He could still see her, how she was begging for her life, down on her knees with her hands together, a sign of desperation. The ghost of Barty’s hand on his shoulder was still there, encouraging him to do it. It was easier to get the job done than to make Voldemort angry, and Regulus knew how to behave to survive, he had been doing that his whole life. Hell, he had gotten in that situation because of it, he had been too obedient, too quiet, not brave in the slightest. The younger Black tried to be the perfect heir in every possible way, to fill up the responsibility his rebel brother had left.
Regulus was nervously biting his nails, avoiding scratching his left forearm, it was still a bit sore. He covered it with his sleeve, so that James couldn’t see it when he decided to fucking show up.
This was going to be the last time they saw each other, Regulus was determined to tell James everything, he couldn’t handle the pressure of knowing so much and not doing anything to save the love of his life. He knew that James was expecting a child from Lily, and the Dark Lord had made his decision to end that poor baby’s life because of that stupid prophecy. Therefore, Regulus had to tell James, ask him to run away and never come back. They had time to do so, and if his plan of getting the horcruxes worked, he could do something good for once and save them all, even if he couldn’t save himself.
James showed up 10 minutes late to their meeting spot; they were at James’ old house. His parents had already died, but instead of staying in that house, the soon-to-be-parents decided that it was better to move to another neighbourhood.
Regulus couldn’t understand why he was feeling butterflies in his stomach, he was 20 years old, for fuck’s sake, he wasn’t a teenager anymore to experience silly feels for that boy with rounded glasses. When James finally approached him, they greeted each other formally.
“Hi, Regulus. I’m really sorry for arriving so late, you know I can’t just simply get out of my house without a reason, so it was hard to convince Lily. Wanna come inside? It’s better if no one sees us together. We have to be careful these days,” and he opened the door, waiting for the other boy to go first.
Regulus didn’t say anything, he wanted to go straight to James’ bedroom, like he used to do not so long ago, but he had to control himself and go to the living room, sitting on the couch.
“Erm… how is Lily doing? With the pregnancy and everything.”
“Oh, well, you see… She’s been really stressed, always tired and worried. Sirius and Remus try to come over as much as they can, but they can’t do much. We didn’t plan this to happen, it’s mental to want to have a baby in the middle of a war, even worse if a crazy monster is threatening your unborn child. It’s been really, really fucking hard, Regulus. I always try to be optimistic and cheer her up, but it’s just not the time to be happy about this. And now Marlene is dead, I don’t know if you’ve heard. She was one of our best friends,” He wiped the tears that were coming out of his eyes and took a deep breath. “please, just tell me what you wanted to tell me, I don’t think you are here to hear me talk about my feelings,” James let out a breathy smile, to lessen the tension.
Regulus swallowed and looked at James. “I honestly don’t know how to tell you this.”
“Just say it, when we were younger we would tell each other everything.”
Regulus nodded and took James’ hand. It felt so natural, so pure, almost too intimate. With the other boy’s hand on his, he rolled his left sleeve up, showing the newly made dark mark.
James clenched his jaw and shook his head several times.
“No, no, no. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me now, Regulus. Tell me it’s a fucking joke right now. What the hell?” James was now red and furious, almost shouting, which scared Regulus. He stood up.
“You don’t know how hard it is to be in the Black family, James. You’ve been very lucky in that department, but others don’t have the same luck! I never promised you I wouldn’t join them.” Regulus spat back.
“They are evil, Reg. I know you, you are not like them. You… you were my everything, my love and my life, when did myeverything decide to join those who want to destroy our world?” James followed Regulus and stood up too.
“Don’t fucking say all that bullshit now, you don’t have the privilege to call me “love”. You chose her , James, not me. So don’t try to make me feel bad because of what we used to have!”
“Fine! I’ll just call you what you are: a killer. A fucking murderer. You killed Marlene, right? And you feel guilty now because you know she was my friend! Is that what you wanted to say?”
“Yes. I killed her, and right after I got the dark mark.”
“Like some kind of gruesome ritual to make you worthy of that mark?”
Regulus nodded. James’ breath was irregular, as he was getting more and more angry.
“You ungrateful bastard! I loved you, you coward!” James collapsed in the other boy’s arms, while trying to slap him, failing miserably. He couldn’t harm his precious boy.
Regulus hugged him, holding onto dear life, his life, to comfort him, somehow.
“Can the killer in me… tame the fire in you?” Asked Regulus shyly.
“I am sick of the chase, of all of this. I should be mad at you. But I’m stupid in love. And there’s nothing I can do.” James’ hand traveled to Regulus’ cheek and he kissed him. It was the last kiss, a goodbye one. They needed to get that off their chests.
Regulus ran his hand through the messy hair of his golden boy while James kept kissing him passionately. They both started to cry. Tears mixing with hungry kisses. Everything hurt too much. They were so young and they had suffered enough for 3 lifetimes.
James slowly broke the kiss and got up from the floor.
“I won’t tell anyone that you are one of them now, that’s my last favour, because I can summon the Order and kill you in this instant.”
“Thank you, I guess.”
“Don’t ever look for me again, this is over, forever. I don’t want to see you.”
“Fine, I’ll do that, but please, James, be careful. Don’t do anything stupid, always have your wand ready, alright? Promise me?”
“I promise.”
And with that, Regulus left the house.
He died trying to save the world.
And James didn’t fulfill his promise.