Chapter 4
I met Mary Macdonald on August the 5th 1971.
It wasn't meaningful or symbolic, it was the type of meeting you had with a stranger you never expected to see again.
I did see her again though, and for that i thank every single lucky star to exist.
She survived for a reason, she lived because I sacrificed everything for her.
She was the last marauder.
She was everything to me.
I looked down at her.
She had bumped into me, in Flourish and Blotts, spilling books all over the floor.
She scrambled to pick hers up, while I helped.
“God I'm so sorry, I am such a clutz!” she laughed, she had a scottish accent, i had never heard anything like it, and i blinked, surprised.
“I- no, i mean- it's fine” I suddenly remembered her books, which I was still clutching “Oh Merlin, sorry here.” I passed them back, and she laughed again, showing her dimples.
“Ah not to worry! I'm Mary by the way, Mary Macdonald!”
“Peter Pettigrew”
“Fancy name, that.”
“Yeah I guess.”
She smiled awkwardly, nodding.
“Anyways i better get back to my Parents-”
“Oh yeah of course.”
“Nice meeting you”
“You too”
She smiled at me one last time, then spun on her heel and disappeared back into the crowd.
James and the Potters met me back at the cafe we had agreed on. I had bought us all butterbeers with the last of my money, and sat drinking mine, checking through my books to see if i got all the ones i needed.
I had.
“PETER!” James called through the noise, and I looked up, waving.
He was carrying an owl cage with a barn owl inside, and placed it on the table in front of me, grinning.
“Oh. Nice owl.”
“It's not mine, it's yours! That one's mine.”
He pointed over to an intimidating looking owl, which was being carried by Fleamont. I looked back at the owl in front of me as Euphemia and Fleamont sat down in the booth.
“Mine?”
James scooted in beside me, petting the owl through its cage. “Yep. Happy early birthday”
I hugged him, tight. “Thankyou”
“Yeah yeah you're welcome. Oh come on get off of me”
“James be nice.” said Euphemia
“I am”
She tittered, smiling
He glanced at me, confused, and I shrugged.
“Anyways Peter, what are you going to call him?” Euphemia put her head in her hands, looking at the owl.
“Benjamin.” I said, after a second.
“Benjamin? Boring, I'm gonna call mine Merlin!!”
“You and bloody Merlin.”
“Fleamont, bloody is a swear word.”
“Sorry Love”
He kissed her head apologetically, and she sighed, laughing and leaning into him.
That was love, right there in front of me, parents in love.
A strange sight.
August went quickly.
Mother had not been happy about Benjamin. She had stood in the kitchen door scowling as I fed him.
“Ridiculous. We have an owl already. How on earth did you afford it?”
“James got it as a birthday present for me.”
“Your birthday is in September.”
“Yes Mother, he knows that, it's an early one.”
She sniffed distastefully, and disappeared into the kitchen.
I saw my father for the first time in a month at dinner that evening. He sat across from me, looking tired.
“Congratulations on getting your Hogwarts letter”
“Thankyou Father”
On September the first i stood on platform 9⅓ straining to see Pandora.
James was with his parents, I had already said goodbye to them, and was with Mother.
“PETER!”
I turned, and Pandora was rushing towards me, enveloping me in a hug.
“I missed you! God I can't believe it's been a year since we last saw each other, now we can see each other everyday! I bet we shall get perfectly sick of each other!”
“I don't think we will.”
“Still friends with Potter?”
“Yep. Best friends.”
She pulled a face, then perked up. “Would you like to sit on the train with me? I'm sure Alice and Xeniphillius won't mind.”
James came over then, and took my arm in his hand.
“Sorry Pandora, but he's sitting with me”
I nodded.
She sighed.
“Hello James.”
“Pandora”
She hugged me again, “see you later Pete!”
Then she disappeared back into the crowd.
“Well go on then. You've seen your sister. Onto the train with you!” Mother snapped.
“Sorry Mother. Goodbye.”
