Hermione can’t remember how it started. She can’t remember what transpired to have her meeting Draco Malfoy in undisclosed locations to heal him, it just.. happened. She would feel anxiety, a tugging at her navel and all of a sudden she was in front of him in a dark room, him on the floor, bleeding. It was second nature to her, she had to heal him, so she did. She learned not to ask questions after she started forgetting his answers, thinking he was wiping her memory, but she was never brave enough to ask. All she knew was that if he called her, she would come. Regardless of the time of day, if he needed her, she was there.
What made it worth it the wait were the small, rare, real smiles he would give her before he apparated away to wherever he went, leaving her to clean up the blood and supplies. Somehow, the internal port key knew exactly when she would be finished, and whisked her home the moment the task was complete. She always ended up interrupting an order meeting, everyone asking where she had been, and most of the time, she could never remember.
“Foraging.”
They always believed it. All except Ginny. Ginny knew, somehow, but never brought it up. The only conversations they ever had about Draco, were the ones when Voldemort and his army were brought up. Ginny knew not to bring Draco up to Hermione, lest she breaks. Neither of them knew what he had done to her that night in Malfoy Manor, but neither of them cared to discuss it. As long as Hermione came home safe after her mystery disappearances, all was well according to them both.
One time, Hermione came home with a blush to her cheeks. Draco had kissed her this time.
She had been pulled into the dark room in the middle of laundry, and she found herself holding a towel half folded when her eyes made contact with a groaning Draco on the floor. She dropped the towel instantly, rushing towards him. They rarely spoke, but this time she asked him where it hurt.
“Everywhere.”
“Everywhere?”
“I feel like I’m burning from the inside, out.”
He’d been hit with the Cruciatus again, except for longer. Something Draco did to her made it so that her emotions were unable to surface when she was working on him, so she steeled herself, gritting her teeth as she hauled him up onto the small bed she had demanded, despite him crying out in pain. “It’s for your own good, Malfoy.”
No matter how hard she tried, she was never able to say his name to his face, and she tried. Oh, she tried.
All he did was nod, allowing her to work on him. She made him drink a calming drought to stop him shaking, and then she cast a cooling charm charm on his throat and his stomach. “Where did you learn that this helps?” He rasped out.
This was too much conversation, much more than Hermione was used to. “Um.” Her throat was thick. “Ginny. She.. she helped. With Harry. A week ago.”
Draco nodded, his tremors coming to a slow halt. She patched up the deep cut on his forehead, making sure that it wouldn’t leave a scar. She couldn’t have that perfect face marked. She made sure of it. She then climbed in the bed, making him turn onto his stomach. She placed herself tentatively on his bottom, vanishing his shirt with a wave of her wand, and warming up her hands and lubricating them with a soothing oil, before rubbing his muscles.
He sucked in a breath at her touch, his body coming up in goosebumps, yet she wouldn’t allow herself to get distracted. She kneaded the knots in his back, making his tense muscles relax. She moved further down, to his hips. Her fingers barely grazed them before he giggled without consent. She drew back. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m ticklish.”
All she did was hum, her hands going back more firmly this time, rubbing at the sore areas. If she was allowed to emote, she would be crying. She would be peppering his back with kisses, and she would be apologising, but she was not allowed. It was forbidden. Once she was done with his back, she lifted herself off of him, asking him to turn around if he could, and he did. She again, lowered herself onto his crotch, no sexual intent behind the action.
Draco’s eyes rolled back into his head. “Do you have to?”
She eyed him. “Do you want to be stiff tomorrow?”
He held back a snort. “Whatever, Granger. Hurry this up.”
She nodded, working along his chest, easing out any lines of pain, trying not to allow her eyes to stray too far away from the areas she was working on. When she shuffled herself onto his stomach and reached for his arm, he pulled her down so that she was flat against his chest. “Malfoy, what-”
“Just let me hold you. Just this once.” He pleased into her shoulder, so she relaxed.
They stayed like that for a few minutes before she pulled back to look at him. “I really need to work on your arm, Malfoy.” She hoped he knew that every time she said “Malfoy”, she was saying Draco inside.
He nodded, his eyes searching hers for something, anything. She had never seen his eyes so open before, he always occluded when he was with her, but not this time. He was full of emotion, full of fear, full of regret, mixed in with a little bit of lust. She wanted to kiss him, she really, really wanted to kiss him.
It was like he could somehow read her mind, and his chin lifted, and their noses brushed against one another. “Granger..”
“Please? Just this once?” Her lower lip trembled, afraid he would reject her, push her off of his body, call her a mudblood and spit on the floor like he did the last time she showed an ounce of feeling.
