Good morning.
Sirius blinked really slowly, looking around the room morning sun was streaming in, it was barely light in the room, snores could be heard from the adjoining beds. He was on his stomach, that he was sure of. He could feel James’ hand on his back, blinking in rapid secession he realized he was more certainly in James’ bed. Legs moved by him, he looked up to notice Lily’s hair everywhere. A smile appeared when he saw his little brother, his face was pressed onto Lily’s chest, her hand in his hair, his thumb lazily in his mouth. Regulus looked incredibly young right now, Sirius remembered that sleeping face from when they used to crawl into each other’s beds. It was nice to see he still looked calm while asleep. Nice to see him accepting being held as well.
Finally shifting just a tad, not wanting to wake the rest of the bed, he grimaced. While despising the wet nappy, it made Euphemia rest easier after the two had to wake her up more than one night in a row multiple weeks that summer of fifth year. While hating the feeling, he was able to just sleep with James without waiting to wake up. He kept blinking, having moments from the last week slowly seep in. He groaned. He heard slight stirring and he was worried that he woke up the rest of the bed.
“Baby, it’s too early to be up.” Lily didn’t open her eyes, instead he got his hair ran through before she had evened her breathing again, still brushing through his long hair. He smiled, if he laid on her lap long enough, was obnoxious enough, or flat out asked her she would play with his hair, but this was completely involuntary to her movements. He smiled, burying his head into the pillow. The past week felt like a weird as hell fever dream. He blushed thinking of different times he wished he didn’t behave as he had, point example would definitely be the hair pulling while throwing a fit. At least Lily had most of her hair left, he noticed no bald spots, but he wondered if that was why Walburga always wore her hair high. No memories surfaced of her looking any other way, he felt some anger and resentment towards her, couldn’t deny that.
Who leaves their kids in the care of other kids for a week? Who does that? Even Effie had visited, granted he wondered what James had said to get her to come, but he was so happy he saw her even if he was only three. He suddenly remembered somewhere in this bed held his dog and blanket, he found them in reach and grabbed them close. If he could just pretend he never woke up, maybe he could just pretend he didn’t have exams or anything, just lay here and pretend this is how he grew up.
“If you think any harder you’ll burn the bed sheets, again.” James muttered, his eyes remained unopened. Sirius could feel his face in his hair.
“I only set them on fire twice for your information.” Sirius muttered back, James shot right up hitting both of their heads. “Ow” was shouted from both of them.
“Sirius!” James shouted.
“What could he have possibly done this early?” Remus said, muffled by his pillow.
“Hey James.” Sirius sat up awkwardly.
“Sirius! Baby! Look at you!” Lily shot up, finally disturbing Regulus who was thrown into her lap awkwardly as he came too.
“Hey Lily.”
“Regulus!” She hugged him as she pulled him up to her, going to pull him in her lap before she noted his size once more and just sat cross legged instead. Sirius thought of every single time he sat there in the past week. Regulus had completely shrunken in on himself, he looked a lot more peaceful to Sirius when he had been asleep.
“Where am I?”
“We’re in our dorm Reggie.” James said to him.
“Don’t call me that.”
“Great start! I’m so glad you’re back to normal!” Lily threw her arms around Sirius who returned the hug.
“As normal as I get.”
“I’m gonna kill you! What were you thinking! I know you aren’t the most careful being, but you could have hurt yourself.” Lily yelled suddenly. Sirius shrunk some into James.
“Lily…” James trailed off, looking her in her eyes. She realized what she had done.
“We can talk about that in a little bit. How about you two go get dressed yeah? Does anyone had sleep pants? I’ll go get some cups of tea from the common room.” Sirius now rolled his eyes.
“We’re okay Lily.”
“Well you lot go change, just take out of Siri’s trunk Reg.” Lily informed him as she sat on the headboard, leaning over to James. “We did it.”
“They survived.”
“Why do you seem sad?” She watched as they went over to Sirius’ trunk.
“Sirius seems off.”
“Well he woke up next to us, not exactly normal.”
“He’s fallen into bed after drinking too much.”
“No he falls in the bed after we’ve all drank too much and he starts being sick. Because the only time I am in your bed is when we’ve drank too much. He also only sleeps next to you, not in an us sandwich.”
“I don’t think we drank this week.” James made a smart ass comment, grinning widely.
“This past week has been the absolute exception.”
“Yeah we didn’t shag once.”
“We’ve never shagged.” Lily rolled her eyes. She noted Sirius still had no need for privacy as he changed right next to his bed, so much for the thin veil of privacy the two had shared previously, then again, she also didn’t have pants on.
“I love when Evans puts you in your place. What a woman.” Sirius joked as he climbed back into bed, in reality both had assumed he would lay in his own bed, no squeeze between the two.
