus’ other hipbone with his warm hand. They stay there for a bit until Regulus says it’s okay to keep going as the feeling fades. So James pushes in more and it feels easier, still uncomfortable but he can handle it. But then James stops himself and Regulus looks at him confused. James' head is hunched down so he can’t see his face.

“Jamie..?” he asks carefully. Did he do something?

“Yeah um.. Give me a second”, he says breathlessly. So Regulus moves his hands to his shoulder, touching the muscles there and in James’ back until James brings his head back up.

“Sorry it's just.. It’s been a while so I’m trying not to cum the second I’m fully in”, James says and cracks a smile. Regulus smiles too, but secretly feels bad.

It’s been awhile because of me

“No, no, no, love. I know what you’re thinking, it’s not your fault or anyone’s fault. I could have waited five years for you”, James reassures him. Maybe he hasn’t been so secretive after all.

“Are you- can you move?” Regulus asks, he feels eager to move. James nods and pushes in all the way letting out a low moan and starts moving in and out. And it’s well, it’s something. It doesn’t make him feel different, it’s odd and it’s new but definitely not something that makes Regulus feel different. He moves his own hips as James keeps moving. It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t feel great either. It is pressure, he feels full. But it’s nothing like he’s been told sex is. It isn’t like what his friends have told him, how everyone speaks about sex like it’s something from another world.

And Regulus feels bad, because he feels like he’s disappointing James who is doing his best to make him feel good. When in reality he doesn’t really feel anything.

“Okay, love?” James asks, mouth hanging open and angles himself up a bit. Regulus is just about to answer when the same feeling from earlier bursts through him. Pleasure shoots through his whole body. James looks at him with his eyebrows raised.

“Do that again, please. Whatever you just did do that again, Jamie”, he pleads so James does it again and all the disappointment from earlier drains out of him. He closes his eyes as the pleasure takes a hold of him, the feeling getting stronger with James every thrust. He can’t help the soft noises that leave his mouth.

Pain long forgotten he wants more, he needs more. But he also feels as the pressure in his abdomen grows, pushing him closer to the edge. Regulus wants to last.

“More”, he still hears himself say and James pushes harder in and Regulus mouth drops open. And then James wraps his hand around him and before he can warn James, he’s coming all over his hand.

“Oh my Regulus, you’re so good, so good”, he hears James mutter as he keeps coming, leaving a trail of white over his stomach and James hand. He closes his eyes shut and holds on to the sheets with all he has left. James slows down his rhythm but still keeps going, chasing his own edge.

Regulus opens his eyes and for the first time really looks at James whose eyebrows are knitted together, mouth hanging open. He can hear his breathing, a little breathless noise leaving his mouth every time he pushes in. James looks up to meet Regulus' eyes and leans forward to kiss him with such force. He pushes his tongue past Regulus’ lips and Regulus’ own hands find their way to his hair, pulling on the strands. And as quickly as James started kissing him he stops, head falling to rest on Regulus’ neck as a broken moan leaves his mouth. He rests his whole weight on top of him, it feels nice. Regulus feels safe like nothing in that moment could hurt him.

They stay in that position for a while, Regulus hands roaming from James’ hair all the way to his lower back. Then James rests his weight on his arms, creating a small distance between their bodies and smiles at him. Still breathlessly he pushes Regulus’ hair away from his forehead to press a trail of kisses from the tip of his nose to his hairline.

“Is it okay if I pull out?” James asks, his voice rough. Regulus nods glances down to their lower bodies and finds himself blushing. It’s messy, that’s the part Regulus hadn’t thought beforehand. Both their stomachs are covered in Regulus come. He glances to the side to look at James’ other hand that’s also.. sticky, some of it had gone to James’ sheets.

“Um.. it’s all over us and messy”, he mutters, not really making any sense. James slowly pulls out and sits up. He takes the condom off, ties it up and throws it to the trash can next to his nightstand. Then he looks at Regulus and smiles again.

“Yeah that’s kinda what happens when you have sex”, he gently says and gets up from the bed. Regulus starts to panic. Did he do something, say something. He starts to get up too, but James rests his hands on his sides to keep him on the mattress.