He obeyed her. He kissed her gently, his spasming hand coming up to caress her cheek, moving to the base of her skull, tangling itself in her hair. She tried to deepen the kiss, swiping her tongue across his bottom lip, but he wouldn’t allow her entry. Too much, too much. She pulled herself back, schooling herself.
“I’m sorry.” She said against his lips.
“Never apologise.” He shook his head. “I have to go, I’m.. I have to go.”
She nodded, pulling herself off him. She smoothed her hair, standing awkwardly as Draco looked around for his shirt. “Sorry, I vanished it.”
“Well. That’s.. okay. That’s fine.” He disappeared in a cloud of black smoke, and Hermione waited for the familiar pull in her navel.
She walked into the kitchen, trying to hide her blush, but Ginny saw. Ginny saw and flicked her eyes to the ceiling, before standing from the table. Hermione followed, understanding her silent cue.
“What happened?”
“He kissed me.”
“This isn’t the first time.”
“I know.”
Ginny sighed. “Hermione..”
“Ginny, I know.”
“You need to ask him. He’s giving you signals about whether he wants you or not, and you need to be told what this is.”
Hermione huffed. “I can’t talk about emotions with him.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” she sighed, “he doesn’t allow it.”
Draco called her, and she came. She would always come. He had a broken nose this time, blood pouring as his the skin under his eyes swelled purple.
“Episkey.” She whispered.
“You’re thinking very loud, Granger. What’s on your mind?”
Her eyes snapped to meet his, confusion filling her gaze. “I didn’t realise we were allowed to talk openly with one another.”
“Are there rules?” He raised an eyebrow.
She looked down at her hands, twisting them in her lap. “I know you did something to me, but every time I think about it, it’s a haze. I can’t remember.”
He laughed. “You’re correct, I did.”
“You won’t tell me, though.”
His forefinger found her chin, and he lifted her head to look at him. “Now, where would the fun in that be?”
“Do you want me, or do you not, Malfoy?”
“Hmm?”
“I’ve heard one thing, now I’m feeling another. I can’t piece it together.”
“Happiness is like a butterfly, Granger. It escapes from your hands as you try to grasp it.”
Those were his parting words before he disappeared again into a familiar cloud of black smoke.
Hermione cried into Ginny’s arms. Draco had killed another group of people that week, and she had healed him after every single one.
“He’s a serial killer, Hermione.”
“Then what’s the worst that could happen? I’m already hurt.”
“He’s dangerous.”
“If he’s as bad as you say, I guess I’m already cursed.” Hermione gave a wan smile, her exhaustion finally showing through before she collapsed into a heap against Ginny’s chest and she finally slept dreamlessly.
Hermione awoke to being in a dark room, the stale air smelling familiar. She had never travelled whilst she was asleep before, and she stood in a panic, eyes searching for Draco’s injured body, but found nothing. “D-Malfoy?”
“You’re awake.”
“Yes.”
“My leg is broken.”
“Oh dear.”
“Yes, how.. irritating.”
“I’ll fix that.”
She fixed his leg, and he started walking around like normal. “I want to do something, Granger.”
“Oh?”
“Stand. Dance with me.”
She fumbled. He.. wanted to dance with her? “What?”
“Dance. With me.”
Hermione was dumbstruck as Draco walked towards her, his arms extended and his hands gripped her biceps. “Come on.” He whispered, sending shivers down her spine. “I just wanna dance with you.”
Hermione closed her eyes and let her body move, gripping onto him tightly, her fingers curling around the fabric of his robes. “Do you want me, or do you not?” She breathed.
“Happiness is a butterfly, Granger.”
“I try to catch it every time I’m with you, but it escapes from my hands into the moonlight.”
“I see you understand.”
Hermione nodded, still not opening her eyes as they swayed in the dark silence.
“I’m a serial killer.” His words swam around her brain whilst she was doing the most mundane of tasks in Grimmauld Place. She constantly thought of him, and their time together.
“What’s the worst that could happen?” She responded, kissing along his jaw.
“I’m dangerous.”
“I’m cursed.”
“You’re a mudblood.” He breathed, as he thrust into her. “I don’t want you.”
“Happiness is a butterfly. We should catch it whilst dancing.” She thought to herself, like a mantra she would repeat.
They lost themselves in the silence.
He would pepper kisses against her body, and she would cry because the act was so beautiful however the words leaving his mouth were anything but. She wanted so badly to love him when she was with him, but his curse wouldn’t allow it.
She was tired of sitting in Ron’s sweatshirts crying against Ginny’s chest. “I’m tired, Gin.”