“Do you remember his visit from his mom?” Lily asked.
“I remember everything, but yes.”
“This prat wrote her without telling anyone, yeah, she just showed up to breakfast no one but James knew she was coming.”
“I put you in her sweater at least.” James reasoned, Lily ran a hand down her face.
“That’s your idea of a warning? I literally had a rats nest for hair!”
“Peter is asleep in bed, you weren’t there.” Sirius had wide eyes.
“I know, by the way. You were asleep for that talk.” Lily laughed.
“Sirius go wake those two up, I know Remus cast a silencing spell as does Peter.”
“No, don’t wake them, we should talk.” Lily stated, Sirius decided to listen to Lily. “Back to the matter at hand! I’m a disaster and his mom just waltzed into the great hall and this arse just chases after her to bring her to us. I have to face her over Christmas break! I always do my hair nice for breakfast even!” James rolled her eyes.
“She loved you by the way, absolutely loved you. Both of you, you need to send an owl today Sirius.”
“I will, how did she find my stuff?”
“To quote mum, she said ‘don’t label it’, what did the box say?” Sirius was running his fingers along the edges, thinking of the mornings he would embarrassingly bring it to the breakfast table with him under another blanket in order to keep it a little long. “Super secret stuff.” Lily began laughing at his response.
“Worst label ever. Plus just pack them in your bloody bag next time.” Regulus cleared his throat near the bed, everyone looked to him.
“I’m going to go back to my dormitory.” He wouldn’t look up, his cheeks beat red.
“It’s early sweetheart, come back into bed.” Lily suggested.
“No, I think I should get back.” Sirius watched Lily crawl to the side to reach out to him. He had memories of Regulus yelling at him that he wasn’t a baby anymore in Sirius’ second year. Over Christmas, but he was still Sirius’ baby brother he had no idea why he responded so harshly. He yanked back from Lily, but she eventually was able to touch him. They were having a pleading conversation with their eyes in the battle of the wills.
“I’m telling you, you’re coming to sit with us so we can talk about some things.” He gave in to her stern voice, typically reserved from when the four of them were in trouble.
“What do we have to talk about.” He was picking awfully hard at the sleep pants he was sitting in.
“We’re starting with if you guys feel okay?”
“Yes.” Regulus muttered.
“Yeah, little tired.”
“Because you wake up every damn night.” James added to Sirius’ comment.
“Don’t argue yet. Second thing, do you guys remember the week?”
“Yes.” Regulus sounded angry.
“Yeah.”
“What fight broke out to start this mess? We’re going to go step by step for Fridays potions class.” She noticed Regulus wasn’t red with angry, just looked super guilty.
“Me and James fought about quidditch. So Slughorn made me go with Regulus because ‘brothers work best together’ like James isn’t my brother.” Sirius scoffed. “Anyway, we were doing well, but we clearly stirred it the wrong way… but we didn’t fight about that too much we fought about” Sirius’ head snapped rapidly up making eye contact with Regulus who was desperately trying to get off the bed, but Lily stopped him. “This asshole is going to get the dark mark.” Sirius was lunging at him, James had him held back. Lily was trying not to gasp still holding his hand arm and hand.
“Sirius that’s quite the accusation.” James started.
“He is! Bloody idiot. How about you do what you want for once in your life!” He broke free of James and went to tackle Regulus off the bed, he succeeded, but took Lily down with them over the side of the bed.
“Ouch! Sirius! That hurt me, say you’re sorry to your brother!” She shouted, James peered over the edge.
“It didn’t hurt the arse hole!” Sirius landed one good punch before Regulus began fighting back.
“Boys! Boys! Bloody hell!” James was trying to grab Sirius off of Regulus, as they rolled back and forth fighting some. Sirius finally landed a blow to end the fight, it just happened to be on Lily’s nose.
“Ow! Ow! You git! Did you break it?” She had tears threatening to spill over, ignoring their own blood, their own fight both looked to Lily who began crying some.
“You hit her.” Regulus muttered.“I meant to hit you! Lily I’m sorry.” James remained stilled as Sirius moved closer to Lily.
“I’m fine, it’s fine.” She said through strained tears.
“Let me help you up.” Sirius had forgotten fighting with his brother instead moved to get Lily back on the bed, she seemed a bit out of it, as did Regulus who also looked ready to cry.
“I’m okay promise. I know you didn’t mean too.” She crawled ungracefully back on the bed, she turned to them, “get back up here. Let me look at you two then we can talk about this.” She brushed back Sirius hair, reaching for a spare blanket to wipe off some blood.
“Ow.” He whispered.
“That’s why we don’t punch each other.” She sniffled loudly. James was looking at Regulus.
“I’m fine.”
“I know, let me look so Lily doesn’t kill me.”
