denial
Sirius did NOT need Remus.
He didn't need him, not at all, and he was fine with not needing him.
He thought about how much he did not need Remus when he woke up and checked his phone, forgetting that there wouldn't be a 2am text from Remus when he surely woke up for no reason. He didn't need that text.
He thought about how much he didn't need him when he grabbed a mug for his coffee and it happened to be the same mug that Remus always used when he was over.
He thought about how much he did not miss Remus when he finished getting dressed and there was no one to send a picture of his outfit to.
Sirius most definitely did not miss Remus John Lupin as he walked out of his last final of the fall semester just to realize that the only reason he passed that exam was because Remus had stayed up until sunrise studying and revising with him just days before he had ended the relationship.
Sirius didn't think about him for a moment. Not when he sat at their usual booth in the caf. Not when he saw a small cat laying in a windowsill that he knew would have reminded Remus of the cat he had back home. He didn't think about the fact that he would have sent a picture of that cat to his mum, Hope, who probably would have asked how he was doing. He definitely didn't cry when he thought about how he might never see Hope Lupin again.
Sirius did not need Remus when he got home that night and almost went onto Spotify to play music, and he didn't feel sad about Remus when he had to switch over to his apple music instead so he wouldn't have to look at those playlists.
And Sirius Black didn't miss or need him most of all when he laid in his bed that night. Not when the image of Remus’ mouth on Shari’s throat played in his head over and over again. Not when he had to wrap his own arms around his torso in order to feel warmth and comfort. And Sirius 100% did not, under any circumstances, miss Remus when he cried himself to sleep that night longing for the familiar feeling of being kissed on the forehead and held as sleep gave him a temporary remedy for his feeling of despair.
He didn't need Remus, and he didn't miss Remus.
The sooner he accepted that the better he would be…at least that's what he kept telling himself.
Remus didn't need Sirius.
Why would he?
He was an independent man, he didn't need someone else…especially not Sirius.
He didn't need him at 2 am when he randomly woke up for the third time and he reached for his phone to text Sirius about some existential question that was bouncing around in his brain before he remembered…
And he definitely didn't miss him or a single thing about him. He didn't miss seeing a picture of an outfit every morning or that stupid mug he always drank his morning tea out of.
Remus didn't need Sirius. Not when he was taking an oral exam and was able to answer that last question correctly because of a silly acronym that Sirius had made up when they were sleep deprived one night.
Remus Lupin did not even think of Sirius Black. Not when he walked past their usual booth when he was grabbing a bite in the caf. Not when he saw a leather jacket in the window of a thirst shop, or when a dog that Sirius definitely would have stopped to pet walked past. He didn't miss the silly baby voice Sirius used while talking to dogs on the street or the way he would look at him and say “Rey, look at this handsome lad,” or “isn't she a pretty girl” while scratching behind their ears.
Remus didn't almost cry over Sirius when his mum, Hope, texted him and asked how he was doing…and if he knew if Sirius was okay. Nope. Definitely did not tear up.
He didn't miss Sirius, or his Spotify that he had stopped using. Pandora was better, he convinced himself that Pandora was so much better.
When Remus was in shower, he most definitely did not cry hot, frustrated tears at the memory of fucking Shari. He didn't feel guilty or scrub violently at his skin to try and get the feeling or the smell of her that seemed to linger off of his skin. And when he stumbled out of the shower and curled into a ball on his mat on the floor, he didn't miss Sirius over the knowledge that if he was there he would have hugged him and talked him down in the way he did whenever Remus had a panic attack.
Remus Lupin did not miss or need Sirius Black as he hugged a pillow into his chest, stuffing his nose into the material, missing the familiar smell and shape that he had grown so used to.
He didn't miss Sirius.
He didn't need Sirius.
…he just needed to convince himself that was true.