“No, love, wait. I’m just going to go and get a towel or something to clean us up. You stay there”, he tells Regulus and with a kiss on his head James quickly leaves the room and not even a minute later he gets back with a towel on his hand.

“I tried to get some warm water from the tap, but it took so long and I got inpatient”, he explains as he sits down on the bed and starts rubbing Regulus’ stomach and chest with the towel. And yeah it’s cold, but Regulus respects the effort James put into it.

“You know, you could have just used a spell”, Regulus points out as James hand moves lower, carefully avoiding his crotch. It’s kinda embarrassing Regulus thinks and he doesn’t like the fact that letting James see him makes him feel like he should cover up.

“I do, but this is far more romantic”, James looks up to him with a cheeky smile on lips. “And this is also an excuse for me to touch you, so”, he adds and cleans himself next before throwing the towel to the floor. He settles himself to the bed next to Regulus and wraps his arms around him. Regulus doesn’t want to say it, he prays in every cell in his body for his mind to just let him have this moment.

But like many times before, his insecurities get the best of him. “Jamie”, he quietly says.

“Yes, love”, James murmurs to his skin. Regulus bites his lip.

“Could you give me your shirt?” he asks, looking at James. And oh, he sees the sadness in James’ eyes. Just a second before it’s gone again, but it’s there.

“I’m sorry-”

“No”, James quickly says and gets up so he can gather the shirt from the floor. “You have nothing to be sorry about. It’s just- well.. I wish I could make you see yourself the way that I see you. ‘Cause you’re amazing and I could cry everytime I look at your face just because you’re that pretty, absolutely breathtaking. And I know it doesn’t matter what I say. But if there was a way I could help with it, then I would do it in a heartbeat”

And just because Regulus can and because he can’t keep it inside him anymore he blurts out,

“I love you”, and immediately covers his mouth with his hand just to take it off right away. “I love you so much which is confusing, because I don’t know if I always even love myself. But you help me, every day, every minute by just being you and I hope it could just make everything go away, but it doesn’t and I hate it. But you, James, you still make me feel good. Mentally and apparently physically too”, he cracks a smile. “And I love you and that’s.. well it’s fucking scary, but in a good way. In a way that I wanna see more of it, see how scary it can be. But at the same time I wanna reach the point where it isn’t scary, where it’s just as easy as breathing… But only if you’ll let me”

James doesn’t say anything, he just stares at him with wide eyes. “Bloody fucking hell Regulus”, is the first thing that leaves his mouth. “I feel like I could bend you on the mattress and go again”

And that’s, well definitely not what Regulus has expected, but..

“I love you too, Regulus. Like so much, I have for a while now. And and… I don’t know what to say you kinda threw me off guard”, Regulus opens his mouth, but James shakes his head quickly. “Don’t you dare to apologise. I wanna reach every point, every step that loving you can get me. With you All the scary ones too. I’m-.. I feel very overwhelmed right now- can I kiss you?”

And Regulus doesn’t even answer but pushes their lips together hungrily and James kisses him back and it’s perfect and they love each other, James loves him. Him.

“You love me”, Regulus mumbles to the kiss.

“More than anything”, James confirms.

“And I love you”, Regulus says. “We love each other”, he says just because he can and pulls away. He rests his hands on James' chest.

“Can we have sex again?”

James eyebrows rise up and his own hands move to Regulus’ bare sides. “Like right now?”

“Right now”, Regulus nods.

“You sure? Like not feeling sore, or anything?” James asks, because his James and Regulus loves that. But he kinda wished that right now he could talk less and do more.

“I don’t care I want you inside me like right now”, he doesn’t know where the boldness suddenly came from.

James blinks a couple of times, “Wow okay, yeah I want that too. Did I mention I love you and I would love to be inside you-”

“James”

“Hmm?”

“I love you too”

Regulus in fact finds himself pinned to the mattress again just like James had wished. And there’s a couple of I love you’s that slip out of their mouths on the way, but it feels good and it feels like something that should have been said many times before. And afterwards Regulus does know why everybody says sex is like something from another world.

At least with James.