She turned her head away from me, like it was painful to see me standing there. I waited for a moment longer, hoping for a goodbye, hoping for anything, but she didn't say a word.
James tapped on my arm, and we got on the train together silently.
The train was complete mayhem, with students everywhere. We finally ducked into a compartment though, closing the door behind us.
There were two other first years there, also already in their robes.
A girl and a boy.
The girl was ginger, though I wasn't really sure if I could even say that. Her hair was a dark shade of red, tied up behind her with ribbon. She had been staring out the window when we came in, and looked almost relieved to see us.
The boy was the stark opposite of this warm girl. He had cold eyes, though they were as dark
as his hair, which looked like a girls.
He looked as if he had been talking to the bored girl, but upon us entering his face twisted into a scowl.
James walked in first, in a very James-y way.
He looked between the two, sat down, and motioned for me to join him.
“Sit down, no problem” the girl muttered, looking back out the window.
“It really is hellish out there at the moment, total chaos. You two first years too?”
The boy stayed silent, so the girl turned a bored eye onto James.
“Yes.”
James looked hurt for a second, as if their disinterest in him had somehow wounded him.
He cleared his throat and tried again.
“My name’s James Potter”
I waved shyly.
“Tell them your name dimbus”
“Oh sorry, its Peter Pettigrew”
The ginger smiled, “Nice to meet you Peter.”
It was still weird, to be sitting here on the train, a thing I had dreamed about constantly for years, but now I was here, and it felt so underwhelming.
It was just a train, after all.
“I'm Lily Evans, by the way”
“Severus Snape”
“Is that right” James said, crossing his legs
“....yes…?” she retorted
He nodded to himself and pushed his glasses up his nose.
I could have laughed.
He was trying to impress her, and doing an awful job of it.
“Well i think your name is beautiful”
Then he winked at her.
Of all the stupid things James could have done…
Lily and Severus looked at him with a shared look of alarm and horror. Lily gasped air, trying to say something, eyebrows furrowed.
Finally she spat out “what is wrong with you??!!”
He smirked, he was enjoying this.
“Do tell, i'm not entirely sure”
“I- You winked at me”
“Did i?”
“Yes”
“Did you like it?”
“I- no! You can't just flirt at the first girl you see!” she spluttered.
“Flirting, who said flirting? I winked at you, i wink at Peter all the time-”
“No you dont” i butted in, he glared at me and continued
“Unless… you wanted me to flirt with you?”
Snape stood up.
“Lily, i suggest we find another compartment”
“Oh sod off” James said through gritted teeth, Severus was distracting her, and James clearly couldn't stand it.
“I think that's a good idea Sev”
She stood, and with one last sorry smile at me she walked out behind her friend.
We watched them go, once they were out of sight the train began, and James was laughing.
“What?”
He looked at me, grinning, “I think i'm in love Peter”
“That's a bit hasty”
“She's perfect”
“James she hates you”
“She loves me, did you see how she blushed when I winked??”
“Yeah, in embarrassment, for you”
When the trolley lady knocked on our compartment door, James grabbed some money and stood up.
“What kind of sweets are we feeling?”
“All of them”
“Greedy guts”
He got us something of everything though, one each, so we could find which was our favourite.
We sat across from each other (James had taken Snapes seat after he had left) and dug in, rating each out of ten.
I was about to eat a chocolate cauldron when someone threw open our compartment door, tripped in and slammed it behind them, breathing deeply.
“Sorry” the boy gasped, “running away from my cousins. Bloody creeps the lot of them”
He had the same hair as Snape did, (long for a boy, short for a girl) the same colour even, but he wore his hair far better. He had the sort of face that looked as if it had been sculptured, cared for and created.
James was staring at him, an inquisitive sort of look.
The boy took one last glance out the small window looking out into the hallway to see if they had followed him, these cousins of his, and then sat down besides James.
“Sorry about that”
“No problem!” James said, becoming himself, “My names James Potter”
“Um my names Peter Pettigrew”
The boy grinned, showing perfect teeth, he pointed a finger at me, “My parents detest yours”
“They do?”