“I’m not a child.”
“Bullshit.” Sirius interjected.
“One second, we need one second. Let me get myself together Sirius.” She muttered as James finally wiped the blood off of her.
“Do you want to go see Poppy?” He whispered to her, brushing her hair back.
“Where was that soft tone when I fell off my broom.”
“It’s reserved for Lily and you heard it a lot this past week.”
“I’m fine James. If it still hurts later we can look again.”
“He got you good.”
“Don’t talk about it.”
“I am so sorry Lily.”
“Say sorry to your brother that’s who was intended for it.”
“Lily just let me say sorry.”
“I know you are. I forgive you.” She pushed James’ hand out of her hair. “Now more pressing issues. As I said very big accusation.”
“It’s not an accusation! I saw a letter from our cousin in his bag!”
“She isn’t your cousin anymore! Why were you peering anyway?”
“Because I’m still your brother, how about you stop repeating mother for two fucking seconds. Have your own damn thoughts.”
“Regulus… are you joining them?” Lily seemed more stiff as she asked him.
“It’s none of your business.” James snorted at Regulus’ response.
“None of our business? We’re worried about you.”
“Says the washed up pureblood.”
“Our blood status has nothing to do with whether we care or not.” Lily said.
“Bold, coming from a mudblood.” Lily looked fiercely.
“Name calling? Bold coming from someone who had zero issues with blood status earlier.” James and Sirius could both tell she was hurt.
“Don’t call her that. Regulus, those guys aren’t your friends.” James tried.
“What would you know?”
“I know they wouldn’t look after you this past week? Where the hell was Snape? Barty? Any of them?”
“They didn’t have time for a child, considering Sirius always acts like one they probably guessed you wouldn’t mind two.”
“Regulus, they didn’t care. I know they didn’t.” James replied. He wished Sirius would punch him again.
“You don’t know that!”
“Tell me why you want to join.” Sirius said seriously. Regulus had found James’ quilt very interesting after the question. Lily took a deep breath before touching his hand.
“Just tell us.”
“No, you all don’t deserve to know! I never even confirmed.”
“You don’t always need vocal confirmation to know.”
“Sirius, this isn’t your business especially.”
“Does mother know?” Silence again.
“Reg, does your mother know?”
“I’m going to kill her. I am going to bloody kill her! She is sacrificing her own bloody son!” Sirius was angry, he had stood up while yelling.
“Sirius, take a deep breath.”
“You take a deep fucking breath James! That’s my little brother and my own blood mother is handing him off to the dark lord.”
“I want too!”
“Do you want too or do you just want to make those things you call parents happy?”
“Sirius, you don’t get it! You blood traitor! Who runs away at two am in a rain storm? Who just leaves? Who leaves their little brother there with them!” It went quiet after the outburst.
“I asked you to come.” After a long awkward silence occurred.
“I couldn’t bloody say yes now could I?”
“Why not?”
“That’s our mother?”
“Name one motherly thing she has ever done for us?”
“She was upset when you left?”
“That’s the best you have? You know what mums do? They make sure their kids are bloody safe, not once has she done that for you or for me.”
“Maybe this is safe!”
“You’re too smart for you to believe that! You’re going to get hurt Reggie. She hurts you now, she was still hurting me. She isn’t keeping you safe, she’s letting herself look good.”
“Cissa will protect me then.”
“Narcissa is with Lucius Malfoy, she won’t be able to hold your hand with the dark mark. It’s not some bloody game of chase! She can’t brush you off if you fall!”
“Sirius, you aren’t in my life anymore and this is why!”
“This is why? This is why? Because how I see it your so called friends wouldn’t even hold your hand when you fell at two. Guess who did? The reason you don’t want me in your life. They did. This house did.” Regulus felt uncomfortable once again as his anger faded some, he didn’t want his brother to be right.
“I’m an adult.”
“You just turned fifteen. You shouldn’t even be a bloody fifth year, mum pushed you ahead. Mum’s pushing you now.” He stabbed a finger at his brother.
“Mum is the only one I have.” He looked broken, he felt broken, so did Sirius.
“You have me. You have Mrs. Potter. You have James. You have Remus, Peter, Lily, and Marlene!”
“Those are your friends.”
“And they treat you like one of us. Tell me this about your friends: when you have a bad day or don’t know what to do or aren’t sure, where do you go?”
“I’m not a child.” He was crying now, trying to sound tougher than he was.
“I go to James or Remus or Peter or Lily or Marlene. I find someone to talk too. Guess what we are children. I’m about to be seventeen, still a child. Guess what? While I know you cry yourself back to sleep I get to go find someone to talk too.”
“I had you.”
“You yelled at me that you weren’t a baby anymore your first year. Guess what Regulus? I can only take being scolded so much before I stop trying.”