“I know, babe. I know.”
“I just don’t understand, I feel crazy.”
“You’re not.”
“I love him, Gin.”
“I know you do.” Ginny would just hold her as she howled into the dark night, casting silencing charms around them so no one knew that Hermione was breaking more and more every day. “Can’t we tell people? Maybe..”
“They’d kill him, Ginny.”
“Maybe he deserves it.”
“Don’t. Don’t ever say that about him. I don’t care how he treats me, he’s broken.”
“He’s breaking you.”
“It’s nice sometimes.”
“You mean when he’s not calling you that.. that word.”
Hermione swallowed. She hadn’t told Ginny that they had slept together multiple times, yet. “Yeah. Like those times.”
Ginny sighed and pulled Hermione closer as they looked at the stars. “Harry wants to get married.”
“That’s beautiful, Gin.”
“I want you to be my maid of honour.”
“It would be an honour.” Hermione smiled through her tears. “Congratulations.”
“Malfoy has to be your plus one.”
“What?!” Hermione snapped, and then she felt the pull in her navel. “Oh, oh I have to go.”
“Talk to him. Tell him.”
“Ginny, I can’t-” she was pulled away before she could finish her sentence, once again standing in another dark room and listening out for Draco’s laboured breaths.
“Hi, golden girl.”
He was drunk this time. Hermione liked drunk Draco, he wasn’t mean to her when she healed him.
“Hello, Malfoy. Where hurts today?”
“My chest.”
“Oh?”
“My heart. My heart hurts, Granger.”
Maybe Astoria had finally broken his heart, maybe Astoria could finally make him feel something, maybe Astoria finally made him seek out the solace he had been searching for in her, and maybe she found out. Maybe she found out he had been fornicating with someone with blood as dirty as hers, someone who was unworthy of love.
“I don’t know how to heal a broken heart, Malfoy.”
“Kiss me.”
“I can’t.”
“You can, and you will.”
Something inside her pulled and she walked towards him, and he cradled her face in his hands, kissing her sweetly. “We need to go to Malfoy Manor.”
“If we are going there, then you need a sobering potion.”
“As you wish, little witch.”
Hermione summoned a potion, and handed it to him, watching as his throat bobbed, swallowing the liquid down. “Are you ready?”
His eyes went dark, his face hid all emotion, he put his walls back up. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
He took her arm, and apparated them outside Malfoy Manor, just behind the gates. She looked at him as he put his hand on the lock, summoning the blood magic deep inside him to open them. If she could feel any emotions, she figured she’d feel dread, or fear, but she felt nothing. Nothing but Draco’s hand on the bottom of her back, guiding her into the dark shadows that encompassed the manor.
He walked her up the stairs into the manor, the front door creaking as it closed behind them, plunging them into darkness. His hand didn’t leave the small of her back, his fingers dancing lightly above the base of her spine, and she just walked. He walked her into the drawing room, where she could see Voldemort’s face glowing by candlelight.
“Hermione Granger, how good it is to finally meet you.”
Hermione just stared.
“I’m sure our Draco has kept you in good company.”
“He has.”
“I’m pleased to hear it. Please, take a seat.”
Hermione didn’t move.
“I said, take a seat.”
A spell washed over her body, and she was riddled with pain, collapsing onto the floor.
“Bellatrix, I wanted her to sit, not drool on the marble.”
Hermione heard laughter around her, but that was soon drowned out by the ringing in her eyes as she groaned in pain.
“Enough of the foreplay.” She saw Voldemort wave a hand vaguely in her direction. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?”
His face was suddenly above hers, and she saw his snake like grin.
“Hermione, are you aware that Draco is my most trusted member of my followers? He has killed more of your friends than you’ll ever know. I could list them, if you’d like.”
Hermione shook her head, still unable to feel any emotion at all. If she could, she knew she’d be sobbing.
“He’s a serial killer.” Bellatrix hissed.
Then what’s the worst that could happen to a girl who’s already hurt? Hermione thought.
Voldemort chuckled. “Ah yes, a dangerous one at that.”
If he’s as bad as they say
“Crucio.” Draco’s voice echoed through her brain, and all of her nerve endings were on fire. She moved her head and locked eyes with him.
Then I guess I’m cursed
Looking into his eyes
I think he’s already hurt
He’s already hurt.
“Happiness is a butterfly.” Hermione’s eyes fluttered closed as the pain overtook her body and her heart started to struggle to beat.
We should catch it whilst dancing.
I lose myself in the music
I just wanna dance with you.
I just wanna dance with you.
I just wanna dance.