“Yeah, dunno why.”
“What's your name?” James butt in, tired of being ignored.
“Sirius Black”
Oh, that made sense.
My Mother hated the Blacks, said they were incestial, ghastly people. I heard her and her friends gossip about them sometimes. I wasn't sure exactly how my Mother had begun hating them, perhaps it ran back as long as childhood, maybe it didn't.
James guffawed, “A Black? Merlin i feel sorry for you”
Sirius shrugged, “Yeah, my cousin Bellatrix tried to hex me just now because I said I didn't particularly fancy being in Slytherin.”
I raised my eyebrows at that, “Really?! I haven't heard of a Black not being in Slytherin”
Sirius shook his head, “Nope, my Uncle Alphard was a Hufflepuff, got disowned from the family, of course. He's still bloody rich though, i reckon if i don't get into Slytherin he’ll leave me a decent bit of money”
“Im heading into Gryffindor” James added, proudly puffing his chest “Home of Merlin!”
“Of course you are, arent your family Gryffindors? Sworn enemies of us Blacks!”
James grinned, “Indeed, what a horror if we became friends!”
“My mother might have a heart attack. Ha, serve her right!”
“Your mum would have a heart attack??!”
“Figure of speech or something. She's a bitch, hope she keels over dead.”
“Bit harsh”
“It's true though, Merlin you should meet her.”
I sat there in silence.
James was acting differently, it was subtle, but his eyes were sparkling in a way they never did when we talked. He liked Sirius, wanted to be his friend, needed to be his friend. I could tell from the way he leant forwards, and laughed and grinned like I had never seen before.
Eventually I stood up.
James seemed to wake up then, looking up at me intently as I picked up my trunk.
“Where are you going Pete?”
“Um, going to find Pandora”
“Why?”
“Let him go, why do you care?” Sirius said, he turned to me, “see you later then”
He sounded bored, he sounded happy to see me go.
He probably was.
The corridors were pretty empty as I walked through them, trying to find Pandora in this huge train.
After twenty minutes of looking for her I gave up, and stepped into the closest compartment I could find.
It was empty except for a boy my own age, sitting looking out the window. He had a book discarded beside him, and was eating a sandwich out of some sort of plastic tupperware.
He looked up at me when I came in, then looked back out the window.
“Can I sit here?”
He nodded.
I didn't have anything else to do, so I studied his reflection in the window. He had a nice face, with a horrible, jagged scar that ran down his right cheek.
He was wearing a threadbare jumper that looked itchy and old, and too big for him.
We didn't talk, and for the last 30 minutes of the journey, I sat with this quiet boy while James and Sirius had all the fun in the world.
It was my own fault for leaving, I had deprived myself of it.
“SIRIUS BLACK”
Sirius walked up to the hat.
James was standing beside me now, having found me and dragged me away from quiet boy, back to him and Sirius.
“Did you find Pandora?” he whispered, as we stood watching Sirius with his head in the hat, obscuring his eyes.
“Um, yeah”
He nodded, then rubbed his hands on his elbows, like he did when he was embarrassed, and whispered
“Sorry we were leaving you out”
“Its fine”
“You're my best mate, remember? Best mates don’t leave each other out”
“Since when do you say mates?”
He shrugged, “anyways i promise it won't happen again”
But i couldn't say anything else because the sorting hat had finally spoken
GRYFFINDOR
There was silence for a moment, Sirius himself seemed shocked, but then a huge applause broke out at the Gryffindor table, with shouts and whistles.
When it was my turn, I walked up in front of the entire school, every single pair of eyes on me. I searched for Pandora, as I sat, but lost her in the mass of blue robed students. Instead, as the hat was placed over my eyes, I found myself glancing at the small group of first year Gryffindors sitting nearest to me.
James and Sirius, grinning and waving.
Remus Lupin, the boy from the train, head in hand, looking bored but pleased.