“Mother says we’re adults.”
“She’s been saying to act like bloody adults since we were small enough we can’t remember.”
“This is my chance.”
“Reggie, there are going to be so many other chances.” Lily finally chimed in after her and James watched the fight awkwardly.
“What would you know?”
“I know lots. I know you’re scared about this and you should be. It’s scary.”
“Not scared.”
“You’re allowed to be scared. Even the biggest bad guy gets cared, I promise you that.”
“They don’t.”
“You knew we’d fight. We always fight.” Sirius muttered.
“No.”
“No you started it because it was stirring the wrong way and then I began fighting about the death eaters because you’re my little brother and I wasn’t allowing that.”
“No.”
“Yes! What was supposed to happen last Monday?”
“I was going to mother.”
“You were joining.”
“She’s gonna kill me Siri.” He finally hugged Sirius in an attempt to hide how hard he was crying.
“Listen, I know, I know you love her. I know you want to please her, but this is a big commitment. I’m scared for you.”
“My mum can talk to her.” James tried to offer, Regulus kept shaking his head no.
“Our mother got in a fight with Effie after I got there, remember?” Sirius reminded James.
“I forgot.”
“We’ll figure this out. We will, I promise.” Lily rubbed his back. Finally after wallowing in pity for a while he finally looked up at them.
“Lily, your nose.” He reached out to touch it instinctively, she winced back.
“It’ll be fine.”
“I got you good.”
“You really did. Now can I properly look at both of you?”
“Yeah, yeah I guess James can finally check my eye.”
“I gave you a black eye Siri.”
“Not the first time.”
“Sirius!”
“Lily!” He mocked back.
“This boy, Merlin give me strength.”
“Mother says that.” Regulus whispered as Lily was properly inspecting his nose.
“We aren’t done talking about mother.” Sirius stated.
“We’re done for now, we can talk about it later. Regulus, how does your eye feel?”
“Hurts.” He whispered.
“Yeah, I bet. Let’s see if we can clean it up and not see Poppy.” Regulus was currently touching her single braid, seemingly preoccupied.
“Kay.”
“Do you feel okay Reg? You keep zoning. So does your brother.”
“I am not.”
“You crawled between James and I. That’s not normal behavior. Plus you wouldn’t let go of your blanket until the fight.”
“He takes that to breakfast sometimes, I wouldn’t call that weird.” James muttered.
“You know!”
“Was I not supposed too?”
“No James, you weren’t that’s why I always bring a second blanket over my shoulders.”
“Remember that time I brought bunny to breakfast?” Regulus asked.
“I thought she was going to lose her mind.”
“She did.”
“Sorry you got whipped for that.” Lily winced at that, wanting to hug the boy.
“I drag my one blanket to the common room.” Lily stated to make both of them feel better.
“We all drag blankets to the common room.”
“We don’t in Slytherin.”
“Remember in year two we built that cool fort.”
“That was cool. We should do that again.”
“Can I stay here today?” Regulus asked.
“Of course you can.” Lily stated.
“Yeah we can just lay around today.” James agreed.
“I’ll even tell Minnie we don’t feel good.” Sirius offered.
“One condition Regulus.” Lily stated, Regulus eyed her up, unsure. “You write Mrs. Potter.”
“I can do that yeah.” He sighed in relief. Lily hugged him.
“You’ll be okay Reg, we’ll figure it all out.”
Sirius rolled over some, he felt weird going to bed tonight, but he wasn’t worried in the slightest.
“Mother is going to kill me.” Regulus whispered, Sirius wanted to have this talk in private so he placed a silencing charm around the already closed curtains.
“Why do you think that?”
“Lucius told her.”
“She doesn’t know you’re back to normal.”
“She will tomorrow when the Slytherins finally see me. I won’t even get to send the first owl to her.”
“You can maybe have Minnie floo her?”
“I don’t want to see her. I’ll get my mark on the spot.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“We shouldn’t fight before bed.”
“I’m not fighting.”
“I’ll tell Lily on you.”
“That’s a low blow.”
“How does she control all of you?”
“You’ve heard her yell.”
“That’s fair.”
“Okay, okay we won’t fight. Tattle tail.”
“Always have been.”
“You know, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. Being alone I mean.”
“I never said it out loud.”
“I should have know. I’m your big brother.”
“Stop giving yourself a god complex.”
“I love you.”
“Yeah. I love you too.”
“I know mother doesn’t say it a lot. Or ever.”
“I know.”
“So know, no matter what, come find your big brother. I love you I promise you.”
“Thank you Sirius.” He snuggled into his brother.
“I’ll always be here. Always.”
“Sorry I’ve been a prat.”
“It’s your job.” Sirius laughed a little, kissing his head.