Mary Macdonald, the girl from the bookshop, smiling up at me.
Lily Evans, Shifting as far away from James as she could.
Then the hat was on,
GRYFFINDOR
The candlelight burned into my eyes, before I remembered where I was.
The woman with the big green hat who had been calling our names helped me to my feet, and pushed me gently in the direction of the Gryffindor table before moving on to the next name.
They were clapping, someone clapping. No, lots of people clapping.
James sat me next to him, between him and the ginger, Lily, that was her name.
He was saying something to me, but I couldn't hear him, I just sat there, blinking in delight.
Gryffindor.
I looked down at my robes, which had already transformed, the scarlet proving who I was.
I was Peter Pettigrew, I was a Gryffindor.
After the sorting was over, the four Gryffindor prefects gathered the first years, leading us out as the rest of the school hung back to sing the hogwarts anthem
Two girls and Two boys.
The two 6th years were called Kate and Adam, who were plain and mostly ignored us, and talked between themselves.
The 5th years were nicer though, Molly and Arthur, two redheads who grinned and chatted to us.
Molly looked the type of girl to know everything about you at a glance, and Arthur was homely, comfortable.
They looked at the type of people you could depend on.
That night, as I was drifting off, someone climbed into my bed, sitting at the end of it.
“Go away James” i mumbled
“Oh come on, don't be like that” he whispered.
I groaned, and sat up in bed, “I hate you”
“Ssssh, Black and Lupin are sleeping”
“James its only 10 of course they aren't”
“Fine, but be quiet anyway”
I rolled my eyes, and he smiled.
“I can't believe we’re both in Gryffindor! And roommates!”
“It was a 1 in 4 chance to be fair”
“It must be magic though, pairing us with our friends”
“Maybe”
A minute later someone else climbed into my bed.
“Black!” James whispered, delighted.
“You guys are awful at whispering, I can literally hear you two beds away! Let's hope Lupin doesn't wake up”
“Is he asleep?” i asked
“Yeah, snoring too”
The three of us suppressed laughs.
We sat there, us three, knees under our chins, trying not to laugh.
Sirius told us about his younger brother, who would be joining next year, and I told him about Pandora.
James didn't have siblings to talk about, so he spoke of his parents, who were as good as best friends to him, to all of us.
“Your parents sound cool” Sirius bumped James’ arm, and he grinned.
“Yeah they are.”
“Wish my parents were like that, fucking twats”
James laughed nervously.
Sirius Black liked swearing it seemed.
“What’re you’re lot like then Pete”
James was still beside me, parents were a dangerous subject.
I never knew why really, when they got bought up, my throat would stick and I would stop moving.
“I don't really know”
Sirius nodded, as if he knew what i was talking about, “Yeah, i get what you mean, i don't even know my Fathers middle name!”
I didn't respond.
The fact was I couldn't even remember my Fathers first name. It had been years since i had heard it been called, he was away so much, it was almost as if he didnt exist.
James cleared his throat, changing the subject, “So… do you think you're going to try for the quidditch team next year Sirius?”
“Maybe, I think I'd be a good keeper, y'know? What about you two?”
“I'm a chaser, been practising for years”
“I don't play quidditch very well, but i think i'd like to be the commentator” i added, not wanting to be left out of a conversation happening in my own bed.
Sirius nodded, “Sounds pretty cool”
Eventually they left, and I lay in my bed awake.
I was at Hogwarts, such a surreal thing.
I wondered if this was how Pandora felt, lying in the Ravenclaw girls dorm on her first night.
Here I was.
I could hear James sleeping, his gentle breaths coming from the bed beside mine, and all the way at the end of the dorm, Lupin's soft snores making their way to me.
I could hear the night, as the night should be.
Movements in the castle, the magic.
I would be the best wizard, good and kind.
I promised myself it, made myself promise it.
Because if i couldn't be a great wizard, what kind of wizard would i be?
I was useless otherwise, to sell my soul to the good of others was all i could do.
I wish i still had the same spirit.